


i'll be there for you

by renlybaratheon



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Best Friends to Lovers, Complete, Friends AU, M/M, are you at all surprised with this, both ronan and adam pov but im noticing a trend with myself and its mostly adam pov, chef ronan and glasses wearing adam you're welcome, the monica chandler relationship arc that i basically ripped off EXACTLY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-03-25 13:43:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 154,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13835964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renlybaratheon/pseuds/renlybaratheon
Summary: Best friends since high school, Ronan and Adam live across the hall from each other while going to college in New York City. Ronan's trying to be a professional chef and Adam's trying to survive all his food experiments. Everything changes when Declan Lynch invites the Gangsey to his wedding in Ireland. a friends au.





	1. the one where they get the invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah... i did it. i really did it. i posted a fourth unfinished multi chapter au... i really did it.

Declan’s wedding invitation arrived on a Thursday in late March, left on Ronan’s bed along with all his other clutter. He very nearly missed it, if it weren’t for the soft crunch of the paper under his back. He awkwardly bent to find it, not willing to sit up or roll over at all, too exhausted to bother to move after class today where he had to make a five course French meal and burned his apron. He still vaguely smelled like smoke. His fingers were covered in bandages and wraps after cutting himself so much this week, one fresh from only an hour ago. At least he didn’t need stitches. Again.

The seal on the back of the envelope said D.L & A.J. in a heart shape, and Ronan immediately wanted to puke. With a lazy pair of fingers he dug through the side of the paper, and then immediately regretted the decision when a shit load of glitter collected on his stomach and on his bedsheets.

“Fuck!” He sat up at once, regretting this more, as now he littered his floor in the shiny shit. “Where’s the warning label on this fucking thing for this sort of shit? Pretentious fucking….”

Noah gently rapped his knuckles on Ronan’s open bedroom door. It took all but a second for him to see Noah holding an identical envelope in his hands, and glitter clinging to his workout shirt.

“So you’ve opened it,” Noah said. “You understand my plight. It’s stuck to my goddamn hands.”

He started to come into Ronan’s room, ignoring the pile of clothes on the floor and the mess of his school supplies by his feet. He sat down beside Ronan, head to his shoulder, as he gestured to the invitations. Noah was a very clingy roommate.

“I thought you loved glitter,” Ronan muttered. “And what even is this?”

“Your brother’s wedding invitation,” Noah said. “Thought you read it.”

Ronan grumbled low under his breath a few choice curse words at the reminder Declan was getting married to his girlfriend of a thousand years, Ashley James. It made sense now why their initials were on the letter.

 

_Mr. and Mrs. James request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter_

_Ashley James & Declan Lynch _

_June 12th_

_The Carriage Rooms at Montalto ; Northern Ireland_

_Reception to Follow_

 

“Oh, Christ, it’s in Ireland?” Ronan should’ve known his brother would pick across the goddamn sea to get married, the fucker. He flipped the little white sheet around to see there was more information on the back, which he chose to currently ignore in his rotten mood. He threw the whole thing on the floor with the rest of the shit he didn’t want to deal with, then slumped into Noah’s arms.

“You knew it was bound to happen,” Noah said. He was still sweaty from his dance practice, and smelled like he needed a good shower, but Ronan was too mentally and physically exhausted to move. He allowed him to pat at his hair, his curls still growing but coming back. It was better for his culinary career to have a shaved head, but recently he was starting to like the sign of life upon his skull. Someone recently told him he looked good with his curls, and it gave him the incentive to grow them out.

"Why do I have to go?" Ronan whined.

Noah bent over him and found the abandoned invitation on his floor, fetching it again to hand it over. There was a backside to the thing, and on it it informed him he was a groomsman. A fucking goddamn groomsman.

“You’re sort of in the wedding,” Noah explained. “Think it’d be rude if he was one man short, don’t you think?”

It was only recently that Ronan tolerated his brother again, having a rocky relationship growing up until he left for college, but in recent years they worked to fix that, as best as they could. It was still surprising, though, to be invited to his wedding like this. He’d only recently learned of their engagement.

“This is my nightmare!” Ronan exclaimed. Just the thought of the whole thing was giving him hives. Being stuck up there in front of god knows how many people, in _Ireland_ , a place he’d only been to a couple times as a kid and barely remembered, surrounded by people who he barely tolerated, in a goddamn suit. The thought of how tight the tie or bowtie would have to be was already getting to him, and he subconsciously reached for his throat.

“But hey!” From behind him, Noah grabbed at his shoulders, and with his perky movements his whole bed and person jiggled together. “I think all of us got invited. So on the upside, we'll all be there for your breakdown.”

He rolled his eyes, certain that Noah was being patronizing a little, grasping his shoulders from behind him, smelling like hours of built up sweat. Agitated, he rolled his shoulders to motion for Noah to get off him, but of course he didn’t.

“Don’t joke about it,” he grumbled. The thought of all of them being there only helped a little, though he was still going to suffer. He never liked family outings. “Even Parrish?” he thought to ask, realizing that the likelihood of Adam flying to Ireland for a glorified stranger’s wedding was about as possible as Gansey not putting his foot in his mouth when he talked to a girl.

“I think so.” Noah shrugged, and Ronan relaxed a little at his lack of awareness of why he asked the question. “I bet Declan doesn't have many people, so he's just invited anyone he's remotely enjoyed talking to.”

Ronan snorted, half amused by the thought, but then he was wholly reminded of how incredibly sad that was. He sometimes wondered if he was ever getting married. He wondered if he was ever going to fall in love. Or, at least fall in love with someone who didn't see him as comic relief to his tiring day.

“Do you want to go grab something to eat?” Noah asked. “I know how tired you are after school to cook.”

The reminder made Ronan sore all over, his hands burning a little from their wounds. “Yeah.” He stood up to start changing out of his clothes that still smelled like smoke, into something that didn’t. “But you shower first,” he said, noting the way sweat still clung a little to Noah’s forehead from his workout. “You stink.”

“I smell like a dancer,” Noah said, defensively.

“Yeah, well, you've been a dancer for one month.” He smirked, feeling a little better already. “Then you were an artist before that.”

“I kept getting charcoal on my hands.” Noah pouted, staring down at them.

“There's other forms of art, you know,” he reasoned, but Noah was already standing up too and schlepping towards the door.

“I’ll go shower, your royal majesty, if it pleases you,” he said with a groan.

“Thank you.” Ronan put a hand over his bare chest. “My nose, and all other noses, thank you.”

Noah rolled his eyes.

 

(4:01 p) _hey_

(4:02 p) _are you studying_

(4:03 p) _do you want to grab dinner_

(4:03 p) _with me and noah_

(4:04 p) _you know I'm not gonna stop until you reply_

(4:04 p) i regret this friendship every day

(4:04 p) _:)_

(4:05 p) no dinner thank you. I'm studying

(4:05 p) _you still need to eat_

(4:06 p) I have frozen dinners I'm fine

(4:07 p) _as a chef I am offended_

(4:07 p) you aren't a chef yet

(4:08 p) _tell that to your mouth every time I make something you eat and moan from_

(4:08 p) ok that was ONE time and you'll never let me live it down. it was hot!

(4:09 p) _hehe this is who you're friends with, parrish_

(4:10 p) like I said, I regret this friendship every day

(4:10 p) let me study

(4:10 p) _k. :'(_

(4:15 p) jerk, i don't actually regret it. but stop pestering me when I'm studying. I need to focus

(4:15 p) _you're the one who keeps texting me xoxo_

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Friday evenings were when Adam tried to finish off all his schoolwork before the weekend. He liked to have the weekend free to hang out with friends and to work without worry. He had a part time job at the labs at school as a lab assistant, who basically helped when another kid came shouting that his experiment backfired. It was a lot less stressful than his high school days now that he had a full ride at school, but he still needed money for expenses. Living in New York City wasn't cheap.

This evening went the same as every other weekday evening Adam didn't have work or school. He was holed up in his room, hunched over at the center of his bed, studying physics for an assignment due sometime next week. His hair was a mess as always, in need of a haircut he kept forgetting to get, flopping around his face in tiny little waves from the amount of times he ran his hands through it in stress.

Blue could be heard trying not to be loud in the living room of their apartment, but she wasn't ever very successful, because the less noise she tried to make the more she made. It didn't matter. He'd become used to studying in louder places, that not even the sounds of the city could distract him.

It was a cold bitter early spring/late winter outside, which was poor for Adam's succulents that sat in a row on his windowsill. They hadn't gotten proper sun in a week, but they were still thriving, in the warmth of his and Blue's apartment. The one furthest from him now just started sprouting a new floret from a fallen leaf.

But Adam couldn't enjoy that right at this moment, because he was having trouble focusing.

He was frazzled by this one point in his book, which he had been reading over and over again for the better half of the last hour. He had a pen in his mouth, pencil in his ear, and highlighter in his hand that he kept tapping the end of at his book while the solution continued to escape him.

So of course this was the perfect time for his door to swing open and someone to walk into his room with something that smelled amazing. Before he even had time to look up, his pen was removed from his mouth and in its place a spoon was inserted. Whatever it was was hot and amazing, and he angrily suffered peeling it off the spoon when Ronan pulled it back out of his mouth. He angrily pulled off his glasses to rub his tired eyes, as Ronan sat down on his bed, sitting on his homework.

“It’s curried lentils with coconut milk,” Ronan said without prompting. He lay so lackadaisical on Adam’s bedsheets, propped up by his elbow as he fingered the papers under his hip. Ronan's curled brown hair was falling a little into his face, having grown out enough at this point to do that. There was the instinct to push it back out of his face, but he resisted the urge to fix something that didn't need fixing.

Adam wanted to whack him with his glasses, but they were prescription and already didn’t sit on his face right to the point they kept falling down his nose every five seconds, so he wasn’t about to break them more. They were nice glasses, though, round with clear frames. Ronan made a joke once that they looked like goggles a scientist would wear in a lab, and he became very fond of them ever since out of spite.

“I didn’t ask,” Adam sighed. He noted Ronan's disinterest with his own concoction, but said nothing of it. "What are you doing here?" he inquired with suspicion. "You know this is my designated time to study."

Like always, he smirked at Adam like a viper, his sharp features doing nothing to help ease Adam's mood. He didn't need this right now. His fingers were clawing at Adam's open book by his knee.

"Just because you've designated it doesn't mean it's _everyone's_ time to study," Ronan retorted, smiling wider with self-awareness of how annoying he could be.

Adam rarely shut his books to talk to Ronan. When he did, he was either too exasperated to focus, or he was about to tell Ronan to get the hell out. He shut his book now, though. He could see he wasn't getting any work done. The book shut on Ronan's fingers, who jerked his hand back just before the heavy text caught them in, pouting when his hand was saved.

"Lynch," Adam said, placing his glasses back on and pushing back his hair. He felt the warmth of the bowl against his pants leg and looked down, noting Ronan handing it off to him with a plain look.

"Here," he said. "I don't like coconut milk."

Taking it from him, Adam could only hold it, confused. This wasn't the first time Ronan had done this. In fact, he did this a lot. He often made amazing things from scratch, some recipes he did just by guessing and creating, and then he wouldn't eat them. Most of the time, nearly all of the time, Adam ate them instead.

Used to this, Adam took another bite of the lentils, accepting his usual position. By his side, Ronan opened his textbook back up and perused a page Adam studied earlier, noted by the highlighting and writing in the margins.

He squinted as his finger ran down the length of the words. Adam nearly drilled his finger, if only because he worried he'd somehow manage to smudge what he wrote. The boy's hands were rougher than his own these days, training in the kitchen all the time to the point he cut and burned and bruised them enough. He touched at the latest band aid wrapped around his thumb, a hello kitty bandaid he wouldn't ask about. Ronan's pulled out from under his, then shoved at his shoulder.

"You have the shittiest handwriting, Parrish," he mused. "How can you even read this gibberish?"

"Shut up." Adam was used to his badgering. It was expected at this point in their friendship, even if it often still annoyed him. When Ronan snickered, flipping a page to try to understand his notes on it, Adam took another bite of the food. It was warm and soft and tasted so good for something so green. "Wow," he murmured, and he licked his lips to savor the flavor. "What's in this?"

"I told you," Ronan answered, and he looked up from the book in time to notice Adam's licking. He halted when Ronan smirked again. "Can you guess-?"

"Am I tasting ginger?" Adam answered with another question, curious with the flavoring in his food. It was a little game they had. Sometimes Ronan would ask what extra flavoring was inside, something that you wouldn't expect to be there (if you weren't a chef). Adam used to be terrible at the game, but he was getting better. His palette was more cultured than it used to be, more cultured than a lot of people's were. "And... cumin?"

Though his gaze fell down again to Adam's textbook, he could see a clear cut grin on Ronan's face. While he didn't nod, he didn't need to. Adam knew at once he was right.

Ronan continued to stay lying on Adam's bed as he did, even when Adam moved to sit more comfortably, sliding back until he hit the pillows and had something to rest against. Ronan lounged on his bed like a house cat, like he belonged.

"Your taste buds are expanding, all thanks to me," Ronan replied, and he flipped another page unnecessarily.

Adam rolled his eyes and tried to pass the bowl back to him, but had it pushed back. His glasses slipped as he did this, like they always did. Before he could push them back up the bridge of his nose, Ronan was already doing it for him. It was something Ronan did, used to it after years of Adam's hands being full and then losing the ability to see when his glasses dipped down. _Why don't you just get a new pair?_ he used to keep asking. _These are perfectly good glasses, except for that. I don't see the point in wasting money_ he would answer. The habit wasn't lost, even after all this time. Just something they did.

Admittedly he enjoyed the light touch as his finger ran up the length of his nose and then back down again. Once, Ronan's finger brushed across his lips afterward and Adam had chills for an hour. Very few people openly touched him platonically like this. Blue and Henry and Ronan; that was about it. Ronan's touches felt more organic, but he couldn't explain why.

"I have to study, Lynch," Adam said, scrunching his nose in poor attempt to rid the little chill from Ronan's bandaged fingertip. Admittedly he liked the look of hard work on Ronan’s hands, matching his from all his work. That reminded him, he needed to buy more hand lotion as he was nearly out.

“Did you get an invitation too?” Ronan asked, and his fingers twitched again at Adam's book. He was still sitting on his homework, but at this point Adam wasn't in the mood to care. He glanced at him quizzically as Ronan dipped his head back to rest it at his knee, using him as a makeshift pillow instead of just moving. Adam couldn't help himself, and had another bite of Ronan's cooking, enjoying it far more than he should.

"To my brother's wedding," Ronan said offhand, and then tilted his head up so their eyes could meet across the small space between them. Looking up at him, Ronan looked displeased about something. His teeth were bit down on one side of his lower lip, thinking through whatever it was he was annoyed about. "I should have gotten naan too," he then said. "It's great with this, but I wasn't thinking."

His gaze held a couple more seconds, then he frowned and looked away again.

"It's good," Adam said, mouth full enough it should be reason to believe him. He took another bite when Ronan shrugged off his words. He sometimes hated Ronan. Ever since he started culinary school he was nothing but a wizard in the kitchen when he wanted to be. But when it came to feeding himself, all he made was instant ramen or mac n cheese or grilled cheese.

Silence befell them as Ronan got bored staring at words he didn't want to understand, bored with making light of Adam's studying. And now Adam was caught up enough in the conversation he couldn't just ignore him and continue studying; not when he brought him dinner.

"And yeah, I got one," Adam said, falling back on what Ronan asked not long before. When he received the invitation from Declan it was a surprise, though less when he learned Blue, too, received one. They all must have. "I'm not going," he said.

Ronan sat straight up at the news, and before Adam lost his chance he pulled his homework out from under him. He placed it at his other side, took another bite of the lentils, and all before Ronan could utter a word.

"Why not?" While Ronan was commonly known to put on a face of sheer disinterest and vexation, often Adam could tell when he was trying not to express something else entirely. It was masked under his curled eyebrows and flat line of a mouth. It was in the way his gaze shifted away frequently, hands searched for something to occupy their attention. Adam fingered the wrinkles at the center of Ronan's brow, until Ronan slapped his hand away. He could tell what he was really feeling was, for some strange unknowable reason, was sadness.

"It's too far and too expensive," Adam shrugged. It was just a wedding. "Plus, I don't even really know Declan."

Ronan's hands started playing with Adam's highlighter, opening and closing the cap on it. "It's Ireland," Ronan said, like it was reason enough to go in debt.

"Yes, I'm aware it's Ireland, Lynch." Adam set the bowl down, and then reached and grabbed his pen from Ronan's hand. The boy pouted like he was a child who had his toy taken away. "But some people have other priorities," Adam then said.

"Such as?" Ronan reached over him for the pen back, but Adam wasn't having it right now and leaned back from him with his hand held out.

"For one," Adam had to bite his lip to suppress laughter, "I can't afford the airfare and the hotel and the food expenses." When Ronan ceased reaching, he glared and then angrily lay back down with his head at Adam's knee. "It's a lot to ask of me."

"You've never been to Ireland," Ronan said, beginning to pick at his hello kitty bandaid.

"Exactly, Lynch," Adam replied. Watching him sabotage the healing of his wound was disturbing to say the least, and he stilled his hand. "I can't afford it. Especially now."

"What, you have school?" At that, Ronan looked up at him and met his gaze. Again a facade fell into place and covered his expression, showing him boisterously amused rather than whatever he was really feeling inside. "It'll be summer."

"School doesn't differentiate what season it is," Adam retorted.

"Actually it does." Ronan's hand rose and a finger came and poked him on the nose. "Normal people don't have summer classes. Nerds do."

While laughing something close to genuine, but still mocking, Ronan leaned into him to continue to antagonize.

"You're the worst, you know that, right? Are you trying to get me to fail my classes?" He sighed. "I'm not going into debt over a wedding of someone I've met barely a dozen times over the years."

Adam continued to push Ronan's face away, turning it so he was staring at the wall.

No longer laughing, Ronan took his bowl from him.

"I'll let you study, then," he said. "Don't want to be a bother."

Adam whined a little when he did, not yet finished with the lentils. As he reached for it across Ronan's frame, his glasses slid back down his nose again. Ronan fixed them for him, again, while still holding the bowl away from his reach. When he moved to stand, Adam all but sat in his lap.

"Oh, come on," Adam said, rejected as he gave up. He shoved at Ronan's shoulder a little in resentment. "It's not like it's your wedding."

He realized all too late how that throwaway comment could somehow sting, and then they both fell into silence. Ronan still sat beside him on the bed, but the playfulness of his posture was gone.

As he shifted about uncomfortably, staring longingly at what was left in the bowl, Ronan sat there quietly with it held tight in his one hand. He used the spoon to stir the lentils around, and Adam's stomach ached.

This was his first meal all day, not because he couldn't afford it, but because he forgot to eat. He was studying all day. Time sort of slipped from him.

He hated when Ronan was upset, and hated it more when it was over trivial things like this. Now he was more annoyed than anything, because Ronan wasn't intentionally being a dick about this, not in the sense Adam felt he was, but it didn't mean he wasn't. So what if Adam went or not? The wedding would still go on, Ronan could still have fun with everyone else. He had Noah these last couple years to entertain him as his roommate. He didn't need Adam around all the time.

"Why do you care if I go or not?" he said.

Ronan shrugged. "It's not fun if isn't all of us," he explained.

That didn't sound like the whole story, but he supposed he wasn't going to get everything. He couldn't handle this right now, he couldn't handle Ronan Lynch in his full bitter state with a glare that could frighten anyone who didn't know him. Adam was still trying to mentally work through the problems in his head from his homework now left unfinished. If Ronan wasn't going to give him back the bowl, he would work out the problem some other way, by eating something else. He stood up off the bed, letting his hands run through his hair to try to tame it. When he left his room for the kitchen, he wasn't too surprised to hear Ronan not far off behind him.

By the looks of things, Blue was out he supposed. He checked his watch, and was shocked to learn it was five. He thought it was earlier than that. Blue was at work now, and his stomach rumbled aware it was well past lunchtime and on the way towards dinner.

"Then I won't go either," he heard Ronan softly say behind him.

Adam turned, stopping before he reached the kitchen. His glasses slipped down his nose.

"Because I'm not going?" He found himself frowning before he could say anything, and squinting because he couldn't see. His first reaction was to get angry, but he knew better than to start another argument with Ronan over his _brother's wedding_. "Oh no no no no. Don't be unbearable about this."

Adam turned away again, fixing his glasses, but before he fully turned he saw a flicker of pain in Ronan's expression. He turned back.

"I didn't mean it like that," Ronan said, all grumpy and worn. His voice was twisting with acid like Adam had burned him, his eyes staring longingly downward at their fake wood floors. "I'm not not going because of _you_. I didn't want to go, and now I have a proper excuse."

"Aren't you going to be a groomsman?" Adam asked. "That's what Gansey said."

"He can find somebody else," Ronan said, with a half shrug that didn't come off very believable. He still had the lentil bowl in his hands, stirring it with the spoon.

"He can find another brother?" Adam jested, but Ronan didn't find him funny.

"I'm sure there's some extended relative he can pay to stand there," he growled.

Adam was tired and hopelessly stuck in his homework, and now very aware of his hunger. He folded his arms over his chest while Ronan stood there staring silently at him. He was being so brooding tonight, it was impossible.

Then, Ronan walked across the living room to him and handed off his bowl. He pressed it gently into Adam's chest, who graciously let it pass to him without a word. He turned back to the kitchen to find bread, taking another bite of the lentils before they ran cold.

"Why don't you want to go?" he asked. They exchanged a look across Adam's shoulder as Ronan remained planted where he last stood, immobile. He heaved a heavy sigh, dramatic in its founding. Ever the dramatic, Ronan Lynch was.

"I mean, besides Declan," Adam clarified, knowing what it was Ronan was about to say. "I thought you two were getting along better lately anyway."

"My extended family will annoy me incessantly about my love life, my career," Ronan confessed, picking at his bandaids again like a child. If he were a dog, he would surely be the kind that needed a cone so he didn't pick at his stitches. "They don't think cooking school is worthy of my time."

"Ah. Just tell them the truth." He set the bowl down on the counter as he stretched above the fridge for what he wanted. Behind him, he looked back to see Ronan staring at him with blanket curiosity. "That they're assholes," he added.

"I don't have to if I don't go," Ronan said. He moved closer to him, joining him in the kitchen. His arms swung wide around him, and for a moment he looked ready to knock things down with his big limbs, but he toned down the swinging when he was nearby things to hit.

Adam sighed. His hand found contact with the loaf of bread he hid on the fridge away from Blue. Sometimes he still had bad habits of hiding food he rightfully earned, but it was only now when he knew if he didn't Blue would eat it all before he had a chance to. Ronan watched him take out a slice off the end and dunk it into the lentil bowl. It tasted amazing when he put it to his mouth.

Ronan's gaze turned darkly for a second as he dipped the bread into the lentils a second time. He didn't catch the reason, not that there seemed to be one half the time. Sometimes Adam still felt like he didn't know Ronan at all, and other times he felt like he knew him better than he knew himself.

With a push of his glasses back up the bridge of his nose for Adam, Ronan sharply smiled like a shark or a snake if they could. He ran a bandaged finger under his chin, then shut his mouth for him before he walked away from his side. Adam turned to follow Ronan's movements, and watched him fling himself over the back of the sofa and collapse face first down into the cushions.

Less theatrically, Adam came around to the other side of the couch and sat down next to him. As Ronan bothered to sit upright, he split his bread in half and offered the half uneaten to Ronan. He took it and dunked it in the lentils like Adam did earlier, then took a bite. His feet tucked under him as he ate, his chin resting on a knee.

"Don't you miss your mom though?" Adam asked. "Didn't she move back to Ireland?"

Ronan huffed. His open mouth almost spit food everywhere. "So?" he said. He swallowed. "She visits."

"You should go," Adam reasoned. He knocked shoulders with him in silent demand. "Even if I don't."

Ronan soured. His gaze held angrily at his bread like it had done something wrong, but Adam knew him well enough to know he was really glaring at himself. "Why do you always have to be right?" he hissed.

"It's a gift and a curse," Adam said with a challenging smile. He knew if Ronan committed to avoiding Declan's wedding there was never going to be a chance their family would recover from the insult. "Can you make more of this?" Adam motioned to the bowl. "I really like it."

Ronan looked up at his face then down at the food. The tension in his face eased away, and he shrugged. "Yeah, sure. It's easy."

Adam felt better now that he had food on his stomach, more focused. He lifted off the sofa lighter than he was when he sat down, and he started back to his room with the bowl still in his hands.

"I'm going back to studying now," he said.

Ronan groaned.

"Since you're here," he said at his doorway, "you can help me with my flashcards."

"Ugh. Flash cards?" But Ronan was following Adam into his room anyway.

 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

 

Not long after Adam finished studying later that night, Blue came home and made all the familiar sounds of her arrival: a large groan, slamming of the front door, something heavy dropping on the ground, cupboards opening and shutting hard, and then finally the sound of the television turning on.

Adam stepped out of his room to see her somehow already in her pajamas, boxer shorts and an oversized sweatshirt from NYU, with her hair in a messy bun that was falling apart after a long day.

He came and sat beside her to rest his eyes, and she touched at his hair when he rested his face at her shoulder.

"How's it going?" she asked sweetly.

He sensed something strange was about to be asked.

"Fine," he said slowly.

"The place smells like a vegetable farm...." Blue noted. Her had stopped at his hair. "Was Lynch here?"

"Does he smell like vegetables?" Adam thought he smelled like his pomegranate body spray that Adam sometimes liked to borrow (but wouldn't admit to).

"No, but I know when the place smells like real food it's because of him," Blue noted. She sounded like she was teasing him about something, though he couldn't tell what. She was always making comments about their friendship. Blue and Ronan got along well enough but they weren't the closest of friends, even after three years of living across the hall from each other. It sometimes upset him, that his two closest friends weren’t as close as he would like them to be.

“He came over and helped me study,” Adam explained. “We made flash cards. You just missed him by fifteen minutes.”

“Your idea of fun is so skewed, sweetie,” Blue said, hugging his head to her shoulder.

Adam snorted. “Whatever. He's more helpful than you,” he replied.

Above him, Blue flashed him a grin, as he pulled his head away from her to lean against the back of the couch. She snorted a laugh as she muted the television. It was one of her knowing grins, but he didn't know what it was she knew.

“That's because he's boring and I'm fun,” she said.

“You're about on even ground,” he argued.

"Ouch."

He settled in on his side of the sofa with a pillow held to his chest, as Blue then started paying attention to the tv and what they were watching. She moved to unmute it, but he caught her before she clicked the button.

"Are you going to the wedding?" he asked.

Blue shrugged. "Undecided," she said, and her hand stilled at the remote. "I wish there was an option to say 'maybe, but I have no money now and I'm hoping I don't get fired by the time that you're getting married'."

"Why would you go?" Even though Ronan dropped the subject it unfortunately was still on Adam's mind, sitting there at the back waiting to be explored more thoroughly. He began to wonder what he would do for that weekend they were there, if they would all mutually decide to extend the trip and explore without him. An adventure in Ireland, without Adam Parrish. He hated that he was envious of something like that, even now after years of working hard not to compare or compete. He sucked in his lower lip with his teeth, struggling to find a reason not to go other than money. Fuck Ronan.

Blue shrugged beside him and brought him back to the present. "It's Ireland, man," she answered.

"Why does everyone keep saying that like it explains away the reason to visit?" Adam's bitterness bled through his tone.

"I mean, I've never gone before," Blue said, defensively, like he was acting this way because of her. He didn't know how to explain that he was arguing with himself. She sat further up on the sofa, nudging his foot with her foot. "Neither have you, unless you've been holding out on me all these years," she added. Then with a smile, she boasted, "Plus there'll be hot people there."

He rolled his eyes at her. "There's hot people in New York," he replied.

"It isn't the same," she said, and she pouted. "You should be getting laid."

Adam laughed, a shock of a thing because in all his years with Blue she never once pestered him about sex like this before.

"I'm not kidding!" she exclaimed, and she slapped at his shoulder. "I'm serious. I don't think you've brought someone home in all the time we've been roommates."

He had to wipe an eye as tears streamed down his face from laughing so hard. "That doesn't mean I don't get out," he said. His voice quivered, weak withholding more laughter.

"You're stressed," Blue noted, sounding concerned as she used the side of her thumb to wipe away a stray tear that went down his cheek. He was still shaking with the bubbled laughs, trying to contain them poorly. She knew him all too well, that this was more laughter from exhaustion than amusement.

"And your solution to that is to 'get laid'?" he said.

"Yes."

The rush of the laughs came harder this time that he had to hold his stomach. Blue was not amused. She put her hands to her hips and frowned at him.

"I promise you, you'll get laid in Ireland if you go," she said. "You're a beautiful man, and I think that's being wasted here, alone, in our apartment."

Adam couldn't stop laughing.

 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-

  


(01:23 a) you can buy my ticket to ireland

(1:25 a) _who said anything about me buying your fucking ticket_

(1:27 a) don't be funny

(1:27 a) _k_

(1:33 a) _what changed your mind_

(1:36 a) it's ireland

(1:36 a) plus i really want to see you embarrass yourself in front of declan

(1:38 a) _jackass_

(1:47 a) _why are you awake?_

(1:48 a) finished studying and now i can't sleep

(1:50 a) _come over and keep me company I can't sleep either_

(1:55 a) what's in this for me

(1:57 a) _i'll make you crepe suzette again_

(1:59 a) ok sold

(2:01 a) _you're so easy_

(2:01 a) shut up

(2:01 a) is the spare key where it usually is?

(2:02 a) _yee. one of these days i need to get you your own at this point_

(2:02 a) probably would look less suspicious

(2:02 a) k I'm here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's been written up for a while. if you've been following my other fics they still take priority, but this is a fun thing that escalated into a full blown MONICA CHANDLER LOVE ARC that i can't avoid any longer............... it needed to be posted.
> 
> ronan: chandler  
> noah: joey  
> henry: phoebe  
> adam: monica  
> blue: rachel  
> gansey: ross
> 
> thank you to saachi for the title rec and ofc for pushing me to post this early lol
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	2. the one where they fly to ireland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam instinctively grabbed at the hand rest with all his strength, knuckles burning and fingers aching, as they started to pick up some speed.
> 
> "If you wanted to hold my hand you could've just asked," Ronan jested.
> 
> It was a risk, but Adam was willing to risk it, and he opened his eyes to scowl at Ronan before pulling his hand back. His eyes barely caught a glimpse of the view outside before he shut them again. Everything was getting a little blurry.
> 
> "Jeez, it was a joke," Ronan said. "Lighten up."

It was Ireland day. The rest of the spring semester came and went like a long blink, and before they knew it it was time to leave for Declan's wedding. Summer was upon them, sticky and hot, and of course Adam was taking summer classes while the others were working in this heat. Blue still had her freelance photography gig going strong, and Noah was fascinated with a new hobby, while Henry was aloof as ever as a professional video game player (which Ronan still didn't think was a real thing), and Gansey got an internship at the Natural History Museum. Recently Ronan scored a job at an upscale restaurant uptown where he was learning a lot, though it wasn't his ideal clientele. They were snobby and rich and Declan would love them, but he would be much happier working somewhere where his friends could afford to visit other than solely Gansey and Henry. But it paid a lot, he was learning more than just cooking working in a real professional kitchen. And Adam liked the leftovers he'd bring home.

Since the invitation confirmation months back, Ronan was cc'd in a million emails about Declan's wedding, all of which he deleted without reading. He was a groomsman, not the fucking groom. It didn't matter the details. It didn't matter the suggested time line of events. He was just going to show up and stand there, staring off into the distance while his brother and Ashley recited their vows. Then he was going to get very drunk, and then he was going to go home.

Piece of cake.

"You ready, Lynch?"

Hearing Adam's voice through his closed bedroom door set every nerve in his body on edge. He didn't realize it was time to leave, and now a bout of nausea hit him like a train.

"Shut up," he shouted. "I'm ready."

He was not.

"Are you though?"

Ronan growled hearing Adam's judgmental tone, and he wasn't in the mood. He was about to get on a plane to see his distant relatives and undoubtedly suffer annoying remarks by his brother about his lifestyle. The man was more judgmental than Adam currently sounded, and he wasn't sure he would ever be ready to deal with that for four straight days.

The doorknob to his bedroom door turned, and before he could tell Adam to stay out, the door opened and Adam stepped in. His eyes bulged at the sight of Ronan's room, taking in the sight with critical eyes.

"Lynch..."

He didn't need to say it. Ronan already knew. His room was a mess. Clothes were strewn everywhere, on the floor and the bed and any other available surface he had in the tiny room. It was a disaster scene in here since three days ago when Ronan started to try to pack. The empty suitcase was visible on his bed, open and damaging.

His gaze immediately shied from the door as Adam's mouth fell open, his hands moving to his waist like a concerned mother staring at her son's dirty bedroom. But these clothes were clean, if that were any consolation.

"We leave for the airport in fifteen minutes!" Adam barked. He had his duffel bag slung over one shoulder while looking down at Ronan on his bed, giving him heavy deja vu of the times when he lived at home. Aurora would've been yelling more, though.

"Plenty of time," he said, passing off the comment as casual. If he acted casual maybe Adam would get off his back. This wasn't fun for him either. His room made him anxious. It was always a mess, but never this sort of a mess. Light mess. This was nightmare level.

"You just going to stand there and stare at me like a fucking statue?" Ronan asked.

Adam scoffed, his hands falling from his waist. His duffel and suitcase were dumped on the one empty spot on the floor by the doorway, as he stormed inside the rest of the way and started filtering through things. With an eye roll, he examined Ronan's briefs, before Ronan turned red and gazed elsewhere.

"Interesting how that's the first thing you pick up," he said, thankful his voice didn't do anything funny.

His underwear smacked the back of his head as Adam threw it, and he jerked as he moved to catch it. Already Adam moved onto something else, sifting through his things like he was searching for something. The briefs smacked him pretty hard in the face after Ronan balled them up and threw them back. Adam grunted, standing upright quick.

"You dick. I'm trying to help here."

Ronan soured, turning toward him but not bothering to do much else. He still hadn't stood up or anything. This was harder than he thought, the getting ready and on the plane bit. He wanted to remain stubborn, and frankly still had the intention to stay here. Fuck Declan. He didn't need to be there. Declan wouldn't even be invited to his wedding - if he ever had one.

"I don't need your help," he said grumpily. His intentions were unknown even to himself as he stared across the room at Adam, who was currently folding one of his shirts like it were something precious. Adam was a strange one.

Outside the open door, Noah passed with his toothbrush hanging from his mouth. He was shirtless and wet from a shower, classically late to get ready same as Ronan. He couldn't tell who rubbed off on the other more, but living together certainly didn't help either one with their bad habits.

Noah's attention dipped into his room, and at the sight he quickly tried to disappear. Adam heard him and wheeled around, catching him before he walked off.

"You let him live like this?" Adam shuddered. "I'm getting hives."

There wasn't enough energy in Ronan to think of a clever reply, so he sat there and grunted, sulking in the pile of laundry he had surrounding him.

"This is his room in packing mode," Noah argued. He pulled out his toothbrush and wagged it around like an additional finger. "It's not always this messy."

Finally, Ronan was motivated enough to stand. With a swift hand, he reached around and placed it over Adam's eyes, blocking his sight immediately.

"Don't look if it bothers you that much," he said.

Adam barely had to do anything to squirm out from under his touch, pushing his glasses up his nose when he was free. Of course he gave Ronan a withering look as Ronan slumped back down onto the bed, pushing over a pile of shirts out of his way.

"Lynch, come on." Adam's arms folded over his chest, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Ronan looked for Noah for backup, but at some point he disappeared from the doorway leaving them alone to argue. As always. "I'm not missing this flight."

"You didn't even want to go at first!" Ronan stood again and moved to walk around him to leave, but Adam side stepped into his way, poking angrily at his chest.

"Yes, and who harassed me into coming?" he countered. Ronan rolled his eyes as he was turned back towards his bedroom. With a warm hand at his bare shoulder, he was guided back to his suitcase. Like a living thing, he felt like it was staring back up at him, mocking him for his childish inability to pack. "You," Adam answered for him. "I'm not going without you. Now get your ass into gear and pack."

Ronan groaned.

"Baby," Adam chided.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Exactly 15 minutes later Ronan was finished as much as he could be. His small suitcase was filled with his clothes, his toiletries. That's all he could bother with. By the end he knew he ran out of time and so he didn't even think of putting anything entertaining in his suitcase. When was he going to have fun this weekend anyway? He was going to a wedding. Boring.

Outside his bedroom he found Adam with his head in his hands on the sofa, and Noah apparently already gone. His suitcase at the doorway was missing and his door was left open, which he only did when he wasn't around. It was kind of backwards logic.

Anyway, Ronan wasn't really all that involved in thinking about Noah. He was more sharply focused on Adam there, pale and twitchy with his visibility obscured by his palms.

"Parrish, you good there?" he asked. With a little tug at his hair, Adam's attention was pulled towards him.

Sat up, Adam looked dazed, eyes bugged and mouth fallen open a little.

"I'm just ill from the memory of your room," he said dryly.

"You don't have to bullshit me," Ronan said. "You hate flying. I remember."

Once on a trip to here together during senior year, Ronan flew with him from Virginia. He was a mess then, nauseous and terrified and clinging to the seat like it was his only chance of survival. He looked about the same now.

Outed, Adam sighed in contempt as he slid to sit against the back of the sofa. Still pale, his hands swept over his face and then down again to his lap. Ronan hoped that the years would have ridded him of the fear, but they didn't appear to.

"They say these international flights have shitty turbulence," he said, his usually piercing gaze dull as he stared into the void across the room. "You've been on one before. Is that true?" When his eyes finally drifted to Ronan, he looked to be asking for comfort but also the truth, which didn't come hand in hand in this situation.

Easily, Ronan collapsed onto the couch beside him, knocking knees as he sat too close. Adam didn't jerk away, but rather inclined a little, even if he put on a moody face while he did. With a tilt of his chin he gave him a serpent's smile, thin but spread wide. His arm extended out along the spine of the sofa until it slithered over to Adam's shoulder, then up to his neck and his cheek, irritating him with the touch all the while. When he reached his face, he pushed his glasses up for him, fixing them like always.

"Don't throw up on me," he said. "It's a long flight."

Adam groaned, head in hands. It was easy to annoy him, but it was difficult to comfort him. Over the years the balance had shifted, as Adam and Ronan's friendship went from reluctant to casual to inseparable to something else entirely these days. Something he didn't have with anyone else. Something he couldn't put into words. Teasing him was far and away his best option in times like these, every time.

"Come on, worry wart," he said, and he jolted upright to his feet. "We're late. I know how much you hate that. You can have your existential crisis in the cab."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Security at John F. Kennedy was long and slow as always, which Adam anticipated and factored in apparently. He was annoyingly smart about all this shit, whereas without him Ronan probably would've missed his flight - if he even still went.

"I'll be right back," Adam said halfway across the terminal to their gate. "Can you take my bag with you? I'll be there in a bit."

Just then the security recording went off on the speaker system, reminding flyers not to leave baggage unattended or hold anyone else's baggage for them. Feeling buzzed off the nervous energy that rattled through him like lightning stuck in a bottle, he practically distorted his smile into a sneer.

"I'm not allowed to take bags from strangers," he said.

Adam rolled his eyes. "Asshole," he hissed. "Will you just take it? I have to pee."

His tone was clear cut and demanding, giving Ronan very little wiggle room to argue unless he wanted to turn this into an actual fight. He did not. So he grabbed the bag, and Adam instantly laxed his shoulders.

"Thanks. Dick."

"Why is your brain so fixated on penises right now?" Ronan didn't even register he said it until it came out, but before his face could bleach white or brand him with embarrassment, before he could practice that uncaring expression he mastered, Adam let out a laugh that cracked that bottle open and the nervous energy went everywhere.

"I'm going to hate being stuck on a plane with you for the next nine hours," he said.

But the way he said it, with a smile that bared his teeth, was like a cooling wind that blew the blustering storm away.

The others were waiting at the seating area by their gate waiting for the plane to arrive in half an hour, taking up two rows facing each other by the large bay windows. Outside planes were taking off and landing and slowly wheeling in to gates to let people out and in. It was a sunny day in New York, but it was supposed to be raining in Ireland.

Aware of this, Gansey looked like he was prepared for a thunder storm, wearing a poncho and rain boots, with an umbrella visible next to his suitcase.

"Expecting it to flood at JFK, Dick?" Ronan jested as he made himself known to their friends.

Blue popped the bubble she made with her gum with a snort, heckling Gansey with just a look.

"Nice to see you finally made it," Gansey replied tartly, pushing his glasses up his nose with quiet disdain. "And Adam?"

"Taking a piss."

"So elegantly stated."

He could so easily give just a look that said more than words would ever manage. This one said things he'd rather not repeat, since it was considered faux pas to make fun of him so vibrantly in front of Blue these days. Ever since the poor idiot discovered he was secretly in love with her it was a bit of a mess amongst their friend group. Everyone knew but her.

"As I was saying," and at once Gansey resumed talking about a new historical find at the museum. It went on a hair too long as Ronan remained standing, waiting for Adam to come back to take his bag. To save him from this boring conversation.

Gansey was blathering, Henry was on his cell phone, Blue was popping her gum and reading a book on herpetology, and Noah was-

"We get it," Noah groaned. His feet were hanging off the side of his arm rest and were practically in Henry's lap, who started at his loud interjection. "Old stuff. Dead people. Dust. I don't care about cobwebs, Gans!"

Blue was snickering into her book while Gansey wore a tired look in his eyes, doing his best not to appear insulted.

"Gansey is already a nickname," he said, holding his chin high and ignoring the comment about cobwebs. "No need to edit it further."

"Wow, you hit a nerve. Say old stuff again."

Adam finally appeared next to Ronan, smiling thinly at Gansey and Noah. Without pause, he grabbed his bag off Ronan and moved to sit down.

"The happy couple reunited," Blue jested.

She sat up and patted to the open seat next to her. Ronan scoffed at her ad he moved to sit down next to Noah at the one on the opposite facing aisle.

"Don't call us that," he sneered.

"Yeah." Adam sat down with a smirk directed across the way to Ronan. "We aren't happy."

It left Ronan to flounder for something quick and possibly witty. But his brain had overextended itself, and so instead he angrily sat down with nothing to say. Adam continued to stare at him across the way, his brow slowly folding in as he looked. Finally, Ronan had to look away, as Blue asked them a question.

"What took you guys so long?" she said.

"Lynch hadn't packed," Adam answered.

"That's not true." Ronan sat straighter in his seat, catching the tail end of an eye roll. "I started, but I just hadn't finished."

"Of course," Gansey said on the other side of Noah. He didn't bother to look, certain he was receiving another judgmental look. "You have poor time management skills."

"I have great time management skills," Ronan retorted. "When it matters."

"So this doesn't matter to you?" Gansey sounded horrified or disappointed. If Ronan allowed himself a look he could tell the difference, but he didn't want to look.

"You're one to talk, Gansey," he said, folding his arms over his chest. "Your job revolves around shit that already happened a long time ago. You don't need to have time management skills."

"Hey!"

"Do you think I should take my sleeping pill now, or on the flight?" Henry interrupted, looking around them all for guidance.

"Now," Noah advised, legs still on his lap, "so you don't have to suffer Lynch's wrath."

"In that case, can you spare me one then?" Blue asked, her hand reaching out.

"Ha ha," Ronan frowned. The others all looked at him as if he we were drunk, and he recognized the reaction to everything they said was unrelated to them entirely. But he couldn't find an off switch for his mouth even if he wanted. Frowning at himself but appearing to be frowning at them, he stood up with a rough jerk of his whole body. It knocked over his suitcase. "I'm getting a headache from all of you," he mumbled. "I'm going to find somewhere else to sit."

"Oh come on, Ronan," Noah groaned. "Take a joke for once in your life, would you?"

"Nah," Ronan grumbled. He didn't know how to just sit there quietly, and he wandered off a few aisles down, but there weren't any other open seats for him to pretend to want. It was a full flight, so it made sense there was a full gate.

Lashing out at his friends over nothing was, unfortunately, nothing new but it was certainly unfamiliar in recent times. Ronan thought he was getting better at curbing his outbursts and frustrations, but this wedding had him out of sorts. Anxiously he stared out the window at the limited view outside, watching as an employee of the airport trailed a plane ride's worth of luggage in a cart.

The reflection of another person appeared next to his in the glass, familiar and unappreciated. Adam stared at him by way of their reflections, long enough Ronan saw the judgment in his gaze. He rolled his eyes while his hands crossed defensively over his chest, and he turned to look at the real Adam and not the copy.

"What?"

Adam's hair was disheveled from his slender and bony fingers sliding through it again and again, while his freckles matching that sepia colored shirt he was wearing. A mess of a boy, with stubble growing on his face from an early morning that didn't allow a shave. His glasses were once again falling down his nose when he tilted his chin upward to meet Ronan's eyes.

He did not give in to the habit of fixing them.

"Still anxious about the wedding huh?" Adam said, reading him like one of his science text books. As Ronan tried to master an expression of disinterest and denial, Adam heaved a sigh and folded his arms in a similar way Ronan had across his chest. His gaze drifted back to the window, while Ronan couldn't avoid staring at Adam's freckled ear. "Don't be an ass about it. We all understand. You can be honest with us about your anxieties. You don't always have to be a dick."

When his gaze circled back to Ronan, there was an edge to it, a fierceness of sympathy underlying his aggravation. Finally, Ronan caved and moved his index finger delicately against the center of Adam's nose, propelling his glasses up the bridge with familiar ease.

When he was done, Ronan felt an odd tingling in the skin on his fingertip, and he turned to find his gaze holding on Adam's reflection instead of the real thing. It was easier that way.

Around them, the airport was still bustling, loud with the dozens of conversations, with planes flying in and out, with intercom speaker systems being utilized all across the terminal. It could be deafening, but as Adam's words reluctantly sat with him everything else started to be shut out. The speakers, the people, the planes. All he could hear was the anxiety roaming around inside him and his pulse ringing in his ears.

"I haven't seen them in so long," he confessed. He closed his eyes to the view outside.

"But you're seeing them now," Adam said, his voice reigning with reason. "That's what matters. You're going to make them happy when you arrive."

At once, Ronan turned and offered him a look that said what he intended to say out loud, which was that was bullshit. Adam rolled his eyes and shuffled his feet agreeingly.

"Okay, you're going to probably annoy them once you open your mouth," and Ronan nodded along, "but they'll appreciate the fact you came. Trust me."

He stopped with his head, not quite agreeing with the end. Adam didn't claim to be an optimist, but he did often see the bright side of things far more than Ronan. Ronan was certainly a pessimist, especially when it came to his family. But he could see the sincerity in his face, and he felt the gentle way he touched his shoulder. Adam's fingers squeezed there, his eyes fleetingly drifting to where he was touching as if surprised by something.

"Are we having a moment right now?" Ronan jested with a thin smile. He shook him off his shoulder when he laughed at his inability to shut the hell up.

Adam shook his head. "No, because you're an asshole." With a snort his hand fell down to his waist.

Every bit of sound from the airport came rushing back as reality returned, and Ronan looked away again at planes crawling by. Adam joined him, turning so they stood side by side, watching together in quiet complacency.

There was no real reason to be upset anymore, and he wasn't, so he dropped the facade and allowed himself a moment to collect his emotions. His hands moved down from his chest to his sides, feeling heavy and pointless as they swung about. Something grazed past his left one, and it didn't catch on what it was until his eyes drifted down to see Adam's hand brushing against his, back to back. His fingers were curled into his palm out of reflex, which he released to rest strangely against Adam's. They said nothing, but as they said nothing he couldn't help himself and looked over at Adam. For a moment that's all they were, and it was these quiet, unspoken things Adam did for him that made him appreciate their friendship. The comfort he offered in simple, small ways. He looked forward again.

"How do you tolerate me?" he said.

"A lot of therapy," Adam replied dryly.

Ronan rolled his eyes and moved away from the window, and Adam followed his movement with an anticipatory ease.

"Now come sit back down before Gansey and Henry outdo each other on who can talk the most," he said, starting to move towards the others.

"Do I have to?" Ronan was only half joking, although he really did enjoy staying by the window away from the cacophony of problems his friends were likely discussing at length, things that he didn't wish to think on.

In what appeared to be contemplation, Adam paused, and he licked his lips once, and then a second time more thoroughly. His gaze dipped down to his shoes as he pondered more seriously on Ronan's inquiry than he felt necessary. Instead of saying as much, Ronan took advantage of pushing up Adam's glasses for him, feeling along the bridge of his nose as he so often did.

"I suppose we can stand to stay here a moment longer," he said, enticing and thrilling Ronan to his toes. He didn't anticipate this reaction, as unprovoked as it were.

Then Adam's hand was on his, more solidly than before. It cupped around his fingers and pulled them up to eye level. His heart rate elevated high, even as Adam's fingers began to trail across his bandages. He had several today, his chef hands easily ruined by the kitchen if he wasn't careful.

"One round of: cut, burn, scrape?" Adam raised an eyebrow above the other in challenge.

"Yeah, sure," Ronan muttered quick, desperate to cling to a semi solid voice. His last word sounded like garbled grunts. "Whatever."

His hand was tingling from Adams fingers grazing over them, over the band aids and the skin. His fingers stopped at a Sesame Street band aid on the side of his thumb.

"Burn," Adam guessed.

"No." Ronan smirked knowingly at him as he huffed and guessed again.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Since Ronan was the one who purchased his and Adam's tickets together they were inevitably seated together as a result, with Noah happening to be on the row next to theirs. Whether Ronan planned that or not Adam couldn't tell, not that he minded having his other friend there as well. But the rest of their friends were spread out elsewhere in the airliner. It was large and full and they lost Blue and Gansey and Henry a while back, further up the plane than them.

After stuffing their carry ons into the compartments above, Ronan offered Adam the aisle, somehow remembering he liked the aisle better. The most amount of freedom one can have on an airplane. They sat there silently as the rest of the plane filled up, and he people watched as they passed by, avoiding getting struck by people's bags as best he could.

Between gaps of bodies, Adam glanced over at Noah who was already flirting with the person seated next to him. He could watch him flirt all day, mesmerized with the complete control he had over how a conversation turned into flirtation. Adam was good at flirting but it wasn't always a success like Noah's. It wasn't as seamless as Noah's. And it wasn't always acknowledged, like Noah's always seemed to be.

On his other side Ronan was peeking out the window over the shoulder of the person next to them. He touched at the arm rest between them, wondering if Ronan was going to stare out the window the whole time.

Outside the airport was still visible, as they hadn't begun to move yet. The flight attendants were still checking all the rows for seat belts and closed overhead compartments. They looked to be finishing when Adam glanced back over his shoulder, and he began to sweat.

"I hate flying," he said, stating the obvious with an enormous batch of butterflies in his stomach. "Why haven't we progressed enough as a society to have boats that go high speed across the sea?"

Ronan finally turned back to him, smug as shit.

"Fuck if I know, Parrish," he said, not helping matters any. "You're the scientist."

"Not that kind of science," Adam argued.

"It's all the same to me."

"Hmm." His jaw twisted at Ronan's words. He suspected it was to distract him, and honestly it helped, because now he was irritated more than anything. "You got insulted when I once said I can't taste the difference between a McDonald's burger and one of yours."

As best he could, Ronan twisted toward him with his usual frown.

"You weren't just insulting me but insulting the very foundation of taste!" he said.

Adam had nothing else to say, but he certainly allowed the thinnest of smirks. Feeling justified in his reply, he turned forward again, and a wave of nausea came over him like a gust of wind blew it in. In his peripheral he made out Ronan rolling his eyes, and he swallowed hard at the shortness of that distraction.

The flight attendants had moved to the front and began their spiel as the plane pulled away from the airport. He pinched his eyes shut when he could see the light changing as they moved, reflecting on Ronan's chest through the window. He let the light touch the back of his eyelids but he could hardly notice this way, except the heavy feeling in his body as the airplane pulled and twisted. His hands clenched hard at the arm rests, and even tighter when someone announced they were going to go over the safety protocols.

Adam instinctively grabbed at the hand rest with all his strength, knuckles burning and fingers aching, as they started to pick up some speed.

"If you wanted to hold my hand you could've just asked," Ronan jested.

It was a risk, but Adam was willing to risk it, and he opened his eyes to scowl at Ronan before pulling his hand back. His eyes barely caught a glimpse of the view outside before he shut them again. Everything was getting a little blurry.

"Jeez, it was a joke," Ronan said. "Lighten up."

"You're not funny," Adam replied, his teeth clenching so hard he worried he would crack one.

"I'm plenty funny," Ronan said. His eyes were still closed but he still had sensation in his body - for now anyway - and he felt Ronan lean into his side and his breath fan against the side of his face. "Aren't I, Czerny?" he called out across from him.

"Huh?" Noah answered.

"See, he agrees." Ronan sat back in his own seat and left Adam alone once more in his, feeling hopeless as the plane paused waiting to be cleared for departure. He was twitchy, he knew this, with his fingernails scratching at the plastic of the arm rest and his leg jittery against the floor of the plane. Ahead he could hear the flight attendants discussing the use of the oxygen masks if anything should happen, and he nearly whined at the thought of the plane crashing. It was exhausting and humiliating to let this affect him as it did. Adam was always practical and scientific about things, but planes made him hysterical and nonsensical. All he could think of were the wrong things.

"You know, you never explained why you even agreed to all this."

With another twitch Adam peeled his eyes open and looked over. Ronan was already staring back, one of his infamous shit eating grins playing with his lips. His eyes fell to them for some reason, distracted with the way they curled.

"It's Ireland," he said.

The smile split as Ronan opened his mouth, a groan coming out that made Adam's fingers pinch at the seat.

"I'm already calling it that you're going to spend the entire time we're there in the hotel doing homework," he said. His lips then formed a thin line, and Adam turned away. "What's the real reason?"

He debated telling him, a little embarrassed that Blue's speech got the better of him, and that the main reason he was even doing this was, well, because he was lonely. Chewing his lip, he wondered what inane comment Ronan would have in reply, but he bit the bullet when it was announced they were cleared for departure. Finally, he looked at him, the sun silhouetting the back of his skull, his curls having been cut back to a near buzz cut like he had all through high school. His bright blue eyes were teasing, and Adam sighed.

"Blue told me I need to get out more," he said.

Ronan didn't appear to get it.

"With other people."

And slowly the realization crept into his face, his eyes flickering wider for a fraction of a second, almost missable if he weren't staring at Ronan's face so intently to catch it. His lips thinned.

"You're going to my brothers wedding to try to hook up?" Then he did the unexpected, and he guffawed with laughter.

Heat set in Adam's cheeks as he built enough resistance to his worries to elbow Ronan in the ribs. Ronan looked over at him again, and only laughed more.

"Will you shut up?" Adam hissed. "It's not funny."

With a swipe of his eye as laughter tears came down his face, Ronan sat up in his seat, knocking legs with the stranger on his other side. The person clearly must regret sitting next to them, but it couldn't be helped, and Adam had his own worries to think about. He elbowed Ronan again as his face for hotter, feeling the intensity of his friend's gaze that made this all the more embarrassing. It wasn't embarrassing when he agreed, or when he thought about the potential of meeting someone and enjoying his time with distraction and whimsy. But somehow telling Ronan made him feel like it was an absurd thought, to want to meet someone at his brother's wedding.

"If you wanted to date someone so bad," Ronan said, and he was still wheezing, "I mean I'm right here."

Adam laughed a little.

"What's so funny?" Ronan scowled.

"You said a joke, and I laughed."

"A little too hard!" Ronan folded his arms aggressively over his chest.

"Please." This had gotten out of hand. "You're always playing this shit. Remember that time you asked that if we both don't get married by 40 we would marry each other?"

"You still haven't shaken on it." Ronan said it as if he were insulted, but Adam could see where he was smirking under his look of disappointment.

While Adam was definitely grateful for the amusing distraction, it was certainly a little weird too. Over all the years they've known each other, and the amount of times Ronan's joked they get together, this was one of the longer running jokes between them. The first time he suggested something like this, he thought Ronan was serious, but then Ronan laughed off the comment and immediately started talking about something else and Adam knew it was just another joke like all the rest. Poorly constructed and planned. Adam's grown used to it at this point.

"Why won't I be married when I'm 40?" Adam asked.

"It's a hypothetical." He liked putting Ronan off his own jokes, calling out the issues with them. It made them funnier to him, to point out when Ronan didn't think a joke through far enough. It defeated the purpose of jokes, perhaps, but it always made him smile when Ronan foundered trying to save face at the reveal a joke or gag was bad. "You're a scientist," he said with an edge. "Don't you know all about hypotheticals?"

"Sure, but there's variables, contingencies, rules." Ronan was moaning and rolling his eyes as he talked. "You have to base it on something."

"You're no fun," and he was waved off. "I'm not marriage material or boyfriend material to you?"

The gag was run dead two lines ago and now it was just boring and repetitive. It made him a little exasperated, and his amusement withered like his will to retort. It was uncomfortable to discuss this with Ronan, the thought of them together like that not exactly funny.

"I should've sat next to Gansey," he said.

"Still can," Ronan replied. "We haven't lifted off yet. I'm sure you can make a hard dash for him. You're avoiding the question."

Was he being serious now? Adam couldn't tell. His brow furrowed as he stared back at Ronan's similarly worn in expression. Waiting him out to explain himself was futile. He was as stubborn as Adam, perhaps more so, and he was never going to be able to wait him out. Ronan was an unmoving mountain, while Adam was more a shard of glass. The wind wore one down swifter than the other.

"You're _Ronan_ ," he said with a start, nearly laughing again at the thought of all this. Dating Ronan Lynch? He never allowed himself to muse on the subject realistically. Never once. They were _best friends_. Why even joke about destroying that?

"We've established my name," Ronan said slow. "Good. I was wondering if you knew it or you forgot and were calling me Lynch all these years because you couldn't bare the thought to ask what my first name was."

Adam sighed. "You're unbearable, you know."

"Boyfriends can be unbearable," Ronan said with a brow raise so high he became distracted by it.

"Just..." Adam's jaw slacked. Now he was twitching for an entirely different reason than the thought of being thousands of feet in the air. "Shut up."

There was a tiny snicker, but that was all. For some reason, Ronan obeyed him and smacked his lips together, turning his headto gaze out the window. With his sharp features no longer blocking the view, Adam could feel the plane inching forward again as he looked outside and saw they were moving. He almost didn't notice before, so fixated on the absurd, but now it was hard not to notice. Trying to slump down in his seat was near impossible, as there was no hiding from this, and not enough legroom to let him slump anywhere. Then there was rise of the base of his stomach as their speed picked up even more. The lurching of it as he couldn't move his eyes from the window when he felt the wheels lift off the ground. The lift of his whole body and the shove of it against the seat. His bag slipped a little against his shoes from under the seat as they lifted. His heart felt like it was pinching and simultaneously falling, and then something odd happened.

A hand slipped over his and grabbed it, holding it tight. Adam looked and saw Ronan looking elsewhere. He grounded him with that touch, distracted him. This was a far better use of his energy than jokes about boyfriends. As the plane lifted off, Adam's heart rate slowed. They were rising rising rising, and Adam's only thought was Ronan's hand was softer than he expected with all those injuries and bandages.

Adam let Ronan's fingers snake through his, his sweaty skin clinging to Ronan with every molecule. The cabin started to shake and Adam lost control of himself, squeezing Ronan's hand so tight he worried he was hurting him. But Ronan appeared almost bored when he managed to lift his eyes to his face His stomach dropped when the cabin shook again as they continued to rise. He was desperate to never let go. Without Ronan's hand there, he wasn't sure what he would be doing right now. Once again, Ronan went from being an ass to a friend in seconds, when he needed him most.

When they leveled out, Adam began to breathe again, having held it in for most of that. He slowly blinked his eyes as if coming out of a dream, his head a little fogged from the experience. Ronan's hand casually slipped away as he turned and stared out the window, leaving Adam's alone on the hand rest.

"Thank you," he coughed. His hand was hot, sweating more from Ronan's hand than from his own. Once again he pushed his glasses up his nose as they dropped down. Everything came into focus, in particular the rigid way Ronan was sitting, with his jaw clenching tight and his hands balled into fists on his knees.

"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. "I'd make a great boyfriend."

"I never..." Adam sighed.

Was the ride to be awkward for the rest of the journey? He certainly hoped not. Why would Ronan joke about something if it would upset him? Why would it even upset him? It wasn't serious. It's not as if he asked Adam out. Adam nearly laughed at the idea. The two of them? That would be wild. In what universe would they be together?

Glancing over, he watched Ronan breathing through his anger, his one hand that held Adam's pressed flat against his pants leg. Feeling strange and loose limbed, Adam stretched for it and took his hand casually off his lap. He held it between both of his, feeling the texture of his clammy skin.

"You sweated all over me," he said.

Ronan jerked his gaze around, his glare sincere and poignant. Adam didn't back down, staring back with a withering look of his own. Quickly Ronan's brow loosened and his eyes drifted down to their joined hands. His lips jerked before he said anything, and Adam took it upon himself to free his hand.

"Excuse you," Ronan grunted. "I was being a good friend."

"Good friends don't sweat on their friends," Adam said with a smile.

"Fuck you, Parrish. Next time you can hold your own damn hand."

"How would that work?" Adam asked with a tilted head.

At once, Ronan proceeded to show how to hold your own hand. The absurdity of it was unlimited. Incapable of controlling himself around Ronan, Adam started laughing. Almost immediately, Ronan was laughing too.

"Jerk," Ronan said.

"I said thank you," Adam chuckled. He had to hold his stomach as he laughed more at the thought of everything that just happened. Only with Ronan could he experience a roller coaster of emotions in the matter of minutes.

Easily, they went into the rest of the plane ride joking and teasing and being genuine menaces to society. Adam didn't once for the rest of that long plane ride think about the fact they were thousands of feet in the air. His whole thinking process was enveloped by Ronan.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam would later regret not sleeping for at least an hour, when they arrived in Ireland exhausted and sleepy. Their limbs were tired from sitting for nine hours, and upon the first chance, Henry started to stretch wide and freely in front of all the other passengers, blocking their way out until finally Noah yelled at him to keep moving.

At the luggage carousel Adam was waiting for his second bag that he checked in before, as Ronan convinced him not to try to stuff all his things into one bag. Somehow Ronan managed, when Ronan was usually the one who was more materialistic than him. Perhaps it was because he packed so late. It didn't matter. Adam wasn't sure at all why he was thinking about it, or why Ronan was waiting at the carrousel for him and not with their friends outside by the taxis.

"I used to come here a lot as a kid," Ronan mused. He was sitting on the edge of the carousel while they waited for the luggage to start coming out. He was sure he wasn't meant to do that, but Ronan often didn't care about the rules the same way others did. Adam stood there with his legs stretching subtly, trying not to make a big scene like Henry but desperate to stretch all the same.

"What did you usually do when you were here?" Adam didn't often hear about Ronan's childhood, or his life before they met in high school. He knew he was different then, less prone to anger and cursing. Though over the years he got angry less, but cursed more.

This being the only Ronan he knew, he liked him very much, but sometimes Gansey would talk about the Ronan from before, before his dad died. It was obvious Ronan didn't like talking about the before, the reminder that something was lost forever.

Ronan must have been talking, because he gently tapped Adam in the shin to gain his attention back.

"Doze off there, sleeping beauty?"

"Bored of your stories, Lynch," he replied.

"I was thinking we could go fishing or some shit like that," Ronan said without reaction to him. He wasn't looking at Adam as he said it, staring at the carousel across the way that was moving through its parade of luggage while they still waited. "Or, god forbid, there's museums even. I remember a good one not far from where we'll be."

Adam was impatiently waiting for his suitcase, not quite paying attention to what he was saying. Ronan wasn't one to make plans. He wasn't one to suggest museums. This wedding was really getting to him.

"I was going to do homework," he answered dully.

The carousel began to awaken, a loud whirring noise starting with a few beeps. At once a suitcase appeared at the top, barreling down into the track that went around clockwise. It wasn't his.

The movement forced Ronan to his feet, allowing him to tower those few inches over Adam. He didn't look amused.

"I'll send you back to New York right now if you aren't kidding," he said.

Adam shrugged. He wasn't the least bit concerned with what Ronan thought. The boy joked continuously about him being a nerd for doing his homework all the time, when he did the same thing. The only difference was his wasn't books.

"Is that what your whole second luggage is?" Ronan realized. "School books?"

What little entertainment Ronan was before, he wasn't now. Adam's priority was getting his bag, so he rolled his eyes. He only brought two books.

"Don't be dramatic," he said.

"If I see one book this entire trip-"

Adam frowned. His gaze shifted to Ronan instantly. "You'll what?"

"I'll order porn in your hotel room and force you to explain the charge to Gansey," said Ronan, with a haughty look as he lifted his chin proudly.

Adam blinked.

"That's just such a weird thing to do, and frankly I'm concerned it was the first thing you suggested."

He started to move down the way when he thought he saw his bag, but when someone else grabbed it with such earnest confidence he reluctantly took a step back to avoid collision.

"I--" Ronan started.

Enough, Adam thought, and he whirled around, having to shoulder his one bag more carefully as he turned.

"I don't find it fair that I'm not allowed to read, yet you can cook something on this trip if you so desired," he argued. "Isn't that studying, too?"

The question indeed did stump Ronan, who opened his mouth but nothing came out. It took him a moment to ingest it, which Adam wasn't paying attention to enough to care, as he was preoccupied with not missing his suitcase.

"Don't try to pull a fast one on me, Parrish," Ronan said eventually. "I'm jet lagged."

"You're not allowed to make that excuse," Adam said without taking his eyes off the track. "We just landed."

"And I'm already lagged," Ronan sighed. "My brain's still back across the ocean."

"I wish your mouth was too."

"Hey!"

"Oh, thank god." Adam released his one bag in the sight of his other coming up over the entrance from the dark unknown. "My suitcase."

"I'll get that for you, Parrish," Ronan said, stepping forward gallantly. It was a surprise, and Adam twisted with suspicion.

"Really?"

"No, because I'm not your boyfriend."

And he smiled as he grabbed his own bag off the ground and walked away. Adam had to scramble to catch up to his.

"You fucking asshole," he called out.

"Wish you luck this weekend, Parrish, on all your endeavors," Ronan called back, walking backwards trying to look smooth on his exit. When Adam grabbed his second bag he started walking fast to catch up.

"You say that like we aren't taking a cab together to the hotel," he said.

Ronan's amusement fell flat.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ashley and Declan were waiting for them to arrive to the hotel. Big fucking whoop. The nauseatingly happy couple was standing at the entrance when their taxi pulled up, smiling like two matching robots. Upon arrival Ronan was greeted with a foreign hug from Ashley, and a good slap on the shoulder by Declan.

"Where did the rest of your hair go?" he joked.

"Funny," Ronan said drolly.

"Dang, Adam. Two bags? You moving in?"

Everything Declan said Declan thought was funny. None of it was.

He side eyed Adam when Adam arrived beside him, anticipating a reaction from him. Instead Adam lifted his chin and smiled thinly.

"You haven't changed a bit, Declan," he said. "Ashley, did you know your soon to be husband used to sleep in footie pajamas in high school?"

Ronan snorted as Declan's face went best red and Ashley giggled. Adam glanced proudly at Ronan before resuming his bored look and moving on.

"I'll see you," he said to Ronan. "Lovely to meet you, ma'am."

"Oh, definitely," said Ashley.

Declan's jaw clenched in a similar way Ronan knew his did. Familial traits seemed to mostly occur when they were annoyed with one another.

"I hate your friends," he said.

Ronan sighed with a shrug. "You invited them."

After settling in to his room, Ronan was quickly forced to meet the in laws, more bubbly and bright people that looked and acted like matching robots. Ronan wanted to get the hell out of this situation but all his friends were in their hotel rooms probably napping or just waiting out the rest of the day. It was morning when they arrived, tomorrow was the rehearsal dinner, then the wedding was on Sunday, then they left on Monday. It was exhausting just thinking about it. The weather was clear, the air still a little soft just after a rain storm, the clouds in the distance remnants of the past. Ronan felt it was probably poetic or something, but he didn't give it much thought.

"Where's Mom?" Ronan asked, when Ashley and her parents left to go talk to a caterer or florist or somebody.

Declan shrugged as he was simultaneously texting on his phone.

"She'll be here later. We'll have dinner." His eyes moved off his phone to Ronan's. "Want a drink?"

It was suspicious Declan would offer that when he knew damn well he hated Ronan drinking. He used to have a drinking problem, maybe still did depending on why he drank. He couldn't remember the last time he drank with Declan, if ever.

"Sure," he said, nice and slow, giving the word more syllables than it had.

Declan pocketed his phone with a weird smile. By weird, it was because it was a smile. At Ronan. Ashley made him too happy it was gross. Love was strange.

"This place has a great bar. Come on."

The hotel was enormous and elegant and looked more like a castle - probably was at one point. He followed his brother through the foyer and to the back where there was a bar attached to the restaurant. Already sat there was his baby brother Matthew, who he walked fast to and embraced in a tight hug.

"Ronan!" Matthew shouted, excited to see him too. "God, you guys took forever to get here, didn't you?"

"When did you get here?" Ronan asked. Matthew must have gotten his ticket from Declan, who saw him more than Ronan did these days since he was was living with him over the summer.

"I came when they did. A few days ago. Dude, I forgot Ireland was so nice."

Declan shrugged. "It's been a while. Ronan, you still drink shitty beer?"

"It's not shitty. It's just cheap."

"Same thing by my book."

Ronan avoided rolling his eyes so early in the day, but he did flick his brother in the ear instead.

The three Lynch brothers sat for a drink, although by the end of his first one he lost interest, his mind elsewhere other than this odd bonding session they were having. He already regretted coming here, though for a different reason than before. Adam was here to score at his brother's wedding. A strange thought.

It was possible with beer in his stomach that the thought was going to make him sick. He wasn't about to watch his best friend hook up with someone. Over the years he'd been fortunate enough not to see it, though he knew Adam wasn't a monk. He had dates over the years. There was even a moment he and Blue almost. His hand clenched around the cold, half empty glass of beer.

"You alright there, Ronan?" Matthew asked, a hand to his shoulder.

"Huh? Yeah. I'm fine." Ronan cleared his throat as he went for another swig.

"Damn, you drunk already, brother? You're losing your edge."

Ronan smiled unsweetly at Declan. "Bet you'd like that, huh?"

"Hey, I've got nothing against the edge you have now," he said. His hands went up in the air like he was surrendering himself. He still had that smug smile, though, which wasn't helping things any. "You're making something of yourself these days. It's nice. You're not the black sheep of the family you used to be-"

"Fuck you, Declan." Ronan slammed his glass on the bar counter, and he was going to say more when a hand came to his shoulder from behind and he wheeled around to find his mom, Aurora, standing there. "Mom?"

The family reunion was complete, and that hard edge he had all this time was chipped away at the warm feeling of a hug from his mother.

 

~~~~~~

 

Around lunch time the others finally came back down from their hotel rooms in a large group. Ronan was only two drinks in at this point, distracted by his mother and telling her all the things he couldn't over the phone. It was good to see her, like coming up for fresh air for the first time in months.

When the others arrived she excitedly moved to greet them all, hugging Blue first as always. Her hands cupped Blue's face with glee.

"As beautiful as ever, my dear," she said.

"Beauty only exists as a capitalist idea put forth by makeup companies and men who want a trophy and not an actual companion," Blue replied.

There was an awkward pause as no one knew how to respond to that, least of all Aurora. With a blush, Blue moved out from under her touch.

"But thank you," she mumbled.

"And as smart as ever, too," Aurora smiled. "Noah!" she said, as she moved down the line. It was familiar to them, Ronan was sure, being greeted by her. She was like a walking Hallmark movie around them. She grabbed at Noah's cheeks same as she grabbed Blue's, looking him up an down like an examination.

"I hear you're trying to be a dancer now," she said.

"No, that was months ago," Noah replied. "I'm an actor these days. I've already booked a commercial."

"For hemmeroid cream," Henry added.

"Still a commercial." Noah scowled.

"Ah, Henry." Aurora moved over and touched at his shoulders. "How's the social activism going?"

And Henry sighed like it was his job, acting like the world was collapsing around them.

"The world would implode before I get people to care about the issues that matter," he said.

"Henry," Noah scoffed, "no one cares that the snacks they sell at the movie theater are loud. It's been like that for forever."

"But it's annoying!" Henry pouted.

By that point Aurora moved on from him to Gansey down the line. She gave him a hug, one that rivaled the one he received. Ronan sat there watching as Gansey, his oldest friendship, embraced his mom like his own. When it was over she tucked back long locks of his hair behind his eyes. Since living away from his family he let his hair get "hippie long" like his mom would describe. It was just past his ears. That's all.

"Brush your hair, sweetheart. You look as if a bird landed on your head. And what are you wearing, darling? It isn't going to rain the rest of the weekend."

The others all snickered discreetly as Gansey was the only one not to receive a compliment. Aurora knew him well enough she didn't need to give one. He was like another son to her. And speaking of which, when Gansey's face had returned to normal from the red splotches of embarrassment, Aurora looked around for the final member of their crew.

"Where's Adam?" she asked.

When Ronan looked up, he didn't realize Adam hadn't stayed. He could've sworn he saw him walk in with them, but perhaps that was wishful thinking. Where was the nerd now?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

There was an extravagant and large maze garden at the back of the hotel, reminding Adam a little too much of the hotel from the Shining. Despite it being day, and summer, and real life, Adam found himself checking around corners for Jack Nicholson. Just in case.

On his walk, he could hear people in the pool. It was a warm summery day and people were taking advantage, including him. He should've put on sunscreen, he realized, as he walked. It wasn't hot per se but he didn't need more freckles than he already had. Ronan pointed them out enough as it were.

Adam walked along the bushes through the very simple maze towards the center of it, where he found a fountain and flowers in planter boxes encircling it. The fountain's head was a large fish. Its stone eye stared back at him.

There were benches that rounded out the center of the maze, where Adam sat with his legs tucked under him and a book in his lap.

How the fuck was he in Ireland right now? How was this the same sky as back home? The birds seemed the same, but they weren't. The warm, fresh air was nothing like New York's, with the faint hint of the sea on the breeze. This was really happening.

His brain wouldn't let him concentrate on his book, although he certainly tried.

Ronan was being a dick as usual but he was being a bigger dick today. Maybe it was the stress of all this. His family. Their expectations for him going unanswered. His worry about the homophobes in his distant line.

He was staring at the same page he'd been staring at for five minutes with no progress. When it was clear that he hadn't been focusing, he groaned. With a pinch to the bridge of his nose he glanced back across the maze to the roof of the hotel on the horizon. It was Gansey's turn to be on "Ronan duty" this weekend. Of course Gansey tried to initiate a pact to keep on the lookout for Ronan to come through with his self destructive behavior, though Adam didn't believe he was going to become a mess on this trip. Distancing himself from his brothers again seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind. Sure they didn't always get along, but they grew together as best as they were ever going to at this point, and he doubted very much Ronan wanted to risk that.

Sure, he was known to do that before, but he was better now. Not perfect, but better. Gansey always saw him as some broken thing, something to be watched or taken care of, but he wasn't. He was a strong person. He didn't need a pact to have everyone watch him. He wasn't a baby.

Adam didn't like to lie, as he didn't see the point in it. But he was lying to himself and everyone else when he said he came here to get laid. He came here for Ronan, for his friend. He came to support him when he knew he would need it, not to watch him or treat him like a troublesome child. His goal was to be there when he needed someone to talk shit with, not be the root of them.

While his family issues were different than Adam's, they were similar in the sense they fucked him up pretty good. He understood that better than anyone, and so he scoffed at the idea of being expected to babysit his friend without him knowing the wiser. The only reason he even agreed was because otherwise he wouldn't get any alone time with him the entire trip, and that was often cause for dullness.

"Thought I'd find you out here," a voice came from across the fountain. "Is that- Christ, Parrish. What I say about homework?"

Adam held his book's cover up to Ronan who was stomping across the grass with determination.

"It's leisure reading," he said.

With a derisive sound, Ronan slumped next to him on the bench, his legs sprawled out and long. He rested his head against Adam's arm without warning, as always.

"Mom wondered where you went," he said.

There was a pinch at Adam's chest. He adored Aurora, but it was strange to feel so adored by someone else's mother when your own... "I just didn't want to be in the way," he replied coolly. He opened the book up again, but he forgot his place.

"The others are all in the way," Ronan argued. His chin shifted against Adam's shoulder as he moved his head to catch Adam's gaze. "You could've at least stayed to say hi."

Ronan knew how he felt about Aurora, how he enjoyed her sweetness but sometimes he just couldn't handle it. Sitting there in the quiet, they both could hear the sounds of birds chirping, animals rustling around in the bushes, the fountain's water spewing out the fish's mouth. Adam was quiet as he contemplated how to explain that he was saving his energy for when he got stuck with being on Ronan Watch. He wasn't surprised his weekend was going to revolve around Ronan more than it already was. It was expected at this point that even in group settings they would somehow gravitate toward one another first.

He looked over at him to see him already looking back.

"Is it because of all that boyfriend crap I was giving you shit for earlier?" Ronan dropped his gaze. One of his fingers was touching at the faint line of freckles that went in a circle around his elbow. "They were jokes, Parrish. Come on."

"Not everything is about you, Lynch," Adam said coldly. "You aren't the only thing I think about. I just needed fresh air after being on a plane for so long. I needed a break from _you_."

"Ah, so it is about me." Ronan sat up, his expression unclear. There was amusement there in his face, but his eyes told a different story.

"No, it-" Adam rolled his eyes as Ronan cut him off.

"You just said."

Adam jerked his jaw. He was right. It was about him. It was always about him. He touched at Ronan's hair, of what little there was left. It would be weird to tell your best friend you missed the curls that were growing, right? Ronan had a habit of letting them grow a while and then getting sick of them and cutting them all off. This was an odd midway point. There was still something to grab, but barley.

"You smell like alcohol," he said, noting the hint of it on his breath. He wasn't drunk, that much was obvious, because when he was drunk he was either angry, sad, or sloppily handsy with Adam's hair.

"I had a drink with Matthew and Declan," Ronan clarified.

"Mm."

"A drink and a half. As in barely two. I'm not drunk."

"I didn't say anything." Adam was already bracing himself for a fight.

"You were thinking it." But Ronan didn't give one, as he kicked at the ground and slumped back against Adam's arm.

What he was thinking, actually, was that Gansey was doing a poor job of being on "Ronan duty" right now for someone so paranoid. As he looked down at Ronan he could see the hole in his ear from an old piercing he stopped using a couple years ago. He touched at it unthinkingly, remembering when Ronan was in that phase of wearing an earring. He almost snorted at the memory. He looked like a dork.

Ronan pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled.

"You hungry or anything?"

Adam shrugged. "Depends."

"On?" The boy's eyebrows elevated high, creating lines across his handsome brow.

"If we can eat somewhere else." Adam didn't want to be at this hotel any longer. This was Ireland for god's sake. He wanted adventure. Ronan was often good at giving that.

With intrigue, Ronan sat up swift. "Oh? Parrish, is that an adventure I smell?" He grinned like a lion.

Adam laughed. "You can't smell adventure," he reasoned.

"Oh, but you can." And then he was up on his feet with a hop and a skip, moving about the open area with wild eyes. "Where do you want to go?"

"How close are we to the water?"

Ronan's lips spread into an even wider grin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was thirty minutes by taxi to the Ardglass Marina. They purchased sandwiches from the restaurant of the hotel and packed them away to eat there. Of course Adam was considerate and invited the others, but they were all so tired they passed on the experience of going anywhere fun. Ronan was kind of grateful.

He wondered if tomorrow Adam was going to find someone else to spend alone time with. In a different sense. Frankly, he didn't want that. He wanted him to himself. Selfish as he was, he didn't want to lose his friend, the only one here that seemed to understand why he didn't want to be here, to someone else. He wanted what little time he had to spend with him before he inevitably found someone here. Adam was beautiful and funny and charming - ok well, actually, he could be a smug asshole. But if Ronan found him charming, he was sure someone else at the wedding would too. Someone braver than him, more outspoken about their intentions. Someone who wasn't lying to themselves about what it is they wanted. Someone willing to touch him without the undercurrent of fear ripping through them ever time. He lay on his side at the ground, staring up at Adam sitting upright staring out at the water. He wanted him so badly it burned his insides. He groaned and lay on his back to look at the sky.

"I hope it rains on their wedding," he said affectionately. By affectionately, he said it with a hint of insidious intention.

"They're inside," Adam snorted like it was a joke. "It won't affect a thing."

"Still."

There was a shadow that cast over the right side of his face as Adam laughed again, leaning over him to block his view. Every one of his senses were overwhelmed by Adam Adam Adam.

"You can be such an ass," he said fondly.

"You're the moron who's best friends with an ass," Ronan replied with his snake smile. It was often intended to scare people away, but with Adam it only ever made him a little exasperated by him.

Again, he rolled his eyes in the familiar way Ronan knew by now, as he sat back and out of view. Ronan couldn't help but turn his head to follow his movements. When they were split apart, he reached over for him, as he bent down over the bag they packed the food in. His hand hesitated before he made contact, and dropped when Adam's gaze lifted.

He really would make a terrible boyfriend. Adam deserves someone else. He would never see him that way. He's just a friend. _Just a friend_.

Like he could read his mind, Adam then laid down with his head resting on Ronan's chest. He had to practice over the years not to let his heart rate expose him when Adam would do this.

The ocean waves knocked against the underside of the dock as they stared out at the water, looked up at the cloudless sky, and could feel the undercurrent of electricity in their bones. Or maybe the last one was just Ronan.

"If you were my boyfriend this would feel pretty romantic," Adam said, and Ronan bettered his heart before it lurched out of his chest.

"Good thing I'm not your boyfriend then," he said, voice gravelly like a badly maintained road. "I hate romantic."

Adam snorted and Ronan ached. He shouldn't feel this way for his best friend. He wanted _more_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome back to chapter two! next chapter: the dinner rehearsal...
> 
> thanks for your patience. i'm slow again at writing lol <3
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	3. the one with the rehearsal dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he raised his head from the table, Adam was talking to one of Ashley's cousins who coincidentally was placed at the same table as his friends. He could kill Declan, or Ashley maybe, who was so blatantly trying to set them up it was insulting. He could barf.
> 
> His chin was cold against the ceramic of his plate, staring across the room behind his water glass. Adam was chatting and smiling and flirting. He was wearing a button up pale blue work shirt that he wore at his internship, and even from this distance he knew how much it brought out his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of homophobia :/

On Saturday morning the group was awoken unbearably early by Gansey's eager and upbeat demeanor. He planned for them to go sight seeing together as a group, but this was absurd. Adam regretted rooming with him immediately. He thought Gansey would be the best choice, but maybe he was wrong. He didn't want to get up at...

"7 in the fucking morning, Gansey? You serious?" Ronan was rubbing his tired eyes still in his pajamas, barely standing with his whole weight dependent on Adam. Gansey and he bombarded Ronan and Noah in their room last, everyone else dressed except the grouchy two.

"I regret our friendship," Blue muttered.

"Blue, how could you say that?" Gansey took her seriously too often.

"I'll dream new friends," she growled. She was still half asleep too, same as everyone.

"Where are we going that you needed us up at this hellish hour?" Henry cried. His hair had yet to be gelled and his clothes were disheveled from being shoved on rather than carefully placed.

Ronan's breath was unappealing having just woken up, but the familiar weight of him wasn't unwelcome as he practically fell back asleep on Adam's shoulder, standing in Noah and his room while Noah was taking forever getting dressed in the bathroom. He didn't even say anything or suggest anything when he promptly rested his head in annoyance and sluggishness when he answered the door not five minutes ago.

"Thought we could take a trip to Belfast," Gansey eagerly suggested. "Take in the sights."

At that, Ronan's head lifted up.

"Belfast? Yeah alright."

Without warning he pulled off his shirt and everyone made loud reactions to his undressing.

"Lynch, what are you doing?" Adam asked. His eyes raked over Ronan's tattoos, from his back to his shoulder to the one on his chest he saw most infrequently. "You remember where you are, right?"

"Yeah," Ronan grunted. "My room. If you all don't leave I'm just going to change in front of you."

He turned enough to give Adam a challenging smirk, just as their other friends were escaping out the door. Adam nearly stayed out of ego, but felt Blue pulling on his arm to take him away.

"Come on," she said with a raspy voice, not yet fully awake. "No one needs to see that."

Adam's eyes dipped as Ronan peeled off his pajama bottoms just as the door shut between them. He wasn't wearing any underwear underneath.

Yeah, nobody needs to see that.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

On the trip they split up in two cars. Gansey was Gansey and ordered two drivers to take them to Belfast. Adam complained about his unwillingness to let Gansey pay for it all himself, but of course Gansey was Gansey and argued with him until eventually Ronan pushed him into the car.

"You can argue on the way over," he said, but that never happened.

Gansey was pushed into the other car with the others, and he and Ronan somehow drove off without them.

"We'll meet up with them later," he promised offhand, his gaze turned toward the window.

"This is very boyfriend-like, you know," Adam said suspiciously when Ronan hadn't said anything for a few minutes. The driver up front was quiet except for his classical music that played low throughout the car. He could hardly hear it, it was already faint enough, but his non-hearing ear didn't hear a thing.

Hearing Adam, Ronan turned back with a little smirk. His eyes had deep circles under them, riddled with exhaustion. Without thinking, Adam touched at one with his thumb, gently running over the skin there and wondering why Ronan looked to have gotten little sleep.

"You're more obsessed with this joke than I am," he said.

"It can be unpredictably amusing," Adam reasoned. He didn't know what he was saying and dropped his hand. "Besides, you're the one who forced the others to drive together. What's that about?"

"I thought you wouldn't be as chatty," and Ronan yawned, arms stretching up to the roof of the car, hands touching there with flat palms against the black interior. "So I could get some goddamn shuteye in this place."

Adam offered his shoulder without a second thought, and Ronan unbuckled his seatbelt to move into the middle, buckling up again when he was close enough to rest. Ronan allowed Adam to do this enough times in high school whenever they got stuck doing a Gansey thing for hours around Henrietta. He would fall asleep on Ronan's shoulder in the backseat and half the time wake up not even realizing when he passed out. It's just what they did.

"Couldn't sleep?" Adam asked. He felt Ronan nod against his shoulder, nose daringly close to his throat.

"Not really," he muttered.

Before Adam could ask why, Ronan's breathing evened out into a soft rhythm as he slumped a little in the seat. With an immaculate ease he was adrift, and Adam sat there the rest of the car ride quiet and mildly uncomfortable. His shoulder would be fine, but his mind was overworking with the thought of that joke.

Calling Ronan his boyfriend was becoming unbearable every time, especially once last night during dinner when Ronan pulled out his seat for him and Adam snorted at the fact. It was strange, this thing they were playing with, because it wasn't that far from the truth when Adam really thought about it.

Because, if he was being honest with himself, he sometimes did think about it. Ronan was his best friend, and sometimes the thought occurred to him that wouldn't it be so easy and so convenient to just fall into a relationship with your best friend? They already knew everything about each other, and logically it made the most sense to end up with someone you're already familiar and comfortable with.

But at the same time, the thought of losing that friendship if anything were to happen, it made him so nauseated that he would backtrack on the whole thinking process.

Ronan slept the rest of the car ride, and Adam sat there internally confused with what exactly he was even thinking. He didn't see Ronan that way anyway. They were just friends. And Ronan certainly didn't see him that way. All his jokes made that pointedly clear.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Breakfast in the city made for a stranger morning than they were already experiencing. Once they met up with the others, Ronan insisted they eat at a place he remembered from childhood that his dad took him to. He took him all around both parts of Ireland, since they had family from both. It was odd to hear stories of his dad, a man Ronan hardly acknowledged out loud in recent years, and now here he was reminiscing vibrantly as they ate their eggs and their toast.

He wondered as he watched him, how yesterday he was so distraught about coming here, and now here they were and he couldn't look happier. When he smiled it made the whole room glow.

After breakfast, the group was dragged to the Botanic Gardens by Gansey. He clearly planned for this, to take them somewhere he knew would impress Blue. It was a little hilarious though, that the second they arrived she grabbed Adam's arm and rejected Gansey unknowingly.

"Let's go explore," she said. The two of them left the others behind to walk around, Adam genuinely mystified by all the plant life, whereas Blue didn't appear to be paying much attention.

"I'm going to miss this next summer," she said, sounding resigned as she spoke.

He peeled away from her to look at a batch of red flowers that looked like they were hand drawn, it was unreal. As he touched at their petals with delicate acuteness of Blue or the world around them, she repeated the statement. Her hand waved in front of his face, and his head snapped up to remember she was there at all.

The sun beat down on the purple streaks in her hair, making her almost match the flora.

"What will you miss?" he asked, not quite listening. His mind was in ten different directions today. One of those directions passed them by mid conversation with Gansey who was laughing absurdly loud. They walked into the nearest white building, and Adam had to remind himself not to stare.

"Oh, you know," and Blue rounded to the other side of the flowers to return to Adam's visual line of sight. "Hanging out all the time. Wasting money I don't have to go on trips I can't afford. You guys will be done with college. Proper adults and shit."

"That won't change much of anything," Adam countered. His lips smacked together in the warm summer sun as he meandered towards the building nearby. No reason for it, except one could argue it was getting a little too hot out in the summer sun.

"I know Gansey talks of jobs in London and other places, and Ronan could easily be persuaded to leave New York if a quality restaurant asks him to. Makes you think. Growing older is weird."

Adam physically stalled at the door at the sound of all this. When he wheeled round there was Blue, picking at her cuticles like she hadn't said an aggressively depressing thing.

"Have they, uh, mentioned they're leaving?" he asked.

"No," and she shrugged. "But you know New York. People are constantly coming and going. Sometimes someone's fantasy life begins there but it isn't where it ends."

It did not dawn on Adam until now that his friends could easily leave, that this was in fact their last summer all together. Maybe Blue was being pessimistic, or maybe she was on to something. What really held them all together? It made him feel strange to wonder, to calculate, to factor in the fact that New York had some of the best restaurants in the world, but it wasn't the only place like that. And pretty soon he could see Ronan getting bored of it there. If Gansey left for England, would Ronan follow? It's why he moved to New York, he supposed.

Inside, the air was thicker and hotter, but there was a faint mist climbing down from little machines that lined the ceiling. The plants in here were bigger, mysterious with shades of dark greens. He wondered where Ronan and Gansey walked off to, but it was a big building. They could still be in here.

Blue's hand reached out to stroke the backs of her knuckles along the line of a planter. She looked up at Adam with a tiny smile.

"Who do you think will get married first in the group?" she asked.

Adam rolled his eyes, but he was smiling at the little game. When he turned back to her, they both said, "Noah," together.

"He'll probably get married by accident in Vegas or somewhere," Adam contemplated. He then wondered what would become of their group in ten, fifteen years down the road. The funny thought of being 40 and unmarried hit him like a flick to the ear, of that stupid pact he somehow found himself a part of. The flick happened again. Oh, it was Blue.

"Who do you think will be the last of us to get married?"

Adam contemplated himself, but before he could answer Blue spoke again.

"I think Ronan," she said.

He flinched, unsure why exactly. "Why do you think that?"

He didn't realize until her expression distorted with her lips forming a thin line and her eyes narrowing that his tone wasn't exactly friendly.

"Why are you upset about that?" she retorted. "It's true. He's a curmudgeon." With a laugh, she started to move from him down the walkway. God, Adam hoped Ronan wasn't in here to hear any of this. "Plus, have you seen him date anyone since we've known him?"

Reluctantly, he replied, "I mean, he's gone on a few dates."

His eyes darted around, trying to make use of the spaces between plants to see through them. They appeared to be alone, and he hoped that was true. His stomach unsettled at the very idea of Ronan hearing Blue berate him like this. Ronan could handle it on any other subject but this one. Because Ronan was like him when it came to dating, the least experienced of the batch.

"Yeah, but nothing long term," Blue argued. They rounded a corner and Adam held his breath, grateful when there appeared to be no one around it. "Nothing serious beyond that one time I caught him in the hall." Blue paused to smell a flower, and Adam tried to change the subject to the current state of plastic in their society. But Blue drilled on. "Oh my god, he did have a plastic bottle with him," she noted, laughing loud enough it echoed up into the high ceiling. "That was hilarious. He was so drunk."

Adam cringed. "It wasn't funny."

He remembered the evening well, one of the first nights after Ronan moved in. To a degree, he could understand Blue's amusement from her perspective, as someone who would get into fights with Ronan all the time back then. Now it was just quieter squabbles here and there. But Ronan came back after a fight with Adam about the dangers of app dating, and then that very night Ronan returned from his date smelling like three bars full of alcohol and messily making out with some random asshole he met on that very app.

"Jeez, what's gotten into you today?" Blue hung off Adam's arm like it were a swing as they stepped outside again to more gardens at the back. "Did you two fight on the drive over? Aw, a lover's quarrel."

Adam recoiled from her and started off in a random direction without her.

"Blue, you can be as big of an ass as him sometimes," he said.

"Hey!" Her hands fell to her waist. "Take that back."

He walked away rolling his eyes. The damage was done. Adam couldn't remember the last time he and Blue had a proper fight, and now they just had one about - of all things - _Ronan_.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Henry and Noah were bickering like two wild dogs biting at each other over a chew toy. Gansey and Ronan were standing near them, but not nearly close enough they would get sucked in the middle. Ronan couldn't tell what they were arguing about, nor did he care. Okay, he cared a little. They were his friends, and they were being more obnoxious than him right now as they paraded around the gardens. Last time he was here his father was still alive and it stung as he reflected on the comparison.

"I can't believe you brought condoms here," Henry said, and that Ronan couldn't tune out no matter how hard he tried. "You seriously are thinking of having sex at Declan's wedding?"

God, he groaned, everyone was trying to have sex at his brother's wedding. What was it about weddings? The loneliness? Desperation of finding a partner as you watched someone else marry theirs? The free booze?

"Who knows when the occasion arises?" Noah noted gently. He didn't look to be wanting to get into the argument further, but Henry wasn't letting him off.

"Or when you arise?" Henry grumbled. "Am I right?"

Noah snorted. "Hey, that was pretty funny, Cheng."

"Shut up." Henry crossed his arms over his chest. "You're unbelievable."

"Thank you," Noah said with a bow.

The argument from there got further away as they continued down the line of trees and left Ronan alone. He stood there unmoving taking in the imagery of every one of his friends finding someone at the wedding, when even if Ronan wanted that he couldn't. The one person he would even fathom wanting was-

Gansey had a strong grip when he wanted, and at that moment he gripped Ronan's shoulder right at the center, taking him away from his own thoughts.

"You doing okay, buddy?" he asked.

"Why are you talking to me like I'm five?" For a fleeting instant Ronan was happy to have Gansey there, but so far on this trip he was only treating him like something that needed special handling. "I'm fine, Gansey."

"Just checking in on you." Gansey shrugged. He looked outrageous in his rain gear, even with the summer sun shining down on them. He must be sweating in that, Ronan thought. "I know it must be-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Ronan's jaw tightened. He didn't want to talk about this. "You don't know anything."

"I know lots of things!"

"None of which are useful unless you're a thousand years old," Ronan replied. "And dead."

"Ronan, stop lashing out at me." Gansey lifted his rain hood and fixed his spectacles, reminding him too much of the other glasses wearing friend in their group. "I'm trying to talk to you."

"And I don't need to talk about what you want to talk about." Ronan tried to walk away, but Gansey was a fast walker and he always managed to keep up. "I'm fine."

"Fine is a four letter word that never means what it's intended to mean."

"That sounds like your mother," Ronan quipped.

Gansey gaped. "You did not just call me my mother!"

A devilish grin split across his face as he continued walking, while Gansey remained in place. His eyes caught movement behind him, where he noticed Adam and Blue walking in the distance. "I did, and I meant it. Mrs. Gansey,"

"Oh, you're the worst, Ronan," Gansey replied.

"That's the goal." His eyes never fell off Adam, who was splitting from Blue and walking away rather briskly.

"You're going to piss of Declan if you keep this up. I don't understand why that amuses you."

"It doesn't. But you know what does?" His attention was locked on Adam. "Walking away."

And he did.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blue didn't try to talk to Adam again after he ditched her, and he supposed he should be thankful, but really he felt like an asshole. When he tried to find her again, she had walked off somewhere he couldn't find. So he went wandering around the gardens alone, wondering when it was they planned to leave. It was thrilling to run his hand along the line of plants, to see the variety of life here flourishing. But it was dull to do all this alone.

Adam made a mess of that conversation, he knew this. He recognized he was wrong and wished to apologize when he had the chance, but Blue was over the line about Ronan. Even though he knew plenty of times Ronan would go over the line talking about her. He only wanted to talk about nothing, and then somehow she was seriously discussing their prospects in marriage?

He hated weddings. They incited the strangest conversations, some deep and some shallow, but all of them frivolous and completely avoidable. They were in their early twenties. The thought of marriage shouldn't be anywhere on their minds.

"So listen, I need to set up some ground rules here."

Adam startled at the intense surprise arrival of Ronan at his side. He appeared on his deaf side, likely unintentionally, but either way he didn't catch his presence until he blurted out a very strange sentence.

Keeping collected, Adam turned only his head toward him, keeping his back still facing Ronan for some unknown reason. He didn't want to look at him completely after that conversation earlier. His eyes quickly darted around Ronan's face to grasp the situation, but he couldn't. The boy mastered disinterested looks as well as him.

"Ground rules for exploring a botanical garden?" he inquired, raising his brow at him.

"No, for hooking up with someone at my brother's wedding," Ronan spat.

Adam twitched and jerked his attention forward again. "Oh, that." The words had an acidic taste in his mouth. "You don't get to navigate my love life, Lynch."

Ronan rounded in front of him to create space between him and the plants. His gaze held with Ronan's long enough to see desperation in his eyes, and he stared longer and deeper to understand what he was asking and why. But before he could grasp it, Ronan blushed and looked away.

"Just don't sleep with any of _my_ relatives, alright?" He sounded flustered as he insisted, and then he was out of Adam's space, but not out of his head.

At his disappearance, Adam twisted around to follow his movement around him. Ronan's hands were in what little hair he still had, pulling at it like a mad scientist in a cartoon. Adam couldn't help but snort at the comparison. He almost wanted to laugh until he cried about Ronan's request. He also wanted to yell at him.

"Who said I was going to sleep with anyone?" He settled for a median, asking with a hint of amusement but with a clear implication he wasn't going to do something just because Ronan persisted.

"It was implied," Ronan said through a tightly wound mouth.

"I'm not having random sex with a Lynch, Ronan, you can guarantee that." Adam shook his head at the idea. Adam wasn't stupid. He wasn't going to go hooking up with family members of his best friend.

"Then what is it you're doing then?" Ronan lifted his head but still didn't make the jump to find Adam's face again. Instead he looked at his shoulder. His eyes dropped down after a while when Adam didn't say anything.

What could he say? That he had no plans at all actually? That he came here to spend time with Ronan because Ronan asked him to, but he wasn't about to admit that so he said what he told everyone else he was doing here? That Ronan had nothing to worry about?

"Just... I don't know." With a shrug he thought of what he _could_ say. "Talking," he answered. "Seeing what's out there? Maybe some light dancing and kissing if-" He pinched his eyes shut. This was ridiculous. "Oh, it's none of your business really. Lynch, I can do whatever I damn want."

And with that, he stormed off for a second time in as many conversations today. Only this time, Ronan stormed after him. He caught up quick, because it wasn't like Adam was genuinely trying to get away. With the heat of their shoulders brushing, Adam's anger and anxiety were quelled like a cool cloth to his forehead. He resisted the urge to lean into him more, because he was still upset that Ronan felt he could make requests about his sex life.

Beside him, Ronan cackled. It sounded nearly maniacal, like an evil witch's. "I've hit a nerve or something, haven't I?" He certainly didn't find a problem in knocking shoulders, the act of which almost knocked his glasses off too. Before he could fix them, there were Ronan's hands gently helping them up his nose. He could scream.

"Jesus, Parrish," he said. "Lighten up."

Adam's arms instinctively folded over the other in front of his chest.

"You're the one trying to make deals about my love life, Lynch," he said witheringly. "Afraid I'll fall in love with a cousin or something and be stuck with you forever?"

A hand went to Ronan's chest like he was pledging something. "I've already made amends with the fact you're going to be in my life forever, Parrish," he said, like it was a sacrifice he had to make.

Like there was an invisible stone in his way, Adam faltered in his footing a second. Ronan caught him by the arm as if he were going to fall, but he knew he wasn't. Because he hadn't tripped over anything, though he managed to make it look like he tripped over an uneven pavement. When he was seen to be okay to walk again without Ronan's insisted help, Ronan let go of his arm and took a small step away from him. Adam found himself gravitating closer anyway.

"I just hate all my secondary relatives, alright?" Ronan said it staring ahead down the small path they walked along, rather than at Adam who didn't know what to say. "They're awful people."

"Why, because they're your father's?" he asked.

"That, and they're all straight and old and boring."

He couldn't tell if Ronan was kidding or being serious anymore, so he just let Ronan have this one. Quietly they kept walking a ways, with no real pattern to or destination. Adam wished he had money, because if he did he would explore more of this city instead of watching Gansey trying to impress Blue in the most awkward ways possible.

Next to him, Ronan was staring at the ground while they walked. His combat boots and ripped jeans mismatched with the environment around them, but not in the way others like Blue would see him. He wasn't a weed to Adam, but a flower that bloomed infrequently, but when it did it was the most beautiful thing in the world.When he lifted his eyes to the sky the sunlight bounced off them, reflecting the blue so flawlessly it was almost like a magic trick. His sharp features were soft like this, when he wasn't scowling or putting on a persona of ire. He was just Ronan, and Adam couldn't be irate with him when he looked like that.

He was already looking away by the time Ronan's gaze drifted down from the sky to him.

"Well," he said, stretching his arms out in front of him as a way to give himself something to do, "that just leaves Ashley's family then."

It was hard to evade Ronan's gaze but he managed, though he felt his eyes glued to him like laser beams trying to burn a hole in his head.

"They're a bit dull too, but they're whatever," he said with a snort. "If you can find someone in that batch that's mildly entertaining I give you my blessing."

With a thin smile, Adam said, "Thanks." He didn't know what else to say, because he didn't want Ronan's blessing. He didn't want Ashley's family. He didn't know what he _did_ want, but it wasn't that.

Ronan resorted to being quiet again, his face void of emotion when Adam finally looked up. They continued moving along, quieter than before. Adam stared at Ronan when he wasn't looking, and could feel him looking back when he wasn't.

He gravitated towards Ronan more and more in an achingly slow progression while they were alone, until their shoulders were welded together and Adam could feel the faint ticklish sensation of Ronan's hand near his.

 

~~~~~~

 

Eventually the group grew tired of the gardens and moved on, exploring the streets and window shopping.

They had lunch somewhere Gansey highly recommended, some place where Adam could barely afford a salad. Blue was already over their fight and suggested they split something which he was grateful for.

After, the cars Gansey ordered for them came to pick them up so they could get back to the hotel in time for the dinner. When the first one arrived and Adam saw Ronan go for it he assumed that meant him as well. But when he reached it, Ronan was pushing Noah inside and blocking the way.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting in," Adam said.

"Nah." He nodded toward Noah already tucked inside as his arm swung out to tap Adam on the shoulder. "I need to talk to Noah. Roommate stuff."

"Seriously?" Adam frowned. "I don't want to ride with Gansey and Blue alone. They're unbearable lately with all of Gansey's pining."

As he said it, Gansey could be seen trying to talk to Blue about the Botanic Gardens, but wasn't letting her get a word in edgewise to talk about her own experience. The poor fool.

"You won't be alone." Ronan guided Adam's gaze to Henry with a turn of his cheek. "You'll have Henry too."

Before Adam could speak, he pinched Adam's with a false smile. It made his stomach twist.

"Why are you being weird?"

"I'm not." Even his tone as he said that was weird.

Was Ronan really reacting this way because of what he said? It made Adam irate that Ronan was taking this whole desiring a life outside their six way friendship thing a little too much to heart. It almost made him want to genuinely pursue it.

"Relating back to your stupid joke about boyfriends...." Adam was so annoyed with Ronan he removed his glasses and could no longer see, so he couldn't see Ronan's face perfectly and have better imagination to work with. He pictured his smug little expression instead of whatever one he was wearing now. God, he could kill him sometimes. "There's a reason that even if you were the last man on earth I wouldn't date you, Lynch. Because you can be so goddamn childish sometimes. Grow up."

And Adam turned fast on his heel and walked back to the others, finding their fogged shapes in the blur, slow to return his glasses to his eyes if only for the aesthetic of the walk away. He wasn't sure why he said that but it was all he could think of to say and he was so goddamn tired of Ronan's little games and little comments. He was so goddamn tired of Ronan Lynch.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a dry rehearsal dinner. Dry and long and boring and lonely. Ronan was suffering sitting with his family away from his friends, sat between Declan and Aurora, listening to Declan prattle on about being in love and being a lame jackass. Aurora spent the dinner trying to talk both to Matthew and him, but Ronan wasn't in the mood to talk.

Adam was a prick. Why didn't he have any alcohol? What kind of wedding was this going to be? Making Ronan wait until after dinner to be allowed to drink? Adam was a big ass fucking jerk.

No, Ronan was. But how dare Adam say that! No, Ronan deserved it. God, this was unbearable. He was drowning in conversations he didn't want to listen to, ignoring his poor mother who couldn't seem to realize her son was painfully denying himself the desire to look at the one person he came here to Ireland for. When he raised his head from the table, Adam was talking to one of Ashley's cousins who coincidentally was placed at the same table as his friends. He could kill Declan, or Ashley maybe, who was so blatantly trying to set them up it was insulting. He could barf.

His chin was cold against the ceramic of his plate, staring across the room behind his water glass. Adam was _chatting_ and _smiling_ and _flirting_. He was wearing a button up pale blue work shirt that he wore at his internship, and even from this distance he knew how much it brought out his eyes.

Since getting back from Belfast he hadn't spoken to Adam, embarrassed more than anything about his reaction. He could be a child when he wanted to be, and apparently he wanted to be a child this entire godforsaken weekend.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Aurora asked. She touched at his back until he sat up. He resorted to sink down in his chair instead, desperate to not see too clearly across the room.

"Yeah, whatever," he said. "I'm fine."

"You fighting with one of your friends sweetheart?"

She knew him too well.

"Yeah," he mumbled. Over him being a selfish little shit.

Adam's laugh echoed across the hall. He could vomit. Ronan ducked his head when he noticed Adam begin to turn his neck, unwilling to meet his gaze at all. He wanted this weekend to be over already. It was hell. He was in hell.

"Speeches!" he heard one of Ashley's friends exclaim across the table. She took a spoon to a glass to gain everyone's attention as she repeated herself several times. When the room died down and all eyes fell on her, she stood up from her seat and raised her glass.

"I've known Ashley..."

Her speech was followed by three others, each one more painful to sit through than the last. Before he knew it, there was a hard hand at his shoulder, and he was being gestured to stand.

"What?" His chest pinched. "No."

Declan kicked him under the table to stand, and he faltered, almost tempted to make a break for the exit and not come back. When he stood up he hesitated to grab his water glass, but Declan handed it to him when he was on his feet. His eyes drifted across the sea of faces before him, wondering what it was he was expected to say. As the reformed delinquent brother of the groom I had to come out of duty?

His eyes scanned his friends' faces, ignoring Adam's out of respect for his dignity.

"Marriage," he said. Someone coughed in the quiet he left with his pause. "People do it. I wasn't legally allowed to do it myself until not that long ago. Are you legally allowed to marry if you're gay in Ireland? Is that still not allowed here?"

"Ronan," Declan hissed next to him.

"Well," he fake laughed a few good chuckles. "Good thing Declan's straight as a board, huh? To being hetero I guess. Cheers."

No one said anything or clapped. Everyone was quiet as they didn't know how to respond or react.There was another solo cough as Ronan stood there unsure what to do. His cup of water was still poised to the crowd, and he took a big swig of it out of desperation to do _something_. When he looked over to his friends, Aurora pulled at his hand to sit down. Gansey was shaking his head with his face in his hands, Noah and Henry were exchanging money, and Blue was giving him the weirdest thumbs up of his life.

And then there was Adam, who was the only person in the entire crowd that was laughing. He felt mildly less embarrassed when he saw that, but still ready to disappear into the void.

Declan leaned into him when another of his groomsmen started to give a speech.

"You are so dead," he hissed.

"You didn't tell me I had to give a speech, Declan," Ronan whispered back. "What the fuck did you expect?"

"I should've known you would be...." Declan couldn't finish the sentence as he shook his head and looked away. After a moment of shared laughter that everyone else had except Ronan, Declan's attention was his again. He pinched his arm.

"What?" he growled. "Say it, Declan."

His brother looked to him and grimaced. "I don't think I need to."

His eyes said it all. He was always going to be the fuck up to him, wasn't he?

With a scowl, he scooted his chair back on the tile ground, being the loud and disruptive baby brother Declan considered him to be. He felt like absolute shit and excused himself quick to his mom, before dashing around the back of the table to hide in the outlier shadows of the room. Keeping his head ducked down, he walked over to the bar and hid himself away there.

He lingered at he bar alone long after dinner was over, long after people broke away from their tables to talk. Unbearable relatives happened to approach him after to ask about school and jobs and girlfriends. He couldn't believe he was still dodging questions about girlfriends he would never have.

His relatives continued to be incessantly obnoxious and awful, as expected. Several questioned if he was really gay, or just hadn't met the right woman yet. It went on and on, his answers more outrageous and equally offensive back at them. He wasn't here to make friends with old family members his parents didn't introduce to him, and it's not like he was going to have a wedding to invite them to anyway.

"Oh I thought that was a phase," his great aunt Saline said. She was his mother's aunt, but that didn't stop her from being a busybody.

"Nope, Aunt Saline," he said, the umpteenth person he said this to tonight. He was tired, and the bartender was either intentionally ignoring him or he hadn't made it clear he wanted a drink. His fingers rapped against the bar's counter where he leaned against it for physical and moral support. The bar was full of his family now, all getting drunk since dinner didn't offer any reprieve from sobriety. "I'm never moving on from wanting to suck-"

"Lollipops! Oh, Ronan!" It was Gansey, approaching them in his suit and tie like a politician ready to kiss a baby or some nonsense. He was wearing his politician smile, slipping in between him and his aunt. "There you are! Your mother wants you right away!"

"She does?" Ronan wasn't buying it.

"Lollipops?" the old woman whispered to herself.

"Yes... yes..." Gansey nodded along, talking as if he could hypnotize her into believing him if he kept repeating the word. "Sorry to steal him away from you..."

But he wasn't sorry, though he was swift, as he walked Ronan away with a light touch at the arm.

"What are you doing?" If Ronan weren't in such a poor mood, perhaps he would laugh. "Why did you say lollipops?"

"You love them don't you?" Gansey exclaimed rather loudly, so his senile aunt could hear him.

But as they furthered away Gansey's expression wilted with concern and his touch became more frantic, his words running together in a nonsensical way.

"You need to chill out," he said. "What's gotten into you tonight?"

Ronan's gaze drifted to where it had been drifting off to all night. Adam and Blue were talking to one of Ashley's old roommates from college. Poor Blue clearly hasn't realized he's gay and eyeing Adam, but Adam seemed to have noticed though, nodding at something the guy said with mild interest.

"Nothing," he said, his jaw muscles spasming from a night of overuse. "Hey, stop talking to me and maybe go get maggot a drink or something. You're killing my vibe."

"Your..." Gansey blinked. "Ronan, you were about to tell an old woman you like dicks."

"Well, I don't like all dicks," Ronan countered. "I don't like you right now."

Ronan was proud of that joke as he walked away.

 

~~~~~~

 

Gansey just stood there, dumbfounded by the entire situation.

"I'm very confused right now," he said to no one in particular.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Charles was incredibly tall and incredibly handsome but also incredibly dull. When Gansey returned to Adam and Blue with a drink Blue requested, Adam was honestly grateful for his return.

Truth be told he was only talking to Charles because Blue wanted to for him. She was trying to be a good wing man but Adam was bored. In all honesty, he wouldn't mind making out with the guy, who was clearly very interested in him despite his lack of reciprocation in the conversation. But there was no real spark there. No energy. Blue was carrying Adam through it and the guy was either clueless or desperate or both.

Adam drank his Shirley Temple, which only appeared alcoholic but wasn't in the slightest. A little part of him wished it was full of alcohol, Charles was that dull.

He should be having the time of his life right now, he thought. A hot guy wants to talk to him and he's in Ireland, yet instead he would rather be in his room or back in New York or hell even in that garden just talking to Ronan.

Ronan.

It wasn't hard to find him. At some point Ronan returned to the bar, leaning against it with his elbows on top. Of course that's where he chose to linger. Adam hesitated to move, like he were about to start the wildlife if he so much as blinked. Across the room Ronan looked like he was about to make a colossal mistake. Usually he felt Ronan should learn from them so as not to make them again, but this wasn't one of those times where he was going to play the "it's your life" card.

"Excuse me," he said. "I'm out."

His drink was nearly full, but that didn't stop him from avoiding the glances and abandoning Blue with the tall dud.

He barely made it three feet before Noah got in his way.

"Am I lovable?"

Adam couldn't believe his luck. He craned his neck to look around Noah, but his friend moved his head in turn to block his view regardless of where he moved it.

"You're... asking me this?" he said, accepting his fate. There was little chance he was going to get to apologize to Ronan sober before he made a bigger mess of the night than already. That was Ronan's luck. And his.

"Well, why not?" Noah never knew when he had bad timing, which was usually always. "You're honest. Perhaps the most honest of us all. Blunt. To the point. Am I lovable?"

"Noah...."

Reluctantly Noah heaved a sigh and slacked his shoulders, like a weight was physically weighing him down. "I just don't think that all these people I'm having sex with are actually doing anything for me," he said, whining like this was the worst problem in the world to have. "I want something real and genuine, you know? Where we have inside jokes and we're just always wanting to be around each other and we can just stand there in silence sometimes and totally know what the other is thinking."

A flicker of acknowledgement prickled Adam's thoughts, like having deja vu or getting a small chill up one's spine. He ignored the feeling, standing there expecting there to be more as Noah looked off in deep thought.

"Mm." There wasn't going to be. "Fascinating, Noah-"

"Like, I want a friendship that's also more than that," he resumed. "I'm tired of meaningless hookups with strangers I'll never talk to again. I want something real. Like our friendship, but love. But do you think anyone would want that with me?"

"How much have you had to drink?" Noah got like this when he was drunk, and his words smashing together at the end suggested it was happening again.

"I don't know," Noah sighed. "Like three or four..."

Adam's attention drifted when Noah's did, finally getting a clear view of the bar again, only to find Ronan absent from it.

"Did you see where Ronan went?" he said.

“Nah man. I don't want to be with Ronan. I mean, he's alright and all, but Jesus you two would be a better fit. You get tired of him the least out of all of us."

Noah snorted like he just told a very funny joke. He sort of did.

"Me and Ronan?" Adam put a hand to his shoulder. "You really are drunk."

"Just be honest," Noah pouted. "I'm gonna die alone, surrounded by all my old lovers.”

“You can't die alone and surrounded at the same time that's- Oh, there you go. Bye, Noah."

Noah offhandedly waved to him, and Adam observed his motions as he seamlessly returned to someone he was chatting with before. A hand slipped around their waist as they walked together to some dark corner or another, to likely not be around for the rest of the night.

Ronan was still gone when he looked to the bar again, and as he subtly examined the rest of the venue, he found he was gone completely. Blue was still talking to Charles when he bothered investing attention there again, and as he contemplated returning to them he came to the realization he was more excited to walk over to Ronan than he was now at the idea of talking to this guy.

"You've been avoiding me."

Adam flinched and turned to see Aurora standing behind him. He nearly spilled his soda all over her dress, but was thankful instead he managed to only hit the ground.

"No, I haven't," he said, not sounding as clear minded as he would've if he hadn't just dumped liquid all over the floor.

"Oh, but you have." Aurora's smile was heartbreaking in the way that he wanted her to smile at him like that all the time. But she wasn't his mom. No matter how many times in high school he wished she was.

"That's okay," she said, her voice soft unlike Ronan's most of the time. "My son's been avoiding me too. Must be something I said."

"It's not you he's avoiding. It's..." Adam chewed the inside of his cheek a moment. "I don't know, life in general. The idea we're getting older maybe."

"And you?" Aurora inquired with genuine interest. She always appeared to be genuinely interested in all he had to say.

He shrugged, feeling as if he reverted back to being eighteen again and less eloquent about expressing himself than he was now. Sheepishly, he smiled back. "I don't know."

"It's okay, Adam." She touched his arm and he wondered why he was avoiding her at all. "I'm just teasing. I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

Her kind eyes loosened him up a little, but he was tense again just as easily when he caught Blue mouthing _what the fuck dude_ at him over her shoulder.

"Have you been enjoying Ireland?"

Adam did his best to ignore Blue, though it was difficult. She was making it pointedly clear she was going to kill him later, drawing a finger across her throat. Lovely.

"It's beautiful, yeah."

"Did Ronan show you where his father liked to take him as a child in Belfast?" Aurora spoke of Niall with such wonder. Guess that's what happens when you die young, even if you were a total dick to your kids and your wife when you were alive. He was sure if he said any of that out loud he would disappoint Aurora forever, and that was precisely why he avoided her in the first place. Can't disappoint someone you barely talk to. "It was a dingy little restaurant that has magic tricks with dinner. It made him light up as a child."

"No, we didn't get to stay there long enough," he said, hoping this torture would be over soon. It was like eating too much candy with a cavity in your mouth. He was going to get hurt. "I hope to come back someday."

"Oh, I can almost be certain I'll see you here again," she said with a wink. He didn't get it. She was far too kind to him it sometimes made his stomach twist into knots if Ronan wasn't there to referee the conversation.

"I-I- I should get back to-" He spilled more of his drink as he raised it toward her to express the need for a refill. This was dangerous and dumb.

"Oh, okay." Aurora sounded almost as if she were laughing. "Of course. I didn't mean to keep you. You know, Adam, I think you're a special young man. I'm so glad Ronan and you have remained friends over the years. I worried that he wouldn't know how to open up after. You've been a dear friend to him."

"He's my best friend." When he said it no words had ever sounded truer. Ronan was his best friend out of all of them. It used to be Gansey and then it used to be Blue, but really it was always going to be Ronan wasn't it.

"Mm." Aurora smiled softly. "I'm glad to hear it. You know, he talks about you the most. Sometimes I have to remind him he has other friends I want to hear updates on."

His cheeks filled with color as he tried not to spill again, slipping on what fell on the floor before. He was blushing at her words and unsure why. With a scoff he waved her away, her words too kind to be true. "I don't see Ronan doing that," he said.

"Oh, he does. He adores you."

If Adam's stomach hadn't knotted more hearing that he would've saved it for ammunition to make fun of Ronan with later. His chest was hurting like he ate something extremely acidic, and he knew this was never going to be repeated back at Ronan so long as he lived.

"I've taken too much of your time," Aurora said, seeming to come up with the realization on her own. He worried he gave her some sort of sign, as she touched at his arm ever so kindly. "I'm going to go find someone else to annoy."

"You didn't--"

"Oh, hush," she interjected. "You're too nice, Adam."

"No one would accuse me of that, Mrs. Lynch."

"Please." She gaped. "Aurora. Mrs. Lynch was Niall's awful mother."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was being sabotaged somehow. He was sure of it.All his friends were busy and Matthew and his mom were off doing their own things. Desperate to do something - anything - he walked outside. To get away from his family members and Ashley's inquisitive relatives, he quite literally left the building. On his way out from the bar they continued to berate him until he couldn't handle it anymore.

"What are you doing with your life?"

"You cook.... for other people?"

"Wait, I thought you were a politician. Oh, that's the other one. That makes more sense."

"When can we expect _you_ down the aisle?"

"You're... Oh."

"Have you been to confession about that, son? Asked God for a way of leading you back to righteousness?"

When he left he realized he forgot his jacket inside almost immediately, and the thought of abandoning it forever certainly crossed his mind. But he couldn't do that. He liked that jacket.

Going back inside was like walking into a war zone. He was risking stepping on land mines as he crossed back to the bar. His jacket was where he left it, except now there were complimentary flutes of champagne close to it. He was tempted by one and grabbed it with a huff, expecting himself to crack sooner or later. Here he was, holding it in his hand, thinking of downing it in one.

But there was hesitation, and with the hesitation he set it back down and asked the bartender for a beer. If he was going to give into his bad habits, best give in to them with something he liked.

While waiting, a land mind went off. Another of his great aunts approached and offered him a big hug. He couldn't say no, because she hadn't even said anything rude yet. She smiled as he inhaled her woody perfume a little too deeply.

"You've grown so much since you were a wee one," she said.

"Usually happens with aging," he replied.

"Oh, just the same sass as your father." She slapped at his shoulder.

"Mm. Such a swell comparison. Thanks."

He was in no mood, that much was clear, and now he regretted this jacket more than anything.

"Oh, honey." Great Aunt Lucy was as Irish Catholic as they came, and she pinched his cheek to prove it. "With that attitude you'll end up alone just like your father."

"He didn't end up-" Ronan cut himself off when he heard how clipped his voice sounded. "He got married," he said less rundown. "He had kids. _Me_. I haven't seen you since I was five and you were mean even then."

Okay, he officially set off that land mine and several others. His beer was set down by his elbow and he grabbed it without a second glance. He left his great aunt to find a bench outside, where he sat exasperated and desperate for no more land mines. This had to be it. His mental capacity for being joked about or condemned was over its limit.

Ronan was lonely, cold, sober, and tired. The combination was unraveling him, along with the wonderful thought of Adam hooking up with that guy right now. He wondered what it'll be like back home after this weekend, which was going nowhere like he thought it would. It was depressing. He was depressed.

The beer was unappealing all of a sudden, and he dumped it out on the grass next to his feet, watching as best he could in the dark as it soaked into the ground. Beer was his friend and his enemy, and while he wished he could drink it, he knew how depressed he could get when he was drunk. He didn't need to feel any shittier than he already did, and he most certainlydidn't need to become that person tonight. It was best he hide in the shadows, avoid the limelight any more than he already filled it. Let Adam and the others do what they wanted. Who they wanted. Let him become the pariah he was meant to be.

The door opened behind him, the sounds of inside growing as the door was open. He looked to see who it was, surprised to see it was Adam.

When he shut the door behind him, all the sound was swallowed up by the wood. They felt isolated as if on another planet entirely, closed off from the rest of society.

Adam sat down beside him without a word.

They hadn't talked since Adam said he would never date him in a million years, which was harsh but it shouldn't have upset him the way that it did. Friends, remember? They weren't meant to be romantically interested. Yet here he was, pining for his best friend in a way that felt worse than Gansey with Blue.

His hair was brushed back, but there were clumps of it noticeably still sticking up from when Adam ran his hand through his hair. His leg was jittering up and down, which shook the whole bench along with him.

There was something on Adam's mind he wanted to say, but looked to be having trouble with as he started to clean his glasses with his collar.

"You're cramping my style, Parrish," Ronan groaned. He slouched forward so he wouldn't have to see Adam's nice looking face. "Go back inside with all the other lovable people."

"That's twice in as many conversations I've heard someone say that word tonight," Adam noted. His back was stiff and straight, his shoulders pulled back, and he was avoiding even the risk of accidentally touching Ronan. "You and Noah must be on the same stuff."

"What?" He peeked through the spaces between his fingers, noticing Adam looking back. "It doesn't matter. Go away."

"That's a very tame response, so I'm going to assume you don't mind if I stay."

This was the tamest argument they ever had. With a loud exhale, Ronan sat up, and Adam didn't move an inch in response. His presence didn't make Ronan feel any better, in fact it made him feel worse. He stretched his arms out and then up, sliding his elbows back to balance them on the table of the bench.

"I mind," he said. "Go hook up with Ashley's roommate. I'm not holding you back. Don't stay out here on my account. I'm not your boyfriend after all." He said it so snidely he half expected Adam to flinch and hop off the bench in his usual candor. Instead, Adam leaned into him, surprising him once again. When their shoulders collided he could feel the intensity of everything inside him cease, from his anxiety to his blood pressure to the clicking of his jaw. It all stopped, his edges softened like a file had come and rubbed them off.

"I don't want to be anywhere else," Adam insisted.

Their eyes met and Ronan struggled not to feel smug about that. The power he held in Adam's confession was nothing compared to the way Adam made him feel.

In his hands he was still holding the empty glass, still cold from the beer. He stared hard at it, exchanging it between his fingers. There was a hint of a reflection in it, distorted but present by the light of the moon. This angry boy staring back at him didn't deserve such nice things from Adam, and yet again and again he was there to offer them.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Adam concluded. His hand moved off the seat of the bench to Ronan's shoulder, touching him similarly to how Gansey would. Except with Adam it was always different, and he was holding his shoulder with more tenderness and comfort. Ronan wanted to melt from that touch.

Instead, he shrugged and waved him off with his opposite arm.

"Forget it," he said. "I deserved it."

Adam looked to want to disagree, but when he made it pointedly clear he wasn't going to hear what he had to say, Adam closed his mouth and nodded once. It was so easy to express his feelings sometimes through looks alone, and he wondered how it was also so incredibly hard to express that _one_ at all.

"Why are you out here being all stoic and pathetic?" Adam removed his hand, and Ronan watched as it returned to his lap with his other. His gaze drifted up to the sky, at the limitless amount of stars in the dark, the moon beaming down from their left. "You think you're unlovable?"

"Everyone here tonight has made me feel as much." He bowed his head, sinking forward again to rest his elbows on his knees. His attention was returned to the ground, a place familiar to stare at. His eyes glazed over as he counted the blades of grass, and then they closed altogether as Adam's hand swept along the nape of his neck. His warm fingers left cool trails on his skin, and he resisted the urge to shiver.

"To them God doesn't love me for my sin of being gay, or no one will love me because I'm an asshole, or I'm going to die alone and poor because to them being a chef is basically asking to be homeless." His teeth gritted not because of the return of bubbling rage, but because Adam's nails continued to scrape along his scalp. It felt so nice, like coming home after a long day at work. "I mean, have they not heard of Gordon Ramsay? He's rich as shit!"

"You aren't unlovable, Lynch." With a tilt of his hand, he guided Ronan's head up again, forcing him to sit straight and listen. His interest peaked when Adam's hand gestured for him to turn and look his way, to make heavy eye contact that was intense the second their eyes locked. "You have to know that. I wouldn't be your friend if what they said was true. You're an asshole, yeah, but you're also funny and nice."

"When have I been nice?" Ronan jested. "I have to fix that, for the reputation."

His cheeks were hurting from a blush that he hoped Adam couldn't see in the dark. His hand was still at the back of Ronan's skull, and he playfully pinched him there with a laugh.

"What reputation?" he snickered. Their foreheads gently knocked together as a result of Adam pushing his head closer. It was some lame attempt at inciting a smile, and goddamnit it kind of worked. With a steadied heartbeat that Ronan mastered from years of breathing techniques, he left his forehead rest against Adam's, challenging him to move first. His fingers were still roaming at his nape, giving him chills on this warm summer night.

"You'll find a man someday," Adam said. "Someone who recognizes that when you're upset you often lash out without the willingness to talk things out. Who'll ideally have the patience to handle your moods. Someone who will make you smile and truly cherish every second he manages to do so. Someone who loves your hair whether it's curly or fuzz. Someone who isn't afraid of challenging you, of being challenged, of exploring a person who is complicated but gentle."

Ronan's whole body was buzzing and alive. He never felt so known in his life. Damn you, Adam Parrish.

"No one in the history of the universe has ever used the word gentle to describe me, Parrish?" He resisted the urge to say something colorful, and instead pulled back and sat further down the line of the bench's seat. "You sure you're talking about _me_?" He laughed, the falsity of it painfully obvious.

"Ronan."

When he allowed himself a glance his way, he found Adam sliding down the bench towards him. The moonlight reflected off his face, revealing a smile as he reached out for him. Ronan wished to recoil from him further, but at the same time he was desperate for Adam's kindness, feeling like a masochist as he allowed Adam the chance to touch at him again. When he held Ronan's wrist, Ronan looked down at the contact, feeling white hot and instantly clammy. Stuttering a breath, he internally discussed what exactly was happening here.

Adam didn't mean anything by the touch. It was just friendly to him. Just a comforting caress as he tried to make Ronan feel loved. And he was certainly successful in hat. His best friend was here and all he cared to see. He leaned into him a little, giving in to an urge to be nearer.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you," Adam insisted. "You're the most beautiful man here."

"Shut the fuck up." Just as easily, Ronan turned away and felt his whole face and neck getting hot. This blush was certainly noticeable, and there was no way he could hide it.

"I'm serious," Adam said flatly.

"You're drunk," Ronan scoffed.

Adam shook his head. "No, I'm sober." With a tilt of his chin, he gestured to the empty beer glass. " _You're_ drunk, though."

There was no judgmental tone underlying the words, but Ronan still felt it. Maybe it was Gansey he was hearing instead, or perhaps Declan or even his mother. At once, his jaw slacked. He wasn't drunk at all, though half of tonight he wished he was. Not now, though. God, definitely not now.

"I haven't had anything yet," he said, quiet.

"Well, that's good." Adam's hand remained at his arm, squeezing there almost as if to remind him he was still close by. "We both know you hate drunk Ronan about as much as everyone else."

With a reluctant nod, Ronan inclined a little more into him, hoping he would place his hand back at his nape if he suggested subtly enough.

"I've been giving off the impression of drunkenness to try to avoid Declan," he said. Through all the relatives and soon to be ones, he caught sight of Declan debating coming over, and that would be when he would grab a glass and insist it was his. "He doesn't talk to me when I'm not sober. Thinks it's not worth his time."

Adam made a sound like Ronan said something funny. "It never is, for anyone," he agreed.

"Then why did you come out here if you thought I was?" Ronan twisted the top half of his body so he could look at him, really look at him. Adam's glasses were annoyingly drooping down the curve of his nose, and he agonized as he watched Adam fix them swift with a push of his forefinger.

"Isn't it obvious?" Their eyes were locked.

"What?" Ronan wasn't all too sure if he said the word out loud.

Adam looked a little peeved. He must have said it out loud.

"Ronan, deary!" Ronan practically jumped out of his skin. "Where have you been hiding?"

"Here."

He couldn't quite place this woman. Her accent meant she was related to him, but which side and how he couldn't figure out.

"Your speech was absolutely hilarious!"

Ronan sat up with a grin as Adam sat away from him. "You think so?"

"Yes, we always assumed you wouldn’t be the first to get married," she said, and then she hiccuped. God, the Lynch family loved their booze. "Your brothers are so much more open than you. I'm sure Matthew's next down the line."

Ronan couldn't help but sit there utterly speechless. Was this woman serious?

"Cheer up, deary," she said, and she bent down to pat him on the cheek. "Plenty of people don’t get married before their younger siblings do. I'm sure you'll find someone someday.... Certainly your father managed. There's hope you might just too."

"My- Why does everyone keep comparing me to that asshole?"

He couldn't help saying it out loud, and he couldn't help groaning in the face of who was likely another great aunt. He couldn't help a lot of things, but he could help one. Ronan didn't have to suffer through this any longer, and so he stood and left.

"Lynch. Lynch!"

Ronan only managed to walk around the corner of the building when he stopped himself. Isolating himself from the rest of the world was one thing, but he didn't want to isolate himself from Adam. Not him. In his frustration he banged his head against the wall.

"You know when someone's trying to break through a wall they don't often start with their heads," Adam pondered.

Ronan lifted his forehead away from the brick.

"I don’t know which part I should be offended with more," he said, avoiding eye contact by staring straight ahead at the worn red facade of the building. "Her wardrobe or the fact she thought I was older than Declan."

"Don’t forget the fact she insinuated you’ll never get married," Adam said. "Clearly she doesn’t know about our backup pact."

"Shut up, Parrish," Ronan said with an eye roll.

"Ignore her. She was drunk and rude."

It was easy to say that when you were the one on the sideline, when you weren't the one being affected by the words to the point Ronan was starting to believe them. If so many people agreed on something, maybe they were right.

"She’s not the only one who’s said something like that to me tonight," he said.

"Ignore all of them," Adam said, practically demanded. "They’re assholes."

His face was lifted up by a crook of Adam's finger to the underside of his chin, which then became several fingers cupping underneath to turn his head. Without knowing what to say, he allowed the sensation to become overwhelming as Adam breathed on his face and used his second hand to feel at Ronan's forehead. He unthinkingly licked his lips as he watched, noticing all the little things on Adam's face as he didn't stare back. There was the crease between his eyebrows and the brief flaring of his nostrils, and not to mention the quirk of a smile that made him want to melt.

"You ought to be more careful," Adam said quietly. "It's not like you have that many brain cells to begin with."

"Prick," Ronan wheezed. Standing straight, he shoved at Adam's shoulder. Except this time, he didn't let go when he knew he should. His fingers gripped the cotton of Adam's dress shirt, noting how nice it was on him for the tenth time tonight. Adam smiled a little warmly, his hand mysteriously still on Ronan's face. All of this felt dangerous for some reason, and it made Ronan a little breathless, too. Before they were so rudely interrupted Adam called him beautiful and gentle. The memory of it made him lightheaded.

Remembering it, Ronan quickly averted his eyes to something else other than Adam's nice looking face. He was the most beautiful man here, and the idea that Adam would insinuate it was _him_ was preposterous.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked, desperate to sound casual but too close to it to know if he succeeded.

"About what?" Adam's eyes danced around his face. It made him dizzy.

"About how charming and wonderful I am?" Ronan shimmied his body around as if he were showing himself off. Really, he had absolutely no fucking clue what he was doing. He was smiling, and part of that was the sudden appearance of nerves. After this, he was definitely getting some alcohol to calm them down.

Adam's arms folded over his chest with an eye roll, but he was endeared. Ronan could tell as much. It made him all the more unbearable.

"I didn't use those words," he scoffed.

"You meant them though, didn't you?" Ronan jested. His heart hammered away and he leaned in a little. "This isn't you being an ass and making a joke?"

He swallowed, hard, as he waited for an answer. There was no guidebook for this, for how to decipher if your best friend was flirting with you and if you can grab at that flirt and do something with it. No, he was stumbling in the dark with this, and he was pretty sure he just walked into a hole in the ground. They stared at one another long enough Ronan found his reflection in Adam's glasses, not out of narcissism but desperation to find something else to stare at without cowering.

Adam was the first to break as he looked down, his attention drifting to their feet. Both his hands were swinging, fidgeting with the lining of his nice slacks. In the quiet darkness, they could make out the sounds from inside and the pulsing music playing at the bar. Ronan started to move away as he was reminded of other life, but then something held him back. Both of Adam's hands reached for his, and his skin was suddenly white hot.

"I meant every word," Adam whispered. "You're definitely boyfriend material, Lynch. I’d be more than lucky if I had you for a boyfriend."

This time Ronan couldn't breathe when their eyes met. Holy shit.

"Do you want to get out of here?" He said it without digesting the words beforehand. They came out like air, and he was so nervous he didn't know what he was going to do if-

"Yes."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Next thing Adam knew, they were in Ronan's hotel room. Noah was out, which was perfect, and inside they locked the door almost instantly. Before Adam could turn back around he was pushed gently against the door, his back pinned against it as Ronan crowded him with both arms stretched out on either side.

Adam's heart rate elevated tenfold as Ronan leaned in, and without meaning to, he flinched.

"Did I read this wrong?" Ronan said. His voice was shaking when he asked, and Adam's stomach started doing flips. This was happening. Oh god.

"Glasses," he muttered. They slipped down his nose as they always do, but when he moved to remove them, Ronan stilled his hand. He kissed at his nose, and Adam ached. His eyes fell closed as he raised his hips off the door and into Ronan, creating a dialogue with his body. He was asking him to come closer, and Ronan responded with a step forward into him. Carefully, Ronan lifted off his glasses and set them down on the desk by the door. Adam could barely see a thing, but he saw Ronan twitch a smile. He knew that smile even blurry.

This was it. As awkward and bloated as the moment was, Adam was thankful they were taking their time, feeling this out. There was no going back from this. When Ronan leaned in, Adam felt it in every inch of his body.

It was a chaste kiss at first, not the heat that Adam desired or expected. It was so tender, like a kiss he'd get in middle school. But really it was like Ronan was savoring the moment, or perhaps teasing him. He couldn't tell which. Maybe both.

There's always time to back out, he thought, but he doesn't want to.

It was him who he initiated the second kiss, soft and closed mouthed, but Adam didn't want this to go on forever. If he was going to alter his best friendship forever he wanted to quicken the pace. Adam managed to run his tongue over Ronan's lips and he openly shuddered with his whole body, hard against Adam's leg. That's all it took, and he was his.

"Adam," he cried.

Adam was starving for more, and so he pushed Ronan off so he could be away from the door and the the lock stabbing him in the back. With enough distance he practically leapt into Ronan, his limbs all over and their mouths entangling harder than before. Ronan opened his mouth and their tongues were clashing, breathing hard already from the desperation of the act. At one point Ronan even grabbed his ass, which was weird but he didn't say anything. He just needed to adjust to it. This was a process.

The kissing was intense and dizzying, especially without his glasses to the point he couldn't see what he was doing. Quite literally he was going at this blindly, since they never turned the light on when they walked in.

They were making out standing up, gripping at each other in odd, new ways. Adam always wanted to touch at Ronan's tapered waist, and his hands slipped in to his pants and under his half tucked shirt to feel at his hot, soft skin. Ronan motioned for more and Adam moaned when his lips transitioned to his neck.

He was exceptionally good at kissing, even if his hands still didn't know where to rest, now clinging at his shoulders.

Next thing he knew they were undressing each other, Adam's nice clothes abandoned on the floor like cheap underwear, Ronan's even nicer clothes twisted and wrinkled as they were practically torn off. He may have accidentally ripped off a button, he couldn't be sure.

This was so new, being allowed to touch at Ronan's bare shoulders, run his hands down his chest, feeling at his chest hair and the tattoo of a raven on his breast. His muscles were flexing underhand, which was a lot to digest.

"What are we doing?" Ronan asked in the madness of clothes dumping. His hands were on Adam's stomach, feeling him breathing with every motion.

"I don't know," Adam replied, desperate to feel everywhere. His hands went up into Ronan's hair, who whined when his nails scraped across his scalp. His knees almost buckled at the noise. Jesus Christ this was like an overload of sensation.

Soon they were down to their briefs, and then Ronan was practically carrying him to his bed. Down upon it Ronan crawled over him, kissing against the sheets. They were quick to get under the sheets to help alleviate some nerves, entangling themselves between the sheets and creating a thin barrier between. He could feel Ronan's excitement against his own, and that part was especially weird even as Ronan's mouth was at the hollow of his throat.

His hands weren't as nervous now as they found Adam's underwear, thumbing the skin just above his waistband. He yearned for him to just pull them off, insisting with a tilt of his hips into Ronan's touch.

Understanding, Ronan didn't make any clever jokes or suggest anything funny with his eyes. He smiled like a kid at Christmas, wide and bright and sweet as he removed Adam's underwear. Adam hurried to return the favor.

"This is going to ruin our friendship," Ronan remarked. For someone so concerned with that, why was he gyrating like that?

Adam had to breathe through the feeling until he stopped, getting a sense of Ronan's pattern, which was to do something a short time and then get nervous about it and try something else. This was both glorious and gloriously bad, but he didn't exactly have much experience to back it up on his end, so he enjoyed it for what it was.

"We weren't that good of friends anyway," he joked with a laugh. That was the biggest lie he ever told, but it was funny to him, and he meant it in a way that was intended to calm them both down. If Adam was overthinking all of this, what this mean, where this was going, he knew Ronan was as well.

Above him, Ronan frowned. "That's not funny," he said, baring his teeth like a wild animal.

Before Adam registered what happened, Ronan sat up, pulling Adam to a sitting position along with him. He was on his knees as if for prayer, and Adam didn't know what to make of that. He reached for his glasses before he remembered they were across the room.

"What _are_ we doing?" Ronan insisted. "We're about to see each other naked."

"I've seen you naked a dozen times," Adam said offhandedly.

Even in the dark, Adam couldn't mistake the flush that roamed Ronan's face and ears. A blush prickled his own when he realized how he said it. "When!"

"At the school locker rooms in high school," Adam said casually, despite it not being so. "When I've been at your place and you've just showered. You are so clumsy with your towel."

"Oh yeah." Ronan rubbed at the back of his neck with a sheepish expression. Adam wondered if he wasn't that clumsy, and before he got carried away he reminded himself not to think about that now. Not when they were doing this.

Ronan rolled off him to sit beside him on the bed, still under the sheet that covered that last bit of himself Adam hadn't actually looked at. Whenever Ronan unintentionally revealed it to him he always turned away.

They met eyes and then simultaneously pulled back the sheet to look in. Adam was forced to squint because he wasn't wearing his glasses. Even blurry, he was just as glorious a specimen as he expected. The sheet was dropped back down and Adam looked quick over his shoulder to see Ronan already staring back.

Yeah, their friendship was officially ruined.

Adam lunged onto him and kissed him until neither of them could breathe. His moan was forever sketched in Adam's brain as they had no sheets to separate them now.

Adam didn't expect this to be amazing, but beyond the kissing everything was... not very good. It did not go how he thought it would, how he daydreamed. They were clumsy, body parts gracelessly smashing together. Adam didn't know how to move his hips in rhythm to Ronan's rocking against him, and in the dark without his glasses he couldn't see. Not even a little bit. Just a shadow of Ronan's head as he possibly looked down at him, stroking his cheek when everything lulled.

When Adam brought him back down to kiss, he forced his head down too fast and Ronan's struck his pretty hard.

"Ow, fuck!" Ronan shouted.

It hurt, but Adam didn't respond verbally. He winced, but he pushed through it, aching for him in more ways than the one.

They elbowed each other and kneed each other as they tried to fool around with the idea of touching more. Adam was hard and desperate, until Ronan accidentally elbowed him in the gut. They didn't know how to work with each other's bodies, and speaking for himself Adam didn't know how to work with his own.

This was all so new and terrifying. When Ronan first touched his dick, Adam's knee jerk reaction was to laugh. It was the nerves. Adam was so self conscious of his body and of Ronan's. They were so close and for so long it felt impossible this was happening. Laughing felt like releasing the last bit of nervous glee and anxiety that were still roaming inside him.

Ronan sat up again.

"Are you laughing at me?" Ronan snarled.

Adam was used to Ronan's initial response to be one of anger at the sign of rejection, and he immediately stopped laughing when he realized what Ronan must think of this scenario. He reached for his cheek, hoping to pull him back down.

"No," he hurriedly said. "It's not- it's not you. I swear."

"What's so funny?" Ronan moaned. He could hear the pain in his voice. This was important to him, too. That much was obvious, and that much was hard to express when all Adam could do was laugh.

"Nothing," he said. "I'm... I'm nervous," he confessed.

"Why are _you_ nervous?"

"It's you." Adam bit his bottom lip as his thumb traced circles at Ronan's jaw. Slowly he could feel Ronan's constricted joints and muscles relax against him, his arms releasing from their lock to help lower him down. There was a painful rawness in his voice, a genuineness that he couldn't hide and didn't want to.

"It's... I sometimes think I know you better than I know myself."

"Parrish..." Ronan sounded like he was about to make some dumb comment that would likely offend him as he lay there naked in more ways than one.

"Shh." Adam's fingers moved to cover Ronan's mouth. "Don't be Lynch right now." He leaned in for a kiss, removing his hand only so their lips could touch. Ronan trembled against him, overcome with a feeling he couldn't quite place. "Be Ronan," he begged.

"What the fuck's that mean?" Ronan asked against his mouth.

"It means..." Adam nipped at his lip while a hand moved to Ronan's member between them, stirring it awake after his laughter killed the vibe. "Don't make a joke."

"I wasn't the one laughing, was I?" Ronan gulped. Teasing while becoming aroused made his voice quiver. "I'm nervous, too," he confessed as his forehead pressed so faintly against Adam's that he wanted to cry.

He stroked him once, and for some reason or another Ronan moved and proceeded to elbow him in the stomach again.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!" Ronan shouted. "Shit."

"It's- ow." Adam could almost laugh again. They were doing so well, and then Ronan must have panicked or was surprised.

"Adam, are you okay?" He asked it close to his good ear, his voice no longer raised. His lips were tenderly making marks against his cheek, and suddenly Adam wasn't in pain anymore.

Well, no. It still hurt a little to breathe, but he would be okay. He was just thankful Ronan didn't accidentally elbow him in the dick.

"I'll be.. okay," he insisted. "Come here."

There were no more elbows or knees involved in chaos as Adam slowly moved through the motions with Ronan eagerly in line with his efforts. One of his hands moved to Adam to reciprocate, only once they started they didn't really seem to know what to do. Adam had never given someone a hand job before. Sure, he masturbated obviously, but this was different, and this was weird, and oh my _god_ Ronan's hand was a little too rough but he kind of liked it and oh no.

His hand was shaking as he gave a terrible hand job, and they were both finished with barely a few good strokes. There was no stamina, as they had no idea what they were doing. When it was all over, Ronan rolled off him without so much as a last kiss.

It was super embarrassing, as Adam lay there unsure of what else to do. He flicked a look Ronan's way, making out his shape in the dark. His unfamiliar silence and his unfamiliar distance were disconcerting. If Adam were anyone else he would perhaps give up then and there and be done with it. They just had terrible sex. But he knew they were capable of more than that. Right? He didn't fantasize about this for that to be the end product.

"Ronan?"

He received a grunt as an answer.

"That was terrible," he said back.

"Fuck you, Parrish!" Ronan shoved at his waist, hand lingering longer than necessary. Adam couldn't help but laugh again as he reached for him, finding his waist in return and pulling on the skin there to bring him closer. Finding his mouth in the dark was easy, trailing up his neck until Ronan turned his head and swallowed his amusement.

"You can't keep laughing," he mumbled.

"Oh can't I?" Adam could hear the bubbles in his voice. "You have to admit, it was pretty bad."

"It was all you," Ronan replied viciously. His tongue began teasing out sounds from Adam he didn't know he could make, his toes curling as his back was once more pressed hard to the mattress.

The memory of Ronan's whimper when he came not two minutes ago made Adam laugh again amongst the delightful foreplay he was currently experiencing. Ronan joined him with a smack at his shoulder, hiding his face against the skin there. His shallow breath tickled and made him laugh even more.

"God, Parrish, even in bed you have to be a know it all," he moaned.

Adam grinned. With this sudden upswing, he moved the pair of them around so he was on top. He started his descent down Ronan's chest, kissing along it and downward. His mouth left a hot mess of tingling skin down Ronan's stomach and waist. He peeled back the sheet to uncover the rest of him when Ronan's hands transferred to his hair.

"What are you doing?" Ronan was asking so softly he almost missed it.

When Adam started to suck at the skin on his hip, Ronan tilted his head back against the pillows and cried out.

"I'm determined to make it _not_ terrible," Adam explained.

"That's not grammatically co- Oh fuck."

Adam just learned a new way of shutting Ronan up, and god he was going to explore this. He silently guided Adam around with handfuls of hair twisting this way and that, which should've bothered Adam, but he was learning new things about himself tonight too. And he was learning he kind of liked it.

With his determination, the night went from clumsy to smooth. They were no longer Ronan and Adam, best friends since high school. They were Ronan and Adam, two bodies exploring each other for the first time. They were body parts. Skin. Mouths. Moans.

The second time, they came together, and they rid themselves of the nerves and of the fear. Their friendship was definitely never going to be the same after this and Adam couldn't wait to see what the outcome would be. His brain was made hot white with fire as Ronan went down on him for the first time. As anyone went down on him for the first time.

This was certainly more than he bargained for when he said yes to Ireland. It was way, way better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand you're welcome.
> 
> next chapter won't be up quite as fast. this one was a bit of a whirlwind while i put off school and dealing with an exhausting ex.
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	4. the one with the morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So we really...." Ronan said, awkward and quiet.
> 
> "Yep." Adam had to suppress the urge to laugh. Or cry. "We did."
> 
> "That was...."

Adam couldn't remember the last time he slept this well, if he ever did. When he woke up the morning after the dinner rehearsal he couldn't explain why it was he felt so rejuvenated. His body ached in delightful ways, as if his muscles were waking up for the first time along with him. Everything was so warm and comforting. It wasn't until he rolled over that he realized why, or realized there was an arm draped over his side with a tattoo of a Celtic cross. For a split second, he froze. Fuck. Last night wasn't a fantasy or a hyper realistic dream. It was real. He and Ronan had sex. They had sex a few times, actually. God, now he couldn't stop thinking about where Ronan's hands were, his mouth, his tongue...

He rolled back over when he felt Ronan stirring awake, groaning low under his breath as he squeezed his arm tighter around Adam. His lips found the back of Adam's neck, who didn't mind at all the new sensation, though he did shiver. 

"Stop squirming," Ronan mumbled.

"I think that's you, Lynch."

Adam sucked in his breath as he rolled back, debating with himself what it was he planned to do now that all this happened. He anticipated rejection or denial.

Ronan's eyes were wide open, and it was clear he must've thought this was a dream too by the looks of things. His stupor was brief, however, as he then reached out and stroked at Adam's face. Practically caressing him, Adam was in great disbelief by the tenderness in his eyes. They shied after a few seconds, looking down and then closing. A flush broke out on his face, which Adam very much desired to kiss. But that was over now, wasn't it? One night of passion and bad decisions.

"So we really...." Ronan said, awkward and quiet.

"Yep." Adam had to suppress the urge to laugh. Or cry. "We did."

"That was...."

Adam chewed the inside of his cheek as Ronan went silent. The silence in the pause held his attention, gripped him tight like Ronan's hands last night. If he looked, he was sure to find some light bruising on his hips from the way Ronan held him when-

"Nice," he finished for him. 

Ronan nodded once. "I concur," he said shyly. 

"You concur?" Adam was trying to be condescending, but it was hard not to be. Really, he was interested in what made Ronan tick. So he liked the sex too, and he smiled when Adam teased him. He didn't know what to make of that, other than a gleeful fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Shut up," Ronan said humorously. "I can't think straight." With a pinch of the bridge of his nose, he stuttered a laugh, closing his eyes tight. When he heard himself, or maybe somehow he read Adam's mind, he quickly opened his eyes again to playfully glare. "Don't make the joke," he pressed.

Adam couldn't think straight either, joke or not. Last night was his first time, but he wasn't about to say that out loud. He never would live it down. Ronan assumed he slept with the people he dated, but it never lasted long enough, or he simply didn't see the point. His first time was with his best friend, who was licking his lips and staring hard at Adam's, breathing softer the longer he stared. Memories of the night before continued to fill him as his joints ached in response to his mental exertion. Adam wanted to discuss what they were doing, to fill in the blanks of the questionnaire in his mind, but logic was beyond him now staring at Ronan's pink lips.

They were pliant against his when he kissed him, a tiny gasp escaping Ronan before he opened himself up to a full entanglement. The both of them had atrocious breath, but Adam wasn't mindful of that when he was happy to be kissing him again. It made it all the more real to kiss in the faint light of the morning, to feel the roll of Ronan's tongue and the roughness of his hands on his thighs. His bandaged fingers scraped along his skin, his tongue flicking at the roof of his mouth, and Adam inhaled sharply at every sensation. His cheeks were rough from the overnight stubble, his hands were strong from the growing courage to touch and roam, and his mouth was, well, every bit as potent as the night before.

Adam's arms slid around Ronan's torso to his back, grasping at his shoulders. His palms flattened out against the muscles, feeling them shift as he angled himself more into Adam, sliding in between his legs.

Oh, shit.

God, this was going to blow up in their faces. This was terrible decision making. They could never come back from this, from last night either. Adam teased Ronan's tongue into curling around his, and he lost his breath when Ronan grabbed at his hair and pulled.

"Fuck," he gasped. Ronan's mouth roamed to his revealed throat. "We should be getting ready for the ceremony."

"What ceremony?" Ronan grunted. His teeth were leaving marks on Adam's neck. No, he shouldn't leave evidence. But did Adam have the heart to tell him to stop? Mm. No. "Oh." Ronan eventually caught on. "Fuck that," he said.

"We came all the way to Ireland for this," Adam cried. He could feel actual tears in his eyes from how ridiculously good this felt.

"I'm fine right here," Ronan boldly said, and he shoved at Adam's shoulder to roll him onto his back. Adam couldn't help but laugh as his stomach fluttered nervously, still a little in disbelief this was happening. Again. So early in the morning he wondered if the others were even awake. A hand reached out and clutched at the sheets as Ronan pulled his thighs apart wide, spreading him open like a chest. Before he could make another sound Ronan's mouth was on his again, and god in less than twelve hours they had gotten so much better at this.

He suppressed a noise when Ronan leaned down into him. 

"Won't he be pissed at you?" he whispered.

"Oh my god, stop talking about Declan right now," Ronan snarled. Adam was enlightened that even as they were on the cusp of sex he could still be an asshole.

Then something surprised him. A hand moved to gently graze against his face, and he opened his eyes to Ronan's tiny smile. "Please," he said more kindly, begging. His eyes pleaded more than his mouth.

Before Adam could register that exchange,Ronan moved down on him. His nose drifted down his stomach, further and further down he went.

"You mean you don't want me to talk about your brother when you're-" His words caught. "Fair point."

Without thinking, Adam allowed his hands to tangle in Ronan's hair. He couldn't argue with this. It was a struggle to not scream out into the quiet morning.

Ronan took him in his mouth and it was like a fire set inside him. His hips lifted off the bed. Ronan was getting rather good at this. Exceptional, actually. He liked gripping Ronan's scalp with his hands, the weight of him under his hands, and Jesus Christ what was that pounding sound.

Oh. Someone was banging on the door.

His eyes shot open as Ronan jerked off him. With a start, he sat upright, and Adam followed him like a magnet being drawn close. 

There was the pounding again, this time followed by a voice.

"Hey! Let me in! I got locked out!"

It was Noah.

"Fuck," Ronan groaned. His hands swept hard over his face, leaving pink behind as he glared at the bedding. Quiet, he gathered them around his bare waist, which Adam surprisingly hated to witness. His gaze drifted back up Ronan's face when he was caught looking. "I forgot about Noah," Ronan muttered.

So did Adam. Adam wanted to keep forgetting. He didn't want this to stop. He reached for behind Ronan's neck and yanked him into another kiss, desperate.

"Make him go away," he said, as if that would somehow work. Adam wanted to live in this bubble as long as he could, and Noah was just outside that door ready to burst it. The second he was inside it was going to be over.

"Let me in! Ronan," Noah shouted. "Uh, hello?"

Ronan had trouble peeling away from Adam, who never felt so greedy before in all his life. With a rough grunt, he bit Ronan's lip in an effort to retain his closeness, but Ronan was built like a fine coiled machine. His arms were thicker than Adam's, his torso fuller, and his muscles were certainly tighter from all his heavy lifting at work these days. What was this about again?

Ronan moaned into his open mouth at the same time he held Adam off at the waist.

"As much as I...." His eyes wandered down and then back up. "... want this to keep going, Noah will get suspicious if we don't answer the door."

This was it. The moment was going to be over soon, and Adam was pretty sure he was never going to get to kiss Ronan again. He couldn't believe how much he wanted to.

"One more," he demanded, and he kissed him like it was the last time. At once, Ronan slumped into him, giving in far too easily that it fueled Adam's ego more than it should've. When it was over they both needed a moment to let the room stop spinning. Adam felt at Ronan's bare shoulder less out of need and more as an excuse to feel his skin one last time.

"Okay, now get out the window," Ronan said.

"What!"

"Hey!" Noah was using both his fists on the door. "I hear you in there! Asshole!"

"He can't see you in here," Ronan whispered crassly. He was pushing Adam off the bed, who was resisting purely out of spite at this point. Like hell was he going to allow Ronan the pleasure of kicking him out of bed. 

With a quirked eyebrow, Adam shoved back at Ronan's shoulder when Ronan tried to edge him out.

"I highly doubt even if he came in right now he would suspect anything happened," he argued.

Ronan seemed to ponder this, and Adam rolled his eyes at the absurdity of it all. He folded his arms aggressively over his chest.

"Besides, it's two floors up," Adam persisted defiantly.

"You could probably make it," Ronan said with a genuine shrug.

Adam balked. " _Probably_?"

"Hey!" Noah shouted. "I need to pee!"

It was pointless to argue while still very much naked and very much aware of how naked they were. Without another moment to waste, the both of them scrambled out of bed on opposite sides. Ronan tossed Adam some clothes and Adam threw some back, exchanging what they could find amongst the mess they made on the floor. Lucky bastard Ronan didn't have to dress as much as Adam felt he personally needed to, shoving all his clothes back on with a swiftness unrivaled. Ronan barely put on his pants, which sat loose around his waist in a way Adam didn't remember them doing yesterday. Did they even? He walked around the bed and aimed for Adam, who barely had time to react before he was fixing his tie for Adam and flattening his hair.

His breath was worse than before because it was now intermingled with Adam's equally bad breath, but even as it fanned over his face all he wanted to do was have Ronan against him again.

This was torture.

Quick, he pulled back to do something else, give himself something to do other than shove Ronan back against the bed and tear his clothes off. He began to fix the bed, as best as he could under the pressure of time and Noah whining on the other side of the door.

As he was searching for the condom wrappers they stole from Noah's stash last night, he noticed Ronan messing up Noah's bed to match the state of theirs. He stopped dead. 

"What are you doing?" His brow furrowed at Ronan's insistence.

"Making it look like we slept in separate beds," Ronan replied. 

Adam rolled his eyes. Of course Ronan would think of something as useless as that, while Adam did most of the grunt work. He went off to the bathroom to toss the condoms and their wrappers away, tucking them inside some toilet paper so they were less inviting in the trash. Before he walked back out he heard Ronan let Noah in, finally. 

"About fucking time!" Noah's voice cut clear across the room, no longer muffled by the door.

Adam breathed. They could get away with this. It was fine. They were fine. He didn't look obviously de-virginized. He smelled bad, but that could easily be explained by having to share a room with Ronan for the night.

While the two talked outside the bathroom door, Adam stood there debating whether or not to hide in here or step out. The separation from Ronan made his mind finally clear as if it was fogged over this entire time. He had sex with Ronan! He had a _lot_ of sex with Ronan. It was really _nice-_ that was _not_ the _point_. His favorite friendship was potentially ruined because for once he thought with his dick and not his brain. Ronan didn't do hook ups or casual and he just took him to a place that they couldn't get out of. What were they doing? What did it all mean?

"Oh my god it smells in here," Noah noted.

"Real charming, Czerny," Ronan scowled.

Adam stepped out of the bathroom to find them hazily standing there and Adam remembered he hadn't been wearing his glasses all morning. Somehow even half-blind he could make out Ronan's features sharply. All those years of staring at them, memorizing them, was good for something. He could go blind for good and would still know every molecule of Ronan's face. A face that was staring at him telling him to _be cool_. 

"Oh." Noah snorted. "Hi. Adam, what are you-?"

"Ronan got too drunk for his own good, and I couldn't leave him alone, could I?" Adam challenged Ronan's look with a smirk. It was a smirk that said _I've seen you naked shut up_.

"Yeah, that's true," Noah said, to which Ronan scoffed. "He's a mess when he's drunk."

"He's always a mess," Adam said, holding his gaze until Ronan flushed and looked away. 

"Hey. I'm right here, you pricks," he exclaimed, hands to his cheeks as they were likely burning.

Adam found his gaze again, and when he did he smiled. Ronan blushed harder and kicked at the sheets still left on the floor.

"Parrish kind of crashed on your bed," he said. Adam snorted. Of course he had to point out the one thing he did to try to sell their story.

"That's fine," Noah mumbled. He was also in the suit from last night, suspiciously sluggish and unkempt. "I was wondering where you went last night."

"And where were _you_?" Ronan thought to ask. Still good on his feet, Adam noted, even when his ears were still classically pink and his eyes were boring a hole in Adam's cheek.

Noah flinched. "Henry, Blue, and I sort of got drunk too and played drunk card games in their room all night." He said it like it was a dirty little secret, or something he was ashamed to confess. It intrigued Adam what that meant. 

"Adventurous," he said. When he realized Ronan was still staring heavily at him, he turned and stared back. Noah was going on about whatever he was going on about, but all Adam could hear were the things Ronan wasn't saying out loud but with his intense blue eyes.

This was going to be a problem.

It was at that point that he remembered Gansey was probably wondering where he was, and he should get going if he wanted to shower before the wedding.

"Well, I better get going," he said, and he reserved his energy to find his shoes. Hastily he stuffed them on, completely okay with the fact he accidentally almost tried to put them each on the wrong foot. When it was fixed he started for the door, hovering longer than he needed. Noah was careless in his attention, but soon he would catch on if Adam didn't leave right away.

"Yeah, bye Adam," he said, and he waved him off as he moved towards the bathroom.

Adam and Ronan stared at each other a beat.

"Bye, Parrish," Ronan said, his voice dipping low in what was almost seductive.

"I'll uh, see you guys later," Adam staggered towards the door a couple more steps. 

"I'll be the one making faces by the groom," Ronan said, and he almost roused a laugh from him.

Adam rolled his eyes instead and grabbed the doorknob. He was halfway out when Ronan caught him, and his heart rate rushed high and swift at the suggestion of something more. Even if Noah was in the bathroom, a goodbye kiss wasn't completely out of the question was it?

When he spun round he found Ronan offering him his glasses. Oh, yeah. He needed those to see. He took them without another word and let Ronan gently shut the door between them. His fingers curled tight into a fist which he slowly placed against the side of his head.

He was an idiot.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was in no mood to get ready for the wedding. His joints ached. His ass kind of hurt. His pulse was elevated like he was on drugs. Maybe he was. Adrenaline coursed through him more potently than any alcohol ever could. It was a weird high, this feeling of anxiety and a rush of thrill at the same time.

He collapsed against the bedding making a mess of it again. Adam barely fixed it before and all it took was one good roll onto one side and then the other for him to become tangled in the linen. 

"God, Adam's too nice with you sometimes," Noah called from the bathroom. With a brief glance he could see him half naked and brushing his teeth. They'd seen each other naked all the time but it didn't mean anything to him the way it did for him and Adam. That was like seeing color for the first time, or shapes. It was like coming out for the sun to rise after never seeing it before. "I can't believe he stayed here all night. You didn't, like, vomit on the bed did you? Is that why it smells dank in here?"

Ronan wanted to yell at him that he wasn't a virgin anymore and that _this_ was the smell of the best sex he's probably ever going to have. But he bit his tongue and instead thought about how it was going to be the only sex he would ever have.

Because who could compare to Adam Parrish when Adam Parrish was all he wanted and he was pretty sure that was never going to happen now. Best friends or not, they changed things last night.

That last kiss was still being felt in his stomach, and he closed his eyes and pursed his lips at the memory, ignoring Noah's chiding until eventually the boy dropped it. When he heard the shower go on he let himself slip completely into the memory, down to the way Adam smiled against his lips when he smashed into them.

He sprawled out on the bed and told himself not to think about the what ifs until after the wedding. Dealing with Declan was bad enough, but trying to figure out where his friendship with Adam was going to go after having sex was a whole other level of bad. It was painful, really, to know that the best night of his life effectively destroyed the one good thing he had going for him outside of cooking.

Who would he cook for now?

Ronan swallowed as he angrily writhed around in the now tainted sheets.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gansey was already awake and dressed by the time Adam found his room. He stumbled in and smelled at his collar as Gansey walked out all gallant and clean from the bathroom. Even his hair was combed. Of course.

"Adam!" He grinned, then frowned. "What have you been up to? Are you- are you hungover?"

Too quickly Adam lied and said, "Yes."

This cover story officially didn't make sense now. Noah thought he was taking care of Ronan and now Gansey was going to think he was drunk.

"... No...," he then added, slowly and unsure.

"I'm sorry?" Gansey looked concerned as Gansey often did, and Adam didn't know what to do.

"I'm hungover from Ronan... uh, duty." There, that wasn't so hard. "Yeah."

"Oh!" Suddenly Gansey seemed invested, as he sat down on his pristinely made bed and gestured for Adam to join him. "Tell me, how did that go? Is he okay? I heard some of what his family was saying to him. What a rough night."

Adam would agree, it was a rough night. It got better, though.

"I need to shower," he said, and he moved swift to the bathroom. Gansey wasn't long behind, catching up with him as he began to peel off his clothes. He wanted to wash off the memory of a night that was never to be repeated as soon as possible, or run the risk of feeling sad at the fact it was to never be repeated.

"But Adam, he's all right though?" Gansey asked, sincere. "He's not alone, is he?"

"He's with Noah," Adam grunted.

"Noah?" Gansey exclaimed. "He's like handing Ronan off to a chihuahua to watch over him! He can't-"

"Unless you're joining me in the shower, Gansey, I'm kicking you out of the bathroom," Adam said.

"You're joking, right?" Gansey let out a nervous squeak of a laugh. "Oh, you're joking."

Adam wasn't about to be a part of Gansey's search for his personal sexual awakening and he wasn't in the mood for much else other than screaming in the shower. He pushed Gansey along towards the doorway.

"Ronan can look after himself," he said. "When are you going to realize that? I hung out with Ronan last night. We lost track of time. End of story. Now let me shower in peace before we're late."

He shut the door before Gansey could say another word. It felt good to win at something today, when so far all he felt was like he was losing.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The ceremony was being held not far from their hotel, at the carriage rooms at Montalto. It was an extravagant place for an extravagant couple. The chairs were adorned in white, there was an archway made of golden leaves which Adam wouldn't be surprised was actual gold. Bouquets of red flowers were set out on the ends of each aisle in long, tall vases probably made from real crystal. There was even an actual pianist in the corner playing live music. 

Upon arrival with Gansey, Adam headed straight for the bar almost out of instinct. He half expected to find a particular someone there, and couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed when he wasn't. Instead he ran into Blue, who by the looks of things was several drinks in.

"Open bar!" she said a little too loudly.

"Not very wise to have it open before the wedding," Adam muttered.

"I've learned it's best to keep my family quiet with a drink in their hand," came Declan's voice behind him.

As Blue clung to his neck with both arms draped around it, Adam wheeled around slow to Declan standing there. He and Ronan almost always looked nothing alike and yet all too similar. They had the same physical features, sure, but Declan wore them differently than Ronan. Ronan looked dangerous on the outside with his constant frowns and glares, even though he was kind on the inside where it matters.Declan sometimes looked inviting, but he could often be the real viper of the pair.

"Is everything all right with Ronan?" he asked. He spoke low, much like a politician trying to obtain information that was vital but private.

Blue was singing something terrible in his deaf ear.

"He's fine," Adam said. "No thanks to you."

Declan looked bewildered, and before that transferred to insulted Adam continued.

"You threw him into the lion's den without so much as a distraction or hand to hold. He dealt with horrible comments all night thanks to you."

"He-"

"You know he didn't even want to come here at first," Adam said, and he stopped for a moment only to wrangle Blue back before she wandered too far. "Because he didn't want to be around that, be around your judgment, _embarrass you_."

"Yes, can I have another Moscow Mule?"

"Oh, no no no," Adam hissed at Blue. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and instead of commenting on manhandling or something of equal measure, Blue found it funny and started to giggle. Maybe it even tickled. "Excuse me while I move my friend away from the open bar before she gets too drunk and throws up on Ashley's dress as she's walking down the aisle."

Leaving Declan speechless behind him felt like a power move Ronan would play, but Adam was feeling angry at the universe today and he needed to take it out on someone. It only made sense for it to be Declan, who to be honest sort of deserved it.

As they walked back towards where the ceremony was being held they crossed through the ever growing crowd of people. Adam examined each and every face for the one he wanted, but it didn't appear they arrived yet. He started to wonder if he was going to arrive at all.

Blue shoved away from him when they stepped outside for some fresh air. She wasn't having it. Her blue dress caught on his jacket and nearly tore, but before she managed to make a mess of things Adam grabbed at the skirt and fixed the issue.

"What are you doing drunk before 11 am?" Adam sighed. This wedding was affecting everyone in the worst possible way.

"They say cure a hangover with another drink," she said with a sloppy shrug.

"No one says that."

"I'm just not in the mood to be here," Blue groaned. 

"Then why did you come?" Adam stood up and touched carefully at Blue's strategically messy hair. 

"For you, for Gansey," Blue muttered.

"What?"

Blue shot straight up and stumbled a step back. "Nothing. Nobody." Her face was beat red.

Adam was going to tease her about this forever. "For _who_?" he repeated, starting to laugh. 

"Shut up, ass!"

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan arrived in the knick of time, intentionally on the verge of being late so he could avoid making unpleasantries with people and could get right into the wedding. Declan was rather quiet when he approached him, giving him simple answers instead of nitpicking everything that could be wrong. Aurora and Matthew had no idea why, Matthew suggested it might be the nerves, but they all knew if he was nervous he would be more impossible instead of terrible. Something he and Ronan had in common.

His friends were all finding their seats when the music started to play, and Ronan knew that meant it was time to follow the other groomsmen to their places at the front. He followed after them, keeping this wedding as his sole focus. He wasn't going to allow his mind to wander to anything else. Not the thought of drinking. Not the feeling of someone holding him until he fell asleep. Not the familiar laugh he could get high on.

Ronan was so removed from reality that he didn't even register what he was doing until he knocked shoulders with someone else trying to cross the main aisle.

Oh, fuck you universe, he thought. Adam and Blue were staring back at him when his eyes focused on the scene before him. Adam looked nice in his one good suit, tailored to fit him only because Blue got bored last year and fixed it. He did not need to see him right now.

"Hi," Adam said rather plainly. As if nothing happened last night. As if nothing happened this morning. 

"Hi." Ronan had the right to be grumpy. Adam was there, gorgeous and gazing at him with the usual simple fondness a friend would. In quick succession he could remember vividly every aching second of the night before. The way he held Adam. The way Adam held him. His lips. His hands. His thighs. The mess of limbs as they entangled. The kisses they shared. The noises they both made that made him flush. The feeling of him everywhere, showing him new places he didn't know existed before.

He almost cried thinking about it. How pathetic would that be? To cry in front of the both of them. Perhaps he could pass it off as emotions related to his brother's ridiculous decision to get married. Or perhaps he could pass it off as laughter when he recognized alcohol on Blue's breath.

Adam Parrish. The boy he'd been in love with for ages. Nearly since the first day he met him their sophomore year of high school. Now they weren't even going to be friends because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

Why did that happen? Why did he let it? Casual things made him sick. Bitter. He didn't do casual. It went against his values. But he'd been dying for Adam for so long, and the beautiful things he said. He jumped at the chance, knowing it would tear him up inside, and boy did it ever. It was a mistake. It was an _amazing_ mistake. It was a mistake.

"Boy, you two are weirder than usual," Blue said aggressively loud. 

This was the first time Ronan saw Blue drunk in an environment where he was sober. He wondered if he was as embarrassingly obvious and blunt. Well, he was going to find out tonight.

"Thanks, maggot," he said with a sharp smile. 

Blue gave him the middle finger, before she walked on and left them alone.

People shuffled past them, forcing them to step off to one side, huddled unnaturally close as a result. Adam's hands twitched down at his sides while they stood there with nothing to say. This was worse than he thought. Where was their usual banter? The teasing and insults? Ronan could smell the mint on Adam's breath and it snapped him out of it. 

"Is she drunk?" He watched Blue over Adam's shoulder, seeing her trying to step over an aisle of chairs instead of just walking around. 

"A bit." Adam wasn't witnessing this hilarious turn of events, his back to it and his eyes glued to Ronan's face. "It'll be fine."

They couldn't avoid the topic forever, which was more apparent as they stood saying nothing. Adam's eyes were penetrating, and that made him think of other things that are penetrating.

With a hard swallow, he cleared his throat and took a step back.

"I should get go-"

"About last night-" Adam said at the same time.

"Let's talk about it later?" Ronan was still grumpy, for lack of a better word. He didn't want _the talk._ He didn't need to be told it was a mistake. He expected this. He couldn't believe his first time was with his first love and it wasn't even anything Adam would want to remember.

Swift as a bird swooping down on its prey, Adam stepped into him. He stepped so close Ronan almost knocked over the vase behind him, a clusterfuck if he had. It wobbled, but he managed to catch it before it tipped over. Shit, he thought, as he felt Adam's knee suddenly moving between his own.

Discreetly, Adam touched at his chest, his hand slipping inside his coat, and Ronan half hoped he would make a scene and kiss him. While doing all this, he managed to knock his glasses off his nose, taking away from the suave seductive demeanor he was managing to pull off before this.

Ronan couldn't help but chuckle as he helped place his glasses back where they belonged. For a moment they were them again, best friends who could touch without having to remember that they've touched so much more than faces and hands now. He did his best not to blush as he remembered the texture of Adam's freckled skin below the neck. The way he tasted when he kissed him. Those lips were so inviting now, but it was bound to be inappropriate to make out with your best friend just before your brother's wedding started.

"I don't regret it," Adam whispered.

Ronan's eyes bulged a moment in reaction. He couldn't claim to know how to control a response to something so bold. "You don't?"

"No." Adam's eyes scrunched small as he pursed out his bottom lip. It was his _I'm about to get mad if you keep talking_ face. "Why? Do _you_?" he asked.

Ronan took back everything he said. The world tilted sideways. Was this all a very vivid dream? His heart was beating quick, and there was no way in hell Adam didn't notice it. His hand was still pressed there to feel it.

"No," Ronan exhaled out. 

"That sort of thing can ruin a friendship," Adam noted. 

"Yeah," Ronan said without rolling his eyes. 

"I don't know what I'd do without your friendship, Lynch," Adam confessed. His fingers stroked along the row of buttons down the center line of his chest.

"You couldn't last a day without me," Ronan teased.

Adam rolled his eyes. His fingers moved on to Ronan's tie, which he pulled on a little. "It was meant to stay in that room for the one night, wasn't it?" If Ronan heard him correctly, he sounded almost sad about it.

Ronan shuddered at the way he said it, somehow thrilled by his sadness. If he was sad, it meant something to him as well. Jesus, was he reading this all wrong?

"We can always chalk it up to what happens in Ireland stays in Ireland."

"Yeah." Ronan gulped, losing the thrill of the conversation again. His jaw clicked. "Sure."

"We should talk about it, though." Adam stepped even closer, as if that were possible. There was nowhere for Ronan to go as Adam's one hand looped around the back of his neck. He leaned in to whisper, "I mean, I don't know if I'm interested in only the one night."

Ronan stared at the marble floor. Fuck. What. He shouldn't agree to this. What even was this? Two horny young men with easy opportunity, or more than that? What did Adam want from it? What did Ronan really expect other than inevitable shame and regret?

"Yeah, okay."

Adam grinned cheerily as he pulled away, a smile he didn't often see. The last vivid memory of this smile was when Adam got accepted into college.

"Good." Adam arched one brow above the other. "I'll find you after."

Ronan was left there dizzy. He knocked over a chair as he slipped when Adam walked away.

 

~~~~~

 

The wedding was nice, he supposed. Ashley looked pretty good in her custom made designer dress or whatever. His mom looked pretty even as she bawled her eyes out. God, embarrassing. Matthew was even crying. It wasn't like somebody was dying.

He couldn't concentrate enough to care. He kept looking at Adam the whole time, finding Adam smiling back at him the whole time.

When Declan and Ashley recited their vows about falling in love unexpectedly Adam seemed to smile wider, sharper, like he was commenting on the subject. Or maybe he was drunk. Ronan really hoped he was drunk.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

 

~~~~~~

 

The reception was held at the same estates as the wedding, the open bar already raided by half his family, and Adam was somewhere lost in the cluster by the time Ronan made it over.

After the wedding, he was held back with the rest of the wedding party for photographs. Declan had a heart to heart with him, or tried to anyway, about how grateful he was to have him there. It was strange, but somewhat nice if he was forced to admit such a thing. He may have embraced Declan in return, but he didn't get nearly as emotional.

The second he walked through the doors he was bombarded by Henry, who grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the entrance. He was visibly already a little drunk, sloppy in his steps but not enough Ronan felt he had to watch out for him.

"Dance with me, Lynch," he proclaimed, and he dragged him to the dance floor with relative ease. Only reason Ronan allowed it was he was busy scanning the crowd for that one familiar face.

He couldn't find it, not even when Henry spun him around before pulling him into a waltz position.

"Why do you want to dance with me?" he growled, not very impressively, since Henry didn't stop.

"Because you're unfortunately a very attractive man and I want to make someone jealous."

Ronan couldn't deny he did have pleasant features, but he snorted all the same. If he were sure this would work, he would want to make Adam jealous by way of dancing with Henry. But he doubted Adam would get jealous over this.

"Who?" he asked.

Henry waved a hand. "It doesn't matter who."

This got boring fast.

"I'm busy," he said, as he tried to pull away. Henry dipped him.

"With what?"

Ronan struggled to rise, but Henry was surprisingly good at handling Ronan's squirming while dancing. He lifted him when he wanted to, and at that point Ronan was distracted again by trying to find Adam in the crowd.

"I'm meeting Parrish-"

"Oh, god," Henry groaned. "You two can bicker any time you want. Come on. Dance with me. You're enjoying it, I can tell."

Ronan would rather swallow spiders than admit that, but yeah he maybe sort of was. It was a nice distraction from the reality of his current predicament.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Adam was trying to sober Blue up by way of stuffing her with rolls. Not the most glamorous approach, but the girl was three sheets to the wind, and someone at some point offered her another drunk when he wasn't looking and now it felt like back to square one.

But his efforts were dwindling rapidly as they stood by the seating area when he caught sight of a very specific person across the reception hall. Ronan was taken onto the large dance floor and pulled close to Henry. He frowned as he observed them dancing to the slow jazz the live band was playing.

"Hey, my roll!"

Adam looked down to see he had accidentally caved in the sides of it with his hand.

"Sorry, Blue," he muttered. He doubled back to the buffet line and found another to replace it, trying not to get distracted by the sight of Ronan laughing at something Henry said.

"Oh, you're so funny, Cheng. Ha ha ha."

Blue grabbed this next roll from him before he could cave it in too. What were they doing? For as long as he has known Ronan the man has never danced before in his life. 

His glasses slipped down his nose a bit and he pushed them back up, almost stabbing himself in the eye with the ferocity of his hand movements.

"What are they even doing?" Adam questioned aloud. "Is Henry into Ronan now? Is this bizarro world? Wha- I don't understand. When did Henry even learn to dance like that? Why is Ronan dancing, with _him_? Doesn't Henry have something better to do with his time than dance with Ronan?"

"What?"

Adam realized what he was doing and who he was talking to. Here he was, being irrationally jealous, over someone who looked to mildly regret ever having sex with him earlier. Henry hardly liked Ronan half the time, and if he was dancing with him it was definitely not because he wanted to sleep with him. The thought almost made him laugh. God, what was wrong with him tonight? They were smiling at each other during the ceremony and Ronan seemed interested in another go around tonight.

Still, the sight of Henry leaning into Ronan as they twirled around made him grate his teeth.

Though Blue was still not entirely sober, her expression of disgust was enough to express she wasn't all that drunk anymore either. She knew what he said. He couldn't face her thinking harder on it.

"Uh, never mind," he mumbled. "I'm going to get you some more bread."

 

~~~~~~~

 

"Henry can we stop dancing now? It's been two songs."

Adam was still nowhere in sight, though it's been difficult to focus when he's been spinning for five minutes. Henry wasn't helping any, talking at him for the last two songs about where flowers go after weddings. He did not need to hear the tragic traveling story of plant life, especially when he was hungry and sober and searching a crowd for one face. 

The dance floor was full and the music was more upbeat, and finally Henry seemed to get the message Ronan wanted none of it.

"Hmmph fine," he said. "It's not working anyway."

"Who are you even trying to make jealous?" Ronan examined everyone around. Who could Henry be interested in at this point to want to make someone jealous? "Are they even in the room?"

Henry looked as well, suspiciously expressionless as he peered over heads. Finally his neck stopped craning and his eyes narrowed a little.

"I'm not telling you," he said, and his hands crossed over his chest, "but no. Shit. When did they leave?"

"Can't say." Ronan offered a shrug. He waited for Henry to say something more, but he didn't. They separated and left the dance floor in opposite directions. Henry left altogether, and Ronan was starving so he thought to fulfill one of his cravings at least.

At the buffet he started filling up a plate when someone shoved into his left side. Before he could start a fight, he registered it was Adam. His heart felt like it skipped a beat when he saw him, or maybe that was indigestion.

Silent, Adam lifted his head but said nothing to him. There was a frown where Ronan hoped a smile would be.

"What's eating you?" he huffed. 

"Nothing." Adam spoke so civilly and lowered his gaze back to the plate in his hand. There was only a singular piece of lettuce on it. His mind was clearly not that sharply focused on what he was doing, and for some reason that killed Ronan inside.

"Fine, jerk." Ronan continued down the line agonizing over his lame response and his futile abilities to talk with Adam. Sex ruins everything.

Adam followed after him down the buffet. They didn't look at one another, facing forward. Ronan was genuinely filling a plate, while Adam didn't even try anymore. His lone lettuce piece looked pathetic.

"Last night was great." Adam sounded annoyed about it. He guessed this was them talking about it more, though he wished they weren't. 

"It was amazing," Ronan agreed with an equally angry growl. He stole a look and Adam was just holding a serving fork in his hand with no real reason. They were off, like a record player's needle that's been knocked out of alignment.

"Whatever happens, it can't ruin our friendship," Adam said. "I would never forgive myself."

"You mean friends don't suck other friends- Ow."

Adam elbowed him.

"Do you know what discretion is?" he hissed. Finally he was looking at him, andRonan almost smiled as Adam blushed. He almost reached to touch the rosy addition to his freckled neck, and almost said how hot he was when he was annoyed. God he was drowning in freckles last night. They were littered all over his body. His eyes filtered down at the recollection.

"You're one of my best friends, Parrish," hefinally said. As easily as it would've been before last night, he reached and stole the fork from Adam's hand, using it on sliced meat in front of him. Maybe they could get past this. Maybe they could forget it ever happened.

Adam turned to him and sighed. As if reading his mind, he bumped shoulders with him as an effort to offer comfort without any obvious implications behind it. "Maybe we should stop now," he said. "Before this gets more complicated."

"You're probably right." But Ronan was disappointed all the same.

"So we've had sex?" Adam laughed awkwardly. "Nothing to be ashamed of."

"No. Definitely not." Ronan was trying real hard to focus on filling his plate. Why was this buffet so long?

"I mean, what happens in Ireland stays in Ireland, right?" Adam said.

"Right."

"Leave last night as a-"

"Mistake?" Ronan muttered, filling in the blanks.

Next to him Adam shook his head, visibly annoyed by the suggestion. "As a wonderful memory untouched by mistakes," he clarified. "You think it was a mistake?"

Ronan frowned. "No," he confessed. In a way this was good, clearing the air like they were. He really didn't have any idea what last night meant to Adam, and he suspected Adam had no idea what it meant to him. Even so, expressing himself at all was difficult. He shyly looked at the bread, thinking of picking one up but uncertain. "I think it was the best night of my life."

Halted at the end of the line, he couldn't think of anywhere else to go. If he moved from the table he was going to risk separation from Adam, who still had just one measly piece of lettuce. With courage he forced himself to believe he had, he drew his chin up to look Adam in the eye. Adam's eyes were heavily and intensely staring back. There was a magnetic energy that rippled through him like an electric current, and it pulled him closer to Adam who had stopped much sooner down the line than he did.

For some reason or another, his hand accidentally found itself dipped into the mashed potatoes. With a start, he cursed. It was only one finger, but it was hot and it was humiliating. Inelegantly, he began to look for a napkin because he didn't like mashed potatoes with all the crap Declan's caterer shoved in them.

Before he knew what to do, his finger was dragged up to Adam's mouth and then Adam was licking the mashed potatoes right off. A heavy chill ran down his spine and he nearly tossed the table over in shock. His lips cooled his skin down, while his tongue slid over and around the food, giving him a very inappropriate image in his mind right there at the buffet line.

As soon as it was over, Adam didn't look at all like he just seductively sucked the weirdest food to suck off someone's finger. He licked his lips so casually, leaning into the table for balance as he had leaned a little far to grab Ronan's hand. Ronan's hand, which was still in the air unmoving like it were frozen and stiff. He didn't know what to do with the hand now. Remove it, because nothing would ever happen like that again to it and what's the point of two hands when one of them has been touched like that? He could still cook with one hand.

His irrational thoughts were stopped by the startling sound of Adam forcing his plate down on the edge of the table.

"I've lost my appetite," he announced.

"Why the fuck are you narrating your life to me, Parrish?" Ronan's hand fell down, the one finger still a little wet from Adam's mouth. Jesus lord have mercy.

Adam was scowling at him when he bothered to look, and then he licked his lips again. Somewhat unsubtly, he flashed Ronan's the interior of his suit coat's pocket. Inside, he revealed a handful of condoms he'd clearly stolen from Noah's stash. The whole world was now upside down.

"Who says it can't be two nights?" Adam suggested. He spoke with such frankness it took a little longer for the words to settle and sink in. "Friends can have sex. It can be fine. We're not destroying anything. They've made several movies about it. In fact, I think this might be good for us."

Ronan snorted. "Good for us?" It was all he could wrap his mind around saying, repeating words back at Adam. He was on the verge of a nervous collapse.

"Maybe this will make us better friends," Adam replied.

"As if we needed that," Ronan said, still directing his gaze at the coat pocket. It was visibly fuller than the one on his other side, and now it was all he could see. 

"Do you want to come back to the hotel with me, or don't you?"

The words smacked him like a rush of water or a punch in the jaw. Before he knew it, Adam was gone from his side and moving towards the exit.

What the fuck just happened.

He grabbed a roll to eat before following him outside, walking a little faster than necessary.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Gansey was tipsy. He would not declare himself drunk. Drunk was something basic people were. Tipsy was what his mother always said she was after a few drinks. Shapes were on the cusp of being blurs, some of his words certainly smushed together, but he wasn't drunk.

Nope.

Well, maybe he was a little.

He certainly made a cad of himself at the reception. Blue was feistier than usual tonight. God, was she beautiful as ever in that dress. He felt a little selfish for noticing, a little self involved by the insinuation he made that he was responsible for the dress. Sure, he joked she should wear blue, but he would've never assumed she would listen to him.

Since when did she listen to him?

He needed bed. He needed his bed. He missed New York. This was not New York.

He tried the door for his hotel room before remembering people needed key cards. He did not have his key card. Therefore the door was locked.

God. Is Adam in there? He prayed he was.

Sloppily, like the rest of him tonight, he knocked at the door. Was it made of wood? He was curious. It had an odd sound as he knocked, like moaning. What kind of door makes that sort of noise? Aluminum?

"Hello, Adam," he called. He hoped he wasn't looking after Ronan again tonight. Oh, just his goddamn luck if he were. What was Gansey to do? Sleep in the hall? Like a loser? "Please let me in thank _you_."

He hiccuped. He only hiccups when he's drunk. Okay, so he was drunk.

The door stopped moaning, which was strange, because he wasn't knocking any more. There was clear sounds of movement now on the other side. Someone was in his room. Oh my god was there a break in?

The door opened and he was rushed with relief to see Adam, only just a little bit of him. Did he get thinner? Smaller? He was visible in a tiny crack in the door. He was breathing heavy, sweaty on the fraction of his face Gansey could see. He squinted. Was it something about the alcohol?

His eyes drifted downward to see a sheet around his waist, which he was holding poorly while also keeping the door from being opened. This was odd.

He wasn't wearing his glasses. Did he lose them? Gansey self consciously touched at his own in concern. His brow went inward when he felt the familiar metal.

"What's this?" he asked.

Adam swallowed. "Could you go crash at Noah's? I'm a bit tied up."

Tied up! A robbery! No. No, he was definitely naked. Not that kind of tied up. Focus, Gansey. 

"This is my room!" He was talking too loudly but he couldn't stop. "Our room! For sleeping!" He hiccuped. "Absurd."

"Gansey, I've met a very lovely Irish girl-"

He heard a snort in the background. Was Ronan nearby? He looked around the hall.

"Do me a solid," Adam insisted.

He looked him up and down. Adam certainly was hiding a very nice figure under all his clothes. If he weren't so drunk maybe he would say as much.

Oh, by the look of Adam's face changing, he did.

"Fine," he said, low key embarrassed. 

"Thank you." Adam smiled breathlessly and then shut the door on him.

Oh no. Gansey realized he left his pajamas in there. When he knocked again the door moaned, but there wasn't any sense he was going to be answered.

Noah's door also had the weird sound when he knocked. Perhaps he would write a note to the hotel management to inquire what their doors were made from. 

He hiccuped again when Noah answered, faster than Adam had and more irritably.

His head popped out to look both ways down the hall, hair sticking up rather strangely. There was a pillow in front of his waist.

"What is it, Gansey?"

"Damn it." Gansey recognized the look of sex on Noah faster than he had on Adam.

"What is it?" Noah repeated.

"Adam's having sex," Gansey poured. "I have nowhere to sleep."

"Adam, my man!" Noah cheered. "Yeah, you can't stay here tonight. Sorry."

He shut the door on him, too, leaving Gansey out in the hall like a pleb. He turned around to face the other side of the hallway. This was just terrific. This is why he shouldn't room with anyone! Adam and he were meant to have fun rooming together. Two nights now he's slept in the strangest circumstances. 

He tried to kick at the ground but accidentally stomped instead. 

"Is everyone having sex but _me_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the awkward continues!!! let me know what you think!! mornings after! second times! miscommunications!!
> 
> i know i said that the next chapter won't be up quite as fast. i lied somehow! i don't know but just bare in mind the next chapter might be up slower (i really mean it this time!!! lol) 
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	5. the one with the flight home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That was the plan," Adam said, soft and slow. "Only in Ireland."
> 
> He didn't sound too certain about it, but Ronan wasn't desperate enough to cling to the idea that his voice wobbled a little because he wasn't certain.
> 
> "Yeah." Ronan rejected Adam's knee now out of self preservation. "I guess."

A second night in a row Adam had the best sleep of his life. There was certainly less sleeping last night than before, but the sense of feeling well rested didn't go away. He woke up feeling like a whole new person.

He wasn't surprised this time when he found himself awake in Ronan's arms, a tighter embrace than he recalled from yesterday, a more familiar feeling than he liked to admit.

Instead of moving, he lay very very still. If he didn't move at all this could be theirs all the way up until Ronan woke up. He enjoyed being spooned by him from behind, his warm breath fanning the nape of his neck, his arm squeezing around him when he inhaled. There was the coarse hair on his legs and the heat of his chest, and the way his lips parted against his neck. He didn't want this to end.

Somehow or another, despite not moving a muscle, Ronan somehow sensed he was awake. He shifted onto his back, his hand sliding away with him, up over his chest, his shoulder, and then off completely. With a groan, Ronan stretched beside him. Adam silently screamed into his pillow. This was sensory overload.

It always felt different in the morning. It was light out, Adam could see mildly better than in the dark, and they smelled and felt like sex rather than currently having it. Which was less fun, honestly. 

"Adam," Ronan groaned soft, and his arms reached up above him to press against the wall. Adam kept his back to most of it, for fear of turning around and then immediately giving in to temptation again. He still wasn't used to Ronan saying his first name like this. It was a rarity he explored with intrigue before their first night, then something that made his whole body thrum because of how he said it the last two nights.

Jesus. Damn it.

He rolled over anyway to watch Ronan finish off his stretches. His whole body was taut as he awakened it with limber moves. Adam licked his lips to give them some moisture, a little dry after last night's escapades. When Ronan lifted his gaze up, Adam caught a sound in his thread before it escaped, and then he grabbed him by the shoulder and motioned him closer. They were kissing, Ronan kissing Adam awake, electrifying every nerve in his system. They were probably making a very terrible mistake and ruining their friendship forever, but oh well. He liked kissing him. The way they molded together like they were always meant to be doing this, and the way he inclined just enough Adam felt all of him but never felt suffocated. He kissed him with every last bit of energy he had in him, feeling himself get breathless as they became lost in the act. His fingers thrummed over Ronan's jawline, struggling not to get invested in the way his jaw and throat moved with every motion, every swipe of his tongue and bite of his teeth and purse of his lips.

Ronan mumbled something against his mouth at one point, and then he was off him before he realized what was happening. There was a simple kiss on his shoulder, leaving him gasping for air. He struggled to catch his breath, swallowing hard again and again. His eyes were still closed, even as Ronan kissed above one of them. 

"That's a nice way to be woken up," he said softly into his hearing ear. It tickled.

"Then come back here," Adam insisted. His hands moved to Ronan's nape, fingers linking at the back to lure him back in.

With a throaty laugh, Ronan agreed so easily it should've been a warning sign to both of them they were getting too accustomed to this. At this rate it wasn't going to stay in Ireland, was it? He wondered what Ronan was thinking as his blue eyes appeared glossy from just waking up, his smile loose and lazy, revealing a very different Ronan than he's ever seen before in his life. He couldn't believe that it took two nights of sleeping together for him to open himself up with no sense of a boundary between them. And yet, it made so much sense.

"We're going to miss our flight," Adam realized, as Ronan started going down on his neck. There were hickies there from last night that were going to be hard to explain, and now new ones were blossoming with every bite and suck.

"I'll catch another one," Ronan said, his breath hard on his throat.

"What a waste of your resources, Lynch."

Ronan leaned up to shove his face away. "You're annoying me," he said earnestly.

Adam laughed. When he felt Ronan move off him, he laughed more. He was honestly upset. The child that he was! Absurd.

Not letting this end on such a sour note, Adam moved to follow him across the bed. With one hand stabilizing him on his side, he used the other to begin to trace Ronan's back tattoo. He'd always wanted to do this since he first saw it junior year of high school. The loops and the sharp edges of the design, intricate and complicated. Ronan shivered underhand when he started kissing him after every touch.

"What are you doing?" His voice had gone mellow.

"Get up, asshole," he said to the center of his spine. "I'm not going to miss my flight for you."

"You're no fun," Ronan growled over his shoulder, but there was no malice behind it. He could almost make out the hint of a smile. Oh, that smile.

"You didn't think that last night," he teased. He bit his lower lip to suppress another laugh.

With a groan, Ronan shot straight up in bed. More groans later, he rubbed his eyes with his palms, starting the other half of his wake up process. It seemed to Adam that it took Ronan an awfully long time to mentally wake up, when it was more than obvious his body woke up a while ago. His short hair was a mess, and Adam wondered the sight of his own.

"I'm up," he breathed. "Prick."

Warmly smiling, Adam took another long look at Ronan, taking him all in. Making a mental picture of every inch of him, especially his expression of frustration but dreamy delight mingled in.

This was the end of it. They were leaving Ireland tonight. No more of this. Right?

"I'm going to shower," he thought to say aloud. He had a hell of a time getting up, his body rejecting the thought.

"I'll be right there," Ronan said.

They both froze in response. Adam turned to him, to see Ronan covering his face with a pillow. They had to stop doing this. 

"I mean."

When Adam gave it more thought, he had to confess to himself he didn't actually want it to end.

"We're still in Ireland after all," he said. It came out so casual and light, he almost breathed from relief of it sounding that way.

Ronan exhaled, not as sly about his thoughts. It almost made Adam scream again, this time loudly and not into his pillow. He wanted this more, too, whatever it was.

New York was going to be weird, but for now present tense Adam wanted this so badly his legs were shaking. Easily, Ronan took his offered hand and allowed himself to be guided off the bed.

In the shower, they didn't do much other than actually shower. It felt almost like after gym class, when Adam used to stare discreetly at the naked bodies of the other boys, judging himself not by attraction but by build. He was so small then, so poorly fed and taken care of. He remembered the one gym class he had to suffer with Ronan because, well to this day he still didn't know why he was there, and he watched Ronan undress like all the others.

Ronan looked around uncomfortably then, when he was still accepting himself and his sexuality. He'd seen his tattoo before that point. He admired it then as he admired it now. Only now he could press his face to the back of his neck, breathe there. He could wrap his arms around him. 

He didn't know what he felt back then, still learning what it meant to be bi, to feel an attraction that burned. He thought he was just jealous of Ronan, and for some parts he was. He admired him now though.

At first, he felt Ronan stiffen under him for just a second, and then relax into the touch. After a while he turned around to return the favor, taking a washcloth and running it over Adam's chest and stomach. As they kissed, he brushed Adam's wet hair out of his eyes for him, who felt his stomach soar as their wet fronts pressed tight together. 

They smiled goofily at each other under the shower head, relaxed like never before. It soon became like second nature showering together, and Adam didn't want it to stop. He kept turning Ronan around to snag kisses from his wet lips, almost desperate for them. They've kissed thirty times since the first one. Adam counted each of them, almost holding out hope he would lose count at some point. These were thirty kisses he would cherish, remember fondly when they've stopped.

"You should brush your teeth," Ronan said after the last one. "Your breath is terrible."

Adam scoffed. "Probably because it smells like you, you dick," he said.

He went to slap him on the chest, but Ronan caught his wrist, pulling it up to his mouth to kiss the underside of it. It was entirely plausible Ronan didn't feel the racing intensity of his heart, but the thin smirk he wore for a split second said otherwise.

Both their cheeks were dusted pink for entirely different reasons when Ronan eventually looked up again.

"You're an asshole," he laughed. 

"Perfect match," Adam joked. It took Ronan a second too long to get the really terrible inappropriate filthy joke, and when he did he cackled loudly.

Adam liked making Ronan laugh. It felt like playing with matches and not getting burned.

Kiss thirty one had him pressed against the tiled wall of the hotel shower, cold and startling as Ronan lifted one of his legs up to hook at the back of his waist. 

This was probably not going to stay here in Ireland. Not if Adam could help it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The plane ride was different this time around. This flight, Ronan and Adam were virtually alone, save for the stranger they had sitting on the end of the aisle. Noah was further back and the others were further up front. Somehow it made it worse, being so detached from the others, isolating them in a public space.

After their shower they knew they were running late, and so the last time Ronan saw Adam completely joyous was as he was kissing him being shoved out the door. With a laugh, the door shut, and then the next time he saw him was just now as Adam sat down next to him on the plane. Adam ran late, trying to find Gansey who slept somewhere in the halls of the hotel last night. By the looks of things he found him, since he wasn't all that concerned as he sat.

His eyes dipped down to Adam's collar, which was left wide open with several buttons undone. It showcased his collarbone and Ronan's work from last night. The hickey was faded, but not by much, snaking up around his neck and under his shirt.

"Hey," he said. His gaze skirted away. Adam responded with a quiet nod, his mouth thinned into a straight line like he didn't know what to do with it.

The flight before this was so much better. Just days ago they were joking about boyfriends and getting married when they were 40. Now here Adam and he sat in stark silence, his thoughts barely drowned out by the sound of a baby crying a few aisles away.

Why did they have to be so good at the sex and the kissing and the touching, to want to do it again and again, to make this point of their friendship weird and uncomfortable? 

Saying goodbye to Ireland was bittersweet in so many ways. He hugged his mom goodbye until he almost started to cry, which at that point he pulled off and got out of there quick. Declan and Matthew were coming back to the states soon enough, but he still embraced them knowing full well it would be a while before they saw each other again face to face. Ireland didn't leave as many fond memories with them this time around as he hoped, but he was certainly not leaving empty handed.

Well, he was. Because that's all he was getting out of this. Fond memories of him and Adam. Losing his virginity in his family's home country was strange, even stranger to lose it to his best friend, and even stranger to act like nothing happened at all.

He was ill thinking about it. This was the antithesis of what he wanted his first time to be like, for it to mean nothing.

It made sense, in a way. Ronan didn't try anything with Adam because he felt he didn't deserve someone like him, someone brilliant and sharp witted and as beautiful as the Virginia sunrise after a rainstorm. This was his anxiety talking, but right now he wondered what Adam was even doing with him, and why they couldn't seem to stop.

When the last person sat down, and the flight attendants began to check seat belts and the overhead bins, Adam started twitching uncomfortably beside him as if on cue. His leg was jiggling, hands shifting, and Ronan would've laughed if he had any energy to. 

"You okay there, Parrish?" He was just torturing himself at this point, talking to him at all about anything. 

"I'll be fine," Adam said.

They didn't know what to say or do, that much was clear. He wasn't sure what boundaries they still had, and it looked to him like Adam didn't either. His hand moved to their shared arm rest, and Adam's moved away.

"You're shaking the whole plane with your leg there," Ronan noted.

Adam shot him a look of horror. "Don't say shit like that."

This was a disaster. Everything was going so wrong. It didn't help any that his body was still sore from last night, a physical memory of the events that occurred. He couldn't bare to look Adam's direction, to see the soft untouchable freckles on his face or the discomfort in his bright eyes. He'd become so greedy with touch these last two days that he was wilting from the lack thereof.

Ronan heaved a great sigh, and he banged his head on the headrest in front of him. 

"When will this plane take off?" he muttered loudly.

"They're still checking the luggage compartments," Adam said, as if he genuinely asked a question.

Not in the mood to express as much, Ronan chewed the inside of his cheek. 

"Why are they so slow?" he moaned under his breath. "Fucking want to go home already."

"Didn't you like Ireland?" Adam sounded genuinely inquisitive. Oh, the balls on this guy.

Ronan looked his way. He wasn't sure which part he meant? The sex? Yes. The awkwardness attached because now he couldn't look Adam in the eye without seeing images of the night before? No.

"It had its moments," he said. His eyes turned forward again to stare into the plastic of the seat rest. "I fucking miss home though."

He missed his bed and his kitchen and his cook books. He missed the subway system of all things, and more importantly he missed having a city to escape in to avoid Adam.

The plane started moving from the gate, and Adam gripped at the arm rest so tight his fingers went pale from the exertion. Almost out of instinct, Ronan reached over and held his hand, their fingers linking together in a now familiar fashion.

Adam looked scared shitless, same as before, when he accepted his hand and squeezed it so tight Ronan lost sensation in his knuckles. 

"Don't fucking break my fingers, Parrish," he teased. He released a thin laugh along with it, eased by the pain that it almost made him forget they were holding hands. It wasn't like last time where his was clammy, he was nervous and overthinking things. This felt like something familiar and natural, minus the concern of getting his hand crushed.

Adam released a little of the pressure on his fingers with a blush that rivaled all blushes. 

"Sorry," he said, sneaking a look his way when he thought Ronan wasn't looking.

"It's whatever."

There was the present temptation to kiss him once they were told they were cleared for takeoff. Perhaps a kiss would calm his nerves, or maybe that was the desperation talking. Those lips, the lips he touched so many times this weekend, were holding a grimace as they lifted off the ground. His hands, these hands that left imprints on his skin and held him with such gentle sweetness, were twitching uncontrollably from the anxiety.

As the plane leveled out, Adam's grip loosened enough Ronan suspected he should move his away. He started to, but then felt Adam's fingers tense in response. Ronan said nothing, but he certainly felt a huge lump in his throat. His mouth was dry as he sucked in a breath, quietly brooding with his hand being held so tightly.

His entire person ached for him, but when he looked over he scowled at the young man staring straight ahead. The ache turned to pain, and he stole his hand back.

Adam didn't even look like he noticed its absence.

After a while the brooding just got pathetic and Ronan gave up scowling, for mild concern of the permanent wrinkles that would appear on his forehead. Instead he slumped down in his seat as much as he could, which wasn't all that much since he was tall as fuck. The leg room in these airlines was meant more for someone Blue's height. His legs spread out and the one next to Adam knocked into his by accident. Adam's pushed back a little, like a quiet hello between familiar limbs. He hadn't the heart to move his away, suffering from one form of intimacy while incapable of the other.

In Adam's jacket pocket, he retrieved his case for his glasses. Fulfilling the odd fantasy Ronan seemed to have, he took out the cloth from inside the case and pulled his glasses off to clean them. Adam looked so heavenly with them on, and heavenly without them. He was squinting in concentration, focused on the action or maybe he was just simply trying to see what he was doing.

Ronan raised a fist to his mouth and bit into his knuckles. It was humiliating how much he wanted him. The memory of Adam above him without his glasses, smiling like there was something pulling his cheeks as far apart as they would go, was burned into his retinas. Even as he closed his eyes, he could see the image as clear as if it were currently ongoing.

"Shit," he cursed, and he jerked his hand away. His teeth had broken skin on his finger.

Adam's had glasses since middle school, before they met, and seeing him without them on for extended periods of time was new for him this weekend. New information for his Adam book. The way he smiled where his eyes almost sparkled was more intense without glasses. He liked both versions, but Adam's glasses-free face was private, special, because he didn't show it often. Granted, it was because he couldn't see without them and was too stubborn to get contacts. It didn't make it feel any less special to him. 

"You going to stare at me like that the entire plane ride?" Adam asked, not looking up from what he was doing.

Ronan turned his head at once. "I don't know anyone who gets so excited about cleaning their glasses like you do," he replied.

"I know that was intended to be an insult, but I'm not insulted." Adam glanced over, smiling as he squinted.

"Really?" Ronan's chest was fluttering. Their banter was different, like there was the undertone of _I had sex with you_ underneath every syllable. Maybe he was reading into things. "I thought I finally nailed it."

Adam smiled and feigned a thin laugh, almost mocking him. His head raised as he pretended to be amused, until he must have figured his glasses couldn't get any cleaner and he lifted them up to examine them closer. The inspection must have been a success, because soon he was back to being his usual Adam glasses wearing self, the case and cloth tucked back into his pocket.

They went quiet again as the flight attendants began taking drink orders. Ronan's knee was still pressed into Adam's, neither moving away almost like a challenge. Ronan was trying to challenge Adam a lot about a lot of things, from this to the teasing to seeing who was going to crack first and hopefully admit they were hopelessly into one another.

Adam had partners before this, dates and casual sex and things, but if he was really going to leave this weekend behind without so much as a wave goodbye he wasn't the Adam he thought he was.

When the attendant asked for his order, Ronan was tempted to ask for a beer, but he asked for water instead when Adam's eyes met his halfway through the thought. Adam asked for the same, and the attendant moved on, and so did Adam's attention.

From under the seat in front of them, Adam pulled out a book he had brought with him, intending to read it he suspected. It was as good an excuse as any to avoid having to talk, but god damn it Ronan needed to talk. They had nine more hours of this bullshit and he wasn't about to spend it like this.

Nervous and edgy, he was bound to be stupid. So when he tipped up the cover of Adam's book to read the title, he knew he was making a fool of himself. He knew he was bound to upset Adam.

"Something something science something something," he said. "You're a real nerd, you know that? How is this leisure reading?"

Adam shied the cover so he could read the book properly.

"Just because you don't have the attention span to read more than a recipe doesn't make it strange that I do."

Ronan pushed his glasses down his nose as a childish tactic. "I don't know anyone else who enjoys reading at this level besides you," he mused. "Maybe Gansey if there's pictures of, like, the world's first floss in there or something."

Adam quirked his lips a little but appeared to be trying not to. It was enough to send Ronan over the edge, and he continued making a fool of himself for the attention.

"What's this mean?"

He couldn't even see the words let alone know what it was he was pointing at, but he pointed somewhere annoyingly specific on the page to retain Adam's attention. Like a child who would throw a tantrum so their parents would acknowledge them. Slowly Adam lifted his head, his jaw jutted to the side from clear disinterest in Ronan's behavior. His glasses were still halfway down his nose as he gave him a withering look. Likely his plan backfired, but it got him to look up. A small victory. Very, very small.

"If you're trying to annoy me, you don't have to try this hard," Adam groaned. "You can easily do it in silence most times."

"Don't flatter yourself." Ronan could feel himself pouting, which he didn't want to do. His arms crossed distinctly over his chest out of self defense. "I'm bored and I'm trying to amuse myself. You just happen to be sitting next to me."

Finally, Adam had it. He flattened his mouth into a thin, straight line, sucking his lips inward with a heavy sigh. The book shut surprisingly loud, which made him start a little, as well as the poor son of a bitch on Adam's other side. When Adam fixed his glasses, he surprised him again by revealing a tiny sliver of a smile. It was shocking, bewildering, and wonderful. His hand moved from his nose to his hair, sweeping it back and off his forehead. It flopped a little to the right, and Ronan had flashbacks to last night after Adam had fallen asleep.

He was rested with his head against Ronan's chest, drooling a little on him, but Ronan found just about everything he did some form of magical so he let it happen. It was gross, but what was he going to do, wake him up? He knew how much Adam cherished his sleep and how little he actually was having that weekend.

Without hesitating, he ran his fingers through Adam's hair, across the length of his scalp, back and forth like a current. He wondered if his perception of bad ass cool guy was still something Adam viewed outside of the bedroom, as he softly did what he felt was one of the gentlest least bad ass and cool things he's ever done in his whole life. But it felt nice, this feeling of having Adam's hair run through his fingers, with Adam curled into him almost like a cat. His arm was strewn across Ronan's waist, fingertips lightly grazing over his hip. Even though he was asleep, Ronan stole a peck from him, likely imagining him pursing his lips to return the contact. There were even freckles on his eyelids, which Ronan never noticed before, and this was a boy whose face he memorized from years of practiced stealthy glances.

Those eyes were open now and staring at him like he was losing his mind, and maybe he was. 

He couldn't take it anymore, and he blinked away the nice thoughts, breaking from his personal pact with himself that he wasn't going to say anything.

"So, no more sex then," he said, and as soon as the words came out he felt almost relieved.

Even as Adam shifted uncomfortably, and as he noted the change in his posture which grew more rigid as the words sat in the air. He needed to get this off his chest. He didn't want this to be over. He didn't want years from now to look back at this weekend as a foggy memory.

The guy next to him craned his neck, a visible and sudden peak of interest in their conversation. He glared at him, expressing his disgust in eavesdropping, and then Adam moved into his frame of view with his shoulder.

"That was the plan," Adam said, soft and slow. "Only in Ireland."

He didn't sound too certain about it, but Ronan wasn't desperate enough to cling to the idea that his voice wobbled a little because he wasn't certain.

"Yeah." Ronan rejected Adam's knee now out of self preservation. "I guess."

It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but maybe it's what he needed to hear. Feeling more a fool now than ever, he looked out the window. His eyes stung from the brightness of the sun bouncing off the ocean down below. It was hard to focus, but he was trying really hard not to think about Adam. Having Adam next to him, elbows grazing, shoulders hinting at a touch, wasn't helping. He pressed his forehead to the window, and then realized all the germs on there and moved his face away.

A hand slipped onto his thigh, and Ronan assumed it was an accident. But then the hand moved up and up, until it was hazardously close to his groin.

Huh.

Ronan's mind was full of fuzzy white light. Did he fall asleep with his face against the unclean glass?

When he looked over, he saw Adam looking at him. This didn't appear to be a dream, or else it was a very vivid one. His hand was still on his thigh, and with his other he began to fidget with his belt buckle nervously.

His eyes shot down almost immediately, as Ronan opened his mouth to find no words coming out. With red rimming his ears, he chewed his lower lip to the point Ronan was tempted to start making untoward jokes to ease the tension.

"I mean, if you want-" His voice was definitely wobbling now.

"I want," Ronan breathed.

Their eyes fleetingly met once more, both overcome with the thrill and anxiety of the prompt confession. It was terribly stupid of him, to continue doing this again and again when every time it was getting harder to let go of the illusion of what this was.

Adam then managed to unbuckle his seatbelt with one hand.

"Meet me in the bathroom," he insisted, and he stood to crawl over the guy on the end of their row.

Once he was gone, Ronan tapped his foot on the floor of the plane. The guy was giving him a knowing look, and he waved him off.

"Oh, shut up," he said.

He was quick to unbuckle his seatbelt once he saw Adam dip into one of the bathrooms up front. God, they were doing this. He was up out of his seat without realizing he stood, and he made the motion to walk over the guy, when Noah came and pushed him back down.

"Noah, what are you-?" 

"I thought he'd never leave," Noah declared all dramatically. He stole Adam's seat, who was still in the bathroom. "Where were you last night?"

Ronan already had an answer for this, borrowing from what he and Adam planned for him earlier.

"I got drunk again and wandered the grounds," he said. "Ended up falling asleep by some trees. It was a beautiful sunrise this morning."

It was beautiful because of Adam, but he didn't say that part. Damn it, he couldn't go two seconds without thinking of him now.

"Oh, damn dude." Noah looked concerned for him, and it took a second to remember why. "That sucks. I'm sorry."

Somehow he didn't know how to accept Noah's kindness anymore. His mind was twisted from everything he and Adam were doing. It made him jerk a little when Noah touched his shoulder. But being Ronan's roommate Noah was used to him being weird. 

"It's fine," he mumbled.

Noah persevered with a smile, getting to why he really sat down. Ronan's gaze flickered to the front, wondering what Adam was doing in there. Standing around? Peeing?

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't come back to the room last night, because I was getting busy," Noah said proudly.

"Busy?" Ronan peeked over the seat in front of him again. His brain didn't completely compute the words as he saw someone else stand up to head to the bathroom.

"Yeah. I had sex, dude. It was great. It-"

"I have to pee." Ronan unbuckled his seat and rose, climbing over Noah and the guy on the end of the row.

"Well, okay," Noah said, looking rejected when he bothered to give him his attention. "Talk to you later then."

"Yeah."

Maybe later Ronan would feel bad and apologize, but right now he wasn't exactly thinking straight. He wasn't thinking at all. His every action was controlled by his desire and not logic.

He was swift as he stepped through the aisle to the front of the plane, trying to make up for the lost few minutes of talking to Noah. He gently wrapped his knuckles on the door, and when it opened he wasn't surprised Adam would be glaring at him.

Hurriedly, he dragged him into the tiny space regardless, catching him by his collar.

The door clumsily shut behind him. It was incredibly suffocating in here. They were both standing and barely fit along with the toilet and sink. Adam had him pressed against the sink, almost sitting on it.

"How do people have sex in these things?" he noted out loud. 

"What took you so long?" Adam wasn't done being upset. His arms tried to fold in front of him but there wasn't all that much space to allow it. Ronan inclined into him, accepting his frustration with an opportunistic grin. His hands were already on him before his brain caught up, feeling Adam's shirt and undoing more buttons.

"Noah came and sat by me and wouldn't shut up," he muttered, revealing more skin on his chest for Ronan's sanity. His hickey was wholly visible now. He trailed a finger down the line, his chest hair the same light brown as the hair on his head. "Apparently we weren't the only ones who got lucky."

Something about that phrase poised Adam to smile a little. He quickly frowned again when Ronan moved and hit his head on the roof of the bathroom. It was shaped weird, and he didn't like it. Usually Ronan wasn't spending this long in an airplane bathroom, and he didn't notice just how cramped they were. He stared down at the limited space between them, as Adam's legs pushed into his.

"This isn't going to work out very well," he said. 

"Shut up, Lynch." Adam pushed him against the mirror, forcing him to sit on the sink and pray it didn't break from his weight. With a quickness, he lifted his glasses up to sit on his head, and then kissed Ronan hard enough he felt it in his toes. Then he felt his hands in his pants, eager to introduce him to a new club.

This was a very weird plane ride.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They were waiting for taxis outside of JFK when Henry invited the gang over for dinner. Adam was still vibrating from making out and more with Ronan on the airplane that he almost didn't hear Henry say anything. Blue had to elbow him as he stood there unfocused and distracted.

"Aren't we tired of each other yet?" Ronan grumbled.

Adam slapped him on the shoulder without thinking. The both of them looked one another in the eye and promptly shied, taking a sliver of a step away. 

"I'm down," said Blue.

She looked better than yesterday, and Adam hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her about all that. She probably wouldn't want to anyway, and it wasn't like he had a leg to stand on when it came to keeping secrets this weekend. His lips were still moist from making out with Ronan just before they landed. It was perhaps the best distraction for Adam's fear of flying yet.

"Me too," said Noah.

Noah didn't sound all too eager, and Henry was being oddly distant from him this whole trip. They were always the odd pairing out when it came to the group dynamic, and this trip proved that more when they sort of slipped through the cracks with regard to all the drama.

"I guess," said Gansey.

He was still bitter from having to sleep outside in the hallway, although if he were desperate enough he could've asked Blue or even gotten another room. But sometimes Gansey was as stubborn as him, and he suspected he did it out of his own sense of pride.

Adam bit his lower lip when he recognized the pairs of eyes turning to him. He could still smell Ronan's aftershave on his shirt collar. "I think I'm staying in tonight," he said. "Tired."

"Yeah, I bet you are," Noah teased.

He blushed at once. The panic of being discovered ripped through him as he became a little shaky. His legs felt like they were about to give out, and his sweat glands went into hyperdrive. It wasn't surprising that someone saw them. They weren't exactly discreet at the end there.

It came rushing back at him, how forward he was on the plane. Maybe it was the altitude, or maybe it was the risk of getting caught.

_"Technically we're not on the ground yet," he said before taking Ronan in for a heavy handed kiss._

But the lack of shock in his other friends' faces reminded him that's not what Noah was referring to. He _did_ say he had sex with _someone_ last night. The obvious hickies on his neck said as much. With some hesitation, he took a step back and awkwardly laughed at the meaningless joke.

He glanced at Ronan, but Ronan was too busy staring at the ground to notice. His attention was being spent on playing with an old piece of gum with the toe of his boot.

Everyone was staring at him now, and even with an elbow to his side from Noah, Ronan didn't react to anything. 

"Ronan?" Henry spoke up. "You in?"

Finally he lifted his gaze off the ground. He looked almost bored, and he shrugged at them with a familiar sign of disinterest. "Nah. You nerds enjoy."

There were both groans and sounds of joy from the group as a result, Blue of course rejoicing.

When he managed to hail a taxi he pushed Noah in, a familiar sight to how they were in Belfast. His stomach was twisting into knots at how recognizable Ronan's behavior was, how distant he was after everything. They needed to talk, but god they were terrible at the talking thing. Emotional conversations were neither of theirs' strong point.

Adam didn't even bother going for the door, expecting another cold and offhanded conversation about waiting for another one. He was surprised to see Blue catch the door before it shut. She gave Ronan an infamous death glare when he turned to see what held it open.

"Well, might as well come with," she said so casually, while forcing herself inside. "Wash the plane smell off me. What time were we thinking of meeting up?"

"Seven?" Henry offered. 

"Sounds good!" She raised a smile to Adam. "Come on, Parrish."

"Oh. Yeah." He forgot it made logical sense to ride with them, since they lived together and everything. Adam was still collecting himself as he walked over. Ronan was being weird and didn't meet his gaze as he was offered the back. If he was going to be an ass about it, Adam wasn't going to play along.

He got into the front seat instead, quiet next to the driver as the others talked behind him. Ronan and Noah got into a heavy debate about rock music when they passed a billboard for a concert coming up. He glanced back at them as discreetly as possible, noting Ronan was talking to Noah but he was looking right at him.

Almost immediately, he shied from his gaze, and Adam sat forward again with a groan.

 

(4:55 p) you ok?

(4:59 p) _fine._

(5:01 p) are we okay? you're acting sort of distant

(5:08 p) come over later?

(5:13 p) _pizza?_

(5:15 p) yeah :)

 

There was hope.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Blue proclaimed getting into the spirit of Ireland as to why she got drunk at Declan's wedding. It didn't explain anything at all, but the subject was dropped the second she started inquiring who this Irish girl was that he met. He didn't want to explain she was a he and that he lived across the hall and was grumpy as hell today, more than ever.

Instead he hinted that Gansey should've knocked on her door last night, at which point she laughed and got in the shower.

Not five minutes after Blue finally left for dinner with the others, Ronan knocked on the door. Adam was waiting there patiently and quietly on the sofa, and the moment he heard the sound he hopped off it a little too eagerly. As a result, he slipped on the floor and almost fell. It was less embarrassing doing it alone, but the sheer feeling of it gave him a heart attack. When he caught himself he steadied his limbs by grabbing the dining table in the kitchen, steadying himself before he was humiliated in front of Ronan.

He answered a little out of breath, but he doubted Ronan would even notice. Since their last kiss, kiss forty, Ronan hadn't been able to look at him, which meant he could've been naked and he doubted Ronan would realize.

"Come in," he said.

Quiet, Ronan stepped inside, schlepping in like he was walking to his execution. Adam held himself back from rolling his eyes.

Practicing what Gansey or Noah would do, he faked a smile and offered him the couch. The door shut a little too hard behind them, but he could pretend that was the wind. 

"Thanks for getting it," he said, acknowledging the pizza in his hands. It was from their favorite place a block away, and he hoped to god that familiar taste of cheese and red sauce would ease the tension a little. 

"Yeah."

This time Adam rolled his eyes, as Ronan ignored the sofa, choosing to sit in the single lounge chair. Maintaining their distance, he supposed. With a shake of his head, he grabbed a couple sodas from the fridge and sat down too, intentionally sitting on the end closer to Ronan. He could avoid him all he wanted, but Adam wasn't going to allow this to stay awkward forever. He was determined to fix this.

Thankfully they weren't expected to talk while they were eating. It went quiet a while as they ate their slices of pizza and drank their sodas. Adam observed out of the corner of his eye all of Ronan's motions. His taut shoulders and his lack of eye contact were clear and insulting. Adam didn't give him a hand job in a bathroom for this.

As the quiet progressed into their second slice, he took note that Ronan hadn't even taken his jacket off yet.

Wait. It wasn't jacket weather. It was June. Why was he even wearing it?

"You cold or something?" he said.

Ronan looked up and around them, as if Adam was talking to the lamp. "Huh?"

"You're wearing a coat inside, in June."

He gestured with his foot Ronan's way, who was a little flustered at his persistence to converse.

"Oh." If he didn't know Ronan any better, he would almost believe his reaction at the sight of the jacket to be genuine. But he knew he wore it as a way of adding layers. It wasn't like Adam was going to try to tear his shirt off or anything. _God_. "I hadn't realized I was wearing it," he said, lying lying lying.

Adam quietly nodded. He didn't believe him for a second. This was going terribly.

They resumed eating, and Adam felt like stuffing his face with the rest as some form of solace for rejection. Normally he didn't eat so much grease anymore, but desperate times. As he went for a third slice, his glasses started to slip. Like always when his hands were full, Ronan fixed them for him. He never even had to ask.

Ronan breathed close to his face, and he could smell the pepperoni on it. It was disturbing how that didn't affect him wanting to be kissed.

Mimicking Ronan, Adam averted his attention to his pizza and tore into the third slice with determination.

"See?" Ronan said. "We can be perfectly fucking civil together. No weirdness, right? I've seen your dick and I've made you orgasm and we're fine, right?"

Adam choked on his pizza slice.

"Okay, I heard that." Ronan blinked down at the crust in his hand. "That was a little weird."

"You think?" Adam's throat was still hurting from swallowing by accident. He struggled to cough as the words still rung in his ears. This was going poorly, and now he was going to suffocate on pizza if he wasn't careful.

Ronan set down his slice to come help him breathe again. With the weirdest touch, he tried to slap at his back, but there wasn't any force behind the motion and so it became the saddest little pat he'd ever felt.

"Listen, this is weird," Ronan confessed, and he thankfully stopped touching him.

"No shit." Adam took a big swig of his soda, but the bubbles didn't do much to help. 

"We've had sex," Ronan said, careful like he was risking something with those words.

Adam couldn't tell if Ronan was having a nervous breakdown or something. It sounded as if he were asking a question, double checking that they had sex and not simply stating it. Slowly, he nodded as his breath came back to him and his throat no longer burned.

"Yes, we have," he said.

"I can't stop thinking about it." Ronan's face fell into his hands. "I think my brain is broken."

Adam would've laughed if he didn't feel exactly the same way. Even now his brain was terribly inconsistent with his wants. He wanted to move on. To go back to their banter. To be friends. 

But his brain decided instead to focus on the way Ronan was biting the end of his pizza earlier, focusing on the way he licked sauce from his lip. The way his fingers scrunched up a napkin. How those same hands held him so tenderly he nearly cried. How they learned a rhythm that made him last long enough he recited almost all the digits in pi that he knew.

So what if he loved the intimacy, the way Ronan smiled at him when he woke up, the way he held him, the thought of having Ronan all to himself-

He put his fist to his forehead and knocked at it a few times, angry enough he was ready to pull hair out if he so needed. This was more painful than when Ronan accidentally kneed him in the bathroom on the plane.

"Anybody in there, Parrish?" Ronan was playfully knocking on his head for him, too.

Adam scowled at him. "My brain is broken, too," he confessed. 

"Is that your way of fixing it?" Ronan's loose smile was like pouring salt into a wound. He didn't want to look at that smirk right now.

So he threw his soda cap at Ronan's head. Ronan snickered and then tossed it back.

"Are you thinking of sex right now?" Adam asked.

The smirk reverted to a frown and Ronan glared at him. His face flushed with an ear crimson color as he moved back to sit on the lounge chair. Adam almost gave into a voice in his head that told him he should sit in his lap.

No!

"I blame Ireland," Adam said. He shoved his back against the sofa cushions in hopes maybe he could disappear in them.

"Fuck Ireland."

Adam snorted. It was impossible, but somehow he was both exasperated and delighted to be having this conversation. It was painful, but it was necessary.

With a tilt of his head, he watched as Ronan grabbed his soda and put it to his mouth. There was something euphoric in the way his throat revealed itself as he tipped his head back. His Adam's apple was bobbing as he gulped. His sharp jaw line was visible and inviting as he jutted the lower half of his jaw out to drink from his soda.

Ronan noted his weird expression and he lowered his head back down. That blush was shades lighter than before but still present. 

"What? Something on my face?" Ronan touched at it self consciously with a napkin. A few good swipes at his cheek, and Adam started to unfold. He wished he had a jacket on, too, so he would have something to take off to define this moment. Something that informed Ronan to sit back and take it all in.

So instead, he stood up. The movement awakened something in him that he didn't anticipate. It gave him chills as he looked down at Ronan collapsed in the lounge chair, a bit of pizza sauce on the edge of his mouth with his jacket zipped up over his shirt straight to his neck. He must be sweating, Adam deduced, inside those layers. His apartment wasn't exactly all that cool for someone in winter gear.

The state of Ronan's appearance was distracting him.

"I have a confession to make to you," he said, before turning so his back was to Ronan. Not seeing him made this easier, though he did wonder what his face was doing. "Don't make a joke," he said pointedly. "I can see it forming in your head."

Ronan's mouth was shutting when he glanced back over his shoulder, and then he was quick to face forward again as he struggled to say what needed to be said. It should've been said before they fell into bed together, or at least before the second time.

"You were my first."

Every part of him flinched as he waited for Ronan to speak. All his muscles tensed at the thought of a laugh or a snarky comment or something equally mortifying. Sure, his first time was over now, but he could see several comments lining up in Ronan's awful head about losing his virginity to him.

"First what?"

Oh, come on. Adam turned around to face him and saw he wasn't playing any games. There was genuine confusion there, and Adam found himself glaring as a result. Ronan's face opened up as he was more confused now than before, by Adam's reaction and the words still clinging to the air around them. Adam just confessed he was a virgin and the damn jackass didn't even register it.

Then, something seemed to slowly click into place, and slowly Ronan arched his back as he sat straighter than before. It was sinking into his head, this confession. His cheeks burst with color as if he was the one confessing, and his eyes took time to widen. Adam half expected him to make some crass joke, but he didn't look like he was going to make any jokes. This was odd.

His hands started twitching again, and he grabbed a pillow as he sunk down into the sofa. His head tilted to his lap, to evade that look of utter shock. It isn't wrong or surprising to still be a virgin in your twenties, he wanted to proclaim, but really he felt gutted seeing Ronan look so shaken. He should feel proud, and Ronan should feel honored.

There was a stray string on Blue's least favorite pillow, probably because it was falling apart. He started to pick at it to distract himself. 

"I mean," he said, without even daring to look up. "I just couldn't find anyone I enjoyed spending time with in that way at Columbia. Or anywhere."

"So you never-?" Ronan stopped himself before saying the words he meant to say. "With all those dates you've had-?"

"Never." Adam looked down at his hands, at these hands that needed washing after eating greasy pizza, these hands that made Ronan come enough times he almost felt like a pro after this past weekend. There was a lot riding on this conversation, from the way he felt Ronan saw him, knowing he always perceived him as something a little otherworldly. Now it had to be more than obvious to him that was always a joke of a thought. Adam was no different than him. He was an ordinary young man who happened to not have sex until last Saturday night.

At some point, he somehow undid his shoe laces and was unaware of how he then tied them together. He began to fix it as the air grew more complicated around them. Ronan was still sitting there with an expression of deep contemplation across his face. He was so in his head he didn't bother hiding what he was thinking.

Adam took a deep breath. The scary part was almost over.

"I've always sort of compared them to you," he confessed.

Ronan didn't even look at him before his mouth fell open and he jerked his shoulders to sit off to the side. Even so, he could see he was nearly red as a tomato. Adam couldn't tell the exact reaction. Embarrassment? Confusion? It didn't matter.

The silence gave Adam the edge he needed to speak freely, because frankly he owed it to himself to say this out loud for once. Things that were bubbling under his skin all weekend, thoughts that tried to be spoken for years, and desire that he tried to purge and never could.

"Now I fear I'm always going to be comparing everyone else to you," he said. "And no one will ever compete. Because I think you've been what I've always wanted, and you've been here all along right under my damn nose."

His glasses were getting fogged up when Ronan finally turned to him. His own eyes were glassy, startlingly soft as he took a fist and punched at his knee. 

"You can't say shit like that without a warning," he hissed.

Before he knew what to do with himself, Ronan dove into him from his seat, nearly kicking the pizza onto the floor. He was kissing him, kissing him so hard it physically hurt. It was like being kissed by an ocean wave, being smacked by its ferocity. Adam swooned a little if that were possible, being forced down into the overworked cushions, sinking into them with his back from his and Ronan's uniform weight.

The kiss pinched his nose and his ears from his glasses pushing in to his face.

"Ow," he said with a wince.

"Shit." Ronan sat up enough. "Sorry." The both of them went for Adam's glasses at the same time, but Adam paused his hands first to let Ronan do the lifting. They were set gently down by their heads on the coffee table, and then he was being kissed again. All of this was making him dizzy.

"Better?" Ronan asked into his mouth.

"Yeah."

There was a great swooping in his stomach as Ronan smiled down upon his lips, enveloping him with his whole body. He made a soft sighing sound as Ronan kissed him like he meant it, relieved by this turn of events.

Now Ronan knew where he stood, what this meant to him. Virginity was a social construct, but it didn't mean he didn't hold its value to heart, waiting for the right person to have sex with for the first time. It just so happened that that person was here all along, and he was grateful he waited.

Ronan's hands were in his hair, tightening around clumps of it as his chest pressed against his. Adam responded by slipping his hands into Ronan's shirt, feeling at the texture of his skin. While he was _not_ going to have sex in the shared environment of his apartment, this was nice. It was already getting a little out of hand, as it always seemed to with them, but he was so happy he didn't want it to stop.

Ronan didn't get the memo, and he broke away a little to breathe. His eyes were still closed as he rested his face against Adam's forehead. His hands moved to his jacket and yanked it off, and when he was free they lay there a while without anything to say.

Adam wanted to chase his lips, nose his cheek for a kiss, but he could see he lifted his head for a reason. With a swipe of his thumb across Adam's lower lip, Ronan smiled again, cheeks gleaming with color from something in his secretive mind. Adam wanted to know what went on in that brilliant brain of his. He touched at the side of his temple, curious.

"You were my first, too."

Pressed tight to him, he could feel Ronan's energetic pulse skyrocket as he spoke, and it lulled Adam's own to a swifter pace. He wasn't the only virgin in the room. A lot of things made more sense knowing that.

While he always suspected, he never prodded. He never wanted the confirmation for fear he was wrong. A part of him always hoped that they would be each other's firsts. It started off as a joke thought in his head, inspired by one of the times Ronan mocked the idea of being his boyfriend. Then it somehow stuck, and Adam would only admit to himself he fantasized about it a few times. The happenstance of that being the case was rather beautiful to him. He quirked his lips wide.

"Well I could've told you that," he joked. Ronan playfully punched him in the arm and Adam laughed. A stark shock of it.

His knees rode up and swallowed Ronan when the laughter died down, feeling him all over again in reply. He closed his eyes before Ronan kissed him.

"But this is strictly just fooling around right?" Ronan said. "Because I didn't sign up for feelings."

Now Adam was the one to punch him back.

"God, you ass," he said. It was a refined skill of Ronan's to be able to annoy someone who wanted to fuck you and almost make them change their mind.

"I really like you, Lynch," he said, nosing Ronan's dimpled cheek. "I've liked you for a while. I've had these feelings inside for so long and it took being across the ocean to realize what exactly they were."

"I like you, too, Parrish." Ronan's eyes were closed as he confessed. His eyelashes were stark in contrast against his skin. "I've liked you a lot longer than a while."

Adam's eyes welled up, and he raised his chin to focus on the ceiling and not the man on him. He wished he realized sooner. He wished he confessed all this even in Ireland. He wished he wasn't so afraid of letting Ronan in.

His hands balled into fists as he got frustrated with himself. It was too late for all these wishes and fantasies. Now it was all out in the open. The important parts anyway.

God, they were doing this weren't they?

"I thought we were never going to say this shit," Ronan said, almost sounding thankful. "I've been wondering this whole time."

"Me too." Adam chewed on his lip. "I just didn't want to go first."

"Me either," Ronan admitted with a smile.

Adam could laugh at them, but at the same time he couldn't. 

"So all those things you said before when you were trying to make me feel better?"

"I meant them, genius." Adam kissed at his brow, raising his waist from the couch to make the distance. He kissed all the worried wrinkles away until Ronan was sighing against his neck. "Now shut up and kiss me before Blue comes back."

"Oh, you like the kissing, huh?" he teased against Adam's open collar. 

"It's tolerable," Adam said. "Could use some improvements."

They were back to playful banter, as Ronan raised his head with a start of a chuckle. "Oh, I'll show you improvements!"

Adam felt delightfully light as he practically giggled. Just a moment before kissing they held the small distance between their lips. Their faces were pressed so close Adam knew if he licked his lips he would be licking Ronan's as well. The proximity was strange and a little weird, but it gave them an odd sense of balance, of protection from being embarrassed by anything else. This was a safe space, and Adam breathed him in. 

"Just so you know," Ronan exhaled into his open mouth, voice shaking. "I've been waiting for you since sophomore year of high school."

Okay Adam was definitely sniffling, and this time he couldn't raise his chin to force the tears back in. 

"You're beautiful," Ronan continued, a hand beginning to cup his chin.

"Lynch," he said with an eye roll. His face was hot from all of this. No one ever called him beautiful except for Ronan, and before it always came out like an earnest joke. This was not one of those times. 

When Ronan crossed the tiny distance between their mouths, he kissed him hard enough the world spun faster. 

There was something about this kiss that was better. The kiss was almost like something old news, something familiar and comfortable like an old sweater. They weren't fighting with time anymore. They could just have this. He slipped his tongue in to make Ronan squirm, who certainly always reacted to him upping the ante accordingly. 

"I wish you said something sooner," Adam groaned against his lips. He couldn't help himself.

"Oh, like you did?"

Ronan had a point. His second point was wordless as his hands went into his waistband.

"Not out here," he exclaimed, or tried to before his words were swallowed up by a moan. "Bedroom."

"Ok."

Ronan stood up so fast it made Adam's head spin. He was a little relieved from the release in pressure to his waist from Ronan's weight, and then he wasn't relieved at all. 

Without warning, he was lifted off the couch and over Adam's shoulder, like a bale of hay or a large bag of flour.

"Christ, Lynch!"

"Damn, Parrish, you're heavier than I thought you'd be."

"Let me down!"

But Ronan didn't put him down, and instead began to walk him to his bedroom. The odd angle in which he realized this was not something he felt he could handle three slices deep into a pizza. He was upside down, his ass in the air, and Ronan clutching him by his bare waist as his shirt rode up.

He was dumped on the bed not very casually, and when he got his bearings straight he had half a mind to yell at Ronan for being such a dick. His words were dispensed by the wayside as Ronan pulled his shirt over his head and then shimmied out of his pants.

That was a good argument.

There was still some adjusting, but this was no longer a temporary thing. Definitely not a fleeting weekend tryst or accident. They were... something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now we're off! can't wait to include some of the iconic moments during their sneaking around phase in the show! : )
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	6. the one with the blind date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sneaking into Adam's apartment was a task. The front door was refitted but it sometimes still stuck when trying to close it. The floors were old and creaked, though Ronan learned which panels did the least amount of creaking, mastering the art of stealthy walking. He also remembered the flashlight on his phone this time. The first time he didn't, and when he knocked into a lamp it caused Blue to storm out into the living room in a green face mask and a baseball bat. If they ever had an actual burglar they were sure to pass out terrified from the sight.

After the pair transferred to Adam's bedroom, nothing much happened beyond that. Exhaustion finally got the best of them, built up over the last few days, and after making out for a little while Adam started to fall asleep. He struggled to keep his eyes open, wanting to remain awake as long as Ronan was, but at some point he couldn't any more. His eyes drifted closed as Ronan was talking to him about how they had sex on an airplane less than twelve hours ago. He smiled at him though he couldn't focus. Ronan's voice got quieter, and Adam couldn't tell if that was intentional or because he was falling asleep.

"Am I boring you, Parrish?"

Adam hummed in response, filtering his words through his sleepy head. His hands reached out for Ronan, feeling his bare chest and back, stretching into him as much as his tired body would allow.

"You want me to go?" Ronan was quieter as he asked this, gentler in his tone. There was his breath on Adam's forehead, kissing him almost like goodbye.

"Stay," Adam sighed. "Blue won't come in."

"You sure?"

At that point Adam opened his eyes a little, straining against the heaviness of his eyelids. Blurry, Ronan was smiling down at him, looking heavenly even if he wasn't in focus. There was a kiss, a simple kiss that even so left Adam lightheaded. Maybe it was all the jet leg finally getting to him. He couldn't be sure, but he was enjoying this for what it was, which was a boy he liked a hell of a lot giving him very good kisses.

Ronan was down to his boxers, while Adam still had on his shirt. With a stretch of his arms as high as they would go, he fixated on Ronan's shoulder tattoo, the ink distinct against his skin.

"I kind of like sleeping with you there," he admitted. "It's been nice."

Even though he couldn't see it, he could tell Ronan was smirking and arching his brow high.

"Oh?" He could even hear it in his tone.

"Just say you like it too and leave it at that," Adam beseeched. "Also, grab my glasses from the living room, would you? So I can see when I wake up?"

"And risk running into Blue in my underwear? Fat chance of that, Parrish," Ronan muttered, but already he was crawling over Adam to get out of his bed.

Smug, Adam hummed to himself a little tune of victory as Ronan walked out to the living room. While waiting, he slipped in and under the covers and removed his shirt, certain he wouldn't need it any more since it wasn't exactly cold in his room and he was sharing his bed with a sweaty boy. His room felt smaller with Ronan in it like this. Before, they spent many a time in here as he studied or just to watch something they knew Blue didn't want to see when she was home. It felt more intimate now, like a safe alcove just for them. His room was bigger than Ronan's across the hall, but not by much. It was full of shelves he bought around the city from thrift shops and secondhand bargain stores. The shelves were of course full of books, as well as the few items he spared from his adolescent years, the one that survived the fights and hiding under pillows after purchasing with what little money he made on his own. It made his stomach churn thinking about those times after years away, as he looked across the dark room at the tiny little toy cars he salvaged from his old bedroom in the trailer. The memories attached to them were thin and oftentimes sad, but they were a reminder of where he's come from and where he plans to go.

Ronan stepped back into the room and shut the door behind him. Adam's glasses were set gently down by him on his bedside table, before he crawled over him as inelegantly as before.

"There's a whole other side of my bed you can get in on," Adam said, unnerved by the way Ronan pressed into him coming back.

"I like the shortcut," Ronan said, before bending down and snagging his tired lips into a kiss. Suddenly Adam didn't mind the shortcut so much either. His hands wrapped around Ronan's backside as it extended into him, his hips trying to wake him up.

"Your glasses are on the table, so you can see or whatever," Ronan mumbled.

"Thank you, or whatever." Adam was grateful that despite the fact they were more intimate now than before they hadn't lost their edge. While Ronan certainly annoyed him much of the time, he liked him a hell of a lot and liked their banter, and knowing it wasn't stopping just because they've started this other part was nice.

As Ronan slid under the sheets with him, Adam started to wake up more in more ways than one, but his attention was drifting to his window shelf as Ronan's attention was turning towards his already hickey covered neck. 

"Do my plants look okay?" He couldn't tell from this angle, and the fact his brain was getting fuzzier the longer Ronan was doing what he was doing didn't help. "I haven't watered them since I got back."

It was appreciated that Ronan didn't make a dumb joke as he sat up, wiping at his mouth before examining his plants. He knew how much they meant to Adam, which meant if Adam asked about them then he was genuinely concerned. The view of Ronan bending over them was nice. His boxers had slipped down a little and showed more of the tail end of his spine. It still took some getting used to being allowed the visuals of Ronan's naked body. Underneath his ripped jeans and baggy shirts and tanks he was sturdy and strong. He was thick with muscle, which was different from the skinny muscle he had back in high school that Adam admitted admiring the few times he could. He was both envious and dangerously prideful about Ronan's shape, in particular the touch of it against his hands. 

Suddenly he wasn't all too into gardening and wanted to drag Ronan backward into him until his hot skin was felt everywhere.

"Jeez, have they multiplied or something since we left?" Ronan snorted, before shooting a look over his shoulder. The strips of light from outside cast odd shadows on his face, framing him strangely. They distorted his playful smile, which he extended his hand out to touch. "Or did you always have this many? Building a greenhouse of your own, Parrish?"

"Maybe." With a flick of his thumb across Ronan's mouth, he motioned for him to come back. Before he could blink Ronan was on him again, smiling against his neck. 

"They look fine," he finally said. "Water them in the morning."

"Okay."

Ronan crawled back under the covers, and Adam was suddenly more awake.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Waking up in Ronan's arms for the third morning in a row was dangerously addicting. Waking up in his bed with Ronan's arms and legs wrapped around him was like sensory overload. He awoke to his face pressed into his pillow, but it had the faint and distinct scent of Ronan's body wash. Ronan had his face against his neck, which was raw from all the hickies. There were so many new ones, tender flesh against his hand. How would he explain that? Ronan was forcing him to wear a turtle neck in June.

His clock was blurred by his bedside, and he grabbed his glasses to move them to his eyes to see, making out the time with a sigh of relief. It was still early, early enough he could sneak Ronan out without Blue hearing or seeing them.

He sat up in bed, and immediately Ronan whined, gripping at his waist in protest. His fingers gripped tight trying to deny him access to the rest of his room. It was cold in there this morning, and when Ronan freed him he stood up and pulled a sweater over his head, warming his arms best he could. The lack of skin contact left him wanting.

Looking back at Ronan's sleeping face, he was so overcome with joy. This was the best feeling in the world, looking at him scrunch his eyes in defiance of waking up, curling his lips like he was angry. Adam kissed him awake, feeling him stir against him to show he was reciprocating.

There was mumbling against his mouth, defiant even still. 

"Why do you wake me up so early?"

Adam grinned, pecking at his lips with tiny, teasing kisses. Ronan whined as he tried not to move, but when Adam pulled away he unabashedly followed, sliding across the bed to keep their lips connected.

"Come on," he said, when he reached the end of his side. "I'll walk you out. Before Blue discovers you."

"Five more minutes, Mom." Ronan rested his head back down on the mattress.

With a flick of his fingers to his ear, Adam said, "I’m not your mom."

"Thank god for that."

Finally, he blearily opened his eyes, lifting just his neck up off the bed. He was a sight to see, sprawled out over Adam's bed like he was, visibly wrecked from a night of talking and making out. It was nice to know they could still enjoy this without immediately going straight to having sex, and that Ronan would still give him that devilish little smile that gave him dimples when it broadened. His half open eyes were calling to Adam, pulling him back to the bed without needing any words to join them.

Adam rested his knees against the mattress as he bent down to kiss him, feeling the slide of his tongue trying to call him back into the bed.

First, he needed coffee or something. He had to unpack and do laundry today, not to mention clean out the fridge and buy new groceries. It was going to be a full day, and yet all he wanted to do was stay here in bed making a mess of his sheets. If Blue never bothered to check on him, they could have all day of just this.

He found his glasses next to the bed again so he could see Ronan's dimples better. They were swiped from his hand before he raised them to his face, and Ronan put them on instead. On his knees, he was almost at level with Adam still standing. When the glasses were raised to his eyes, he blinked dramatically a few times, and then flinched with his hand jerking away. 

"Oh my god, Parrish," he said a little too loudly for this early. "How blind are you?"

Adam swept his glasses back from him and put them back on himself, annoyed it not surprised. As Ronan's perfect eyes recovered from his prescription, Adam touched at his hair, enjoying this in between of his longer hair and his old buzzcut. His fingers looped around the tiny hints of curls, because he wanted to and because he could. He pecked him gently on the mouth, because he wanted to and because he could. Because he'd been dreaming of this for a while now, and now he allowed himself to have it. He felt Ronan's hand sneak up into his sweater, touching his bare skin with his mildly warm hand. This was so cozy, and he wished he could let it go on forever. But he really didn't want to explain to their friends how they fumbled into bed together more than once, and were likely going to do it again and again and again.

Ronan visibly sulked when Adam removed himself from the bed completely, pouting to the point Adam wanted to take that lower lip between his teeth. His hands resisted the urge to feel around Ronan's sloping shoulders, even as he felt Ronan's hands feeling around him. His gaze caught on Adam's hickies, noticeable even while wearing his sweatshirt. His lower lip was pulled in by his own teeth, which gnawed at it in a way that made Adam envy them. His brain really was broken by all this sex.

"You are so torturingly handsome." Those words being uttered with Ronan's deep, sleepy voice stirred something inside him.

It wasn't until he laughed did he realize what it was stirring up. He liked the compliment, even if the word torture confused him. 

"What's that mean?" he said. 

"I just..." Ronan breathed. His eyes raked over Adam's whole height, slow and steady. It made Adam's cheeks burn, his skin was getting hot and tingly. 

"You're gorgeous," Ronan said.

Adam laughed again.

"I mean it."

His lack of acceptance was making Ronan argumentative, which only made him want to laugh more. What was he trying to accomplish with these comments? They made something in his stomach flutter around.

"You're clearly sleep deprived," he chuckled.

"Adam." When he said his first name it made him still inside. This time, his legs locked into place, forcing him to stand there frozen. Without hesitation, Ronan crawled off the bed and stood straight, inching into him until their fronts were flush against each other. At once he began to touch him, noting the different places on his body.

"From your floppy hair to your freckles to your glasses to your smile to your voice to your hands to your eyes to your-"

Adam squirmed under his touch. "Okay, I get it." His gaze went down, shy from the attention. "I'm built of a lot of gorgeous things apparently."

One of Ronan's fingers hooked under his chin, tilting it up again until their eyes were forced to meet. His glasses were slipping down his nose, but that became less of a problem when they were pushed back up by Ronan's incessant need to kiss him. There was no warning or gesture for it, just simple faces pressing together tight. It hurt, because his glasses pinched his nose, but he didn't break away, because god kissing Ronan was becoming an awfully bad habit he didn't want to kick. 

His lips eased every tense muscle in Adam's body he didn't know he had. Every time felt as potent as the first.

To his relief, Ronan ended the kiss before he had to, breathing into Adam's mouth, as he was still left frozen by Ronan's subtler affections.

"I'm allowed to say those things, right?" Ronan asked.

Adam could only nod quietly. It took him what felt like minutes to even swallow. This was a new side of Ronan Adam was seeing, and he was seeing a lot of new sides of him this whole weekend. This one felt most shocking, to hear Ronan say these sweet things to him in this sweet, soft voice. It turned him into mush.

"Yeah," he said in more of a whisper than he meant to. "You're allowed."

There was a cupped hand to his jaw, feeling along the length of it, before Ronan moved from him to the other parts of his clustered room.

It took a moment for Adam to catch his breath, and the only way he did was by stepping backward and clutching at the corner of his desk. While watching Ronan dress, he was filled with the urge to throw him back on the bed. He needed a break. His brain needed a break.

But he also didn't want Ronan to leave.

As Ronan pulled on his pants Adam felt mournful of the wasted opportunity to keep him here all day and fake being sick so they could hide out in his room without suspicion. His glasses slipped down his nose as he watched Ronan, and he fixed them on his own.

Then as he continued to stare, eyes following Ronan's every motion, they slipped again from looking down at Ronan's shapely ass.

This time, Ronan straightened out and caught them before they slid any further down. With a simple press of one finger, his glasses were in place again. As if in triumph, Ronan then kissed the bridge of his nose, and Adam scrunched it acting as if annoyed. He was too sweet. This was too domestic. Adam had to remind himself that they were acting domestic long before the thought filled his mind. All the touches, the sleepovers, the late night talks, the constant texting.

Yeah, this should've happened a long time ago.

To avoid feeling clingy, though, he took Ronan's hand and walked him to the front door of his apartment. Normally being in his pajamas out in the shared space put him on edge, for fear of the others walking in and saying something, but today he frankly couldn't care any less. He was in his pajama shorts and his Columbia sweater that he spoiled himself with last winter, while Ronan was wearing his shirt on backwards and his belt was undone and shoe laces left untied. Not exactly subtle.

He was still sleepy as Ronan snuggled his face to his neck from behind, though less so as when he was then turned him around and kissed very passionately. Before they got too far, Adam pushed his glasses up onto his forehead and kissed him back, draping his arms over Ronan's shoulders, hands in Ronan's hair. Hands moved down to grasp his butt gently, and the feeling didn't amuse him anymore. It wasn't awkward like the first time. It was nice.

This kiss wasn't rushed like all their others. Without saying it, they were aware they could have all the time in the world if they wanted. He couldn't help but express how happy that made him with a sigh into their kiss. Ronan expressed himself with a less appropriate sound.

Blue's door opened as they were minutes deep into making out. She yawned violently loud, as she always did, and without thinking Adam shoved Ronan off him. He staggered back into the door, catching himself by grabbing at the coat hanger rack on the wall. 

Everything was cold as Adam just stood there in shock. In his peripheral he could see Blue still close to her bedroom door. She stalled when she registered the pair of them. Her eyes squinted.

"What are you two doing awake this early?" It wasn't unusual for her to be suspicious. Often Blue was suspicious of everything he and Ronan did together, as if they were schemers planning to rob banks and pull of heists together. No, they were just having sex.

It was kind of obvious, what with the looks of things. Adam's hair was a bird's nest, and he was in _pajamas_ in the _kitchen._ Not to mention Ronan's whole thing, clutching for dear life at the wall while half wearing all his clothes.

The two of them exchanged a look, not factoring this in as a potential risk with making out by his front door. He was still a little disoriented from ending that so fast, almost a little too into it so early in the morning. Ronan's expression likely matched his own, one of horror and uncertainty. His eyes were wider than he's ever seen them, and Adam couldn't seem to form words. These seconds ticked by like long, desperate minutes.

"Came over to borrow some sugar," Ronan said at last. He licked his lips with his gaze turned away from Adam, thank god. Then he grabbed a bunch of the packets of it from the jar they had in the kitchen. "Thanks."

He awkwardly stepped out before Adam could even think to say goodbye. His brain was still back at the moment before he shoved Ronan away, still clinging on to the very heavy memory of Ronan's lips.

Once he was gone, Blue stretched her arms above her head and started towards him. She yawned again as she passed to walk into the kitchen.

"What a weirdo," she snorted. 

"What are you doing up so early?" Adam barely got the words out, and some still had the tiny bit of a squeak in them, but he figured that could be mistaken as a sleepy voice.

"Work." She yawned again. "You left your crap out here last night." Her hands did a dance towards the main living space, as she started searching for the ingredients that make coffee.

Adam glanced at the table to see the pizza and sodas gone. He flinched.

"Shit," he said. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Blue didn't look all that bothered by it. She wasn't even looking at him anymore, more focused on waking up than talking. It looked like they might have gotten away with this. "I ate some of the pizza if that's cool. The rest is in the fridge."

"Yeah, that's fine." Adam sucked in a breath. "Thank you."

"Mm." Her head finally lifted, and she smirked knowingly. "You and Ronan enjoy yourselves?"

Adam rubbed at the back of his neck before turning off to the side, so he couldn't look at her or show off the red of his nape. "What?" He nearly giggled the word, bubbling over from nerves. 

"I assumed that's who the other soda belonged to," she said. "You ditch us to talk shit about us or something?"

Her actions paused as she stared at him, which he felt but couldn't be certain of. When he finally looked over, she in fact was looking, one hand on her hip. 

Adam hesitated a laugh.

"No, Blue," he said. "We did not."

It was agonizing staring into the face of your best friend and being unable to tell her you're sleeping with your other best friend in secret.

With a click of her tongue against the roof of her mouth, Blue gave up and faced her coffee again.

"I'm shocked you weren't sick of him after spending nine hours on a plane next to each other," she mused. 

"He's nicer than you think."

Blue waved him off, and he didn't have it in him to keep arguing. Before, when he fought with Blue about Ronan, he wasn't always sure what it was he was arguing about. Now it was almost too obvious, and he didn't want her to catch on to the why.

She continued to make her coffee, quiet and sluggish. The silence triggered Adam's instinct to head back to his room. He shuffled his feet on the floor as his joints began to cramp from all the tension and anxiety of keeping a secret. He never kept such a big secret from Blue before. This felt like friend treason, but he knew she would try to persuade him to stop if he told.

As he started to trek back to his room, Blue yawned again, her usual dinosaur of a yawn.

"You wanna come with me to the shoot?" she asked, and he turned around. "Since you're up?"

Adam shrugged, fixing his glasses like always. She was standing there with an elbow propped up on the counter next to the coffee machine, and looking at him like he wasn't hiding something from her. He really had nothing better to do other than wait for Ronan to text him, and that sounded like a terrible plan because it gave Ronan all the power. So he shrugged again.

"Sure."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

(1:34 p) _hey_

(1:35 p) did you just wake up?

(1:37 p) _.... no_

(1:37 p) _what are you doing rn_

(1:38 p) i'm out with blue at a work thing. we're in queens

(1:39 p) _oh ok_

(1:40 p) why?

(1:41 p) _no reason_

 

(2:33 p) sorry i got distracted. what was the real reason you asked earlier?

(2:41 p) _wondered if you wanted to get food_

(2:44 p) like a date?

(2:46 p) _no, like two friends getting food_

(2:47 p) did you want to go on a date?

(2:49 p) _I don't know_

(2:55 p) yes

(3:03 p) _you know it would be with me right?_

(3:05 p) oh, well in that case never mind

(3:09 p) _fuck you_

(3:10 p) what are you doing right now

(3:11 p) _nothing_

(3:11 p) _you?_

(3:13 p) heading back now

(3:13 p) do you have any more condoms left?

(3:15 p) _they were noah's but I can buy some if you wanted me to_

(3:15 p) please do

(3:15 p) I've been thinking of you this whole afternoon

(3:15 p) and the things I want to do to you

(3:16 p) and I'm getting super red on the train right now writing all this

(3:17 p) _that's your own damn fault_

(3:17 p) _how far away are you?_

(3:17 p) an hour I think

(3:18 p) _that's not enough time to buy more condoms. i'll just steal more of noah's I guess_

(3:20 p) ... it's an hour

(3:21 p) _preparing for sex is a process_

(3:23 p) it didn't take an hour the other times

(3:25 p) _but this time i KNOW i'm getting laid_

(3:27 p) weirdo

(3:33 p) _i can't believe how horny you are it's kind of funny_

(3:35 p) go to hell lynch

(3:36 p) _like, i am too but damn you're on a whole other level with your thirst_

(3:37 p) _when i really think about it you initiated pretty much every single time_

(3:38 p) _how about that_

(3:45 p) i swear to god i hate you

(3:50 p) _you're still coming over though_

(4:02 p) >:( unfortunately

(4:03 p) _k. i'll be here :)_

(4:03 p) _8======D_

(4:06 p) you're so immature

(4:19 p) and i'm here btw open the door

(4:21 p) ronan, this isn't funny

 

~~~~~~~

 

Three days after getting back from Ireland, Adam and Ronan had an official date planned when the others were all busy. Ronan was the one that planned it all out, mainly because Adam became swamped by his internship he forgot to even eat the last couple days if it weren't for him. That part didn't change at all, Ronan cooking for Adam. Only now he was a little less subtle about it being prepped specifically for Adam. He kind of always suspected.

The date began with Ronan arriving at Adam's internship when it was over, coming up behind him and placing his hands to his shoulders to ease them. Standing all day made him exhausted, his muscles ached, and then Ronan was massaging him and suddenly it wasn't so bad. They could be obvious here. No one at his internship knew their friends. They barely knew Adam since he only just started.

"Mm, thank you," Adam mumbled, turning around to drape his arms over Ronan's neck. He was halted by a large box thing between them when he turned.

"What's this?"

"Our date. Did you forget?" The skin between Ronan's eyebrows wrinkled, and Adam lifted up onto the toes of his feet to kiss it, easing it immediately. 

"No," he replied. "I did forget the plan. Oh wait, you didn't tell it to me."

Maybe he forgot, or maybe he was getting better at hiding his expressions, but the words triggered him to smile and then they were kissing as if no one was watching.

Their date was at the New York Public Library, where Adam obsessively hung out. In one of the older stacks in the back where few people visited, they had a sweet little picnic that Ronan made for them. Little quiches and fancy salad and tiny finger sandwiches that made Adam feel bizarrely special, wondering if this was what rich people ate on picnics in Paris by the Eiffel Tower or somewhere. Adam once offhandedly told the gang how he always wanted to have a picnic at the library, and now here they were. It made him bubble with glee of some sort at the fact all the times he didn't think anyone was listening, especially Ronan, Ronan was. 

There was kissing and book reading, which was how Adam learned Ronan specifically picked this spot to brag about his Latin grammar, which was still somehow better than Adam's after all these years. It irked him in an innocuous way, and then there was more kissing.

After, they walked around Central Park holding hands, being visible without fear of being discovered. They openly kissed there in the park and sat in the sun as the sun set, lying there together in the grass. Ronan's hands ran through Adam's hair, and Adam had never been happier. He felt warm and gooey and almost like a teenager again. It wasn't that long ago, but it felt like decades since he and Ronan met, since he started feeling a milder version of this every time Ronan made him laugh or complimented him by way of insult or touched him. Now it was like a solar explosion in his skin every time their eyes met or Ronan kissed him or held him.

Is this what falling in love felt like?

Ronan lifted his prescription sunglasses off his face to kiss him, and as a result set him down in the grass and nearly rolled onto him.

"We can't have sex at the park, Lynch," he said, staring upward at him with the intention of not smiling. If he smiled he knew it would be incentive for Ronan to continue settling down on him, and then god knows where their libidos would take them. 

"Jeez, Parrish." Ronan wrinkled his nose down at him as if he said something sour. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Who said anything about having sex?"

Adam dragged a hand over Ronan's face to try to settle his expression. 

"Well then you better stop kissing me like that," he said, a little disoriented by the angle of their bodies. He took one hand and drifted it down past Ronan's eyes they were as daring as before. The hunger in the blue was palpable, and his chest pinched when Ronan matched it with a smirk.

"You're so fucking easy," he teased. 

Adam rolled his eyes.

"Wow, not going to argue?"

"What's the point?" He shrugged against the grass, reluctant to rise unless absolutely necessary. "It's maybe a little true."

Ronan's brow arched high on his forehead, and that was when Adam felt it was absolutely necessary. Pretty soon he suspected they were going to get arrested for public nudity or something if he kept looking at Adam like that. As he sat up, he pulled on Ronan's collar so he would follow suit. He looked a little too good in his band tee with the sleeves torn off, showing off his bare arms with a peek through the loose sides at his torso.

They resorted to kissing sitting up, as Ronan kneeled into him and grazed the side of his face with his nose until the nudging initiated more than that. Adam abandoned all sense getting lost in the warm sensation of hands on his waist and lips that still tasted like the sparkling cider they had earlier. One hand was behind him digging his fingers into the grass for balance, while the other cupped the underside of Ronan's chin, the growing stubble there ticklish against his palm. Ronan was trying to grow out a small beard and it annoyed Adam how good he looked with it.

"You're easy too though," he tried to argue, though it was much later and Ronan's hands were on his thighs, distracting him an awful lot.

Ronan scoffed and jerked his head back. With his mind cleared, Adam had trouble breathing from the sudden move apart. It was disorienting, like being on a Tilt-A-Whirl for ages and then immediately having to get off and stand still. He swallowed hard as Ronan continued to prove he was a little shit, raising his chin haughtily upward toward the sky. "Am not," he replied.

Adam's head was getting clearer quicker because of his antagonism. He slipped in a fleeting kiss before Ronan had a chance to respond in turn.

"Do you want to go back to my place?" Adam ran his fingers down the front of Ronan's shirt, feeling what was underneath. Why did he even bother wearing shirts if they fit his form like this? What was the point!

Ronan shrugged and nodded at the same time as his entire body seemed to react to the words. "Okay," he said all casual, but the rest of him wasn't going along with the plan of seeming aloof.

As he began to stand up, Adam snickered watching him rise. He realized all too late what Adam was doing, and he quickly sat back down, brow furrowed all intense. Not the least bit forceful he shoved Adam at the shoulder, then with a frown he motioned him back against the grass, who at once burst into laughter.

"You asshole!"

He kissed him again. Adam tried to taper him off, but it was difficult when it felt so nice. The laughing helped keep him at bay a while, as Ronan sulked while sitting upright, leaving Adam on the ground to chuckle.

This was fun, teasing him like this. They were learning new boundaries with one another and this was one of them, Adam allowing himself to feel comfortable enough to play around with the idea of sex. It opened new opportunities to be an asshole, but he knew deep down under Ronan's pout and crossed arms and distant gaze, he liked it. 

"I wasn't kidding about going back to my place, though," he said, fingers feeling around at the large hole on his left shirt side made for his arm to fit through, not daring to touch at the skin for fear that was too far.

"Really?" Ronan started to sit up again. Adam couldn't contain his laughter long enough this time and broke faster than the first time. By Ronan's expression, he was definitely more upset now. There was a clear blush across his face as he shoved Adam's shoulder again.

"You dick!" he hissed.

At once he was on top of him, though not to kiss him. His hand went to Adam's sides, and he began to tickle him.

Adam writhed, stomach pinching as he couldn't stop laughing.

"No!" he shouted, but he wasn't genuine. Ronan knew as much, and he kept going.

"You deserve it," he said. There was maybe a kiss in there. He couldn't tell where Ronan's mouth meant to land, because she kept jerking about laughing until his throat hurt. Adam laughed until he couldn't breathe, the sound rising the more Ronan's adventurous hands went.

Above him, Ronan beamed down as he kept going, and Adam laughed his way into a heavy kiss.

 

~~~~~~~

 

For the rest of the first week back from Ireland, there wasn't a night where Adam and Ronan didn't at least make out with each other once that day. They fell into a pattern, where when Adam wasn't working and Ronan wasn't working or at the school kitchens practicing his culinary skills, they were often somewhere within the city together if they couldn't be alone at home. It wasn't that much different from before, which Adam noticed all too late just how easily they could've fallen into this sooner; but now they were holding hands and kissing and having sex.

Now Adam could run his hands across Ronan's scalp so fondly, and Ronan could kiss Adam's knuckles when he was reading. Now Ronan gently moved Adam's glasses off him and Adam would know he wanted to kiss.

They spent every night together in either one of their apartments, and Adam had never slept so well before in all his life. Sharing a bed became almost a given at some point, when Ronan used Adam's spare key to crawl into bed with him exactly one week after Ireland without even texting to ask. Adam was up late reading and heard the door open without a warning, and without looking up from his book he felt arms stretch out around him on his left and a kiss to his temple. Then he wasn't reading anymore, and recognized how easy it was to get comfortable with the idea of this becoming a forever thing.

Their friends, however, had no idea. In an unspoken agreement, they kept whatever they were doing under wraps, until it revealed itself what exactly this was. Adam didn't want to rush it; granted they went right past awkward first dates to sleeping together, but he didn't mind. And he didn't want to disturb the flow of whatever this was. Ronan strangely didn't seem to mind either.

Their friends didn't notice when they texted each other across the room during hang outs, or how they were both suspiciously gone at the same time more than once, or how Adam would be gone some nights and then Ronan others. They were kind of clueless, but it helped the pair sneak around discreetly.

Their friends had their own problems to deal with, like Henry's sudden obsession with Noah's philandering and Noah's ongoing obsession with being an actor, as well as Gansey's pining for Blue and Blue's complete unawareness to it.

Once, they were making out on the sofa, Adam in Ronan's lap not even paying attention to what was on the television, and Blue walked in unexpectedly. Ronan never stood up so fast, dropping Adam on the sofa to lunge across the back and run out the fire escape. He was gone before Adam even had a chance to say it wasn't out of the ordinary to be hanging out together. Then it became weirder to explain to Blue why he looked so weird and out of breath watching Shrek alone.

He was pretty sure Blue thought he was a pervert around the third time she almost caught them.

But she said nothing. They all said nothing. And soon it became almost like a habit, sneaking around. A really terrible, addicting habit.

 

~~~~~~~

 

The whole gang was hanging out at Blue and Adam's place. It was the central point of all their hang outs, that and the pizza place a block away. There was something on the TV, but no one was watching it. Instead, Ronan was on the sofa with Gansey and Henry, Noah sitting in the lounge chair, all talking about a bad date Gansey recently had. The poor son of a bitch was trying to get over Blue by way of dating girls that were the far opposite of her, which meant they were exactly like Gansey and were terrible for Gansey. He hated to admit it, but he and Blue would probably fit, if only the fool told her he liked her.

He was trying, really trying hard, to focus on his friends and all their talking, but really his attention kept getting drawn towards the kitchen where Blue and Adam were talking. Adam had on an old shirt from high school that still fit him, but barely. It was snug against his frame, the sleeves tight on his arms. He was leaning against the fridge with a hand resting on the counter and Ronan was clawing at the back of the couch. 

All day he'd been counting down the hours until him and Adam were meeting up later. Adam's been an all consuming thought in his head all week. He was always on his mind before, but now he had visuals to back up his thoughts. Physical memories. Knowledge of what was to transpire when they made plans to hang out alone.

It was electric when their eyes met across the room, dangerous in front of all their friends. With a practiced nonchalance about it, Ronan turned his head back to the conversation he was somehow still a part of. 

"Maybe if you listened on dates more you'd get laid," he noted, after Gansey went on about how bad the date was. 

"Well I-" Gansey stammered. "-you- what kind of-"

"He's right, you know." Noah was eating a sandwich he somehow just came here with, his legs flung over the side of the chair, sitting in it like a spoiled prince. "Not correcting them helps too."

"Even when they're wrong?" Gansey inquired.

"Dude, do you want to get laid or not?" Noah said sincerely.

Henry snorted from Gansey's other side.

"What?" Noah wrinkled his brow at Henry, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Just you, giving advice on dating," Henry said. He laughed. "When was the last time you had a proper date and didn't just pick someone up at the bar?"

"Yesterday."

"What?" Henry faltered, almost choking on the crackers he was snacking on. Gansey had to start patting on his back curiously while his cough session persisted.

"Oh?" said Gansey. He was staring at Henry strangely, even though this was peak Henry behavior, while Noah wasn't paying any of them attention beyond his sandwich.

"It was okay." Noah's feet started to kick at the air. "The food was bad. It was at this fancy restaurant that serves, like, snails." He shuddered.

"You have no culture, Czerny," Henry coughed. "I'm not surprised."

"Oh hush, Henry." Gansey elbowed him. "I'm living vicariously here."

Henry rolled his eyes.

The others started bickering as per usual, and Ronan's attention began to drift. Adam was laughing at something Blue said or did, and he felt himself unsubtly diverge his gaze towards the kitchen. Slumped down in the sofa, his nose barely peeked over the back of the couch, stealing glances at Adam. He and Blue were doing the dishes and spraying water at each other as they talked, his smile bright and wide, his shirt riding up over his stomach as his arms moved about to retaliate in this water war.

After torturing himself for a few minutes, he turned back, feeling like a drug addict that got his fix. He cleared his throat as he sat up again, running a hand across his scalp to check if he was hot in the face or not.

Henry and Noah were arguing, again, when he registered what the conversation around him turned into.

"Whatever happened to your hook up in Ireland?" he interrupted, cutting Henry off before they said something stupid. He stole a glance at Gansey, who looked grateful for the change. "It wasn't one of my cousins, was it?"

"No, it was not." Noah finished his sandwich sometime ago and was looking on his phone. "You can rest easy knowing I did not sleep with a Lynch. Living with one is bad enough."

Ronan jumped up from the couch to slap at the back of Noah's head, who laughed as he sat back down.

"Asshole," he said. Noah blew him a kiss.

 

~~~~~

 

Not fifty feet from the living room, Blue and Adam started to make popcorn as they chatted, leaving the others alone to talk. Normally Henry would be a part of their little group, but lately he'd been gravitating towards the others for some unknown reason.

It was hard to keep a conversation going when Ronan was sitting there being distracting. His one arm was stretched along the backside of the couch, fingers plucking at the strings loose in the old sofa's design. Adam found himself staring at the hair on his bare forearm, at his leather watch on his wrist. There was the way in which he focused, how his eyebrows turned in but didn't quite wrinkle there at the skin between them. His lips were pursed enough that when he unthinkingly licked them to keep them from drying out, it was unavoidable to look.

He was so desperate, as his hands wrung out a dish towel to the point Blue asked if he was fantasizing killing Ronan.

"Funny," he said, without an ounce of humor left in him to fake a snort or anything.

He failed a practice quiz yesterday because his brain has been so fogged lately.

In a few short hours, that hand was going to be on him, and Adam had to chew on a piece of bread to keep himself from finishing that thought.

Ronan shouldn't be as sexy as he was to him. He was a human disaster. Granted, a human disaster that was also incredibly romantic it was actually kind of daunting. But a human disaster regardless. When he tossed a piece of candy in his mouth, he hit himself in the eye.

He couldn't believe how sexy he found that. It was mortifying.

"You're so tense," Blue quipped, and Adam barely heard her for several different reason.

As Ronan rubbed at his eye, Adam snorted watching him. The sound wasn't meant to be heard, and he realized all too late he made it.He turned away as Ronan started to twist his neck to look back. The hair on his neck prickled, knowing he was being watched. His phone vibrated but he didn't pick up. He closed his eyes a moment, taking a moment to breathe. His phone vibrated again, but he wouldn't answer that either.

"Hey, so you know that event I went to the other night for work?" Blue asked, not looking up from what she was doing. As Adam nodded, she continued, sounding so bubbly as she spoke. "I met a couple cute guys, one of whom I think you'd hit it off with. I got us a double date."

His heart sank. Oh no no no no no.

Sheepishly, he started to separate from her side at the counter.

"I'm not so sure I would be into that sort of thing," he said half-assed.

The popcorn looked to be done, as he moved along the length of the kitchen to fetch it. She was swift to block his way. Her hands were at her hips accordingly and her face was scrunched up to show off her exasperation.

"Listen, mister," she said. "You’re single, and you're always moping about how I get all these dates and you don't. After Ireland you've seemed happier, which I can only assume is because you got laid for once. I thought you would want this? To socialize? Tell me one reason you don’t want to go."

His mouth fell open as he struggled for words. Thankfully Ronan was at his back so he couldn't steal a glance his way and blurt the whole thing out, though he desperately wanted to.

Ever the scientist and ever the thinker, he was currently drawing a blank. It's like all words were wiped from his memory, every option or scenario knocked from his head. 

"How about you guess why I don't want to go," he said.

Blue groaned. 

"No, Adam. Come on. You always back out of this shit. You don’t deserve to be so lonely. You might actually like this one for once. It's just a small double date at the Nino's. You can order a piece of that god awful pizza you like so much."

"Blue," Adam said. His stomach was starting to hurt, because he didn't know how to get out of this and Ronan was going to be so upset. They hadn't officially called this anything, but all their confessions and sleepovers, he had to assume it was something on the verge of being serious. Besides, Adam didn't want to go on this date regardless if he was with Ronan or not. Blue had the worst taste in guys for him, and an only slightly better taste in women. She didn't ever really place what it was he liked, and never would now that he knew it was Ronan Lynch.

His stomach was in knots at this, and there was a strange void in his ability to clearly defend his position on not going. Blue often had a habit of talking until she got her way, and that looked to be happening now whether he wanted it to or not.

"Come on. you said it yourself, you aren’t seeing anyone," Blue said, taking his words from previous conversations and making them backfire on him tenfold. "The girl at the wedding was just a one time thing."

"Oh?" Adam tensed at that familiar, obnoxious voice cutting in. "Girl at the wedding huh?" All too easily, Ronan perked his head up from the sofa. 

"Mind your own business, buzzkill," Blue said, and for once Adam agreed with her. He didn't need him intercepting this awkward conversation that had everything and nothing to do with him.

But Ronan was already leaping over the back of the couch and walking their way. His arm brushed gently against Adam's as he stood all too close to him, before stepping back and folding his arms across his chest.

Adam frowned at him. He couldn't give him any space, could he? Of course not. It was exhausting hiding this, even if it was also sometimes exhilarating. This was not one of those times.

His glasses slipped down as he glared, silently professing for Ronan to go away.

Ronan unconsciously fixed his glasses for him, and Adam froze thinking they were caught. All these touches, all these looks, were blatant. Ronan was looking at him like he was the only thing in the room, but Blue was two feet away.

"You really need to get your glasses fixed, Adam," she said, and Adam was swept back to reality.

They weren't caught, because of course not. Because Ronan often did this before, and it only changed for them. There was an additional weight behind every look and touch that couldn't be felt by anyone beyond them.

How badly he wanted to slide into him and be swallowed up by his arms, to kiss him and feel every bit of himself be enveloped by Ronan Ronan Ronan.

Blue didn't even notice as Ronan's hand then tucked a lock of hair behind Adam'sear for him, leaving a ghost trail of his touch at the shell of it. He swatted his teasing hand away, getting chills.

"I heard she was a real firecracker."

Adam was not amused, though Ronan seemed to be. No one questioned _his_ sex life this past week, because no one saw Ronan do anything that weekend. They thought he just got really drunk.

Ronan hadn't moved away from him, nor did he stop touching at him. A hand moved down the length of his arm, knuckles brushing along the hair on his arm. Adam touched him in return, and then pinched him.

"Ow," Ronan said under his breath. He flinched.

"Go away," Adam hissed.

"What you two talking about?" Ronan flashed him a smile but didn't leave. Adam felt sick.

Blue finished filling a large bowl with the popcorn they made, and as she wheeled around Adam only felt sicker. He put a hand to his stomach when she smirked at them, set on the edge to vomit.

"About how much you suck," said Blue. "And how we think you smell."

Adam almost fainted from the relief of the stress. He clutched his chest instead of his stomach while his eyes flickered between the combatting two. Ronan's one eye twitched, which he knew meant he was tempted to rebuttal. When he didn't, Blue's smile widened and his own soured. Adam felt he almost needed to physically stand between them, but this was actually progress compared to past matches. Normally they were practically grabbing for weapons at this point.

Instead, Ronan didn't take the bait and rather softened a little when his gaze fleetingly met with Adam's.

"Goes to show you don't know fancy colognes," Ronan muttered. "This smell is too expensive for your tastes." That was weak even for him. "You done with that?" He took the popcorn bowl and threw a few pieces at his mouth. When he missed, because of course he did, they all fell back into the bowl. 

"Ew, gross, Lynch!" Blue screeched.

"Whatever, maggot." Ronan picked out the ones he knew he tossed. "It's not like I have cooties."

"No, but you might have herpies."

Ronan choked on a laugh as he turned away, flashing a glance Adam's way. Adam tried not to give him any attention, but he knew his face was getting red.

As their squabble transferred to the living room and swallowed up the conversation already taking place there, Adam stayed behind in the kitchen to finally read his texts. 

 

(5:17 p) _you saw nothing_

(5:18 p) _it's weird right that I'm sitting over here but i miss you? don't answer that >:(_

 

~~~~~~~~

 

After the movie marathon the gang had, everyone separated to head home, and Ronan was tempted to linger behind, but he knew Blue would say something about how he always lived here now.

Rather, he waited her out by hanging back at his across the hall until the coast was clear and Adam texted him.

Sneaking into Adam's apartment was a task. The front door was refitted but it sometimes still stuck when trying to close it. The floors were old and creaked, though Ronan learned which panels did the least amount of creaking, mastering the art of stealthy walking. He also remembered the flashlight on his phone this time. The first time he didn't, and when he knocked into a lamp it caused Blue to storm out into the living room in a green face mask and a baseball bat. If they ever had an actual burglar they were sure to pass out terrified from the sight.

It was awkward to explain to Blue that he had lost track of time in the bathroom and was trying to leave as quiet as possible, but somehow she bought it. After all she didn't say goodbye to him whenever he left. It was a plausible thought. Made much more sense than he was coming over to have sex with her roommate.

Adam was already down to one of Ronan's old tees and his briefs under his sheets when Ronan lightly tapped his knuckles on his door and heard the faintest _come in already_ from the other side. Already his hair was in bed mode, swept back by his hands, and his glasses were deposited on the bedside table. 

Without wasting a second he quietly closed the door and began to undress.

"I hate how nice you look in these," he muttered as he came slithering into the bed after Adam, kissing at his neck without a moment to spare. His hand plucked at his shirtfront, one of his old shirts from last year with holes in it. He planned to give them to goodwill but Adam asked if he could have them instead.

"Mm," Adam struggled against his mouth as he started their usual process, his hand stopped before it went further down the length of his front. "Thought you came in here to watch a movie."

Ronan regretted suggesting anything, as he didn't expect Adam to actually honor it. He slid off him with a sigh, reluctant but obeying. His fingers came to pinch at his nose, but instead he resorted to taking Adam's hand and holding it to his lips.

"Haven't we seen enough movies tonight?" he grumbled.

Adam's brow drew in. "You were complaining all night that we didn't see this one," he said. "I thought you wanted to?"

Really, he wasn't upset about this at all. In fact, he couldn't exactly place why he _was_ upset. All evening something felt off with Adam. Not that they usually touched or connected much around their friends these days, but today Adam was even more distant than their usual practiced spacing. He sat intentionally further away and didn't look at him as much, not to mention the whole weird twitching thing he did in the kitchen.

Maybe that's why he was upset, because something was clearly bothering Adam and he didn't feel like he could tell him. Huh.

A while after Adam started the movie on his laptop they got distracted with making out, Adam's leg hooked around the side of Ronan's hip, his shirt half off with sounds of gunfire blasting in the background. But all the while, Ronan wondered what it was that seemed to be upsetting Adam even now.

"We should be watching the movie," he insisted. "Otherwise it's a waste of $3."

"I'll live," Ronan grunted, moving back into him. He was stilled by a hand to his chest.

"Lynch," he said, tenacious. It made Ronan question even more what Blue and he discussed.

Eventually they resumed the film, starting over from where they first lost track. Adam rested his head on Ronan's chest, snuggling close to a point Ronan was lulled into relaxing. He kissed the top of his head, holding him tight.

The movie continued, but Ronan lay there distracted by the weight of this mystery. It shouldn't bother him not knowing every facet of his life, but Adam's sex life was clearly brought up during the conversation and that included him sort of. It _was_ him. And he wondered what was said, and why Blue brought it up at all. Was it simply more teasing that he fell for an "Irish girl" and landed in bed so easily. God, if only they knew.

As soon as they finished the movie Ronan could t hold out any longer. He started kissing his neck again, which appeared to tickle him. A reluctant smile split across his beautiful mouth.

"What were you and Blue talking about in the kitchen?" It came out so effortlessly, if only because if was something he practiced again and again in his head through the whole film.

"Something I'm trying to get out of," Adam mumbled, craning his neck to give Ronan more exposure. Adam's hands were feeling at his backside, tugging at his shirt. He kept it on to keep his thoughts collected. 

"Can you be any more vague?" he asked, and he sat up to look him in the eye. Ronan was determined to find out, but when by the look on Adam's face, he didn't want to talk about it anymore. So that meant neither did he. He wouldn't push if it made Adam stare at him with a pleading gaze.

"It's nothing," Adam urged. "Come here."

With very little effort, he pulled Ronan down by a tug of his shirtfront. This time, he yanked it up and over his head, and Adam's legs split apart to welcome him into a very distracting kiss.

He didn't know what to make of Adam being secretive, but it was none of his business. Whatever it was was upsetting him, making him fidget more, but he had to assume at some point Adam would feel comfortable enough to tell him.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable earlier," he said, nosing the side of his face to tickle him. He shuddered out a thin chuckle.

"When?" he said, a little distracted. "Oh, I don't really care. But one of these days you're going to touch me in the wrong place in front of everyone and we'll be caught. You need to be more careful."

Ronan's hands slid up the insides of Adam's thighs, feeling him up.

"Best get all my touches in now then while I have the chance," he said, one eyebrow rising above the other.

Adam broke into a smile as he shut the laptop and slid onto him.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Sneaking out in the mornings was easier than sneaking in at night, because at least Ronan could see. Leaving Adam asleep in his bed was always frustrating, even on mornings Adam happened to wake up with him and kiss him goodbye or walk him to the door. It was like the ultimate test of sacrifice, abandoning a very naked, sleepy, and beautiful man to go sleep alone in his cold, empty, basic ass bed.

That morning was no different. He kissed Adam on the forehead before getting up and getting dressed. A hand unthinkingly reached for him as he moved, though his eyes were still closed and he made no sound of protest to him leaving. Ronan awkwardly moved one of the pillows in position of himself, hoping that it worked in placement of him for a sleeping Adam.

This was harder to do every morning, the leaving. Not to mention having to wake up before the sun sometimes, depending on either Noah or Blue's schedule.

Back at his apartment Noah was still asleep when he checked, and he wouldn't be up for a few more hours, which meant Ronan had time to go back to bed until then, but he didn't. Instead he lay there still smelling of Adam, thinking back on the night before. It was the first time Adam let Ronan be on top, though Adam was still very much in control of the situation. It felt weird, but in a good way. He was learning so much with Adam over the course of these two weeks it was getting to be exhausting. Not the sex, though that did work his body out more than he's worked out since he quit tennis, but the sneaking around part. What were they doing? Was this something serious? Was it just sex? Adam said he always compared everyone to him and that he liked him, but after that they didn't really discuss much else other than they wanted to keep doing this here rather than keep it in Ireland. Ronan had his concerns about the whole situation, which was that he worried when the sex got boring — dear god, he hoped that never happened — then Adam would get bored and move on.

It was just paranoia, though. Ronan was paranoid a lot about losing Adam over the years. First it was to his own rage and jealousy and desire. Then it was to the people Adam would begin to start dating senior year. Then it was to Blue when they all met her and she quickly bonded with Adam in a way Ronan didn't know how to feel about back then. But every time he was proven wrong by Adam only clinging to him more than he already had, their friendship getting stronger through each of these "trials". Now here was another one, which was once again Ronan himself.

He took a shower when he heard Noah rummaging around in his room, unwilling to hide out in his room all day. That would only serve for self destruction, and he needed to get out of his head.

After he cleaned his skin of smelling like Adam, he stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his shoulders and clean clothes that clung to his still damp skin. Noah was sitting in one of the recliners in their small living space, watching the news for god knows what reason.

"Hey," he said. Breakfast was calling to him, but when he opened the fridge he realized Noah must have eaten all their eggs. He quickly shut the fridge door.

"Hey did you hear Parrish got a date?" And Ronan froze. "Finally someone else in this group is getting dates. I thought I'd be the only one."

"Asshole," he muttered, but he wasn't sure who he was talking to exactly. After a quick beat, he thought to ask, "Who's the date?"

His heart leapt to his chest. He and Adam hadn't made any plans for the near future that constituted as dates, unless you counted the date they just had a couple nights ago on the roof.

"Some architect Blue met at her photography job," Noah said, sounding almost bored. "Do you think Henry hates me?"

Ronan had to hold himself up by grabbing the counter with both hands. "What?"

Maybe he wasn't wrong to be paranoid. 

"Sorry," Noah muted the tv. "Giant leap in conversations there."

As Noah yammered on more about things that didn't matter, Ronan wasn't thinking anymore about what was going on in the physical world. He was deeply invested in the world in his thoughts. He was _annoyed_. _That's_ what Adam was talking to her about? And he didn't think to tell him? What the fuck?

"By the way -- Oh shit."

Noah spun around in the chair, but spun too far and was still going around. He jerked a foot out from under him to tame the twirling, but it only made him fumble out of the seat.

On the floor, he raised his head to meet eyes with Ronan, who almost didn't meet his he was in such disbelief and disappointment. He only did because Noah whistled at him to look down.

"Can you keep your porn watching down late at night? It's getting kind of loud."

Ronan felt his face get warm, and he turned away.

"Uh...." Fuck.

"I mean, it's not like you're getting any, right?" Noah snorted louder than necessary. "You'd tell me if you were having sex. I'd have made you a cake."

"You dick," he said, struggling not to let his voice quake. This was the worst conversation, and he stormed into his room to cut it off.

And also maybe keep himself from crying in front of Noah. Who's to say?

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam was waiting at Bryant Park for Ronan, feeling a little antsy still after not confessing the truth about his conversation with Blue. They already had these plans to hang out, since hanging out at parks or the library was quickly becoming their thing. Most of their friends didn't bother coming to these sort of places, and if they did they usually asked the group to come along too. So it left them a public space to be private.

When he saw Ronan approach he jolted up from the bench to walk to him, a little too eagerly, but Ronan didn't seem to mind as he slid into him and kissed him hello.

"Hi," he said. His arms were wrapped around Ronan's neck, feeling less antsy as Ronan stood there with his face pressed to his cheek. He could feel him breathing him in, and at his back his arms squeezed around him for a few seconds, before they pulled apart.

After spending the better part of the day trying to convince Blue he didn't need to be set up, he needed time off from that to just be with Ronan. He made her promise not to tell any of the others in the meantime, afraid Ronan would find out before he had the chance to talk to him about it.

Without even thinking about it, his hand slipped into Ronan's, as they started to walk around the edge of the park until they figured out something else to do.

"Did you get out of what you were going to do with Blue?" Ronan asked him, and he groaned.

"Not yet," he said. He was almost tempted to lock himself in his room in protest, but that was just childish.

"Ah."

His hand slid out of Adam's, which was odd all on its own. But Ronan started exhibiting other weird behavioral ticks he didn't usually have when they were alone. His jaw was set, rigid actually, and his shoulders were pinned forward in defensive behavior. Something upset him, but Adam couldn't figure what. Suddenly there was a foot of distance between them, and he couldn't fathom the why. Even his texts today were a little off when he thought about it, less flirty and more straight to the point. 

"You okay?" Adam asked.

"So you’re going on a date with an architect huh?"

Without meaning to, Adam stopped walking. God damn it, Blue. So much for keeping it quiet. "So you heard." His hands lifted up to cross his chest. "I was going to talk to you about it actually-"

"It’s fine." Ronan doubled back to look at him, having stopped walking a few feet beyond him. "I’m fine. Totally fine." His voice was starting to squeak.

"Really?" Adam scoffed. "You’re fine with me dating other people? Don’t you loathe casual to the point you got violently offended when someone suggested it to you once at a bar?"

Ronan's jaw continued to set, his feet shuffling on the ground. His gaze fell to watch himself move his feet about the grass.

"I'm not going to stop you," he said. "You can do whatever you want. If you want to see other people, then see other people. Se never said what we were, and now we don't have to. Saves me the trouble."

He wore an angry expression when he finally looked up. Adam couldn't believe what he was hearing. Just like that, he was bitter about Ronan's insistence and he wasn't about to let him make him feel bad for something he didn't even want to do in the first place.

"Okay, I’ll take the date then," he said. "Good talk. Nice to know you don't care."

He walked off towards the street, desperate to get away from him. Ronan was being a pigheaded child, and Adam was good at stooping to his level in a fight, which he did now as he practically stomped off. Barely ten steps away, and Ronan appeared in front of him, lunging in his way. He reached to touch him, but Adam didn't want to be touched right now, as he recoiled. Ronan's hands fell.

"Please don’t," he said. 

"You’re a jerk, you know that right?" Adam snapped. The look of guilt in Ronan's eyes was unsettling to look at, and without prompting eased him into submission. His shoulders fell as stood there, watching. "And you don’t have to completely betray your moral values for me, you know," he added, mumbling the words like an afterthought.

"I’m not," Ronan argued. "I was never going to be okay with that."

"Where did you think this was going, then?" He struggled not to roll his eyes.

Ronan shrugged, acting all defeatist. "That you would come to your senses before you went on the date…" he sighed. "Fuck. I don’t know."

"So you were waiting for me to break first?"

"I guess."

Adam almost confessed he was doing the same thing, but that was besides the point at the moment. Quietly he watched as Ronan cupped both hands over his face and then moved to sit down on an empty bench not far from them. It forced Adam to turn around to follow his movements, seeing him settle and then all but collapse at the weight of the seat beneath him. His elbows were all that held him up as he rested them on his knees, face still buried in palms.

Ronan could get under his skin so easily and so quickly it was unnerving. It was also unnerving to have this boy actually believe that Adam was ever going to take that date. Adam was done with casual dating. The second he kissed Ronan, he was pretty goddamn certain he never wanted to date anyone else ever again. The fool somehow couldn't see that, too wrapped up in his own head. Okay, it didn't help any that Adam didn't tell him the second Blue mentioned what she had done, but really there was no winning here. He was sure that Ronan would have reacted in exactly the same way had he been the one to mention it instead of whoever did.

He followed him to the bench and sat beside him. When Ronan didn't react, he took his closer hand and raised it to his lips, kissing at the knuckles like how he always did with Adam's. When his lips met with Ronan's third knuckle, he heard him softly exhale, but he still didn't move a muscle.

"I never wanted to take the date," he said. 

"You didn’t?" Ronan lifted his head an inch to look his way. Finally. Adam kissed him to offer some sort of sign that he was going out of his mind for no reason. Once their lips met, Ronan's shoulders relaxed as he leaned into him for closer contact.

"No, genius," he said, wiping at Ronan's lower lip with the back of his thumb. "I like _you_. Remember? That whole conversation by the pizza?"

"It's because of my cooking skills, isn’t it?" Ronan teased.

Adam rolled his eyes. "Yes, that’s it exactly. Just that. Nothing else."

"Well, it can’t be my personality," Ronan reasoned. He didn't appear to be completely kidding. It was one of those insulting jokes about himself he did to test how someone responded. 

Adam only rolled his eyes again, shouldering Ronan's head when it moved down to rest there. As Ronan simply breathed, Adam stared ahead at the growing crowd on a late Friday afternoon, the heat sticking on his skin and clothes. His back was melting against the bench, and Ronan undoubtedly was making him sweat more. A hand came to sweep along his scalp, as he considered the fact Ronan was still worried this could become a casual thing. It wasn't, though. It could never. He swallowed, both his pride and to control a nervous Adam's apple.

"What are we doing?"

"Sitting," Ronan said in all seriousness.

"I mean, us. This," he grunted. "We like each other, and obviously we're good at the sex part. It's the talking part we seem to suck at."

"Well, we're currently having a fight," Ronan mused, and Adam's hand stilled at that. This wasn't a joke, and he made that plain when he slid out from under Ronan's heavy and hot head. When Ronan sat up, he looked to him to see him frowning. Ronan frowned back. 

"Why can't you at least tell Blue you're seeing someone?" There was hurt in his eyes, real pain there that Adam didn't expect to see. It would've made him feel guilty if not for the fact Ronan just pulled all that shit he just did.

Even so, he took Ronan's hand in his, splaying his fingers so his own could slide through the in between. 

"I don’t want the others to know yet," Adam said. "I thought we agreed on that."

It almost felt like that while conversation was forgotten, like Ronan didn't retain anything from it. He could tell it was just his fear, his worry, but that didn't absolve him of his behavior.

Ronan's thumb ran along the course of Adam's fingers, sliding over every curve. 

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"Jesus, no, Lynch." Adam released his hand to grab instead his face, holding it between his palms that sweated less from the heat and more from the anxiety of this conversation. Ronan looked so dejected, staring back with an attempt of a void expression. Adam began to thumb his cheek, a back and forth motion repeated to create a rhythm. He kissed him. 

"Quite the opposite," he said, and he kissed him again. This time, Ronan reached for him in return, grabbing at his waist. Between kisses he breathed him in, pressing his face into Ronan's cheek. "I like figuring it out without their opinions tearing it apart."

"Do you really think that will happen?" Ronan pulled back, bowing his head.

"Maybe." Adam shrugged, looking down too. "I don't know. I think Blue will a little. She'll dissect it before we even have a chance of making this work. I like this, as just us."

He touched gently at Ronan's chin and tilted it up, kissing him again as soon as their eyes met. Ronan smiled against his mouth.

"So no threesomes?" he said.

Adam shoved at Ronan's shoulder, unamused. This wasn't meant to be a funny moment. Ronan was amused, though, and he laughed with an energy unmatched. His lips pulled into a wide smile as he cocked his head back, fighting off Adam's slaps across his shoulders. He supposed he should've expected as much from him, given that his go-to was to make light of heavy situations. Adam couldn't believe that his childish behavior warmed him, fluttered something within his chest.

After Ronan stopped laughing, he swept him up in another kiss, remembering to lift his glasses off his face before it became more than a small peck. His happiness was contagious, and Adam started to feel it too as Ronan's hands ran up his back and his smile was extended even as they were doing some pretty intense kissing. They were better at this than talking, yeah, but he knew they needed to get better at the talking if they wanted this to outlast the excitement of something new.

With his eyes closed he could imagine what that would be like, to actually have the capacity to express yourself verbally and emotionally. They were good at expressing their wants with their hands, their mouths, these physical parts that left little to the imagination. But when Adam used to ask Ronan deep questions about their friendship Ronan often grunted or shrugged, and that was the extent of his deep analysis.

"I want you to be my boyfriend," Ronan whispered into his mouth.

_Boyfriend_.

Adam shuddered, as he was released enough their faces parted. His eyes remained closed as Ronan breathed against his eyelids, taking him apart with every second that passed after that one particular word. Boyfriend. 

"I want to be the guy you can trust to be there for you whenever you need," he said, slow and tender like a goodnight kiss. "I want to be the guy who makes you the happiest. I don't want to share that with jerk architects and their fancy rulers and blue prints."

There was another kiss, not quite as intense, but bordering on the edge of something subtle and something more. It left his lips tingling after, which split into a small smile unrushed by anything. One of his hands came to stroke at Ronan's cheek, feeling the stubble against his fingers. His eyes peeled open enough to glance at Ronan's smile in return, and then he was pressing his face against his neckline. 

"All that stuff I said at the wedding, I _was_ talking about me you know," he said. "I just didn't know how to broach the subject. It was easy to pretend I was talking about someone else. But it was me."

"I didn't catch that at all." His voice rumbled like an earthquake that gently shook his insides. 

"I noticed," he said. He sat back enough to see Ronan's face, see the reactions shifting his features. Right now his expression was exposed, earnest. "I even said I like you, and you still worried I was going to move on."

"We're really bad at this, aren't we?" Ronan played it off like a joke with a laugh, but Adam knew better. He kissed him again.

"We're sort of getting better, though," he noted. "More honest with each other."

"I like honesty." Ronan's hands were hot as they felt up along his thighs.

"And I like this." He grabbed for one of his hands and followed it along the trail it created, watching as his knuckles twitched and fingertips curled, as his awkward thumb jutted out in the opposite direction of all the other fingers, wandering a little too close to the sun.

"I think we'll be pretty good at this boyfriend stuff, so long as we're more open with each other." He nudged his cheek with his nose to insist he pay attention. Ronan's hands paused after that. "Like, I'm going to be honest with you, your bed isn't that comfortable. It's like sleeping on a pile of rocks."

"I'll buy a new bed."

Adam rolled his eyes fondly. Of course.

"And you have cold feet," Ronan said. 

"I do?" He frowned, a little startled. Adam hadn't realized, and it's not like he had anyone to say it to him before. Ronan kissed at his nose while he started to get too far swept up in his thoughts.

"I'll wear socks," he muttered.

"So what are you going to say to Blue?" Ronan kissed him again before he answered. Adam almost forgot about the date, almost forgot they were fighting not that long ago. He shrugged, relaxing into Ronan to the point his legs started to slide up onto his lap.

"I'll think of something," he said. "Maybe I'll tell her I met someone here."

He bit his lower lip as he looked down at their joined hands, running his fingers over one of Ronan's open palms. These were his favorite hands.

"Someone who surprised me," he added.

"Like a ghost?"

Adam was quick to shove at his shoulder. "Jackass."

All he heard was laughter before he was dragged back in to another galaxy behind the eyes inducing kiss. One of Ronan's arms reached under the back of Adam's knees and pulled them down, sliding him up so he was sitting across Ronan's lap.

"This is a public space," he mumbled, but honestly he was just arguing out loud for posterity at this point. It didn't matter.

He was making out with his _boyfriend_ on a nice summer day in the park. A month ago Adam wouldn't have believed that was a sentence that would ever relate to his life, and now here he was, desperately attached to the idea that he would do everything in his power to never let it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're official now!! <3 now the fun can really begin
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) it's honestly always nice for some form of feedback! thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	7. the one with the best sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam liked having a boyfriend. Now that he had Ronan he couldn't believe he was so afraid before. No, to be fair, he still could, because parts of him still were. When he first met Ronan in high school he was an angry kid that grated Adam's nerves and made him grind his teeth every time he had something to say. Back then he knew he annoyed Ronan just as much, being the know-it-all that corrected his jokes and pointed out the inconsistencies of his awful behavior.

Adam liked having a boyfriend. Now that he had Ronan he couldn't believe he was so afraid before. No, to be fair, he still could, because parts of him still were. When he first met Ronan in high school he was an angry kid that grated Adam's nerves and made him grind his teeth every time he had something to say. Back then he knew he annoyed Ronan just as much, being the know-it-all that corrected his jokes and pointed out the inconsistencies of his awful behavior.

It wasn't until they got forced to work together on a presentation in their Latin class that Adam realized what was really underneath all that anger, and now he saw what was underneath everything else. Something special just for him, someone new unearthed from the jokes and insecurities.

It was going to take some getting used to, being allowed to call Ronan _boyfriend._ However, only the other day it slipped out so easily when he had to block some jackass from taking the second seat at his table in a coffee shop downtown, stating he was saving it for his boyfriend. Afterward, he felt a thrilling surge of something unknown, and it sat in him the rest of the afternoon, long after Ronan arrived and complained about the crust on his banana bread.

"Food snob," Adam said, and his cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

"You have gas or something, Parrish? You're looking at me funny."

Adam groaned and rolled his eyes, but the smile didn't stay away long, and that could be seen as a problem.

But Adam wasn't much in the mindset of finding problems in this anymore. He was _happy_. An uncompromising, unconditional happiness that made him feel so light every time Ronan smiled or laughed or held his hand.

Ugh. He laughed at people that became like this. _With_ _Ronan, no less_. But he wasn't laughing anymore.

It was almost a month since the wedding, and the summer was going by fast. It was already on the cusp of July and Adam never was so excited for July before in all his life.

 

~~~~~~~

 

It was a Saturday morning, which meant Adam didn't have his internship, and for once Ronan didn't have anywhere to go quite so early. For once they allowed themselves to be lazy in bed, although a few hours in and Adam was already going stir crazy not doing anything.

"We can have sex again," Ronan suggested, saying it like it was as simple as getting food. Although, with the extent of which they explored that sentence already, it might as well be seen to be as simple as eating for them.

"Mm, pass."

Ronan sat there gawking at him from across the room, a thin pout splitting across his lips as he sat up in Adam's bed, letting the sheets lazily fall off his waist. Adam didn't allow the distraction and turned towards his plants, having moved them to his secondary window after he knocked one over the other night in the middle of, well, not eating.

He'll have you know the succulent survived, but Ronan's humor about the situation did not.

As he tended to his plants, he began to check for new buds from the fallen petals of his succulents. It didn't take long to feel Ronan touching softly at his back, kissing at the side of his stomach. Those lips were granted some magical energy or something, Adam deduced, as they were somehow capable of so much. His hands, too, which were giving him a massage at his shoulders, thumbs digging into the knots in his back. Shit, he could see the appeal of becoming a hermit and living in one's bedroom all the time, with hands and lips like these to tempt him.

"You're obsessed with those," Ronan said against his neck, kissing him all over in sloppy mouthed kisses. Being taller, Ronan had a habit of scrunching his neck down so he could be at level with Adam's neck and shoulders. It was a delightfully small act, one that Adam cherished a lot. He especially enjoyed when Ronan bowed his head so Adam didn't have to lean up too far to kiss his forehead, which he found he liked to do.

"And you're obsessed with me," Adam sighed whimsically. "We've gone over this already."

Ronan snorted. "You're such a dick."

With his back still to him, Adam allowed himself a small smile. Ronan's hands came from his shoulders and down to his waist, and then they wrapped around him there to pull him closer. At once, he decided to abandon his plant duties, and he turned around to allow himself to be swept up in Ronan.

Despite passing on it earlier, Ronan's insistent mouth suggested he return to bed, which he gladly did even as he was pushed onto his back. Hands were feeling him everywhere, his lips moving to places familiar. It was easy to slip into this, something still fairly new but also already so familiar. He raised his hips into Ronan's hands and felt himself becoming more and more swept away by the idea of never leaving this bed.

"Adam!"

There was knocking on the door, and Adam jerked upright. This felt familiar.

A little disoriented by the shock of it all, he shook his head to revive his senses, which at the moment were all fixated on how Ronan affected them.

There was more knocking, a light melody being made with the sound.

"Get under the bed," he hissed to Ronan.

"You're kidding."

The jerk was kneeling there looking particularly sexy, if not a little blurry, and a little breathless just like him. Adam stroked at his cheek, thumbing at the stubble he liked to leave on his cheeks now to taunt Adam.

"I'm not kidding," he said, and he shoved him off the bed the same time as Blue knocked on the door again. 

"Adam!"

Ronan looked up at him from the floor, his eyes wide in disbelief he was doing this. On all fours on the ground, he looked a little absurd, but Adam resisted the temptation to laugh. He motioned for him to keep going, as Blue insisted to keep knocking. As if that was going to make Adam go any faster.

"Go on," he whispered, as he moved to the door.

"You're _naked_ ," Ronan said as he rolled under the bed. He practically sang the words before he was enveloped by the underside of the boxspring.

"Adam, I know you're in there," Blue said, her voice muffled. "I can hear you over analyzing stuff through the door."

Under the bed, Ronan snickered, and Adam couldn't believe how goddamn smug he was hiding under there. He was quick to find pants, tugging them on a little too fast it hurt a little. His glasses were easy to slip on, left on his bedside table as they often were these past weeks. It made slipping into kisses easier.

When he opened his door he was surprised to not only find Blue there, but Henry as well.

Henry's eyes raked over him in utter surprise, but Blue was immune to half naked Adam after living together for years. 

"Hey, we were just going to get some lunch if you wanted to come?" Blue asked.

"Are those Ronan's pants?" Henry was staring.

Following his gaze, Adam glanced down and recognized the pair. Oh shit, they were. The holes in the knees and the extended length. No wonder they fit strange.

"Uh, yeah," he said, building a lie in his head as he laughed. "Ha, guess they are. We did laundry together last week and it must've gotten mixed in with mine. I didn't even realize."

"Whatever," Blue sighed. She leaned against the doorway and Adam hoped to god she couldn't smell the sex on him or see the state of his room from her vantage point. She looked between him and Henry, arching one brow above the other. "Lunch?"

"No thanks." Adam was starving, but at the same time he didn't want to leave Ronan under the bed like that. Plus, he liked being with Ronan like this, alone in bed all day. "I have stuff to do. In here. Stuff to do in here."

"O... kay." Blue peeled off the wall, looking at him with earnest suspicion. She glanced at Henry again, who was still staring at his pants. He looked more confused than anything. "Well, text me if you change your mind," she said, linking an arm with Henry to pull him away. 

"Sure sure."

Adam started to shut the door on them, but caught Henry staring still.

"What?" Adam tucked himself behind the door to separate Henry's eyes from his body.

"You know, you look pretty good in his pants," he replied. "Maybe don't give them back."

"Henry!" Blue laughed. "You flirt."

"I'm not flirting." Henry's cheeks went red. Blue laughed more, even as he insisted. "I'm not!"

"Okay, bye." Adam shut the door and leaned against it with his back. That felt too close for comfort, and awkward at that. He heard rustling, and only then did he open his eyes to find Ronan crawling out from under his bed.

His smile was infectious, and Adam smiled back at him despite the dishonesty he felt just now.

"Shit, that was close," he said.

"Mm." Ronan's teeth pulled on his lower lip as he looked down the length of him and let his eyes fall and lock onto Adam's hips. "You do look awfully good in those jeans though."

"Oh?" Adam smirked. "Maybe I should keep them. Maybe you have to fight me for them."

Ronan snorted. "I can take you."

Adam arched his brow as he stepped toward him. "Do you have the skill to back up the claim?"

Before he could do anything, Ronan grabbed him and tossed him over onto the bed, toppling down on it along with him in raucous laughter.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Is Adam seeing someone?" Henry asked on the way to the restaurant. Blue was craving pasta, and she knew a great place in Queens, which Henry said was too far, so they settled on somewhere nearby that he promised was worth the compromise. He better be right.

She jerked her gaze from her phone when she realized what it was he said. 

"What!" She balked, looking at the strangers on the street when they turned to her loud shout. She calmed her voice, but didn't really calm much else when she said, "Oh my god, what have you heard? What makes you say that?"

"Damn, Blue." Henry scrunched his face. "Don't be so weird. I just think he's been spending more time away from the group." He sounded fishy when he said all that. "Or haven't you noticed?"

"I mean, he's been busy with his internship..." Blue was quick to look down at her phone again, to not give away what she knew. She promised Adam she wouldn't tell anyone. It was just for her to know, after trying to get him to go on a date when apparently he already had one! With some mystery guy! What the fuck.

"That's three days a week and he's always out," said Henry.

"Shit, Henry." Blue was doing double time covering for Adam's non-stealthy ass. "Are you stalking him?"

"What? No!"

Luckily for her Henry was easily distractible.

"This is very stalkerish behavior. You know, I thought you had a thing for Noah, but maybe it's been Adam all along."

"I-- You--" Henry's cheeks burst with color, and he halted walking at once. They stood there on the sidewalk halfway from her apartment to the pasta place, and her stomach gurgled. "That's preposterous. I could never. You're just."

If Blue wasn't suspicious of Henry's crush on Noah before, she definitely was suspicious now. He always joked that if he had to sleep with anyone in the group it would be Noah, and he said it enough times over again she was starting to believe him.

Blue laughed as she walked away, ignoring his sputtering and spiraling, hoping if she laughed it off he would leave well enough alone and she could return to denying the fact all her friends were being weird as hell these days. Weirder than they usually were.

"Come on, Cheng," she said. "I'll reboot you with food. It's a good thing Adam isn't coming. That's a very easy stalker job, him just hanging out with you."

"Blue, you aren't funny." But Henry was chasing after her.

"Who said I wasn't funny?" Blue pinched him in the arm. "Take that back."

 

(1:12 p) **hey butthead henry almost suspects you're dating someone. you aren't very subtle!**

(1:33 p) fooled you long enough didn't I?

(1:35 p) **:p u ass**

(1:37 p) do you think he'll keep the secret if he knows?

(1:39 p) **this is henry we're talking about**

(1:42 p) so no..

(1:51 p) **when WILL you tell the others btw? I wanna meet this guy! your first proper boyfriend!!!**

(2:15 p) never. you'll never meet him. you'll hate him

(2:16 p) **aw you're no fun! I might like him! you seem to!**

(2:18 p) hahahahahahah

 

Blue was going to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing she-

"Oh, shit we've been walking the wrong direction this whole time," said Henry.

"You! You've lived here for almost a decade! How can you still not know which direction anything is!" Blue planted her face in her hands, the heat of her phone's screen sticking against her skull. "God, all the boys in my life are morons."

"Hey!" Henry took the insult to heart. "I'm not as dumb as Gansey."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Gansey was insistent that Ronan was having some sort of crisis after his brother was wed. It was impossible not to feel some sort of emotional spark after a sibling marries, especially when that suggests your time is around the corner. However, how can it be someone's time when they've never been in a long term relationship and they're bordering on the edge of college graduation?

He was concerned for Ronan, for his mental health. All the others were useless about this, especially Adam. When he mentioned to Adam just the other day that Ronan was depressed, he _laughed_. Laughed! The horror! What an awful thing to do. Adam knows firsthand what it's like to have a depressed Ronan in the group. He was there for his last breakdown after his mom moved to Ireland and sold their childhood home. This was no laughing matter!

Strange that he was now in charge of getting Ronan laid. Maybe that would help him out. A good ole' trip to a gay bar or somewhere. Gansey wondered if Ronan even went to gay bars, or did he think himself too much of a goth hipster to bother.

"Everyone's been weird since the wedding," Gansey went on. "Adam certainly after that Irish girl. Blue, definitely, after I saw her throw up in her purse. God, Henry has definitely been weird. Well, who's to say, since I've barely seen him this last month. You've been--"

It was then Gansey deduced Noah wasn't even paying attention to him. He was on his phone, curled up in his recliner in his and Ronan's apartment.

"Noah, are you listening to me?" Gansey was perplexed by everyone's behavior as of late. That wedding put a curse on them all.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Noah didn't even look up from his phone. "Uh huh. Ronan. Declan. Wedding. Yeah, I'm listening."

"What are you doing?" Gansey rose from the couch to take a peek at Noah's screen. At once, he shied it from view.

"Nothing," Noah claimed. "I'm studying."

"You don't go to school!" Gansey caught a glimpse of the screen just as Noah tries to turn it off. Just because he wore glasses didn't mean he couldn't see.

"What are you studying there?" His eyes narrowed. "Is that Instagram?"

"No, it's... a book." Noah closed his phone and tucked it under his thigh, looking back at Gansey over his shoulder. "What does it matter? Mind your own business," he said.

"Our friend is--"

"Our friend's been watching too much porn lately," Noah said, sounding resigned about the fact. "That's what he's been doing."

"Porn?" Gansey sunk back down. "Oh my god this is worse than I thought."

Noah finally laughed, a real giggle of a sound. "How?" he said.

"I don't know, but I don't think it's healthy to watch so much porn," Gansey mused.

Noah snorted a little softer, taking his phone back out from under his leg. "You're one to talk," he said, with weighted eyebrows.

"I don't watch porn!"

"Okay."

"I don't!"

"I'm not saying anything."

Gansey frowned at him. Oh, as if he was perfect. With a heaved sigh, he glanced away from Noah towards the two month old calendar by their fridge. God, Ronan and Noah were the worst at maintaining a welcoming environment. He supposed that was half the point. There was a reason everyone went to Adam and Blue's. It was less about them wanting people over the most, so much as it was most convenient and clean.

"I'm tired of you."

"You're more than welcome to leave." Noah's nose was already glued to his phone, the absurd thing he was addicted to. Their generation was so wrapped up in these things they didn't pay attention to each other. "The door's..." Noah looked up to see where he was, and then he pointed when he was oriented. "That way."

Gansey took offense to being second rate to a cell phone.

"Who are you texting so intensely?" he asked.

"A booty call."

He shouldn't be surprised, but he was, for the sheer fact of Noah's bravado in answering.

"I'm kidding," Noah then said, looking up. "What was it you were saying about Blue earlier? That you loooove her and you wanna marrrry her?"

"Shut up." Gansey resisted the urge to say something spiteful about him and his lack of emotional connections with anyone, because that was admittedly a low blow. His cheeks burned as he tried to ignore Noah's teasing, but it affected him more than he'd care to admit.

"Ooh, I'm right." Noah's teasing split a smile wide on his face. This became more interesting to him than his cell phone. "Boy, you need to move on. She's never going to realize you have feeling unless you tell her."

A thought struck him. Maybe he could solve more than one person's dilemma today, including his own. Years of pining for a woman who didn't even realize how he felt, he maybe owed it to himself to speak up.

Over on the recliner, Noah looked all at once concerned.

"Oh no."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Love. A four letter word that held so much weight behind it when spoken in certain contexts, and held literally nothing but a puff of air expelled from one's mouth when spoken in other contexts. Ronan perused the meaning of the word again and again, as if trying to find an answer in there for what he was feeling.

Watching Adam wake up in the morning, soft light cascading down on his face from the window, a peaceful look there that was unmatched by anything else in the universe, gave him such a warmth inside his chest he at first thought it was heartburn. Holding hands with Adam, sweaty hands on a sweltering day in the heat of the summer on the subway, inspired Ronan to make strawberries and champagne cheesecake at school on a whim one afternoon. Listening to Adam go on and on about some dick named Tad at his internship and all the science jargon he didn't pretend to understand made him so soft inside it was actually annoying. But was any of that love? Or just simply joy in finding that connection with a person he's waited for his whole life? Was _that_ love?

Ronan was serious about Adam, so serious that his emotions spewed out of him like a volcano. The lava burned each time he took a breath when Adam curled into him on a park bench or in bed just before falling asleep. He was half tempted to rent some hotel room somewhere so he and Adam could do just this for days without fear of getting complacent on the sofa and someone walking in on them.

He liked running his hands through Adam's hair, and liked the way he smelled even if he hadn't showered yet, liked how his laughs often started off derisive and then turned into something genuine and wild. He liked a lot about him, every bit of him, even when they were fighting he couldn't help but feel nauseatingly dreamy about the fact that Adam could often remain eloquent and poised in their fights. And he liked that their fights often led to the best sex now. It was a strange whirlwind to adjust to.

He _loved_ Adam as his boyfriend, but the word itself felt too raw to relate to Adam himself. For him, the word held such potency. For Adam, too.

With Adam, he always identified what the great poets said when they talked of romance, and maybe one day he'd admit that out loud. But not today.

Ronan was sitting at the pizza place the group liked to hang out at, although in recent weeks they didn't hang out here often, since they were busy all the damn time. Since he and Adam avoided places they'd likely run into their friends at, they avoided Nino's all together, but today he felt like pizza and a book.

He was reading in the big booth in the corner, which they jogged every time they came together. Even as one singular person, he held it off from larger groups. There was another one somewhere, but this one had the least sound reverb. Plus, it was familiar to him now, as he sat with his one leg underneath him, the book rested on the table with both hands.

He should be studying or something, cooking something that required tenacity and precision. Instead, he was copying what Adam always did, which was find a moment of peace in his life and leisurely read until his eyes hurt.

For him, it was a book written in Greek. Being around Adam more recently inspired him to pick up what he was good at before; to expand his knowledge. _Barf_.

It took a solid hour before he started understanding more fluently again, rusty on the language after years away from it. To think he took the course back in high school to try to top Adam in the language department. When it started to stick, it all came flooding back like a crack in a fish tank that opened up into a gaping hole.

Just as he was getting a rhythm, someone slid into the booth, the seat's noisy upholstery squeaking under their weight. He looked up just as Adam dumped his bag on the floor and sloppily collapsed into the seat with his knees first, groaning and curling into Ronan's side like gravity was pulling him down. Ronan stared, unmoving, like if he moved he would startle the wildlife. 

Adam sat there, feet tucked under him, his heel moving to press into Ronan's shoulder. His arms came and wrapped around his closer arm, feeling the muscle underneath his short shirt sleeve. It was a sight to see, and hear, as he sighed down at his book.

Finally, Ronan had it in him to turn his head. He smelled at the top of Adam's hair, smelling his own shampoo and body wash there, and underneath all that the familiar smell of Adam himself. Slowly, he set down his book, reacting to Adam's exhaustion in turn. Feeling the sign of movement, Adam sat up enough to make eye contact, his chin moving to rest at the edge of Ronan's shoulder.

"This is a surprise," said Ronan.

"You gonna finish that?" Adam said. His voice vibrated Ronan's arm. 

"My sentence? No, that was it."

Adam rolled his eyes and reached over him for what was left of his pizza. He grabbed the larger slice and took a hefty bite. Upon swallowing, he groaned in satisfaction, then licked his lips in pure contentment.

"Did you eat today?" he asked, but he didn't need to, judging by the way Adam continued to scarf down his food.

"'No," he said with a shake of his head. His hand covered his mouth to keep him from spitting out as he talked.

With his freckled face sun kissed from a likely walk from the nearest subway station, he looked brilliantly beautiful as always, and felt warm against his side. Ronan stole a kiss at Adam's neck, just under his jaw. His chewing paused long enough to hum in delight at the feeling. His collarbone was peaking out from his shirt, which Ronan delightedly took in with his eyes when he realized.

"When you asked where I was, I assumed it was just out of curiosity," he said, nosing right by Adam's ear when he kissed his cheek. Adam kept chewing, finishing off one slice and then moving on to a second. He took a swig of Ronan's soda without even needing to ask, so familiar with their sharing at this point. This was the same boy who in high school felt too proud to even take a quarter when he was short for the vending machine. They've changed a lot since then, in every way. He recognized now that Ronan wasn't offering handouts to him, something that he never intended it to feel like.

God, he was so damn painfully attractive even when he had sauce on his mouth, which Ronan wiped from his lip with a dab of a napkin.

"Mm." And Adam finally swallowed. "I'm meeting Blue here. We're going curtain shopping. Apparently that's a thing. We need new curtains."

"We need new friends," Ronan mused in turn.

Adam snorted, squeezing his arm. "Don't be an ass," he said, not before catching sight of Ronan's book on the table. "What's that you're reading?"

With a tilt of the cover, he revealed the book in which he was reading.

"It's nothing like your science books, but it's pretty cool," he said, acting aloof about the fact it was a Greek classic by some philosopher or another. One of those books you're supposed to read but never do.

" _Pretty cool_ ," Adam repeated back at him. "You're reading a book in Greek and yet you call it _pretty cool_. You perplex me."

Shaking his head, he forced his glasses to slip down his nose, to which Ronan responded in turn by nudging them back up.

" _You perplex me_ ," he said, mocking Adam under his breath like the little shit he was. But Adam was so used to his childish behavior that he only rolled his eyes and started to return to his pizza. Before he could, Ronan held his chin in place to peck him gently on the lips, which of course briefly turned into something more. When Adam had his fill, he pulled back enough to insist it, and Ronan picked his book back up again.

Like clockwork, Adam's glasses slipped back down his nose.

"You should get your glasses fixed one of these days," he said to him, gliding them up his nose same as always.

"They're fine," Adam said tersely. He didn't like being reminded they were practically falling apart. The stubborn man was waiting until they literally couldn't sit on his face at all, which wasn't all that surprising, but it was a little frustrating watching Adam constantly have to battle with them.

"You just say that because you like all the times I touch your nose," Ronan grunted.

"That's not- You're so full of yourself."

Bothered by his claim, Adams at up and away from him. With two free hands again, Ronan reached for the last slice and ate it before Adam had the forethought to grab it first. Adam sucked in his breath when Ronan licked his lips, glancing his direction knowingly aware of what was being expressed behind those bedroom eyes. After only a moment, Adam's face blossomed with color and he frowned. 

"I honestly hate you," he said.

Sometimes he was so easy to annoy it was child's play. He snorted. His book was harder to read with Adam here, and for the tenth time he read the same line on the same page while Adam sat there annoyed with him, cheeks splotchy with color blending his freckles.

When the sentence was read for the twelfth time, Adam slumped into him again, and this time Ronan moved to drape his arm across his shoulders. His hand slipped into Adam's hair, fingering locks of it and twirling the longer ones around his fingers. He was only pretending to read at this point. Greek was hard to read when his attention was split between it and Adam's soft breath fanning his neck.

At some point he must have fallen asleep on him, and they sat there quietly in the back corner of the pizza parlor as some sports game played on the TV across the room and the one arcade game beeped melodically nearby. The sounds of the city outside went unnoticed as Ronan stroked Adam's hair, who was on the cusp of starting to drool on his shoulder.

That's when Ronan caught sight of a flash of purple and red hair in the window. It gave him just enough time to pull a little at Adam's hair.

Adam jerked awake. "Ow," he winced. "What was that for, Lynch?"

With his chin, Ronan motioned for the door, and Adam looked over at once. The sight of Blue caused him to sit straight up and slide out of the booth, clambering quick to sit on the opposite side.

"Do I smell?" Ronan even went so far as to check, raising his arm rather inelegantly.

Adam frowned across the way.

"I don't know how I find you attractive," he said.

"A question I ask myself every day."

Adam rolled his eyes as he reached across the table for Ronan's hand, sliding his fingers in between long enough that he left the skin tingling once he pulled his hand back.

"Adam!" Blue eagerly chirped, walking to him as if he was the only one present. When she glanced Ronan's way and frowned, it was clear that she was only just noticing he was there at all.

"Asshole," she said.

And so it began. He sighed, pulling away from the table to lean hard and tight against the seat cushion, forcing himself to build distance. His long legs collectively clung to Adam's under the table, crossing the little line they made for themselves. It was all he was allowed in situations like this, as he burrowed his nose back into his book.

"Maggot," he said without so much as looking up. He turned a page as she sat down, pushing Adam down the line of the seat bench. Ronan's legs came with him, caught between. As he pretended to read the Greek words before him, he fantasized of Adam catching something else between those thighs.

Damn it.

When they didn't appear to be leaving, he snuck a glance upward to find Adam looking back, confused.

"I thought we were going," he said to Blue.

"We are," she said with a pat at his shoulder. "We are. Relax. I'm getting something to drink first. And I want the gossip."

"On?"

Blue took a long sip from the cup she brought to the table with her. "Your new boy toy."

Ronan snorted and felt Adam kick him. His snort turned into a cough.

"Don't choke there, Lynch," Blue said, turning to him like he was an embarrassment. "What would we do without your awful jokes and lewd comments?"

"Live very boring and unfulfilling lives," he answered with a winning smile. It made his stomach flutter when he caught sight of Adam smiling back.

"Why are you here?" Blue soured.

"I'm a bit too sober for existential questions such as these, but I'll give it a shot-"

"No, why are you here _with us_?" Blue didn't find him amusing in the least, but he swore he saw a flicker of a silent laugh in Adam's eyes. "Shouldn’t you, oh I don’t know, be with your other friends? The kind that tolerate your ass?"

"Excuse me!" He gawked in feigned horror. "Parrish tolerates my ass."

It wasn't meant to come out that way, but it was so fitting that it did, and when he caught Adam's eyes he noticed his cheeks going a little pink. Blue narrowed her eyes across the way, sipping from her straw at her soda. 

"Okay, but I don’t," she snarled.

Ronan pouted only mildly mockingly. Years living across the hall and they still fought like two squabbling children on the playground. For some reason, in recent days he didn't like the thought of Adam's other best friend hating him, and what she would say if she ever knew he was the one Adam was seeing.

"Haven’t we bonded, maggot?" he said. "Aren’t we friends?"

His tone was mocking the idea, but a small part of him did draw concern that if she hated him then Adam would feel split between them. He didn't want Adam to feel like he couldn't have both of them around, as that was already a bit of a concern these days and she didn't even know yet.

Blue groaned at his comment and rolled her eyes, then turned back to Adam like he was a referee in this or something. "I can’t get one moment of peace with this guy."

Ronan forced himself to snicker. "I’ll be quiet," he said. "You continue on with your _chit chat_. At the end he elevated his voice to keep intact his condescending tone. Then, ever so dramatically he flipped the page of his book that he wasn’t reading anymore, creating an ambience that made everyone a little on edge. He didn't want to sit here as they talked about him as if it wasn't him. But he also didn't want to leave. The book gave him something to look at as he listened in on their conversation.

"Ugh, Adam," Blue pleaded.

"Ronan’s harmless." As he said that, his leg was moving along the length of Ronan's, causing a distraction that short circuited his brain. He was trying to eavesdrop here, Parrish! Allow him the decency of... He almost broke his book in half as he restrained himself from reacting.

"I want you to introduce me," Blue noted, and it took him longer than it needed to take to remember they were having a conversation. Ironically, it was about him, but of course Blue thought Adam was dating some nerd scientist or something.

"Introduce you to who?" Ronan peeked up.

Adam acted all casual, but the way his leg jerked at Ronan's voice implied he was not casual at all in his head about this. Blue glared at him across the top of her cup, her small stature more terrifying with the look of hell in her eyes.

"I was here first, princess," he smiled.

The broad grin inspired her to give him the middle finger.

"To be fair, he was." Adam noted, and instinctively he reached for the table, almost like he was going for Ronan's hand. Halfway through the gesture, he must have caught on to what he was doing and he froze, leaving himself there awkwardly bent into the table partially with nowhere to go. "And I’m not introducing you," he told Blue.

She at once turned to Ronan, who was trying desperately to appear nonchalant and disinterested, but the second he felt her eyes on him his head snapped up to meet them.

Ronan grinned impishly, as she so effortlessly gave in to his silent interest.

"Adam has a secret boyfriend from school," she said. "You knew right?"

Acting was never Ronan's strong point, but he gave it a shot with an elevated brow and a thinning of his lips. With a shake of his head, he suggested no, while leaving his book behind to press into the table with his stomach.

"Blue!" Adam bristled.

"You didn't tell him?" Blue was surprised. "I assumed you told this garbage mouth everything."

"You’re the first — and only — person I’ve told about him. It’s still very new. And I'm never telling you anything ever again." Adam folded his arms across his chest in solid defiance, disappointed in her by the look he offered. It flashed Ronan's way, who sat there perplexed how he disappointed him. He wasn't about to leave now.

"Sorry," Blue said earnestly. Ronan took a sip of his drink to distract his hands now that his book was proven useless. His eyes flickered between Blue and Adam, both of whom were trying to ignore him, even though Adam's leg was resting on his in an obvious way under the table. "But wait. If it’s still very new, then how can he also be the best sex you’ve ever had?"

Ronan spit out his drink, choking on it. It burned as the remnants still in his mouth trickled down his throat and almost came out his nose. Blue rolled her eyes at him like he was an embarrassment to be around in public. He darted a look at Adam who was trying very hard not to blush. There was a visible glare targeted at him from the corner of his eye. Ronan was invigorated. His whole body was tingling. Oh, he was going to give him hell for this later for sure.

"Best sex, huh?" His lips curled impishly. "Weren't you a virgin?" he whispered.

Adam tossed a napkin at his face.

"Shut up, this doesn't concern you!" His red cheeks only grew redder.

Ronan smiled into his book, at this point it becoming abundantly clear he was just using it as a prop. Across the table, Adam continued to sneer, and then with a very red face pushed his glasses up his nose. He kicked Ronan under the table, but it didn't hurt. It hurt more when he took his leg away, explaining without words he was genuinely mad.

"I mean, I don’t have much to reference it to," Adam said with a shrug. "It could be terrible. I wouldn't know. It was only mildly better than my hand."

"Oh, gross, Adam." Blue gagged.

Ronan didn't like the game when it backfired on him, but he was intrigued to know what else he told her. When he asked before, Adam simply said that he told her he was happy. He never would have expected he would tell her about the sex. But they were close after all, and now he was hearing concrete information about Adam's thoughts. When he frowned at his words, Adam cheekily nearly smiled back.

"Yeah, but if he's a 'world changing kisser' with 'lips like satin' he's probably, you know." Blue implied with suggestive expressions that Ronan had to be amazing. Honestly, he had no idea Adam thought this way. Obviously he knew he liked it, but wow.

As a way of expressing his pride, he licked his lips, primed to say something else smart mouthed. Adam caught him quick.

"Uh, Ronan, don't you need a refill?" he said through clenching teeth.

"No, I'm good."

Adam sighed as Blue slapped at his knee to take his attention back. This was hilarious. He was the one who told her these things. Ronan didn't force them.

"You said he’s beautiful?"

"Really?" Okay, that came out louder and more surprised than he meant it to. Adam thought he was beautiful? Odd enough, it flustered him more than the haughty sensation of being _the best sex._

Blue was even less amused by his commentary, and she growled. "Will you please shut up? I'm trying to live vicariously here."

Ronan put a hand over his mouth, leaning back to rear against the seat, though it was hard when now more than ever he wanted to grab Adam and take him to the bathroom or somewhere. Watching him, he noted Adam was playing with a loose thread on his jeans. He shouldn't be teasing so much. He knew how hard this must be on Adam, to hide something so big from Blue, to have his internal feelings immortalized out loud. 

"Hey, I was here first," he said to Blue. "You two came in and sat next to me."

"Our mistake, apparently," she replied.

Adam heaved a heavy sigh, his hands moving to cup over his face. His lips looked so kissable even as they pouted, even as he rested his elbows on the table and kicked Ronan again underneath.

"He is beautiful, yes," and Adam sat up, but his eyes remained fixated on the table. "Most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. He’s funny in an annoying way, but he always knows the right way to make me smile. He makes me calm, and when he's not pissing me off, he makes me happy too. I suppose i’m fond of him."

Ronan was grinning so wide, his expression was a dead giveaway if Blue even so much as glanced his way. But he couldn't help himself. Fuck. He wasn't sure why he was still surprised by all this. Maybe some day it wouldn't feel so shocking every time Adam revealed a little more to him on how he felt. Already, he revealed so much, but god after years of pining for him it still felt like a very vivid dream to wake up next to Adam every morning and be greeted with a kiss. This was pure delight and stupor at Adam's bewildering confession. Unthinkingly he reached for his hand, and he was spared a fleeting touch of fingertips before he remembered they weren't alone.

"Must be some guy," he cracked.

Adam rolled his eyes.

"Bet he thinks the world of you," he added.

"Can I see what he looks like?" Blue didn't allow the words to sit any length and looked for Adam's phone. At once, he was grateful Adam put a password on it, since Adam was one of those gushy people who made him his wallpaper on the home screen. Ronan may be a similar gush with a similar photo on his, but that was beside the point.

"You have to have pictures," Blue insisted. "If he's as wonderful as you say. Brag with visuals here."

Finally, Adam looked up and met Ronan's eyes for a second, a dangerous desire behind them. He then looked to Blue, and shook his head shyly. "No," he lied. "I don't have any photos. He's not into that sort of thing."

To be fair, he wasn't, but that didn't keep Adam from taking dozens of pictures together, a lot of which he was either blurry or catching Adam in a kiss in an effort to distract him.

"Who would've thought this could get boring so quickly," she said, sounding defeated as she rose from the table. "I'm getting a refill."

As she said that, Ronan felt his pants vibrate from a text.

 

(2:15 p) you're an asshole

 

He looked up, smirking as Blue continued berating him with other questions while standing nearby at the soda fountain. 

 

(2:16 p) _have you told her how we had sex in your guys' shower the other day?_

 

He looked up to find Adam's horrified expression staring back.

 

(2:16 p) shut up

(2:17 p) _you're hot when you're angry_

(2:17 p) you're dead to me

(2:17 p) _ok. taking my satin lips to the grave with me._

(2:18 p) along with your smart mouth, you ass. I regret telling her what is clearly a lie now

(2:18 p) _so mean :(_

(2:18 p) when you open your mouth I remember why it took so long to date you

(2:18 p) _there's a dick joke in here somewhere.._

 

Flustering Adam was often a fun pastime, especially when he so easily could fluster Ronan with just a look. After years of him doing it without even being aware, he felt there was some cosmic payback the universe was giving him with this. When Blue came back, she didn't even bother to sit.

"You ready to go?" she asked Adam.

"Go? Oh, right the curtains."

"Yeah. Knucklehead." Blue inclined towards Adam's phone, which he shut off faster than she could pry. "You texting your boy toy right now?"

Adam fixed his glasses up his nose and then ran a hand through his hair. As he stood he shot a frown at Ronan like he was the one who just said hat.

"No, I'm just researching how to poison Lynch here without leaving a trace behind," he said.

"Mm. Good idea."

"Hey now." Ronan was starting to register Adam was mad, like genuinely mad, at him. "You know, if I were him, and I heard I was the best sex you ever had, I would die a very happy man. I'd dance on this table."

"Please don't," said Blue.

"I'd sing from the rooftops."

"You can fall off that rooftop, too, while you're at it," Adam said callously.

"Ouch. So violent."

Blue laughed maniacally as they left, like she could somehow sense the rift she caused. Actually, he did most of it. She simply was the catalyst, her and her damn curiosity. Once they were gone, leaving behind a faint hint of regret and the scent of Adam's hair still on his one shoulder, Ronan tried to go back to reading his book but couldn't.

Feeling impossible, he was both elated and upset with the entire situation. Elated by the fact Adam said all those things in what was clearly meant to be utter confidence, but Blue must have assumed Ronan was a safe space since he did often tell him everything he also told her. Upset by the fact that he had to open his bag fat mouth and humiliate him more than he already was simply by the conversation occurring at all.

He sat there staring at his quiet phone. At some point a busser came by and grabbed his plate and cup , leaving him alone with a book he couldn't focus on anymore. After a while of being left on read, he took his book for a walk to clear his mind. Hopefully Adam and he weren't over because of this. God, the irony of that. It would suck all the joy from him like a professional vacuum, draining him of anything except his stupid cooking. Making Adam sad was the only reason he ever called his cooking stupid. He wished he could call him, but he very much doubted that having a conversation about that conversation while Blue was still around would prove helpful.

As he walked back to the apartment, he of course ran Henry on the street asking for signatures. The sight of him now as Ronan was wallowing was unwanted, and so he tried to walk across the street, to no avail.

"Lynch, I see you. Lynch!" Ronan flinched. "You soulless demon, get back here."

With a groan he turned on his heel and crossed back over, tucking his book discreetly in his waistband along with his phone. He took note of Henry's little table and clipboard, flashing back to when he met him for the first time, out standing on the sidewalk ranting about the rats in the subway system.

"Are you even legally allowed to ask for signatures on the street for...."

He grabbed the clipboard from Henry's hands, noting the limited amount of signatures on the page and the title at the top.

"Diet Pills Are Killing Us All," he said out loud.

"They're a scam!" Henry was an odd one. Granted, everyone in their group was fucking weird. Blue's family was full of witches basically, and Adam humored them and secretly had a set of tarot cards himself — which reminded Ronan he needed to poke fun at that since he found them hidden in his underwear drawer the other night when he was borrowing a pair. Gansey was obsessed with dead things and Noah couldn't sit still for five minutes long enough to pick a career choice for himself, and of course Ronan had an array of things that made him weird. He used to have a pet raven in high school for god's sake.

"People already know this, Cheng," Ronan said with a resigned snort. He handed back the clipboard to a big eyed look of annoyance.

"But do the diet pill companies know?" Henry said.

"Uh, I think so."

Henry frowned down at his petition, glaringly pointed with a hint of disdain for Ronan. He often spoiled much of Henry's protests, since many of them didn't make any damn sense.

"Since when did you care about the law anyway?" he grumbled under his breath.

"I don't." Ronan hasn't seen Henry on the streets in a while, and his own sour mood got the best of him. It made him want to talk and shit. He was lonely. A good hour of Adam angry and unresponsive had him reaching for the nearest warm body to talk to. God how sad. "Why are you out here?"

"It's as if we didn't just have an entire conversation about why," Henry replied.

Ronan snorted a little. "I mean, don't you usually get all extra and activist-y when you're upset?" he reconfigured.

"That's not true." Henry's defenses rising explained away more than he evidently meant to, which meant Ronan was on the right track. If Adam were here, if anyone else were here, they would want to find out what made him upset. He supposed it was best it was just him, because Henry didn't look to want to talk about it.

Only, damn it, being around Adam more these days it made him highly aware Henry did need to talk about it. If he and Adam were trying to get better at communication, he supposed it made sense somewhere to get better with his friends. Maybe. He wouldn't admit it out loud though.

"When your landlord raised the rent in your apartment you protested in the streets," he said. "Alone. What, did he ignore your request for the organic garden on your roof?"

"It helps limit our carbon footprints, Lynch. Don't you worry what's becoming of our global climate?" Henry gaped at him.

"So that's a yes."

"It's not about my landlord," he sighed.

"I don't actually care," Ronan said, parading his disinterest like it was something to be proud of. Really, he was just trying to train himself not to care. If Henry thought he did, he wouldn't hear the end of it. When Henry's frown furrowed into a near scowl, Ronan was put into a more sour mood than he already was. He recognized this, and he hated this, but right now he was paranoid he was going to be broken up with for being an idiot so... 

"Who, then, are you upset with?" He folded his arms strategically across his chest. "Pretend I care. Pretend I'm Noah or Blue or someone."

Henry scoffed. "No thanks."

"Oh." Ronan realized. Intrigue prickled the back of his mind like a good finger massage from Adam. _Stop thinking about the bastard, you bastard._ "Oh, that's who you're upset with then, isn't it? Is it Blue?"

God he hoped it was so he could join in on the complaining.

Henry rolled his eyes, and unfortunately it was obvious he wasn't going to find out. "It's nobody," he said. "Never mind. Go away."

"Well now I'm interested." Genuinely, Ronan was, and he couldn't hide it. Henry's drama made him forget his own, and his lack of compliance perked Ronan right up. He was smiling dangerously bright, which seemed to disturb Henry more.

"I'll hit you with my clipboard," he said, and he raised it.

"Wow, offering violence," Ronan said. "You really are upset."

Henry raised his clipboard higher.

"Fine. Fine. I'll leave." His hands raised, too, in defeat as he took a couple steps back from Henry, adding distance so he wouldn't get hit from this range. "I'm sure whatever they've done it was stupid but forgivable."

The reminder of the topic at hand made Henry lower the petition, moving to hold it close to his chest like a shield. His gaze dipped down to the sidewalk between them, to stare at the cracks in the pavement most likely. "It's not like that," he said, his voice strained. "It's... complicated."

"When isn't it?" And as he said that, he glanced down at his phone. No new messages.

 

(3:49 p) _have you found your curtains yet_

 

For some reason it hurt to send the text, knowing he wasn't going to hear back from Adam.

"Give me your stupid petition," he said grouchily.

"Really?" Henry seemed hesitant, which honestly was understandable, but it still stung a little and made him even pricklier. Without trying, he was able to reach for the petition and took it from Henry's hands.

"Yeah, whatever," he said, and he clicked the pen's top to eject the top. "But if you tell anyone I signed this for you--"

"Yeah, yeah." Henry was smiling when he looked up. His regret for this was immediate. "You'll kill me or something equally as elegant. Thanks, Lynch. Maybe you do have a soul in there."

Ronan couldn't even find it in him to scowl.

 

~~~~~~~

 

"Cream or eggshell?" Blue asked. They were an hour deep into the search for these curtains, something Adam never anticipated. The place they went to was drowning in tapestries, and here they were on their fourth or fifth aisle staring at two very similar curtains in Blue's arms. She raised them to either side of her face, as if that mattered.

"Is there a difference?" He gathered there was meant to be, but he couldn't see it. Maybe it was the lighting? Although, that shouldn't hinder the color difference too much.

Perhaps it was because he was distracted, his mind elsewhere this entire time. Every moment they paused he was fleetingly brought back to the present, but it didn't last long. Him and Ronan was all that filled his mind. He wanted space from the situation, but that didn't appear to be happening as his mind kept flickering back to _Ronan Ronan Ronan_. Why did he have to be so goddamn prideful and smart mouthed? Why did he have to say all those things? Why did Blue have to bring it all up in front of him? Every nerve in his body was on fire.

"Apparently," Blue said, casual as she wasn't aware of the rage inside him. "I can't say. But which one? This one or this one?"

"I don't know." He sighed and turned away. "Whichever."

"Adam, it's your apartment, too." Adam wasn't feeling any of this today. He would rather be home studying. The longer his silencer persisted the more Blue became aware of what was going on inside Adam's crowded head. "What's wrong?" she finally asked.

His phone vibrated from a message, which he checked in an effort to calm down. It was from Ronan, and did not succeed in calming him at all. Rather, it made his stomach ache. He was so mad at him and so humiliated he could shake with rage and bring this whole place down.

"You really need to stop getting into fights with Ronan," he said.

Blue opened her mouth to say something and he flinched. She immediately softened, her hands lowering with the curtains at her sides. 

"Okay," she said quieter.

"And you really need to honor my privacy when I ask you not to say something." He folded his arms defiantly as he studied the material of a floral curtain to his right. It wasn't fair that Blue kept ignoring his requests to keep things between them these days. Just because she shared practically everything with the group didn't mean he wished to.

"I'm sorry," she said. Out of the corner of his eye he could see genuine intent, but it didn't make him feel any better. "I didn't mean anything by it. He already knew about the virgin thing, if that's... any consolation....."

"It's not."

She tucked her lips inward. "Mmhm."

He broke and let his hands fall to his sides.

"I just don't know why you would ask me all that in front of him," he said.

"I assumed it was okay," she said with a shrug. "Usually is with him involved. I can't remember the last time you didn't care he knew what we were talking about." Something shifted behind her eyes as Adam continued to try to avert his gaze, but to no avail she seemed to see through him on some level. Her face perked up.

"Do you not want him to know you have a boyfriend?" She damn near gasped.

"That's not it," he said all too quickly.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I see."

"You see nothing." Adam struggled to not roll his eyes and stomp off like a stubborn child, though he wanted to. "Stop trying to analyze me when I'm the one mad at you!"

Ever similar to Ronan, Blue had a viper smile that spread thin across her face, like she recently discovered the cure for hangovers or something. She had that gleeful smugness in her eye Adam was all too familiar with, and then she erased it all in a matter of seconds to appear collected and cool.

"You're not mad at me, Adam," she said, and her hands raised up with the curtains, shaping the sides of her face with the shades of white cloth. "I think you're more mad at Ronan, but he's not here to be yelled at. He's a dick, yes, and I was a bit too pushy about your boundaries. I've already apologized and I won't say anything more on the matter. So which curtain do you prefer? My arms are tired and these are heavy."

In a form of surrender, Adam released his tight shoulders and walked back towards Blue, dragging his feet to imply displeasure with the whole thing. He was tired of fighting, at least with Blue. With Ronan, he still had more to say.

"The one on the left," he said. It had a nicer drape against Blue, but really he didn't notice much of a difference other than he wanted to go and it was on her left.

She looked. "I agree," she said. She smiled like they just made a greater decision than what curtain would match their apartment.

"I'm still upset with you," he said, when she handed off a second set for him to hold.

"That's fine." Her eyes drifted around the large room in search of what he could only hope was the exit. "But you're still going to pay for half of this, you know."

"I know."

"Good." She flashed her smile at him over her shoulder. "Now I won't have to ask why it is you don't want to talk about your boyfriend in front of Ronan. Because that's something that needs to be analyzed on your own."

Adam gave her a withering look. He already knew why. He already knew everything. It was Blue who was uninformed, and would remain so until, well, he and Ronan felt it was time.

But when would that be, he wondered? On one hand, it was wonderful keeping their relationship a secret as they worked out all the kinks. On the other hand, it was getting so hard and painful with all the lying and sneaking around. But the thought of telling them they were dating felt like a harder task every day, and now Ronan had to go and pull this shit. He was brutally honest with Blue about how he felt about Ronan without saying he was Ronan because he wanted to say all these things to someone, and saying them to Ronan was easier when it was expressed through the act and not out loud. Now here he was being smug somewhere in the city probably, gloating about the fact Adam said all that he said.

Well, screw that. Adam felt humiliated by all of it. Ronan's teasing went too far, and now he was crumpling the curtain in his hand.

 

~~~~~~~

 

"Dear Henry..." Noah was poised upright in his favorite seat in the whole apartment, typing out a text he meant to send days ago. It was strange, being in a fight he wasn't entirely sure why he was in it. It was stranger trying to get the other person to respond to him, while usually when people fought with him it was because he was breaking something off and he didn't care if they never talked to him again. But Henry was a friend, and he was a good one at that, and he didn't want their friendship to break off.

"No, that sounds like a letter. Hello, Henry." He often talked out loud when typing, something that helped him sense if the message sounded decent or not. It was hard with this one. "No, still sounds weird. Henry." He brightened. "Henry, that's good. Okay. Henry, I am writing you to request you- Who am I, fucking Gansey the next generation? No. Henry, stop ignoring me you dweeb. And send text."

It was when he proudly looked up from his phone that he spotted Ronan standing in the open doorway with a bag of groceries in his arms, staring at him with concern wrinkled in his forehead. It quickly turned into amusement, a laugh fluttering out of him. At once, Noah wanted to hide in the cushions of his chair.

"Ronan, how long have you been standing there?" he demanded.

"Since dear Henry," said Ronan, and he shut the door.

"Shit."

As Ronan set down the bag, he smirked down at the contents in it, sucking in his lower lip to chew on it considering things.

"This is why you shouldn't narrate your texts," he said. "So you're why Henry was petitioning earlier."

"He was petitioning?" Noah knew Henry well enough that if he was petitioning it often was incited by being upset about something else. "What was it this time?"

"Diet pills."

His expression at once soured at Henry's choice this time. He was only worth diet pills?

"That's... an odd choice."

Ronan shrugged thoughtfully. "He seemed pretty upset," he said, with no hint of disdain or amusement beneath the words.

At once, Noah sat forward in his seat, trying to get a better look at this imposter in his home. "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

Ronan snorted before picking things out of the bag. "Excuse me?"

He was a robot, that had to be it. Ever since Ireland he's been acting awfully strange, and Noah put it off as him adjusting to life with a married brother. But that didn't look to be the reason here. First it was the absence from the rehearsal dinner, then it was the absence from their room, then it was blatantly ignoring him to go take a long pee in the airplane bathroom. Then there was also all the porn watching and the early wake ups on days he didn't have work, and now he was being _thoughtful_ about Henry. What.

At first he wondered if he was feeling down in the dumps about Adam hooking up with someone in Ireland. While he never told Noah, Noah knew Ronan liked Adam for a while now. And his intake on porn has becoming ridiculously high. That wasn't it, though, since this was evolving into something else. Maybe Ronan started going to church again or something. But even that didn't explain it.

The robot thing was the best bet.

"Are you on something right now?" He knew Ronan indulged in weed a couple times here and there, but this felt weirder than that. "You're never this concerned about Henry."

In the middle of putting pasta away in the cupboard, Ronan pulled his hand back and frowned. Normally he would scowl now and snarl something deliciously rude that often made Noah giggle at the fact he was meant to take him serious. Instead, he placed his hand to his waist like Adam would, and he rolled his eyes. It was like he was staring at a weird combination of the two of them. He needed to insist on hanging out with him more, isolate himself from Henry and their odd situation, to keep Ronan from turning into Adam 2.0.

"Fuck you, Noah," he said, but of course there was no heat behind the words, and rather a thin hint of a smirk stretching the corner of his lips.

"You're tamer than you were before Ireland," Noah noted. "I don't like it."

Ronan rolled his eyes again and said nothing. Nothing! This was not the Ronan Lynch he knew and loved. Something was happening with him. Something bizarre.

 

(6:07 p) **_Don't call me a dweeb. You know why I'm mad at you._**

 

Oh, Henry. Noah smiled at his phone and started texting back. It took a lot out of him not to speak his message aloud in front of Ronan.

 

(6:07 p)  I know. But I was kind of hoping you moved on from that. It's been a month.

 

He then got another text, only this one was from Gansey.

_I'm doing it!_

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, brother."

"What?" Ronan perked up, still in the kitchen.

**_Moved on? Moved on! Ha._ **

"Gansey's about to do something very stupid," he said, half distracted from Henry's nonsensical response.

"Isn't he always?" Ronan always spoke like he was saying something witty and profound.

**_I'm only replying to you because I'm with Gansey and he's lost it. What did you say to him?_ **

"Are you hungry?" asked Ronan.

"Mm. Maybe later." Noah was currently trying to put out a fire, but it didn't seem to be working. In fact, it felt as if he just then kerosine on it and walked away.

Oops.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam couldn't eat dinner. He couldn't sleep. The thought of walking across the hall and using his key to Ronan's came and went, when he remembered the possible gloating awaiting him. Blue went out with some friends from work and tried to invite him, but he was still a little annoyed with her, too, so he declined.

It was the worst night's sleep in weeks, if you considered lying awake all night, tossing and turning in bed sleep.

The next day was even worse, because when he woke up from the good hour he managed to get, he reached unthinkingly for Ronan and came up empty handed. Then he checked his phone, and he hadn't received any new messages since last night when Ronan texted him again with the basic ass: _I made too much spicy garlic and olive oil spaghetti if you want any._ To think Adam would be fooled to come over and eat his favorite pasta like all was forgiven. No.

Still, he expected more from him.

It was going to be a long, boring, tiresome, lonely day.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan went to bed a little wine drunk and woke up in the afternoon feeling bloated and gross and sad. There was no neck to nuzzle and no lips to kiss and he ate too much pasta. After hurdling through a bout of nausea that almost upended his dinner, Ronan took a very long shower that was mostly spent standing there staring at his phone left on the sink. He wondered why it was Adam hadn't texted or called, and perhaps wondered if he should text him again. He didn't really like spicy spaghetti with garlic and olive oil all that much, and yet he made it, and then ate too much of it when Adam didn't respond.

God, he was an idiot. A big, big idiot. He banged his head against the tile a little too hard, whining under the sound of the shower as his already throbbing head swelled with more pain.

Fuck, he was careless, and maybe he even deserved it. Did he push Adam too far this time, and now the best thing that's ever happened to him was already over? Of course, he thought, it would end this abruptly and this soon. The best things always did.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam didn't have his internship today, nor did he have work, a strange and rare day where lately he would spend it in bed or in a park somewhere with Ronan. Instead, he scrubbed the apartment raw clean, where it was so sanitary and spotless you could eat off any surface with a clean conscience. He started in the bathroom when he noticed the grout looking a little worse for wear while taking an excruciatingly hot shower, and then it escalated from there. Pretty soon he was bleaching the tiles and he was mopping the hardwood floors of the apartment, dusting and windexing and even cleaning the balcony. He hadn't done that in a while, gone full beast mode on the apartment cleaning. It surprised him how well it could distract, and by the end of a very long morning, he switched gears and did the laundry and then cleaned out the fridge while he waited. If was well into the afternoon that he ran out of chores, including washing his sheets and categorizing his books in a new order just to give himself one last thing to do. Blue was out, and he wasn't about to message any of his other friends for fear they were hanging out with Ronan or would think to invite him, too. He didn't need anyone else in his business today, and so he felt he was better off alone at home.

Around late afternoon, close to dinner time actually, Adam finally reached the end of his very extensive list of things to do around the apartment. All he really had at this point was to put the new curtains up. He was done with only one and starting on the second when the front door opened, only it wasn't Blue.

Stepping into the apartment like the lived here, as they always did, was everyone else in their little group. He almost did a double take when he registered Ronan sheepishly entering along with the others, before he rolled his eyes and continued with what he was doing. His height was elevated above them all standing on a chair, and he observed them all come in and settle by the dining table in the kitchen.

"Is Blue here?" Gansey looked determined about something, and by the looks on the others it wasn't good. "I've got something on my mind."

His hands came down from the curtain he was currently struggling with, but he didn't come down yet from the chair. "She's out. Why?"

"He's going to profess his love to her," Noah interjected. "Apparently Ireland inspired him. Nothing else."

Next to him, both Ronan and Henry rolled their eyes. Adam swallowed, dumbfounded that it was today of all days Gansey chose to do this. Not the best timing. 

"I guess everyone lost their mind in Ireland," Henry observed. "Some more than others."

His eyes drifted to Noah, who jerked.

"Oh , would you quit?" He pushed at his shoulder, and the pair started to get into a squabble.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Adam spoke out, glancing across each face that turned to him. Ronan's eyes were pleading for something, but he made a point to look away. "She was only recently seeing that guy she met at work, remember?"

Gansey raised his chin, and something ball shaped in his hands along with it, like it was offering security. "I don't care," he declared. By the wavering in his voice, he did care.

"Gansey."

Only for him would he come down from that chair and risk walking closer to Ronan than he felt necessary. Already he could see the gleaming shine of summer sweat on his forehead and the bulk of his arms, and he could smell him from across the table, or maybe that was in his head. His jeans were exceptionally tight today. They looked new, and he found himself chewing the inside of his cheek, because it only made him that much more agitated.

Ronan caught him staring, and rather than allow himself to rattle, he took the exchange in stride. "What do you think about all this?" he asked him.

Ronan shrugged. "No opinion."

He rolled his eyes. _Of course._ Just only an opinion when it's a means to humiliate him in front of Blue.

Beside him, he looked again at what Gansey was holding in his fidgety hands. "What's that?" He pointed at the thing in his hands, a black ball the size of a melon.

"It's an eight ball," said Noah. "That toy from the 80s or whenever. He thinks he's going to get an answer from it from the gods or whatever. I don't even know where he found one."

"That's not how god works," Ronan corrected.

"Whatever!" Gansey elbowed him. "It's broken anyway. It keeps saying ask again later."

"Here." Adam reached for it. "Let me."

With some hesitation, Gansey handed it off, and Adam was surprised by the weight of it. Growing up, another kid in school had one and it was a point to embarrass each other when asking questions. As he remembered this, he looked up at Ronan, who was already staring back.

"Is Ronan going to have any sex in the near future?" he asked the ball. With a smugness that rivaled Ronan's usual jeer, he turned the ball upside down. "Not likely."

Both Henry and Noah chortled at Ronan's misfortune, and Ronan elbowed them both.

"I'd say it's in working condition," Adam said, and he handed it back off to Gansey. "Maybe the universe thinks you should make up your own damn mind, Gansey. I'm going back to my curtain. But please let me know beforehand if you decide to tell her. I need to prepare for an imminent implosion if you do."

With a sulk, Gansey held the ball to his chest, his determination deflated.

"Okay..." he said.

Gansey started to walk out but Henry yanked the ball from him and asked it,

"Will Noah settle down before he catches an STD?"

"Hey!" Noah hopped towards him. "You're not funny."

"I'm very funny," Henry said. "You've just lose your sense of humor."

"Give that to me!"

"No."

"Henry!"

The pair of them rushed out like children, with Gansey not all that far behind, and Ronan too. When the door shut, Adam bid them good riddance, but at once felt alone and sad. Finally, his mind was entangled in thoughts of Ronan again, and he couldn't get it free. Even as he stepped back onto the chair to work on the curtain, he was thinking of Ronan instead. Ronan was such a jackass though. Looks weren't everything, and they weren't for how him and Ronan worked, but some fraction of his brain could separate how he felt about him at a given moment and focus on the build of Ronan's thighs and the sharp lines of his jaw, and god he was annoyingly hot it was pretty unbearable.

"Adam."

Adam almost fell off the chair, because he didn't realize Ronan was still here. With a swift turn that left him dizzy, he grimaced when he saw him still standing there.

"What?" He was left a little breathless by the surprise, and also by the fact he rolled his sleeves up at some point, and now Adam was staring at them, ogling him like a piece of meat. He was running on an hour of sleep.

"I'm sorry," said Ronan. He watched as his mouth moved and formed the words, and he again almost fell from the chair. 

"For?" He had to clear his throaty and turn back to the curtain to retain his balance and some semblance of dignity. 

"Being an ass."

"Which time?" Adam mumbled. "You have to be more specific."

Ronan grunted. "You know which time. You don't think I don't feel bad?"

"Hard to say." Adam chewed on his lip and fleetingly looked back over his shoulder. "Do you?"

At once, Ronan collapsed into the nearest chair, which happened to be one of the other chairs at the table. His face fell into his hands, at which point he groaned loudly into his palms for a good length. Adam was still bitter about everything, but it didn't keep him from at the very least stepping down from his elevated height. When Ronan looked back up, Adam surprised him by standing a few steps closer.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," he said, his voice crackling under the weight of what Adam could only guess was regret. "I just... I didn't expect you to say that sort of stuff with her."

"Yeah, well I'm mad at her too." Adam jutted out the lower half of his jaw. "It was private. She shouldn't have brought it up in front of you, and you shouldn't have gloated."

"I know." His big blue eyes were begging Adam to come closer, and he listened one more step. That was all. They were still across the apartment, and Adam still had his arms across his chest. He stared at Ronan's expressive face and felt muscles in his body that were tight from the anger start to work a little more smoothly. He didn't want that. He wanted to stay mad. 

"Then why did you do it?" His voice still came out clipped. Oh good. 

"Because I'm an asshole."

Adam scoffed as if that was a real answer.

"I honestly don't know why I did it," Ronan said, articulating with a clipped voice of his own. "At first to make you blush, and then the rest I..." Ronan fondled a napkin between his fingers, picking at the edges like a child. "I missed you last night. Real bad."

Adam wasn't about to admit he felt the same, so he said nothing. The silence pressured Ronan to look up again, to find his eyes and stare directly into them. Adam was glad Ronan could admit he was a dick, but that didn't make it okay.

"Parrish, you're not your usual chatty self and I'm worried," he said, sounding more like the Ronan he knew. "How mad _are_ you? You're kind of scary when you're quiet."

And at once, Adam's eyes drifted away from his, his whole body feeling rigid again. 

"You said you would dance on tables and sing on rooftops?" he inquired. 

"I didn't mean-"

"Do it."

"Do what?" Ronan didn't appear to understand, or perhaps he was hoping if he asked enough times Adam would drop the subject. 

"Dance on the table." With one hand, he motioned to what was next to Ronan, suggesting he get on it. 

"You're... not joking." Ronan's brow went in, disturbed. "Parrish, what is this?"

"How would you dance knowing you were the best?" Adam wanted to embarrass him same as he embarrassed Ronan, even if they were alone. He wanted to even the playing field, to make Ronan work for his forgiveness, even though half of his body and brain had already forgiven him the second he gave him those sad eyes.

Pathetic.

Quiet from his corner, he watched as Ronan then started to climb on his kitchen table. He made a fuss of it, taking a while to get there. Adam almost spoke up and said you're stalling, but he bit his tongue instead. Rather, when Ronan finally managed to stand up on it, Adam made a note he'd have to sanitize it again later as Ronan stood on it with his shoes.

With a clap of his hands to his thighs in awkward acceptance of his predicament, Ronan then started to inelegantly shuffle. On a good day, he was actually a rather good dancer, but not today. Today, he was moving about like a flailing bird who was fighting heavy winds, and Adam was trying his best not to laugh. He was still extremely furious at him, and while this settled the edges of his emotions, it was still not enough that he was all forgiven.

"So this is how you'd celebrate?" he asked.

"I mean," Ronan grunted as he tried to balance talking and dancing. "It's about the same."

Adam couldn't tell if he was more endeared or annoyed at this point.

"Now sing," he said.

Ronan stopped. "Okay, I'd do anything for you, but not that."

Adam soured again and looked away. "Fine."

Behind him, Ronan practically fell off the table trying to get down. He staggered over as swift as he could, but stopped part way when Adam glared at him to stop.

Frozen there mid-step, Ronan continued to plead with his eyes. Adam shut his own in response.

"You're the reason I'm the best, you know," Ronan professed. "You're why I'm good at any of this. It's all you. You're the best I ever had too, with my _super extensive list_ of past lovers. Without you, it would be terrible. With anyone else."

"Like Gansey?"

"Odd choice, but uh, yeah definitely it'd incomparable. This is like reality being stripped away and transformed into an inter-dimensional universe ever expanding with each kiss and crap."

_And crap._

Adam was profoundly aroused by Ronan's use of the word inter-dimensional. They were definitely rubbing off on each other in more ways than one.

"With anyone else it'd be like going for a hot dog at a 7/11." Adam fought back the urge to laugh, but it was hard. "You would always be the best- Not that I plan for this to be- I don't want there to be anyone else- I'm just- I'm sorry I'm an ass. I don't mean to be about this, about us. I just, I don't know, got too excited to hear that you're saying all that to Blue. To know you think I'm beautiful and have nice lips. I'd have liked to hear it from you, though, but who cares."

Adam hated that he was getting less annoyed with him as he went on. As he opened his eyes, Ronan took that as a sign of opportunity. Slowly he trudged over, until they were barely a foot apart. When he stopped, he reached behind himself and pulled out a rose from his back. Adam softened immediately.

"How long have you had that there?"

"Like an hour," Ronan shrugged. "It got kind of smushed when I hid it from Noah in the cab."

Careful not to stab himself with a thorn, Adam took it from him, and he smelled it. It was a pale yellow rose, sweet and soft. Ronan took this as an opportunity to incline into him, and Adam allowed it. He even allowed a kiss on the cheek.

"Λυπάμαι. συγχώρεσέ με."

He inhaled sharply. Ronan's Greek was about as bad as his Latin, but god the fact he tried made him swell with something powerful.

"What's that mean?" he said, inclining for another kiss on his other cheek. Ronan did as he was asked, this one slower and longer.

"I am sorry," Ronan said against his skin "Forgive me."

"You better be," he said. 

"I am." Ronan moved away, leaving behind a chill on Adam's face. "I am."

"I know asking you to never do it again is futile but--"

"I'll try not to."

He offered him the thinnest of smiles, and Ronan looked to relax immediately at the smile. Trying to relax himself, Adam smelled the rose again, feeling Ronan's arms wrap around him and his lips find his cheek a third time.

"You need to stop fighting with Blue," he said, and he nudged him to stop and listen. Ronan obeyed, but barely. "I want you two to become better friends if this is something that's going to last. You're the two most important people in my life, and I need you two to be able to survive in a room together longer than a few minutes."

"I'll try, if she tries," he answered.

Adam was exhausted by this. He didn't want them to keep fighting and feel forced to choose. Blue was his roommate, his confidante, and Ronan was the person he wanted to maybe spend the rest of his life with. But he could only ask for so much.

"Do you forgive me?" Ronan smiled.

"No."

"No?" His smile split just as quickly. "So are we br-"

Adam kissed him before he could finish that sentence. Yes, he did forgive him for the most part, but no he wasn't over it yet. He would be, later, but now he kissed him with a heat unrivaled as his passion intermingled with ire. Ronan's hand reached around him and grabbed him at his waist. He felt them lift him up so he was pulled off the ground. With ease, he wrapped his legs around Ronan's hips, held aloft by his hands.

"Let's go have the best sex we've ever had," he breathed. "Put better use to those hips. Then maybe I'll forgive you."

Ronan snorted. "God that sounds cheesy when you say it."

"Shut up!" Adam whacked him with the rose. "Do you want me to be mad at you again?"

"A little," Ronan confessed. There was a weird thrill from that, a desire that settled deep into his bones. He ravaged Ronan's mouth as he tried not to fall off his waist.

The front door opened, and before he knew it Ronan was falling backwards as Henry walked back in.

"Forgot my jacket-- What are you two doing?"

Adam was on Ronan's waist, legs straddling him there, his hands on his chest for balance. The rose graciously slipped under the sofa, and Ronan looked like he hit his head.

"Uh, fighting." It was kind of true.

Henry blinked. Then he shrugged. "That makes sense," he said, and he took his jacket with him and left.

Once he was gone, Adam started to laugh. His laughter tore through him and startled him, powering through him and knocking him down onto Ronan's chest. Ronan responded with a groan. "I'm in pain. What's so funny?"

"You did it to yourself," Adam said, breathing through a laugh, but barely. "Come on."

He helped him up, and then was smart enough to lock the door. The others so often walked in Blue left in unlocked so long as someone was here. Really, they needed to remember to stop doing that. At least when they wanted to be alone.

Ronan was still struggling to stand as he ventured back over to him, and he reached for his head which looked to be undamaged from the outside.

"Where do you hurt?" he said. 

"Everywhere."

"We'll have to fix that," Adam said, and he took his hand and walked him into his room.

"Did you clean in here?" Ronan noted first thing. "It smells funny."

"It smells _clean_ , Lynch." Adam gently guided him down first on the bed, kissing him to shut him up. "Now take off your pants."

"So bossy." Ronan grinned up at him as he obeyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter has all the kissing................. :-)
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) it's honestly always nice for some form of feedback! thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	8. the one with all the kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What?"
> 
> "Blue coming from our right." Ronan flinched. "I don't think she sees us."
> 
> "Mm." Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
> 
> Adam hated this more every waking minute, but there was a reason they were doing it. There must be. Ronan kissed his forehead. "Come on, birthday boy," he said, reluctantly.
> 
> "It's not my birthday for two more days."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so there's more texting conversations in this, so it might get confusing but here's a key to who is who
> 
> adam: normal  
> ronan: italicized
> 
> noah: bold  
> blue: italicized  
> henry: bold italicized
> 
> hope this helps! <3 enjoy <3

Habits are easy to make and hard to break.Something that's repeated enough you can't find it in you to stop. When you try, that's even harder. Some habits can even be considered addictions, something impossible and just on the cusp of impossible to end. Adam found himself falling into a habit of spending every night with Ronan in some form or another. Kissing him was the addiction.

It was a Tuesday night, and Adam spent the majority of the day at his internship, while Ronan was away at work. They hadn't seen each other since the morning, and barely at that, since Ronan had to get to work early to prep food for the day. So he left Adam there in his bed groggily registering a kiss to his forehead and a peck on his lips. Even half asleep, Adam chased after his mouth like an addict expecting a hit. That was when he should've realized.

For only the third night since they started this — an _affair_ Ronan once joked offhandedly (which led to an argument), but it certainly felt like they were cheating on their friends - Adam and Ronan hadn't made plans to stay over at the other's. It was a busy day for them both, Ronan getting more attention at his work and accolades for his skills, while Adam was dealing with the same at his internship. Neither could have predicted that their busiest summer yet they would include falling into this, falling for each other. Adam could begin to understand the phrase now, as he felt as if he spiraling out of control the deeper they went into this rabbit's hole called a relationship. And he was enjoying every minute of it.

Their sneaking around, however, left much to be desired. It was a good thing their friends group was rather self involved, saving them the trouble of explaining several almosts throughout the month of all this.

It was a couple days after Ronan and Adam's big fight about the best sex conversation, and though they hadn't made plans to see each other that night Adam was tired and he couldn't find himself falling asleep in his own bed. So he used the key Ronan gave him to his, and he snuck inside very carefully.

It was late, too late to pretend this was a casual drop in when half the city was asleep. Slowly, he made his way across the apartment, walking around the ping pong table and the two recliner chairs. Ronan's door was shut, as always, and even though it was impossible to see in the dark he could just make out the shadow shape of it.

There was the sound of Noah in his room, but often he was wide awake late at night playing video games or learning something new to drop in a few months.

Adam's hand was on Ronan's doorknob when Noah's door opened instead and the room was flooded with light. Adam blinked and recoiled from everything as Noah came at him with a golf club.

Together they screamed loud enough the whole building must have been woken up. Adam's heart was racing hard and his sweat glands were working overtime. He struggled to push his glasses up his nose when Noah's arms froze midair with his swing. They registered one another in the deafening silence that followed after the surprise, and Adam vowed to never sneak over to Ronan's ever again ever.

"What the fuck!" Noah exclaimed, his whole body visibly shaking, matching Adam's current reaction. Fear tore through him like a current, and he was left trembling and sweaty, feeling ridiculous right now as his eyes flickered to Ronan's shut door.

"What are you doing here?" Noah didn't look pleased in the slightest, even as he finally lowered his hands.

"I couldn't sleep and- and-"

Ronan's door finally opened, and Adam was washed over with relief. Being surprised by a golf club at two in the morning didn't do well for his higher brain functions, and he could hardly think of a decent enough excuse right now, although he should have practiced in case this happened.

"What the fuck is going on with you two?" Noah asked, as Ronan moved inches closer to Adam. When skin touched skin, even though it was wrists fleetingly bumping together, Adam stilled all at once. Ronan did a good job of masking his shock at the sight of Adam standing there, or perhaps he expected him to drop in. 

"We watch tv together sometimes," Ronan quipped remarkably fast. "When we can't sleep."

"What?" Noah stood there confused, his hands still on the golf club. Adam hadn't been this scared about something in a long time, and it felt weird to be sent back there. Ronan's excuse was a good one, a real one once upon a time, and Adam nearly forgot that's what they used to do, before this. It felt like eons ago, a lot longer than a month.

"You scared me," Noah then said, when neither of them said anything else. Adam was still collecting himself, and Ronan's hand was sneaking into his behind his back.

"When did you golf?" Even at two in the morning, Ronan could manage such a condescending tone, which Noah didn't appreciate more as his brow came straight down. 

"It was a long time ago," he said.

Great, Adam thought, now they could go to bed. He missed him, and sleep, terribly, and at this point he couldn't distinguish which he missed more. Noah's gaze flickered between them, and then the television, and Adam inwardly groaned. His hand gripped Ronan's tighter behind him, begging him to do something and make this go away.

"Hey, what are you thinking of watching?" Noah asked. "Since I'm up I'll join you."

"Oh, we uh, watch in my room."

Adam shot Ronan a look. Very subtle.

"So it doesn't disturb you," Ronan added. He grimaced at Adam.

"I'm up though." Noah was pouting, clearly ignorant of Ronan gripping his waist and Adam leaning into him. His nimble fingers were all that was keeping him awake at this point, as clear headed as he was, and Adam desperately wished to tell Noah to go the fuck to bed as he yawned.

"And you don't have a TV in your room," Noah persisted. There was a wrinkle in his forehead, which from years of friendship Adam knew meant he was building a hunch about something, and he inwardly started to panic.

Ronan looked to be blanking beside him, his well of answers finally run dry. He couldn't form any actual words now, standing there next to him opening his mouth and nothing come out. In a bit of a fright, he glanced Adam's way for help, eyes wide but sleepy.

Shit.

Uh...

"Laptop," Adam said a little louder than necessary once he was joyful to find the word. There was an appreciative squeeze at his hand. "And we watch car racing. It's boring." Adam faked a yawn and raised his arms above his head. "Goodnight, Noah."

Ronan looked genuinely confused but agreeable as he followed after him.

"He can't live without me," he said and Adam elbowed him.

"Ow!"

When the door shut Adam immediately pounced on him, legs hooking on Ronan'a hips and hands feeling on his skin, knocking him down onto the bed first. It made a squeak under the weight shift. Tonight, Ronan was in just his boxers and a loose shirt with holes big enough it made it less a shirt and more a drapery. There was so much visible skin, and Adam's original intent was to come sleep in his bed with him, but now he was driven to making out a bit first. That is, until Ronan gently peeled him off as he took his glasses from his forehead and set them on the bedside table Adam preferred. His hands started to move in rotation of his shoulders to the base of his neck, massaging unthinkingly, another sign of a habit. Boyfriends could have habits. At once, Adam sunk into him, burying his face roughly at Ronan's neck. This was better than making out. No, that wasn't true in the slightest, but it felt about as nice.

"We didn't have any plans, did we?" Ronan said. Just then, he massaged out a kink in his shoulder, and Adam inhaled sharply. "I would've remembered to stay up."

"You were asleep?" he groaned.

"What, it's the middle of the night?" Ronan sounded so damn smug. A part of him was still a little mad from just a few days ago, but really he just hated that Ronan knew he had him in the palm of his hand. Adam knew too about him in turn, but you didn't see him bragging about it all the time. "You think I'd be wallowing that you weren't next to me in bed?"

"Yes."

Ronan snorted. "Come here, before I wallow more." At once, they turned, and Adam felt himself get swept up in limbs and lips as Ronan teased him loudly. "Oh, where is Adam! Why am I not touching Adam!"

"Shh." Quick, he cupped a hand over Ronan's mouth, silencing his bravado. "You're so annoying." There was snickering as Ronan's hands found his waist in the dark, and he started to undress him. There wasn't much to undress outside of taking off his pajama bottoms, but he supposed he didn't need them to sleep.

Even in the dark he could see a twinkle of his eye sparkling at him with earnest contentment, and Adam sighed with a bit of his own. He adored him so much. Until he licked his palm. Adam, disgusted, jerked his hand free.

"Ew!" He just about shouted it in disbelief. "You're a barbarian!"

"Shh!!" Ronan mocked him and kissed him, grinning his devilish grin as they entered that higher plane with their mouths entangling fast and steady.

God, these sweltering kisses could fuel a whole city. So much for sleeping.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Mornings were getting harder, because at this point Ronan just wanted to either stay in bed a little longer or he wanted to be able to kiss at Adam's sleep ridden face a little more. But Adam was astutely all about the appearances and keeping to the same schedule they used to have. It was _summer_. Who _cares_?

Every time they were around their friends he almost slipped and touched him without thinking, so accustomed to being allowed, his body craved it every second he wasn't. They stole a lot of secret moments where Ronan would touch Adam in a place reserved for boyfriend Ronan, or Adam would give him those confidant eyes that defied all sense as they expressed such blatant desire that Ronan had to go. The worst was when they'd catch each other in the hall between apartments and steal a kiss before returning to their friends, a little more breathless and unkempt than before.

This morning, they managed to be alone for a little while. Adam had already gone back to his and changed and returned by the time Ronan made them - Adam mainly - French toast. He was eating it rather gleefully, parading around with a grin the size of a Christmas tree. His hair was still a bit of a mess, and Ronan tried to tame it for him with a run through of his fingers. In all seriousness, he was sure he only made it worse.

Still, Adam smiled at him across the small breakfast bar he had in his apartment, sitting on one of the bar stools while Ronan chose to stand.

For no reason in particular, Ronan touched at his nose with his fork. He could begin to understand all those really annoying and disturbing people that joked of wanting to eat body parts of children because they were so cute to them.

He just wanted him every second of the day, like a weirdo or something, and the solution to that was to become the witch that ate Hansel and Gretel.

A thought he would never ever vocalize now that it came into his head.

They were still in that phase where everything was still so incredibly fresh and exciting and he was horny as shit all the time, to the point that even Adam cleaning his glasses was so goddamn sexy.

Without thinking about it, he rested his elbows on the counter and leaned forward into it, bounding forward over onto Adam's side and kissed him on the nose. Adam squinted from the feeling, hiking his nose up his face as he made a noise of protest from deep in his throat. It only stopped when Ronan's lips drifted lazily down to his and kissed him there next. 

"You're being weird this morning," Adam thought, returning to his toast like it was the most important thing in the world. Effortlessly, Ronan ran his hand through Adam's hair a second time, receiving a low hum in response as Adam ate his well prepared food. Ronan loved to cook for him, and he found any excuse he could to do so. Since they started dating, it made him happiest when Adam asked him to cook for him and he was more than satisfied with the meal. He would say his favorite to make so far since they started seeing each other was a baked Alaska. Yeah, Adam definitely reciprocated his appreciation tenfold to him that same night. That was fucking great.

"According to you, I'm weird every morning," Ronan replied humorously, twisting a lock of Adam's hair between his fingers. His mouth quirked a lazy smile as he allowed his eyes to drop to Adam's mouth.

"Weird _er_."

"I can stop." Though he had no intention of stopping, when he knew how much this both irritated and allured Adam.

Just as he said it, Adam's eyes went a little wider and his mouth twitched.

"No," he said. "Keep going."

Ronan sincerely rolled his eyes and went in for another kiss. He tasted the maple syrup on Adam's lips, lavishly pressing every inch of himself into the drawers to get a good angle on him. His elbow almost went onto Adam's plate as he practically crawled over the bar to greedily have more. His tongue flicked across Adam's upper lip, gesturing to come in further on his side.When he did, the door to the apartment opened wide and he jerked back, knocking all the magnets off the fridge.

"They're in here!" Blue, of course, stood there staring at them like a pair of children. Ronan didn't even bother fetching the magnets off the floor, as he looked back to Adam who sat there mortified leaning far too deeply into his French toast. Blue rested against the open doorway with a relaxed pose, knowing she walked in on something, just not clear on what. "Come on, morons," she said. "Across the hall like all the rest."

"But my toast," Adam said, reluctant. He said it with such dismay, Ronan almost cackled.

"Is it glued to the table?" Her nose moved about, probably catching the scent of it in the air. "You can move it."

With a sigh, Adam picked up his plate and they moved together over to the other side of the hall. Ronan's hand sneakily drifted into Adam's hair one last time before they were subjected to bland contact, and to his surprise Adam stole a kiss from him just as Blue opened hers and his apartment door. It was an all encompassing, dizzying kiss that left Ronan quite literally gasping once it was over. He staggered a step back as Adam slyly smirked, mischievous in his own way until he crossed the threshold and removed all expression from his face.

The group began discussing the fact it was almost Adam's birthday, and Ronan at once was reminded that as his boyfriend he got to finally do what he'd wanted to do for years, which was actually celebrate it now Adam did. As a group, they often celebrated things how they wanted to as a _group_. It took a few years, but Adam eventually caught on and accepted, but this time he could do something just for the two of them, just for Adam.

He started planning in his head when someone asked, "Doing anything fun with the boyfriend?"

At this point everyone knew, and Ronan became less amused by all the questions the more there were. They started pestering Adam all the time about him, and Ronan was growing oddly jealous of _himself_.

"No." Adam was still greedily eating his French toast, and Ronan's eye almost twitched when Blue stole a bite. "He's out of town."

"Boooo," was the consensus of all their friends. They were fanning over Adam like he were a celebrity or something, absurd in their glee. Ronan sat there on the edge of it, a little envious of all the attention, and yet still pretty damn thankful he was never specifically caught having sex unlike Adam.

"When can we meet him?" Henry sat close on Adam's other side, hopeful with a hint of expectancy.

"Never," Adam replied.

Oh, god, he couldn't wait until the day came they inevitably told everyone this _perfect guy_ Adam talked about, the _dreamboat with the satin lips_ , the _best sex he ever had_ , was Ronan _goddamn_ Lynch.

"Boooo," everyone said together in unison.

"You guys are the worst!" Adam stopped eating, even though he literally had a few bites left. "You're all so judgmental with new people we bring into the circle."

"That's because we only want the best for each other," Blue disputed.

Ronan snorted. He never wanted _the best_ for Adam, he wanted himself, like the selfish dick he was. And what their friends wanted was basically someone who fit into their weird little group well enough the person had to already be in it. 

"Oh, come on," he spoke up, defending Adam's argument, since it was also partially his. They talked at length about this multiple times, returning to the subject each time they felt it was time to say something. "Melinda?"

Noah's ears perked up, the tips of them already starting to brim pink. "Why are you bringing her up?"

"Because you were with her for a whole month and everything was going well, then you brought her over and we tore her apart in your head," Ronan noted. Something he and Adam talked about before, as well. Ronan didn't want the others to tear him down in Adam's head. "We point shit out to each other that makes us not want the person anymore," said Adam. "It's kind of awful."

"Oh, I mean, I wouldn't say everything was going _so well_ before I introduced her," Noah said defensively. "That's a poor example."

"Fine." Adam sat forward. "Rick?"

Henry shook his head. "I don't like this game."

"Blue mentioned his obnoxious laugh and suddenly that's all you could see, err, hear," he said to Henry.

Blue giggled. "I miss that laugh," she said derisively.

"Oh, eff you, Blue," Henry exclaimed.

Gansey shrugged. "I mean, what, you're going to hide him forever?" he asked Adam.

"That's the plan."

No one took to that well. Together, they all expressed visually and audibly their distaste with the idea. It was all of this that made Ronan want to jump onto the table and shout _It's me you're looking for. I'm the boyfriend. I'm the best sex Adam's ever had. I'm the one_ _that gives Adam that dopey look in his eyes and he's why I'm so vibrant and hopelessly all smiles._

Blue was frowning. "We aren't that bad."

"We kind of are," Henry realized.

"Imagine if one of us started dating someone we already all knew," Gansey tried to counter. "We'd be happy for them." 

Adam and Ronan exchanged a look. He knew he was referring to him and Blue, but still. It hit closer to home than Gansey realized.

"That's totally different," Blue shot up to speak. "That would ruin our dynamic. We'd be totally thrown out of wack when they break up."

At once, Gansey was crestfallen. His shoulders slung forward as his energy was visibly drained. Of course, Blue was ignorant to this. She either had no idea the effect she had on the poor son of a bitch, or she knew so well and was an amazing pretender.

"What if they never break up?" Ronan couldn't believe he just asked that. Gansey smiled at him as if he was defending his choice. Yeah, sure buddy. Let's go with that.

"Oh, come on!" Blue was getting into her argumentative phase. It came out most with him and Gansey, and here it was flaring up. "When have any of us ever been in a long term relationship that lasted?"

"I mean, it just takes the one time," said Adam. He spoke so casually it went over everyone else's heads, but not Ronan's.

His skin was instantly covered in goosebumps from the slightest breeze of the fan in the corner of the kitchen. He shivered as he stretched, trying to tame his limbs from instinctively going to touch Adam at the gentle thing he said. Adam said it so simply but god GOD _GOD_. _Just takes the one time._ Just the other night Ronan and Adam joked about growing old together and having to use those stair lifts, and Adam said he'd inevitably be stronger than Ronan because he'll concoct some science thing to make himself strong so he'd carry weak little old Ronan up the stairs. Ronan laughed so hard he cried, and then proceeded to give Adam the blow job of his damn life. He wanted to grow old with Adam, it was such a bizarre goal to have, and if truth be told it felt like Adam wasn't completely joking either.

Staring at him the small distance between their scrunched together chairs, he admired Adam's profile: the hook of his nose, the freckles that lined around his eyes and scalp, the way his shirt framed his neck, the tiny waves of his hair due to the humidity and the need for a haircut. He just wanted to hold him right then, to feel him in some context, to just embrace him until his arms fell off.

The closest he got to it was inclining into him from his seat, placing his arm across the back of Adam's chair, bending forward to expectantly eat from Adam's plate. Adam faked a grimace as he raised his fork and Ronan grabbed it, eating from it himself.

"Can't you just make more for yourself?" Adam played the game of pretending Ronan exasperated him. Perhaps he did a little, but not enough he did much about it. Ronan wasn't all that hungry. Mainly he ate to appease his other desires.

"Too much effort," he reasoned.

Under the table, he felt Adam reach for his leg, gently touching there at his knee. He almost choked on his toast because he started to smile, and then caught the eyes of Noah across the way.

"What?"

"You don't make _me_ French toast," he said, pouting. He even went so far as to cross his arms over his chest like a baby.

"I make you tons of things. What are you going on about?"

"Not these days!"

"You aren't as honest about my cooking as he is," Ronan said.

"So you want me to tell if your food sucks so you'll make more of it?" Noah sulked. "Okay, it's crap. Go make me some waffles."

Ronan rolled his eyes and Adam snorted.

"We're getting off topic here," Gansey said, a little annoyed.

Ronan's hand slid into Adam's under the table, palm against palm. It was always nice when he felt Adam's hand connected to his, with his boyish thumbs and bony joints and slender fingers. They were smoother since he started using hand lotion at night, something Ronan suggested since his own hands were all fucked up from cooking. It made them softer, too, for moments like this.

"It's not worth the risk in my opinion," said Blue, continuing on the conversation. When Ronan looked up, he recognized he had spaced out and lost track of what they were talking about. Apparently an argument can occur right in front of him and he'll still miss part of it because he's too busy obsessing over Adam's body parts. Classic.

"It'll change our whole dynamic," said Blue, "and when it's over we'll be forced to pick sides. Remember Beth and Grace?"

"Who?" Henry's face bunched up in genuine confusion.

"Before your time," Ronan explained. He remembered them. They used to hang out with them, then Beth and Grace broke up and then they started hanging out with them separately, but it got hard and they sort of lost contact with both of them because it was a _me or her_ situation and they kind of didn't know who to pick.

Yeah, kind of why he and Adam haven't brought up the fact they were the new Beth and Grace.

"I don't know how we went from _I want to meet Adam's boyfriend_ to _friends should never date_." Henry had a point, but of course their conversations often transitioned in odd places without much warning.

Gansey sunk down in his seat a little, looking a little guilty as if he brought up politics instead of dating within the gang.

"Well, I don't have to worry about all this," said Noah, who sounded so proud about it as he raised his chin. "I'm never dating ever again."

There was a pause, and then everyone burst into laughter.

 

It wasn't long after that Noah and Gansey both left, Noah to sulk and also get breakfast at theirs, while Gansey was basic and had adult things to do.

"You're so boring!" Ronan shouted at him as he left. Gansey waved and then looked tempted to give him the finger, but of course he didn't.

Adam, Blue, Henry, and him sat there afterward doing what usually just Adam, Blue and Henry did on a daily basis, which was talk shit with the others not around. At first Blue looked dismissively at Ronan who lingered, but they were both playing nice after mutually embarrassing Adam about the best sex talk. He sat there a little too closely to Adam as he basically listened to the others talking trash. Ronan had no idea they were like vultures standing over a corpse as they gossiped, and it was kind of intriguing and terrifying at the same time. He wondered if they ever talked about him this way, but he also didn't want to ever ask.

Under the table, Ronan felt Adam's hand squeeze his, guiding his attention away from the topic of work spouses which he was going to have to ask Adam about later, because who is this Natalie and why did he have a work wife. Also, what the fuck is a work wife?

_Work_ , Adam mouthed when he glanced his direction.

"Shit," Ronan said all too loudly and creatively. "I'll see you later. I have to go be boring, too, I guess."

"Aren't you always?" Blue asked, which he ignored.

As he stood he bent forward and into Adam, kissing him goodbye. His other half reciprocated, until they heard a distinct pair of horrified gasps. There was no more motion on either end, which allowed Ronan to examine the situation.

Christ, he just kissed Adam in front of Blue and Henry. That- that wasn't great.

Quick, he pulled away and looked around, taking in the two pairs of eyes staring at him and Adam with surprise. Their mouths fell open, eyes wide, mystified by the sight of what they had seen. How do they fix this? How do they take this back?

"Uh...." Adam had no words, worse he had no expression when he and Ronan locked eyes in the heat of explanation.

"Well, goodbye!"

And Ronan made a stupid mistake even worse by walking around the table and awkwardly taking Blue's face in his hands, kissing her carefully. Then he made matters even more uncomfortable by going and kissing Henry.

"Okay," he said, clearing his throat, "see you around."

He wouldn't be surprised if no one spoke for another hour after he left. _At least._

It was after changing into his work clothes and then catching the subway did Adam text him about all of it. He of course was keenly aware of one fact above all the rest.

 

(11:01 a) you kissed henry a long time

(11:03 a) _you jealous or something parrish?_

(11:05 a) no. why would I be jealous of henry

(11:05 a) _not sure :)_

(11:09 a) keep talking this way and see how it works for you

(11:10 a) _don't be jealous :( he's not as good a kisser as you_

(11:11 a) you're dead to me

(11:11 a) _Adam!_

(11:12 a) _it was a 7/11 hot dog kiss_

(11:15 a) [eye roll emoji]

(11:17 a) _do I have permission to date him after you've dumped me_

(11:25 a) GOD

(11:27 a) _I'm kidding I'd date noah sooner than henry_

(11:37 a) your french toast tastes like store bought

(11:40 a) _you take that back right now!_

(11:41 a) :-)

(11:45 a) _fuck you_

(11:47 a) send me a dick pic and I'll take it back

(11:48 a) _I'm still on the subway_

(11:48 a) _but_

(11:49 a) _Ok_

(11:51 a) wow that was too easy

(11:52 a) _I'm easy_

(11:55 a) you finally admitted it <3

(11:59 a) _you're so mean to me :'(_

(12:03 p) stop kissing our friends and I won't have to be

(12:07 p) _I panicked!_

(12:10 p) _I only ever want to kiss you_

(12:14 p) _I'll send you the dick pic_

(12:21 p) _I'm at work now it'll have to be at break?_

(12:31 p) _hello?_

(12:41 p) ok <3

(12:57 p) _see you tonight?_

(1:01 p) yes

(1:01 p) I finally made you your own key

(1:02 p) you'll only get it if you behave

(1:05 p) _I'm not a dog_

(1:07 p) no, you're just a child

(1:11 p) _a child who_

(1:15 p) lynch?

(1:18 p) is this a riddle?

(1:28 p) a child who? what?

(1:35 p) lynch?

(2:01 p) jesus christ

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Group Chat: The Cool Ones]

(12:15 p) _uhhhhh wtf was that_

(12:17 p) **_I thought we swore we wouldn't talk about it_**

(12:18 p) **wtf was what**

(12:18 p) _we didn't make a blood oath, henry_

(12:19 p) _ronan kissed all of us!!!!_

(12:21 p) **_I dunno but I did not like it_**

(12:22 p) **he what??????? omg!!!!! I missed out on French toast and then an orgy????**

(12:25 p) _it was not an orgy calm down noah_

(12:31 p) **_parrish, does he do this a lot?_**

(12:33 p) why are you asking me!!

(12:35 p) _he kissed you first!!_

(12:35 p) **god what's a guy got to do around here to get free french toast**

(12:37 p) _NOT the topic at hand, noah_

(12:38 p) **_also why are you in this text conversation_**

(12:40 p) _I was too lazy to create a new group chat and I just messaged the same one about trivia night_

(12:41 p) **wow I feel so honored**

(12:41 p) I was just sitting there! don't ask me what's going on in Lynch's head. that's dangerous

(12:45 p) **I think he's lonely**

(12:49 p) **_oh come on. not lonely enough to kiss us_**

(12:55 p) I think it's best we leave it alone

(12:59 p) **I agree**

(1:07 p) _says you!_

(1:11 p) **_you weren't kissed noah. it was weird._**

(1:12 p) **that's because you overanalyze everything**

(1:13 p) **_do not!_**

(1:22 p) _anyway..._

(1:22 p) _what are we going to do?_

(1:30 p) **pizza**

(1:33 p) _no! about ronan!_

(1:40 p) I say we do nothing 

(1:45 p) **_ok well no one asked you_**

(1:46 p) you just did

 

It was another night of sneaking around, and another night of indulging in air conditioning because their room became stifling otherwise. Adam was reading in Ronan's arms while laying in bed, not quite yet ready for bed as Ronan only just arrived. Blue took way too long marathoning television tonight. It made Adam a little anxious and flippant, forcing him to go out there and make an excuse for her to go to bed.

Ronan smelled at his hair from behind as he read, something in Latin to match Ronan's level of pretentiousness for reading in Greek. He had to go to the library to get this, and it was kind of boring, but it allowed them a few nights of Ronan reading over his shoulder. Although he wasn't reading now, his nuzzling Adam's neck, unless somehow he could see through him and at the book.

That afternoon Ronan more than made up for his stupid cover up of his slip up, to the point Adam went all the way to Ronan's work when he got off to show his appreciation.

_"It's a habit," Ronan argued in their cab ride home, flaunting his sharp features when he frowned at him, his eyelashes noticeably long and dark as he rested his eyes with a pinch to his nose. He just made another dumb remark about all the kissing and how he_ **_should do this more often_ ** _to get Adam to react this way, and of course it inspired another argument._

_"So is breathing, but I don't see you having any trouble with that," Adam replied, sour and vexed. Since they were in the back of a cab, Ronan wasn't too far from him no matter how much he pulled away, and he inclined close to his good ear to nibble on it._

_"Is that a threat, Mr. Parrish?" He knew his way around Adam's temper, which was by going straight for his libido._

_"What accent is that?" It wasn't working as well as it usually did because he was trying for something new, which Adam did not like._

_"I'm trying to sound British," Ronan mumbled. His breath wobbled on Adam's neck just as he started to bite at it._

_"You just sound like you're about to sneeze."_

_Ronan moved to the front of his neck, at the hollow in his throat. He looked up from there as Adam looked down, his eyes in the middle of rolling up into his skull. "You're a bastard," he said, to which Adam responded with a smug smile._

All of that was to say, Adam and Ronan had moved on from that afternoon to where they were now, comfortable in the silence of the New York City summer night. Sirens echoed down below in the city streets. Honking was all too familiar. Blue was on the other side of the wall blasting her soap opera away, although she'd tell you it was National Geographic. This was good. This was home to him.

Eventually he rose from bed to start putting on the lotions that Blue got him in the habit of doing every night. At first Ronan mocked him for it, until he got him into it as well. He could feel Ronan's eyes on him, watching him as he took off his shirt.

"What?"

Adam smiled at him as he turned around, handing him the bottle so he would put the moisturizer on him. Ronan liked to do this, eagerly sitting up in bed.

"I want to do something with you for your birthday," said Ronan. His hands at once were warm and slick as they started on his shoulders, rubbing the moisturizer in in places he couldn't very well reach on his own.

"I have a sneaking suspicion we're going to have to do something with our friends," Adam said, although he hoped he would be wrong. In his gut he knew he was right, annoyingly so. Ronan's hands hesitated on his back a moment, thinking.

"The day before then," he said. "You can't say no."

"Oh, can't I?"

Adam was beaming, feeling like a light was shining through his skin. Maybe it was all the moisturizer. Ronan's hands were now at his arms, massaging into his muscles.

"No," Ronan whispered, pulling him in from behind into his arms. When he held him, his lips moved to kiss at the side of his temple.

"No, you can't," he said there. "It's what boyfriends do, I hear."

"Oh, did you hear that on the street somewhere?" Adam was mildly amused.

"Yeah." Ronan smirked. "Someone just shouted it as me as I passed by. _Boyfriends do stuff on birthdays!"_

Adam snorted. He felt at Ronan's shirt, the holes all over it. He really needed a better sleep wardrobe, but he couldn't complain, drumming his fingers along his chest, feeling his heart rate jitter still even after a month of dating. His did, too, when Ronan looked at him like that. When his lips curled to a point his dimples framed them. When his hands touched with delicate precision.

"Where does Noah think you are tonight?"

They were at a point in this now where their friends were starting to catch on to their absences, and just politely smiling and ignoring the question wasn't working anymore. Adam rubbed the moisturizer into his chest and his neck as he inclined backward more into Ronan's weight, allowing him to hold him up. His lips were on him more and more. To think there was ever a time before this when Ronan didn't have his fill of Adam like this. To think Adam didn't always sleep beside him.

"I told him I get free rein of the restaurant's kitchen after hours and that I've been taking advantage of that recently." Ronan chuckled into his ear. "He seems to believe me. He still thinks you're porn."

Adam scoffed. "I abhor that comment," he said. "I don't sound the least bit like porn."

"Abhor?"

"It means-"

"I know what it means, smartass." Ronan's arms squeezed at his waist. "And, well, you kind of do sound like porn."

His hand reached into Ronan's shirt, accidentally making a bigger hole when Ronan's lips framed that word so carelessly. He twitched at the mention of it. Did he sound like that?

"Oops."

"Oops?" Ronan glanced down at what was now a gaping mess in his shirtfront. "Well, now I'm not going to do anything for your birthday. You ruined my shirt."

"Thank god," Adam said sarcastically. "It was already ruined anyway." He pressed his face to Ronan's chest, so warm and a little sweaty. 

"I want a quiet birthday," he said. "This is my first with a boyfriend and I don't want it to be too extravagant. It'll be too much pressure for all my other boyfriends after to compete."

With a groan, Ronan shoved his shoulder, and Adam caught his hand with a laugh. He dragged him in for a kiss, allowing Ronan to roll onto him for a better angle. Their legs entangled in a mess, and though Ronan's hands felt around his torso, they didn't suggest anything more beyond this, just to only feel him there. It tickled, the soft way which Ronan felt him under his bandaged palms.

"I want it to just be us," he confessed. "I don't want to go somewhere I can't hear or can't see very well. Being with you is enough."

"Well that changes all my plans."

Adam's face scrunched in surprise. "You had plans?"

"I was joking." Ronan kissed him again. "I hadn't made the plans yet. I was waiting to see what you wanted first. Now I know what you want, and I'll make it nice I guess."

"Good, because if it's less than nice I'm going to be very disappointed," Adam said, smiling a little too toothily.

"So if it's just okay, you'll be upset?" 

"Oh, if it's only okay I'm dumping you."

"Duly noted."

Adam grasped at the base of Ronan's skull and moved him back down to another world tilting kiss.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Apparently Noah's newest thing was becoming a DJ, and he somehow managed to get a job at a gay club to perform or whatever it was DJs did. All while no one knew that was his latest endeavor. The group was hanging out at Nino's in their usual booth, perfecting the ability to loiter long after they've ordered and eaten, when Noah told them about his gig. It was tonight.

"A little late notice don't you think? What if we have plans?" Ronan said, which was backed up by several of the others' grunts.

"You? Have plans?" Noah snickered. "With your laptop, maybe."

Adam laughed the loudest. He kicked him under the table.

"I'm free," said Gansey.

"Of course you are, Gans," said Blue.

They all agreed on Adam's behalf to go, as a way of celebrating his birthday. When they said as much, Adam sulked a little. Ronan caught wind of it across the table.He wanted to say something, but was promptly kicked under the table in return. Adam didn't really care about his birthday as much as he felt he should, which always bummed Ronan out. It was the one day a year you were allowed to be selfish and cocky without your friends saying as much.

"Invite the boyfriend," said Blue. She was more obsessed with the idea of Adam dating than he openly was.

"We broke up."

Ronan coughed up his soda, choking on it as he struggled not to spit it out onto the table. Adam hadn't told him this new facet of the cover story. It shocked him.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

Blue's eyes narrowed as she looked between them. Ronan didn't quite understand the shady glances Adam and her exchanged, as if he were conversing with her silently. They had weird roommate vibes.

"Ronan, did you hear that?" Noah spoke up on his left. "Adam broke up with his boyfriend."

He had weird roommate vibes, too. He stared back, furrowing his brow. "So?"

Noah shrugged. "Wasn't sure you heard."

"Damn, Parrish, what was wrong with this one?"

"Ow!" Noah flinched, bending into the booth's table to reach under it for something. "Who kicked me?"

It didn't take a science degree for Ronan toknow that kick was meant for him. Amused, he looked across at Adam, who was already looking down witheringly.

"He didn't know when to stop talking," he said. "Always had to have something smart to say."

Ronan spread a grin. "That's all, huh?"

Adam sighed exhaustingly. "He was pretty cocky and it got old fast."

"Sounds a lot like Ronan," Henry snorted.

Adam and Ronan quickly looked away from one another.

"Could you imagine?" said Gansey. "You dating Ronan? Haha!"

"It's not that funny, Dick!" Ronan harrumphed like a child, sliding down the booth until his chin was barely higher than the table's edge.

Gansey choked on a laugh. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

Ronan grumbled. He was getting oddly jealous of the fictitious version of himself again, like there was anything to be jealous of when Adam apparently broke up with him. This whole thing was messing with his head, and he thought it better to leave before they teased him any more.

"I've gotta go," he said. "I'll see you guys later."

As he stood, everyone ducked under the table except for Adam.

Together, they looked at the display of all their friends scrunching down beneath the table, searching for something or hiding.

"Is there something wrong?" Adam asked.

"No." Blue's voice was mousy with her face obscured.

"Dropped our spoons." Henry's voice reverberated.

"At the same time?" Ronan knew what this was. He and Adam exchanged a look and a quiet snort. They were hiding from him in case he kissed them again, and didn't appear to be looking up until he was long gone.

Well, if that was the case. Fuck it. He wanted to kiss Adam goodbye, a nasty habit he couldn't break. No one was looking, so he did it anyway, pressing into Adam from above and swallowing his surprised gasp with a greedy mouth.

It didn't take more than a second for Adam to adjust himself and acclimate to the kiss, reaching up to touch around Ronan's nape, fingers softly putting pressure at his short hair's edge.

"Oh, god."

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Noah lifting his head, and they were caught. Without warning, Ronan jerked back, accidentally biting Adam's lip.

"Ow."

_Sorry_ , Ronan mouthed. He meant it in more ways than once. There was only one thing he could think of to explain away the second kiss.Drastic behavior called for drastic measures. With a sucked in breath, he bent down and kissed Noah goodbye. Noah startled still. This was worse than weird. It felt like kissing his brother or something. He didn't like it. Well, obviously he didn't like it, because it wasn't Adam. It was his best friend! But it was just, ugh, so weird.

The others all lifted their heads to see what all the fuss was about, and he could see the immediate regret in their eyes — each and every one of them. He leaned over the table to kiss them all, none willing to reject him as they were too bewildered. When it was over he felt weirder than the last time, and he left without bothering to speak.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Adam was sitting there in a daze. It fucking happened again!

"When did he start doing that?" Gansey wondered.

"I think he picked it up from Ireland," Adam found himself saying.

Noah chuckled. "Or a porno."

"It felt French," Henry mused, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

Adam's smile twitched. He was going to kill Ronan. This whole ordeal was starting to reveal in him a jealous streak he wasn't aware of before, and wasn't a fan of. This wasn't helping.

 

(4:03 p) you did it again...

(4:13 p) _I just have always wanted to make out with noah and this is the only way I knew how. this plan was years in the making_

(4:17 p) jesus

(4:19 p) _[kiss emoji]_

(4:22 p) you are ridiculous

(4:24 p) _do you still wanna be my boyfriend_

(4:29 p) ugh i guess

(4:33 p) _you know you're to blame for all this_

(4:35 p) HA

(4:35 p) how so

(4:41 p) _if you weren't so damn hot I wouldn't be tempted to kiss you all the time_

(4:50 p) oh

(4:50 p) _OH? that's all I get?_

(4:53 p) yeah

(4:53 p) oh

(4:56 p) _oh well nvm then_

(4:59 p) you're so cute

(5:00 p) I hate it

(5:03 p) _no I'm not cute I'm manly I'm handsome_

(5:11 p) manly, handsome men can also be cute

(5:12 p) and you're cute

(5:12 p) and I adore you

(5:12 p) and I also hate you

(5:15 p) _this is very confusing_

(5:21 p) stop kissing our friends

(5:25 p) _I'm trying!_

 

Pride month was over now, but this year Adam finally got to take part in the festivities, and with Ronan, too, no less. They went together, where Adam wore a bi flag painted on his cheek and Ronan traded in his traditional leather watch for rainbow bracelets. At first he was reluctant to go, crowds not usually his thing, but it only took five minutes for him to enjoy himself and shine in the moment. He bought a shirt that said "I'm gay get over it" and wore it over his tank, and then he allowed a drag queen to put glitter in his hair, along with Adam. It was great being surrounded by others who understood the struggles they went through growing up, emotionally and everything. Especially for Ronan who had a harder time accepting himself, whereas Adam was already outside of his family situation by the time he realized, and by then he was on the path to self acceptance overall.

All that joy and pride Ronan and Adam expressed bountifully wasn't to be repeated tonight, however. At the club, they were surrounded by their friends, hindering their enjoyment of the whole thing by just a little.

But some form of it still could be wonderful. Adam was excited to get Ronan to dance again, even if his friends could see. Maybe they could even sneak away a moment to be alone. Anything was possible in a club like that, which was stuffed full of bodies.

On the cab ride over, Blue and Noah rode along with them, while Henry and Gansey said they'd meet them there. Blue, of course, sat between Adam and Ronan, leaving Noah in the front passenger by the driver.

"You excited for tonight?" Blue asked.

Ronan showed his excitement with a groan as he pressed his face into the side window, staring out at the night.

"I think I'll enjoy it," Adam agreed.

"Maybe you'll meet someone!" Blue was up to something.

Adam nodded along, playing it off like he weren't just coming from Ronan's apartment after making out for half an hour. "Maybe," he said, a little apprehensive. "Maybe Lynch won't make a fool of himself and meet someone too. Keep him from kissing all of us."

Ronan gave him a dangerous glance across the top of Blue's multi-colored head.

Adam smirked haughtily at him, chin raised. It was a challenge, this was. A challenge for what, he didn't know. 

"Wouldn't that be a miracle?" Blue snorted.

"What?" Ronan snapped.

"Nothing."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

In classic Noah fashion, he was not a very good DJ. The music was pretty bad, but of course they were here to support him, and it wasn't terrible enough that the club wasn't still pulsing with life.

"Let's dance!" Blue insisted, and she grabbed Adam's hand, taking him away. He barely had a chance to say anything, to hint of his return, before he was gone. Ronan was left with the others, and god only knows what that meant.

Leaving Ronan alone in a place like this felt dangerous. He trusted Ronan with anything, but he knew Ronan was attractive — he wasn't blind — and he suspected someone was bound to be buying him drinks right now if they could edge through his rough exterior. He didn't like the thought of some random thinking they had a chance with him. And on his birthday no less!

Okay, so it wasn't actually his birthday yet, but it may as well be.

He spent the entirety of two songs, if you could call what Noah was playing songs when they were more like repetitive beats that whacked you upside the head again and again until you learned to dance, thinking about Ronan and all the eligible men likely hitting on him as he was swallowed up by the swarm of bodies on the dance floor.

But when they returned to their other friends, Ronan was nowhere to be found. They stood on the edge of the dance floor, Gansey staring at the thriving crowd like they were children and he was concerned for their safety.

"You okay there, Gansey?" Adam asked.

"I can't dance like this," he replied. "I can't dance at all."

"I've seen you dance!" Blue exclaimed over the sound of Noah's inner music "genius." It hurt Adam's one ear and made him grateful he couldn't hear out of both.

"Doesn't mean I'm any good at it!"

"Where's Lynch?" Adam looked around, but couldn't find him in the horde of bodies under the dark lighting. He was getting a little dizzy in here, disoriented by everything.

"I think I heard him mumble something about a tea," said Gansey.

"I think it was pee!" Henry corrected. "Oh, hello."

And at once, Henry was taken away by the hand of someone handsome and in boy shorts.

"Let's go dance!" Blue took both Adam's and Gansey's hands at once, trying to take them onto the dance floor at the same time so as not to leave anyone out. The thought was sweet, but Adam would much rather stay behind. Besides, he was sweating enough already. He needed a breather, to dry out. That's what he told her anyway, as he reluctantly stayed behind.

The others were all dancing, some better than others. Even at the DJ area, Noah was bouncing around with his headphones in.

In the dark of the club, Adam couldn't see Ronan at all, and he gave up around the third song change. Instead, he moved on to get a drink. Something with a lot of ice, and possibly it was also water.

Barely there, he was quite literally swooped off the ground from behind, and after a month of this he knew instantly it wasn't some weirdo in the bar trying to hit on him. He was spun around and kissed, not missing a bit to reciprocate energetically. It was Ronan, of course, thinking himself romantic hitting on Adam in the dark without him meant to know it was him.

"Oh, it's you," he said, when the kiss momentarily paused. "I was expecting someone else."

"Oh?" Ronan tried to play it off like he was in on the joke, but a part of him looked genuinely stricken by the possibility Adam was serious.

Adam, of course, rolled his eyes but kept going along. "Yeah. My boyfriend. Have you seen him? Invisible. Likes to make trouble for me."

"Oh, that boyfriend." Ronan shook his head. "No, haven't seen him. Too bad about the boyfriend. I liked kissing you."

Despite himself, Adam split a smile.

"Eh, we weren't working out anyway."

He snagged Ronan's arms and draped them around him again before stepping up into his lips for another kiss. They shouldn't be doing this. They were going to get caught. They already had been, twice now.

"They might see," he said, yet he couldn't find it in him to stop. The combination of the music and the lights and the smell and Ronan's body wrapped around him made it hard to give up this one concrete thing in here.

"No one can see in this hellhole," he said, which was true. "Dance with me."

"Ronan Lynch asking me to dance? Has hell frozen over?"

Ronan made an unimpressed sound as he continued slithering in. "Might as well, before our brains melt from this music."

"Mm, pass."

Just like that, he started to walk away, knowing Ronan would give chase.

"Hey." He didn't disappoint. "Where are you going?"

"The bar." He folded his arms over his chest. "Where were _you_?"

"The bathroom. There was a long line."

That was possibly true, but Adam was less inclined to care at the moment. Before, he wanted water, and now he almost felt like he needed it, dehydrated by the excess use of his tongue. Ronan followed along after him, and then all too easily he was a step ahead, circling around him to snag his hips with his hands.In quick precision, he started to sway them, moving Adam along to the beat, doing it enough times until Adam gave in a little with an exhausted eye roll. There may have been a smile attached, but he'd deny it.

It wasn't hard to get swept up in the music, even if it wasn't that great. He almost forgot this kind of shit was Ronan's thing, and before he could remember to mock him for it he was making out with Ronan on the dance floor. Their hips moved in unison, glued to each other like their fronts were always attached. Adam gripped around his shoulders with a strength unrivaled, getting too excited as one hand moved down to feel Ronan's butt. It's a very nice butt, mind you. From all those years playing tennis, no doubt.

Ronan's rough, bandaged hands held his jaw with such delicacy, and each motion of his mouth in response to Ronan's was more prominent with something against it.

God, he was falling in love and he could feel it in every part of him, all the way down to his bones. It wasn't just the hypnotic music or the delicate way Ronan held him. It was everything else and in between. To find that one person who understood you better than anyone else, who knew every flaw and mistake you've made and wants to be with you because of them and because of you. Who knows when you like to wake up, what you like in your coffee, how much dijon mustard you like on your sandwich, what to do when you're having a panic attack, how to make you smile, how to make you laugh. God. Everything. Ronan knew everything. And he wanted him still.

It was in moments like this that Adam wondered what it would be like to fly, to transport himself somewhere else through some form of inhuman travel. He would break out of this place via the roof, taking Ronan with him, to somewhere far away from here where their friends couldn't interrupt and in turn cause Ronan to kiss them again. He didn't want to share, even if it was a poorly laid out plan for a cover up. He wanted Ronan all to himself, to have and to hold, to hug and to kiss, to love until Ronan grew tired of him.

Love was a strange, funny thing. It snuck up on him slowly, and then came at him all at once in the final stretch. With it, came the realization he'd been falling in love with Ronan for years.

God, he has a nice butt.

With every squeeze of it came a small, appreciative sigh in his mouth, and god Adam wanted to devour him like he was a candy bar.

It was a bit much.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

Though, as he said it, he was left dizzy from the pulsing lights and beat of the music, the smell of the place, and not to mention the heat from being absorbed like this in a crowd. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand as he felt Ronan just standing close to him for comfort. Their hips were still moving in unison to the music out of some magical force.

Adam looked up at Ronan, and he wondered if he loved him, too. He wondered how he was going to say it. He wondered how they became to be so good at making out.

Ronan's lips twisted upward at the edges as he smiled, dimpling his cheeks. He then touched under Adam's chin and raised it to kiss again, and at once Adam was swept up in the sensation. Then Ronan stepped back.

"What?"

"Blue coming from our right." Ronan flinched. "I don't think she sees us."

"Mm." Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Adam hated this more every waking minute, but there was a reason they were doing it. There must be. Ronan kissed his forehead. "Come on, birthday boy," he said, reluctantly.

"It's not my birthday for two more days."

"We're all still here to celebrate you," Ronan said. "And Noah, obviously."

"Then celebrate me in a cab." Adam hated working himself to a breaking point and then having to walk back from it, and in front of his friends no less. 

Ever the asshole, Ronan laughed at his pain and dragged Adam along towards their friends to reunite. He just wanted to die. He hated his birthday.

"Oh, good, there you are," said Blue. With her were both Gansey and Henry, as Noah was still finishing up his set. "Where were you guys?"

"Dancing." "The bar."

They should've come up with an agreed excuse.

"The bar, then dancing," Adam clarified.

"Whatever," she said. "What do you both think of Noah's music?"

"I said I like it," said Henry.

"Your opinion is invalid."

"Because I like it?" Henry was horrified.

"Stop being positive and admit it sucks," Blue said. "Why are you being so supportive."

"It's not that bad," Adam confessed. His ear was on the verge of bleeding, but it wasn't the worst music in the world. It wasn't Ronan's childhood obsession the _Murder Squash_ _Song_.

"Are you all okay?" Blue went around the group and tapped gently on all their faces. When she reached Ronan's, he tried to bite her. She flicked his nose. "Bad dog," she playfully called him. "Have you all been hypnotized by the electronica?"

"Were trying to think positively," Gansey said, immediately reluctant for speaking at all when Blue flashed him a grimace.

"I don't know how to praise him when he does shit like this," she said. "I'm not a good liar."

"Nonsense," Henry said. "You lie to Gansey all the time about how much you like his work stories."

"Excuse me?"

Gansey was visibly struck by the suggestion and looked pointedly at Blue, who ducked her head a little.

"I like some of them," she insisted.

By sheer luck, Gansey's next comment was silenced by the sight of Noah approaching them from the dancing crowd. Adam hadn't even noticed the music switched to another DJ's. They sounded so similar.

His presence knocked everyone silent, hushing each other as he arrived looking about as sweaty as the rest of them in this crowd, his headphones in his one hand. 

"Noah!" Blue was quick to give a hug. Adam snorted. It was probably her way of implying she enjoyed the music.

"Hey, man." Henry gently punched Noah in the arm in a very clumsy gesture. "You did that!"

"What did you all think?" Noah was beaming as if he just conducted the orchestra at New York Philharmonic.

"That was... music." Adam didn't know what else approached praise without straight up lying.

"It had a beat!" Gansey nodded. "And you played it!"

Noah saw right through them, and his smile fell quick. "You guys didn't like it."

"We didn't say that....!" Blue was doing her nervous tick as she said it, pulling at waves that doubled for bangs in front of her eyes. Noah did not look impressed or persuaded.

"I thought it was pretty nice," said Ronan, and Adam was taken aback by him. He did? God help him, his boyfriend loved house music.

"Thanks, Ronan." His smile was thin, but Noah was pleased enough by Ronan he didn't look like he was going to interrogate them anymore. "Henry?"

Adam spoke to soon.

"Me?" A rush of color came up from Henry's neck to his forehead, crept to his ears, and then resorted to really filling out his cheeks. "Oh, ha, well..." Before there was time to react, Henry picked his phone from his pocket and placed it to his face as if it just rang. It so obviously didn't.Oh, hello? Hi." He plugged his finger into his other ear and walked away.

His reaction seemed to sting Noah the worst, who at once deflated like an old balloon, leaning quick into a table that they swindled from others before Adam and Ronan got there.

"I think it's just not our kind of music, Noah," Adam said. He was trying. He caught Ronan's gaze above Noah's light haired head, saw a smile there reserved for him, and he wanted to get lost in that smile. "But everyone else in the club seemed to like it."

"Oh, they'll like anything if they can grind against each other to it." Noah wiped at his face with the back of his hand, dabbing at sweat while simultaneously wiping away his solemn look. "Are any of you hungry?"

"I could always eat."

Adam immediately elbowed Ronan, who answered. He evidently forgot the plan of Adam having his way with him back at his place. Ronan shot him an apologetic look, and Adam made the mental note of how irritated he was for later. For reasons.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Because Ronan couldn't keep his damn mouth shut, the group moved on to a diner not too far from the club, one of those 24/7 places that served grease around the clock. Midnight breakfast was somehow tastier than the usual morning kind, but perhaps that's because at midnight after time out on the dance floor and a drink or so in for a few of them, anything remotely decent was downright mind blowing.

Even as boyfriends, when Adam was mad about something he let it linger in his face long after it was obvious, and let it reflect in the way he talked — or didn't talk — to Ronan. It was almost funny watching Adam be so outwardly indignant with him, his eyes lightly narrowed as they sat across from one another in the small booth the group stuffed themselves in.

"Can't we get two tables and push them together like normal people?" Henry suggested, getting the brunt of it by sitting in dead center, shoved up against Noah and Ronan both.

"We aren't normal," Ronan replied, and Noah wheezed a little on Henry's left.

"Speak for yourself," Henry snapped.

They all ordered varieties of breakfast, except Gansey who ordered a sandwich.

"What? It's nighttime. I don't eat breakfast at night."

"God!" Blue exclaimed. "You're like a grandmother."

Adam chuckled on her left, sitting on the edge of the rounded booth. His smile caught Ronan's attention, and he felt spurned by the fact that it went away as soon as he caught him looking.

All because he was hungry more than he was horny. Parrish really needed to lighten up sometimes! He wanted to hold his stupid hand and kiss his stupid face and tell him stupid happy things he liked about his face today. His eyelashes were looking pretty damn nice, but Christ Parrish, he made it hard sometimes to want to tell him that.

Ronan sighed, and caught on a little late his sigh was rather dramatic and loud. The whole table looked to him as he did it, and he wasn't about to say he was sighing because he wished he were sitting next to Adam.

"I have to pee."

"Again?"

"What, am I only allowed one pee a day? Didn't get the fucking memo."

They all collectively groaned to his delight and dismay. He settled in for heckling, but instead they all schlepped out of the booth for him, to choose whichever side he wished to rise from. Of course, he took the side with Adam, sliding off the fake leather seat close enough his front pressed into Adam's front. He felt the man's breath hitch just enough that it made Ronan buzz. A hand extended and delicately brushed past Adam's waist ever so casually, like it were an afterthought or not a thought at all.

He'd rather be in bed next to Adam snacking on cookies while Adam talked extensively about some science discovery.

"Wait, no kiss goodbye?" Gansey sounded almost elated, but it caught Ronan off guard that now he was in the habit of kissing them before he left, and here he was to leave - albeit briefly — and he hadn't yet kissed anyone.

He turned on his heel, eyeing his friends, suspicious for the suggestion but ultimately ready to do it if it meant hiding why he'd been kissing them the last few days.

"I mean--"

In his peripheral he spotted Adam nearly roll his eyes, and Ronan became reluctant to try.

"Stop kissing us!" Blue blurted out, as if he had any intention of kissing her. "No one likes it!"

"No one, huh?" Ronan glanced Adam's way. Adam looked to fear a blush, and Ronan felt that buzzing in his skin escalate.

"Yeah, it's really gross." Adam shied his eyes. Yuck."

Ronan rolled his. He didn't sound at all convincing, but it still stung his ego just a little.

At the mention of how gross it apparently was, Henry placed his hand to his mouth, covering it up as if Ronan were some kissing fiend. He felt like one, staring back at the expressions on his friends' faces, all taking on a variety of the same thought process.

"Stop kissing us!" Henry insisted. "It's weird!"

"Yeah, man. You trying to make me fall in love with you or something?" Noah said teasingly. "Ain't gonna work." There was a smirk attached when he spoke. At least Noah still had a sense of humor.

"Makes me want to vomit."

Ronan startled. Adam shrugged helplessly, eyes turned downward towards the table. It stung in a foreign way, like realizing your boyfriend could sound pretty damn convincing telling your friends he was not into you kissing him. Again, he found himself jealous of the version of himself that sat in the minds of their friends, the guy they wanted to meet so badly, the one that Adam didn't openly sound disgusted by when he talked about kissing him around everyone else.

"Whoa, okay, too far," Henry gasped.

"You're a decent kisser, Ronan," Gansey immediately countered, like they suddenly were in charge of defending his honor. Did he say his thoughts out loud again? "Don't listen to him."

"But also don't ever do it again," said Noah.

"If you try again I'll tase you," said Blue.

"Well, that's sweet of you to warn me first." He flashed her a menacing smile. She looked like she was giving him the middle finger with the smile she gave him in return.

_I'm sorry_ , Adam mouthed.

He waved him off. It only stung for a fleeting moment, like a mosquito bite, not a scorpion's. "I'm just trying to bring a little culture into your lives," he said, playing along like he found his actions funny. Really, he was embarrassed, but he wouldn't say.

"I don't need any more culture in my mouth," Noah remarked.

Henry snorted a laugh.

"That came out wrong."

"You're like my brother, Ronan," Gansey regarded, speaking as if he was continuing a previous thought. "It's very disturbing. If Adam were to kiss me on the other hand-"

"We get it. You fancy my--" Adam stepped on his foot, and in that moment his words were swallowed up by the bite of his own tongue, which Mother Joseph and Mary it hurt like fuck. "My god I have to pee."

"We know," all but Adam said in response. Ronan had forgotten he was meant to be in the bathroom by now.

"Go pee so we can sit back down," Noah chided.

"Alright alright. So fussy." He glances at Adam, tempted to do something noxious to tease him further, but he hesitated too long and their eye contact was drawn out. "You'll all miss me," he said to the others.

They all tossed napkins and straws at him groaning and moaning, until he walked away.

 

~~~~~

 

Ronan poorly dodged their trash as he left, laughing loudly and rudely as he trotted off to the toilets. Adam felt a strange swell of pride for how nice of a walk he had as he walked away. It wasn't like he gave him that walk, or that he was at any point responsible for it. Maybe he was, a little, with the smile Ronan reserved until he was just about turned around. Something private that their friends couldn't see.

God, he was a fool for him. He adored him endlessly. It made his cheeks hurt from the burst of energy in his smile thinking about him.

When they settled back in their seats after a while, Blue leaned into his good side to talk, swiping his attention away from the hallway that led to the bathrooms.

"What's this about wanting Adam to kiss you?" she asked, to Gansey and to him.

And Gansey startled silent, face white as a sheet.

They all laughed, even Adam. He was laughing for another reason entirely, reading a new text on his phone, from Ronan who apparently was texting from the bathroom. Gross.

 

(1:34 a) _come to the bathroom we'll have sex in public_

(1:34 a) _oh nvm some guy is in here just... hanging out_

(1:35 a) _nah wait come in anyway it'll be hot_

(1:35 a) _probably_

(1:36 a) you're ridiculous

(1:36 a) come back out it's boring without you

(1:37 a) _i am the life of the party_

(1:38 a) you're gross

(1:38 a) _you just said you missed me! mixed signals_

(1:38 a) are you just standing in the bathroom texting me now?

(1:38 a) _no, I'm making out with the random old guy since you wouldn't follow me in here_

(1:39 a) _multitasking_

Adam's snort was so loud he startled himself, as well as his friends.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

(10:15 a) _don't come home_

(10:16 a) **jesus, why not?**

(10:18 a) _because I said so_

(10:21 a) **i need a better reason than that, ronan. i kind of live there too**

(10:25 a) _i'm gonna get laid_

(10:26 a) **hahahahahahahahhaa**

(10:26 a) **that's funny dude**

(10:26 a) **I almost bought it**

(10:27 a) **what's the real reason**

(10:31 a) _uh......._

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Adam was told to meet Ronan on the roof when he got home. After a day at his internship and getting into a dispute with someone on the subway, Adam's birthday kind of sucked. Now he had to go on the roof. But why.

It started off alright, waking up to Ronan kissing him good morning. They lay in bed as long as they could be allowed, before the sounds of Blue outside started getting gradually louder. Adam would much rather have spent his birthday in Ronan's arms all day, but unfortunately he couldn't.

Blue gave him a birthday muffin with a candle in it, which was a nice surprise, and then it all went downhill from there.

"On the roof," Adam muttered as he started to climb. He unbuttoned his work shirt's collar in desperate need to unwind. Hopefully Ronan didn't have a surprise party up here or anything. He couldn't handle that now, not tonight. His friends tried to make a fuss about doing something, and he disputed that he really didn't want to do anything. The club was enough activity for him. Any more was excessive. They listened, as far as he could tell, but he couldn't be sure. Now here he was, risking finding them all on that roof with Ronan, being excessive.

His hands fidgeted on the bannister as he climbed up the stairs to the roof. With each step, he grew more nervous than the one before. He didn't like surprises like this, where he was absolutely uncertain of what he would find on the other side of that door.

Once he reached the top, he hesitated. His hand touched at the bar that pushed the door open, and he couldn't bring himself to push it in. His stomach ached at the thought of what Ronan planned. They were new at this. Ronan's unique quality of doing something to embarrass Adam wasn't all that long ago, and just because he could be romantic sometimes didn't mean he was going to be tonight. Still, he had to do it. Ronan planned something for him, whatever it was. He had to face the music and see, even if it turned out to be Ronan singing the Murder Squash Song at him in repeat.

As he pushed open the door, he was startled still almost immediately, to find Ronan standing there before an entire day's work of cooking in what looked to be every single one of his and Noah's mismatched plates. His heart soared, staring at the line of foods that Adam mentioned were his favorite things over the years, from homemade peach cobbler like the kind he had as a kid at a childhood friend's house, to crab cakes, to the spicy spaghetti, to a dozen other things he liked that must have cost Ronan a small fortune to make all in one day. Not to mention the time it had to have taken to prepare everything.

"Happy birthday, Parrish," he said.

Without meaning to, Adam blurted out, "Why is this so nice? Did you cheat on me?"

"What!" Ronan's smile waned. "No! For fuck's sake, Parrish. Is that your way of saying you like it?"

Adam didn't know _what_ to say. He was quite honestly speechless. He half hoped for something dumb to come out of Ronan's mouth just to balance everything out.

The whole roof was theirs. Along with the dinner for two, Ronan made a point to create a space just for them.

There were candles everywhere, some blown out by the wind this high up, but most still going strong. They lay a carpet of light around them, several of which sat on the table Ronan brought up here. It was incredibly romantic, with the lights of the city and the lights of the candles blurring together to build an ambience of softness. Had this been in Ronan's apartment, he most certainly would've considered it a fire hazard, but not up here.

From this high up they could pretend the sounds of the city below were nothing but faint noises on the wind. The sight of all this, from the table to a pile of blankets by the edge to the candles all around, made Adam almost cry. He felt a sniffle start to breech, and he tried to cut it off with a swift swipe at his nose, and then another dab at his burning eyes. He wanted to appear an unchanging force, grounded with the strength of a tree. Instead, Ronan quickly scrambled to his feet and pulled him into a hug. His arms reached around and met at Ronan's back, as Ronan's raised to his neck, rubbing at his nape to add more comfort to the whole experience.

"That bad, huh?"

Adam moved and punched him in the shoulder. With a squeaky laugh, he leaned back into Ronan, whose hands transferred to his cheeks. A thumb swept over his lips as he continued to fight back tears.

"You can cry later," Ronan said. "The food's getting cold."

"You're such a jackass."

Adam never felt so lightheaded after a kiss before, and this one was simple and sweet enough it could cause toothaches. He had a hard time breathing normally as he followed Ronan the small distance to the table, to the plates of food made out of adoration for him. He sat there cross legged on the pillow that served as a seat, sitting across from Ronan as the candles burned bright between them.

"This nice enough?" Ronan asked, and he was genuine in his interest.

Adam nodded feebly. He couldn't talk much without bursting into tears for real. This was everything. This was that dream he had as a kid about what he wanted out of life when he stared at magazine cutouts in the dark of his bedroom in the trailer. Pictures of families laughing at dinner. Images of kissing in cars at the drive in. Photos of models standing elegantly next to elegant cars. This felt like all of them put together, and he swallowed back the urgency to say as much.

Across from him, Ronan's eyes twinkled brightly from the candles, darkening them somehow in the chaos of the flame. It softened his features, giving them a gentle glow that made him look so tender. He studied Ronan's face as Ronan continued to stare back at him, eating in a weird, comforting silence as they observed the other in all their quiet beauty. Adam's chest hurt from the tender way in which Ronan smiled at him, the softie inside him underneath that gruff exterior now existing happily out in the open. Adam reached for his free hand, letting their fingers intertwine like strings.

He wanted to say how wonderful this was. He wanted to tell him how much he loved it all, how much he loved him. When he practiced the phrase in the mirror it sounded strange on his tongue, like a foreign language. It wasn't time yet to say, but he felt it anyway. His love for Ronan coursed through his veins, and it poured out of him like air being expelled from within. He pulled up to his knees to lean across the table and snag Ronan's lips, expressing himself the best way he knew how.

_Thank you_ , said the flick of his tongue.

_I'm grateful for you_ , said the crush of his lips.

_I think I love you_ , said the little whimper as Ronan dragged out a bite on his lower lip, as his hands reached around and into Adam's hair.

As they ate, Ronan was staring at him so intensely across the tiny table. It was impossibly distracting, his beautiful eyes potent with their desire uninhibited, and his lips were of course enticing, what with the way he chewed his lower lip, moisturized from some lip balm he must've put on before Adam showed up. But what was more distracting was the way Ronan's legs knocked into his underneath, their knees pressing tight, until one of Ronan's feet casually moved between his when he lifted his leg to lean against it like a wall, chin to knee.

"Liking the food?"

He could hear the humor in his tone, which Adam didn't find the least bit humorous. Of course he liked the food. He liked just about anything Ronan made, but especially this. All of Adam's favorite things in one meal? He had to hold himself back from overdoing it, he wanted to gorge himself on everything. Eat seconds. Eat thirds. Most of it could last in the fridge as leftovers, which was why he didn't feel bad for not wanting to finish.

"It's a little dry," Adam said straight-faced.

"Your jokes have gotten worse since we've started dating," Ronan mused.

Adam's brow raised as his only reaction to his words.

"I could say the same about yours, except they were always terrible."

"Aren't people supposed to be nicer on their birthdays?" Ronan asked, crawling over onto Adam's side of the table ever so casually.

"I've never heard that."

Effortlessly, Ronan took his chin and tilted it toward him, giving himself better access. Adam still had spaghetti sauce on his chin, which he tried to wipe before Ronan could kiss him. His eyes were tantalizing, staring down directly where he so desired, at Adam's stained mouth no less. It made him feel self-conscious, at which point he turned away.

"Where was Noah while you were working on all this?" He gestured to the table.

Ronan was great at accepting Adam's odd behavioral ticks, and he barely reacted to this one, accepting the mild rejection.

"I told him I was going to mope about the house longing for you all day and he let me," he said.

"You what?" Adam scoffed.

"I'm kidding." His thumb swept across the part of Adam's chin that had the sauce. His eyes were no longer doing the lustful staring, but they certainly weren't casually looking at him either. "It's even worse than that. I said I was going to be watching my porn. No questions asked."

"Of course." At that, he laughed, leaning into Ronan and allowing himself to be kissed. It was dreamlike up here like this, after everything.

He almost didn't register when Ronan guided him somewhere else on the roof, somewhere with cushions and blankets and- Oh god. It was a bed. With the way he was kissing him, it wasn't to nap in.

"This is unsanitary," he said.

"I put down a blanket," Ronan argued. "It's meant to be romantic. Looking at the stars and all that shit."

"There's no stars, Lynch." He snorted, looking at the black sky. "The light pollution has made it impossible to see any within city limits."

"Close your eyes then, and I'll make you see stars."

"Oh, for god's-" Despite the need to feel aloof and relaxed about everything, he burst out laughing at the least sexy line Ronan's ever used on him. "That's an awful line."

"It's tempting though, isn't it?" His words were partnered with hands feeling around, one of which cupped the back of his head as he was lowered onto his backside. "It's also cooler out here than in our rooms."

"I don't want a bird shitting on me." Adam looked up, wondering if birds flew a lot at night. You would think he would know this.

"You have to always be practical, don't you?" Ronan was grumpy. "No thrill at all."

"That's not true!" The suggestion annoyed him, and he crossed his arms angrily over his chest. Elevated above him, Ronan arched his brow in challenge.

"A bird is not going to shit on you," he proclaimed.

"You don't know that." Adam felt stupid, but he had his reasons to be concerned. Of course Ronan wouldn't care about birds. He used to have one as a pet.

His chin tucked in as he ducked his head, aware of how absurd he sounded. Intentionally, he avoided Ronan's heavy gaze, which was currently judging him from out of the corner of his eye. His jaw was setting, he could sense that. This romantic gesture was easily getting ruined over semantics, but Adam really was being practical here.

As he chewed his lower lip in thought, Ronan cried out in frustration. It was loud enough it echoed over the street and into the night, before he collapsed back down into Adam's chest and pouted there against him.

"Parrish, I want to make love to you and you're being an ass about it!"

Adam paused. The sentiment was sweet, but...

He snorted. "Make love," he repeated mockingly.

"Oh, for--" Ronan's head lifted. "I should be the one laughing at that." He licked his lips and inclined into him. "Come here."

"No!"

"Well, fine." Ronan was sulking. "I was trying to be romantic. But whatever. I hope a bird _does_ poop on you."

The sulking baby went off to sit down at the other end of the blankets. Quick, he turned away, staring out at the city life just beyond the edge of the roof. The lights of the New York night bounced off his face, creating strange shadows across his sharp features. Adam contemplated the alternatives here: have sex on the roof and likely contract tetanus, go back to his apartment and masturbate or fall asleep doing work, or try to persuade Ronan to come back to his and have sex there. The likelihood of the third option happening didn't appear likely, as Blue was probably there and he knew the second she saw him she was going to try to persuade him to celebrate his birthday. This was enough though. Tomorrow there would be fireworks and the whole big show. He could pretend it was meant for him, like he always did growing up. Just a day late.

The makeshift bed Ronan put together wasn't too bad. It was mildly comfortable, as roof beds went, and it had the pillows for back and neck support. He fingered the one that came off his and Noah's couch, with a parade of pizzas scattered along it. There were old stains on the back from being in an apartment of two young men, and before that Ronan's room in boarding school. Adam remembered how together he and Ronan won it at a school carnival at the start of their friendship. It brought back a lot of memories.

That was one of the first nights he hung out with Ronan without Gansey supervising them, and he remembered Ronan wasted $25 on the bottle game to try to win a giant stuffed dog the size of a small life sized bear, and all he won in the end was this pillow. It wasn't even a very good pillow. It was scratchy and hard. But along with it came memories that couldn't detach from the ugly little thing.

"How many blankets are there?" He felt them underneath his leg, noticing how thick they were and how much space there was between him and the roof's ground.

"Three," Ronan said dully. In what Adam assumed was an effort to not fester and ruin the whole night, Ronan moved to lie back and against the hill of cushions under them. He tilted his chin up to catch a glimpse of Adam, and with that glimpse he was obviously trying to give him a considerate gesture of peace. Like he knew he was being a dick getting upset about not having sex on a roof, while also knowing Adam was a bit of a dick for denying it so vehemently after Ronan perhaps spent ages considering this for his requested quiet birthday.

Adam sucked in a breath as his fingers curled around the edge of the mass of blankets. It wasn't the worst place they've had sex. It was relatively clean, and with the gentle wind it was cool. The candles made it more romantic than it would've been otherwise. It was something special, something uniquely Ronan. What really settled his mind was the pizza pillow.

Casually, he leaned back, slow and steady, adjusting to the situation. With his second hand, he stretched for Ronan, who sat stark upright when he realized what he was doing. He brightened almost instantly, grinning so wide Adam could see the back row of his teeth from here.

"Really?" he said.

"If I see a bird at all near me, I'm ending this," Adam insisted.

"Yeah, whatever." Ronan rolled his eyes while simultaneously crawling over Adam to cage him in, unbeknownst to him. "You won't be seeing much soon enough."

He took off Adam's glasses, blinding him to everything around them.

"Hey! Jerk."

There was Ronan's infamous heckle of a laugh, matched with his hands feeling at Adam's work shirt's buttons.

"Relax, Adam," Ronan released into Adam's open mouth. He breathed into him, and then he kissed him. It shifted the air around them, as his lips transcended Adam to another place. He wanted Ronan to take him to that place, as his nimble hand was helping unbutton him, feeling along his chest and stomach along the way. "I won't let a bird poop on you."

"Good." Adam smiled as he leaned into his touch.

"I know what I'm doing." Ronan could take a romantic moment and ruin it so effortlessly quick. 

"We'll see about that," Adam responded.

Instead of words, Ronan graciously said nothing. He felt a snort on his neck, but beyond that Adam didn't receive much of a reaction. Good. His eyes drifted shut as Ronan instead gave focus to his neck, flicking his tongue at spaces of skin that he bit at. Oh, this was going to leave a hickey wasn't it?

There was incentive to speak up and say something, but then Ronan's thumb flicked over his nipple and the last part of him that hesitated caved in and he slumped down on the blankets, moaning when Ronan then pulled his shirt off his shoulders, nearly ripping the last bit of it off as he yanked.

"Lynch, don't rip this shirt!"

"That wouldn't be sexy for you?"

Adam grunted a no as Ronan's hands managed to get the shirt halfway down his arms and back, flexing into him so their chests were flushed together. His legs slipped in between Adam's, making his intentions clear against Adam's thigh. He saw his shirt come off and be raised to be tossed.

"Be careful with that," he said at once, and rose off the ground. "Fold it up nice....ly....

"

Ronan grumbled irritably into the hollow of his throat. He motioned for him to lie down again, lips and tongue fervently refreshing the question again and again. His multitasking skills were phenomenal, as he folded Adam's shirt with grumpy precision at the same time, and then set it off to one side. His lips, however, never left his throat and Adam wasn't sure how to tell him not to give him hickies anywhere visible. Then he wasn't able to think much at all, as Ronan took off his own shirt, then took off Adam's pants, and proceeded to go down on him without so much as a warning.

Ronan was always very giving when offering Adam a blow job, but tonight felt different. He was trying new things. If his mind hadn't gone to being made of light and nothing else, maybe he would've joked about actually watching porn, but every thought that filled his brain while Ronan's tongue was doing what it was doing sort of turned into mushy nonsense that ended in a soft moan.

For the rest of the night, Ronan gave Adam center stage. He catered to all his needs and desires, and maybe a few of his kinks too. Adam wasn't allowed to lift so much as a finger to return the favor, though he did manage to get Ronan to get hard after enough hair pulling and awkwardly framed hip thrusts. He didn't want to be in this alone. But that's when Ronan flipped him around and made it abundantly clear why it was he wanted to have sex on the roof, far away from Noah's bedroom.

The sex was tender and boldly specific, and Adam was swept up in all of it as he allowed Ronan to do whatever he wanted. He surprised him with new things he apparently learned online recently, trying them out and most of them working.

It turned into very tender sex by the end, as Ronan for once took the reins without Adam suggesting or guiding. It was different. It was surprising, but amazing.

At the end, Adam almost cried again as he finished for what felt like the hundredth time that night, knowing it was the last when Ronan pressed his face into his cheek and held him. Adam tilted his own face down to fetch Ronan's mouth, tasting himself in the kiss.

It was colder now, naked and sweating on the rooftop. His whole body was jittery from the quick shift from having hot and sweaty sex to the afterglow of sweating and about to pass out.

"I can't feel my limbs," he said, and he laughed about it, breathless and dry mouthed. He needed water, which he reached for wordlessly.

Ronan cackled like a witch in a cartoon down at him as he lifted himself up to fetch it for him. It was still Adam's birthday for another... Oh, shit. Only six minutes. They just spent about four hours having sex.

He sat up as Ronan returned with a cup, and he downed the drink in one, feeling like he had been in the desert for weeks without water. Across from him, Ronan was watching with an eager eye, which he could tell even if he could barely see. His glasses were... somewhere.

Before he could say anything, Ronan was kissing him again, enough to entice him to lie back down. The kiss was slow and gentle, more a night cap than a suggestion of going another round. Their noses grazed as Ronan started to play with his hair.

There was laughter under his breath.

"You're pretty proud of yourself aren't you?" Adam said.

"I am." He was giving him more bite marks on his chest.

"So where's my gift?" Adam insisted.

"I-" Ronan sat up onto his knees. "That was your gift!"

"Really?"

"What, should I have put a bow on my dick so it was more obvious?" The gesturing to himself did not go without a small laugh. Adam really wished he had his glasses on in that moment, to better see Ronan's dumbfounded look. He smiled anyway, genuinely amused by how easy it was to tease him.

"That would have been very efficient in clearing things up," he said without a smile. "Maybe next time."

Ronan continued to look bewildered, and then slowly a smile crept into his feature, and then all at once he was shaking with laughter.

"You're the worst."

Adam's lips spread wide into a grin as he found the nape of Ronan's neck in the dark and yanked him back down to kiss.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Apparently having sex on the roof was as far as Ronan's romantic gesture would go. He tried to influence Adam to stay up here with him and stargaze until they fell asleep, but Adam drew the line at moaning so loud someone in the building across the street opened their window to tell them to shut up.

"You shut up! Go back to your stupid _Wheel of Fortune_ , lady!"

It briefly killed the mood, as Adam couldn't stop laughing, faced down into the pillows.

Luckily, no one really used the roof much in their building, so Ronan didn't have to clean up everything before they headed back downstairs. But he did clean some. Adam insisted he help, and it took several rounds of arguing before he let him carry one dish downstairs.

"Seriously, Lynch?" Adam said, half naked with his glasses barely on, holding just one measly dish in his hands. "You're carrying, like, thirty plates right now."

"I'm the one with all the training," Ronan replied. With his luck, he was going to trip and fall and break all the plates next if he wasn't careful. Luckily, that didn't happen and he made it downstairs into the apartment just fine.

They packaged everything up for leftovers tomorrow, and in the quiet dark of his apartment they snuck into his room to fall asleep. It took all of three seconds for Adam to pass out, exhausted from a great lot of lovemaking, if he was allowed to brag.

Tonight went over exceptionally well. Save for a couple snags here and there, he was glad that it made Adam so happy. There was initially more planned, but last minute he had to cancel some things, as to avoid suspicion about what they were doing together on Adam's birthday. The quiet, less obvious route went better, and he was happy it made Adam so happy. The smile on his face when he first took everything in almost made Ronan cry.

He almost cried again, right now, remembering.

From behind, he kissed his bare shoulder, holding him close to his chest so he could feel his breathing against him.

In that moment, Adam shivered and sighed, pressing his sleeping face tighter into his pillow.

"I love you," he whispered.

He couldn't help himself. He loved him. While he wondered if Adam felt the same, it didn't change how he felt in the slightest. He loved him more than anything. He would love him forever. This wasn't a feeling he was sure would ever leave him, etched into his bones to be remembered for eternity.

He was in love with Adam Parrish. He sort of always had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um ok so this was really really long and WHOOPS that was my bad. I just sort of lost track of what I was writing and it got away from me ha!!
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! next chapter includes going out of town together :')
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	9. the one with the trip away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you like living with Noah?" Adam said into his spine.
> 
> Ronan looked up at him as much as he could without moving. It was hard being the little spoon.
> 
> "As much as one can like living with a child trapped in a man's body," he said.
> 
> Adam created a small splash and pushed at his shoulder in half amusement. There was a laugh here and there, warming him more than the lukewarm water. "Gross," Adam said.

Summer was almost over. It was August now, and Adam and Ronan really didn't like keeping this secret anymore, but every time he almost told Blue he remembered the conversation where she said friends dating friends ruined the dynamic and he promptly shut his mouth.

Two months of it hadn't really ruined anything, except Adam and Ronan's sleep schedule as they tried to juggle their secret relationship with everything else in their lives. School was going to start back up at the end of the month for both of them, and Adam wasn't quite sure how he was going to handle it on top of everything else, but if he saw it as another job he could handle everything easy. It was just like high school, except instead of it being school and three jobs it was school, life, boyfriend, and internship.

How did people handle all of it at once? Oh, right, the boyfriend wasn't kept in secret. That probably made it a little easier to handle.

It was another humid afternoon in the city, and the air conditioning broke in their apartment last night, so Blue took off of work to wait around for the handy man to come by and fix it. Which put a wrench in the routine they mastered, causing issues in their schedule.

Adam was sitting along the back of the couch with an ice pack down his shirt, while Blue was standing by the large bay window that looked out at the city, standing there with her arms stretched out in front of it. It was open enough to offer a breeze that seemed to satisfy her, but how could hot air make it better suffering from other hot air?

He watched her from across the living room, wondering what she was thinking about. It was so stifling in here, they were both sweating through their clothes, and he would rather be sweating somewhere else than here. He planned a few hours at the library today to study — and "study" — until the air went out in the middle of the night.

As if she heard him, Blue wheeled round to face him, her shirtfront sweat stained. There were clumps of her hair sticking to her forehead, and he gestured to the freezer.

As she walked to grab an ice pack of her own she said, "Do you think we'd be friends with Gansey if we met him now? Separate from you and Ronan?"

She opened the freezer and stopped short, indulging in the cold air that she was missing from leaving the window open. He watched in silent amusement as she practically buried her head in the ice chest.

"Are you saying you became friends with Gansey because of Ronan?" he joked. The cold of the melting ice down his chest allowed him to be amused.

"God, no." Blue snorted. "I _did_ become friends with him because of you, however."

Adam snorted back at her. The movement of it gave him a shiver as droplets of the ice water dropped down under his shirt. "Do you blame me, then, for your friendship?" he said.

"No..." Blue took out another pack of her own and shoved it inelegantly down her shirt.

"What's this about, Blue?" The humor only lasted so long, as he was growing hot everywhere else the water didn't touch. Blue waved her arms around as she crossed back to the window. She stared out again at the view, and then shut it before it brought in any more unnecessary heat.

"He's being so much stranger than his usual strange self these days," she said. "He's even taken to calling me odd nicknames like Jane and Rainbow." Blue sat on the bench by the window. "I think he's on drugs."

"I'm sure there's a different reason." He rolled his eyes at the fact she really couldn't see he was in love with her.

"I don't know," she said. "He's awfully weird."

"He is."

Blue rapped her fingers along the edge of the wooden bench seat, building a melody with her quickening finger taps. There was a climax coming, and Adam waited until it to ask why she was obsessing about Gansey. He assumed Gansey's interest in her was unreciprocated. Maybe it wasn't.

But the finale of her song never came. She got bored and stood up, moving towards her room.

"I'm going to take an ice bath until the guy gets here," she said. "You heading out anywhere today?"

"The library," he called after her, watching her disappear into her room.

"Have fun," she said. "I guess."

The second she shut her door, he then hurried to his room and opened the door. Ronan bolted out like he'd been pushed out by a boxspring, lunging forward with large strides across their squeaky wood floor. He yanked open the front door and ran outside into the hall before Adam could make it there to open for him, then just as Adam moved to close it he appeared again from his own apartment and doubled back for a kiss. It pinched his face, pinning his glasses into his nose, but he was left winded by it and its surprise.

He quickly shut the door after him, grinning to himself.

His hand was still on the knob when Blue came out in a towel, staring at him like she heard a circus roll through.

"Did I just hear the door?" She looked around. He hoped she was searching for the handyman, who had yet to come.

"There was a wasp," he said in a panic. "I was just letting it out."

"Oh." She returned to her room disappointed, and Adam immediately slumped against the door and pressed his head against it.

"Shit."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

It was later that same night that he told Ronan, "All this sneaking around is killing me."

"Me too." Ronan was holding his hand as he read, only giving it back to him when he needed it to turn a page. He kissed the back of it, and Adam almost smiled.

"We can tell them--"

"Let's go away together for the weekend," Adam interjected. He set his book down, determined. "Just the two of us. You'll enjoy it."

The quick change of subject got Ronan excited, never mind the fact they once again put off talking about where this was going. Adam wasn't ready for that talk yet. He needed more time. He hated secrets, and he knew how much this was eating Ronan up inside same as him, but he was so concerned with what their friends would think. If they didn't approve, it would feel strange. A Beth and Grace situation. Adam wasn't even ready yet to tell him he loved him, so how was he going to handle coming out about their relationship to their friends?

"Just us?" Ronan started in on his neck. "The whole weekend? Whatever will we do?"

Adam grinned, even as Ronan's weight moved to sit on him.

"I have some ideas," Adam said softly. His hands moved into Ronan's shirt to feel underneath, thumbing the skin that shifted against his muscles. "Do you have a place in mind?"

"You pick."

In the half day that Adam lived with this idea, he already had several places in mind, but one kept coming back to him. He never went out of town like this before, not for school or work and certainly not for a relationship. What relationship? He tilted up into Ronan with his waist, to get his attention.

Just then, outside in the main room they could hear Noah bringing someone back home. They stilled, as if they were on display and he could see if they moved. The door was shut, locked even, but they panicked.

When it sounded to have gone into Noah's bedroom, Adam felt comfortable enough to breathe again. He kissed at the hollow of Ronan's ear, then talked into it.

"What about Maine?" Adam whispered, keeping his voice low for good measure. Even though, who could hear over _that_? "I hear it's nice this time of year."

Ronan brightened, raising his head up off Adam's chest. He didn't whisper back. There wasn't any need. "I can say I'm going to a seafood culinary class."

"Oh, I've always wanted to go to this one science museum in Northern Maine." Adam looked off faraway, thinking about it.

"Yeah, but you're not," Ronan clarified.

For a moment, he looked at him confused. He could daydream, couldn't he? Sex _and_ a science museum? Sounds like the best trip.

 

~~~~~~~

 

A few days later and Adam and Ronan were knee deep in planning. Adam found their arrangements for a car, since neither of them had one anymore in the city, and Ronan found the hotel. Adam didn't even want to know how much it cost, because they made a promise that he would cover the car and Ronan the hotel, and he forgot to set limits on their spending. He had to remind himself it was a romantic weekend away, Ronan was allowed to splurge. He didn't often, not for himself. This was allowed.

He'd just finished texting Ronan about when they wanted to leave, morning or midday, when he came back from his run to find Blue wasn't alone in the apartment. Immediately, he was reminded of how gross and sweaty he was, watching some of the others having lunch.

"Oh hey, are you hungry?" Blue brightened tremendously at his arrival. She had been standing next to Ronan in the kitchen, almost as if they were being friendly. "Lynch is making homemade pizza."

"Homemade? What's wrong with Nino's?"

But he was smiling, because Blue didn't call him the devil's armpit or something equally as colorful. Noah and Henry were sitting at the table, looking equally as impatient, while Ronan was finishing up decorating a pizza with toppings. As subtly as he could muster, he eyed Ronan while crossing over towards him, standing relatively close as he went to the fridge for a water. He began to down it, feeling the cold perspiration of it run down his arm. Runs made him feel so gross, but he liked the way Ronan stared at him afterwards.

"It's crowded again by those dumb tourists," Ronan grunted. His eyes were still on the pizza, and Adam found that annoying. "I hate that some child posted it on Instagram and now everyone's eating there."

"It'll die down soon." Blue moved between them, blocking Ronan's view, even though he wasn't looking. "Until then, Lynch is here to save us! I never thought I'd say those words."

Him and Blue were being more civil to one another lately, it was nice. One could even suspect they were becoming actual friends. Except for right now, when Adam very much wanted Ronan to look at him. He was almost tempted to bend down for something on the bottom shelf, but rejected the idea when he remembered all that was down there was more water, which he didn't need with the bottle already in hand.

He instead moved to inspect the pizza, as an excuse to be close to Ronan. Careful not to get all sweaty on him, he stood in on Ronan's right, leaning in to the pizza as an excuse for his proximity.

"Don't sweat on the pizza, Parrish."

Finally, Ronan gave him attention, though he still hadn't looked up from the pizza.

"Jackass," Adam replied with a smile. He moved to lean against the counter, avoiding contact with the food. Moving into Ronan's peripheral, he caught his gaze better, and smirked into his water bottle when Ronan's gaze slipped downward slowly.

"What kind is it?" Adam asked, gesturing with his brow.

"Veggie..." Ronan looked to want to reach out. Adam wanted to flirt, but what he wanted to say was inappropriate in front of the others. His eyes clung to Adam's gross and sticky skin, but it must've looked nice enough so long as he didn't touch it. He couldn't touch it here in front of the others, so that was probably for the best.

At the table, Noah groaned. "I want my meat!"

Henry snorted under his breath next to him. "I bet you do."

Noah made a croaking sound, like a dying frog.

"I'm making yours next, Czerny," Ronan grumbled. His eyes were still hooked to Adam's chest. "Chill the fuck out."

Blue whizzed by behind him and glanced at the both of them. She moved between them, nudging Adam out of the way. He staggered to the side, and Ronan's attention drifted from him and to her.

"You smell ripe, Adam," she said. Blue was hogging Ronan lately. He didn't think them becoming friends meant he had to start fighting for alone time with his boyfriend with his best friend. "Go take a shower."

"Yeah," Ronan agreed. "You stink." He shot him a smirk.

Adam struggled not to smile back at him. He opened his water again to chug down the rest, and over Blue's head watched as Ronan's eyes dropped down to his sweaty chest. He never thought he'd feel attractive before when he was this perspiring. It was ego boosting, and a little bit energizing at the same time. If only he didn't simultaneously feel like he had half of New York's car exhaust fumes fused into his skin, maybe he would feel as sexy as Ronan thought he was, but instead he began inching towards the bathroom.

"Wait, Adam, when do you leave again for your trip?" Blue asked.

Ronan's gaze flipped up to his, then to Blue. Adam faltered at the mention of it. He almost forgot he told Blue already.

"I leave Friday," he said.

"Friday Friday." Blue elbowed Ronan to get back to work. "Got it." She smiled. "Thanks."

"Where you going?" Ever the nosy neighbor, Henry had turned around in his chair, resting his chin on the back of it as he looked up at Adam. He reminded him in that moment of the kids in the park that would walk up to him and Ronan and ask if they were married.

"He's going to Maine!" Blue answered for him. "Something about his internship."

"Oh, funny!" Noah motioned wildly as if he really did find it funny, only he wasn't laughing. "Ronan's going to Maine too! There's a cooking seminar there his work wants him to go to."

Adam's face twitched. In the kitchen, Ronan kept his back to him, to all of them. It was suspiciously conspicuous. "Maine, too, huh?" He eyed his back, expecting he was avoiding him because he knew he slipped up. "Couldn't have been in Vermont or Connecticut?"

"I didn't have a choice in where the seminar is, Parrish," Ronan said across his shoulder. "As surprising as it may be, I'm not that important at work."

"Oh, that's not surprising at all."

Ronan finally turned, to glare at him, and Adam shot one eyebrow above the other in challenge.

"Hey, you guys can carpool!" Blue thought.

"No." Adam shook his head. "No, he can go hang out with his work friends. We're probably not even going to the same place in Maine anyway."

"It's small," said Noah. "You never know."

With an awkward smile, Adam mildly agreed and then excused himself, finally, for the shower. He disappeared into the bathroom with his water, but was followed in.

"I have to take a piss!" Ronan exclaimed. "Hold on!"

Before he knew it, Ronan was inside with him, locking the door behind his back. They stared at one another a moment, Adam taking it in that Ronan just nonchalantly followed him into his bathroom. In front of his friends. In front of Blue. Where they could hear them if they tried hard enough.

"Yeah, this isn't suspicious at all."

Ronan didn't even say anything and just pulled off his glasses and kissed him. His breath tasted like pepperoni and his hands smelled like cheese, and yet he was still way sexier than Adam felt after a two mile run around the city.

"Ronan, I'm gross right now," he reasoned, against the crashing wave of lips and teeth and tongue.

"You smell fine to me."

"I'm all sticky." Adam scrunched his nose and wondered what was going on in this wild boy's mind. He missed him, too, but this was dangerous.

With no time to react, Ronan helped Adam out of his running shorts, and he realized without a shirt on already how quick he could get naked. He stood there bare ass naked while Ronan was very much clothed, and the contrast felt weird in the kiss. Though the kiss itself was A game level. Ronan's bandaged fingers were cupping his jaw, and his lips were soft and doing that thing with his lips that he liked a lot.

But, again, he was naked.

"We are not about to have sex in here with the others just outside," he argued under his breath.

"Of course not..." Ronan rested his forehead to Adam's bare shoulder, and to his surprise didn't start kissing at his neck as an excuse. "I don't want to leave Blue alone with my pizza too long. She'll tamper with it."

Adam rolled his eyes and then Ronan was kissing him again. This kiss didn't last as long as the first, if only because Adam's will was stronger and his desperation to not smell was fierce.

When their faces were far enough apart that their eyes could find each other's, Ronan's features softened, and his hold on him eased.

"I just... want to spend time with you," he confessed.

Adam swooned. Fuck, he was so easily tempted by Ronan's sweet words. Well, in all honesty, it was more his mouth. Ronan's hands stayed above the waist as he held him tight, his arms wrapping around him at the back so his odored body was pressed tight against Ronan's clean clothes.

"God, Lynch, what did you drink!" Blue shouted through the door.

"Let the boy shower!" Henry shouted next.

"Make me my meat pizza!" said Noah.

Adam snorted as they disentangled. "You're bonding with Blue, I can't believe it," he said. The first few times they hung out, Adam was supervising, and then he would find excuses to leave them alone, and every time Ronan came back with him with stories complaining about her. Slowly those stories grew tamer and tamer, until eventually there weren't any stories at all. They were all in the same friend circle for years, and he never thought that just simply asking them to be nice to each other would actually work. He should've done this a long time ago.

Softly, Ronan was brushing his fingers through Adam's sweat crusted hair, not the least bit disgusted by the texture of it it seemed. He knew if roles were reversed, he wouldn't be either, and it made him want to make a terrible comment about themselves. They were so grossly happy. To match his soft hand, Ronan leaned into him and left a tender kiss to his cheek.

"I don't want her chucking herself over the balcony when we tell her I'm the boy she's been daydreaming about," he said.

Without helping himself, Adam accidentally cackled out loud at the thought. God they were awful.

"So sweet of you," he said dryly. Ronan's shirt choice of the day was an old band tee that used to be bigger on him when he was smaller in high school. He was never scrawny, not unlike Adam, but he filled out more since high school, into a more muscular man with strong arms that felt nice when they wrapped around him like this. He picked at the peeling logo on the chest, giving his hand something to do.

"Nah, I just don't want you getting a new, hotter roommate or something and trading me in."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Oh please," he said. "If anything you'd just move in."

The words just came right out of him, and after them came a shock of quiet. He froze, wondering if Ronan even heard his mumble over the sound of Blue and Noah arguing outside. Ronan's arms were quick to fall from him, and he jerked a step back.

"Say what?"

"I don't know." Adam inched backwards himself, headed to the shower where he could hide behind the shower curtain. Even though he couldn't see himself, he knew his face was red as a fire engine truck. He shadowed his face with his hand, turning away. "It's a hypothetical. I didn't mean it. Get out. I need to shower."

Ronan looked shaken as he staggered out, fumbling as he unlocked the door. Adam shut it behind him, flustered as hell, his whole body hot and red.

Shit. Why did he even say that? He wasn't ready to move in. He wasn't even ready to say I love you out loud.

Oh god this wasn't happening.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Out of the bathroom, Ronan found himself in a daze trying to finish the pizza. Move in? Fuck, his heart was racing. They hadn't even said I love you, or told their friends about them, or told _anyone_ about them actually, and Adam offhandedly hinted he thought of them living together? He told his mom he met someone, but he didn't know how to broach the subject it was the boy he'd been pining for since high school. His mom knew all about Adam, even before _he_ knew about Adam. He was insistent he would video chat with the boyfriend soon, but he also wondered when that soon would be.

Adam was scared of how real this was, and Ronan was trying to be patient, but he wasn't a very patient person and this a challenge. He loved Adam enough he would wait forever, but he also wanted to finally brag to their friends that he was the _best sex Adam ever had_.

"Lynch, focus."

Blue was standing there next to him at the kitchen counter, as he stood over one of his pizza masterpieces. He stared down at it and his hands placed above it, and he remembered where he was and what he was doing. His hands were covered in Adam's sweat, and he moved to the sink before he contaminated anything with it.

"What?" He twitches when he saw Blue staring at him strangely. "I'm focused, Sargent. Christ."

"Your eyes were getting a little glassy there!" She crossed her arms over her chest.

He rolled the eyes in question as he dried his hands off in a towel. Jesus, Blue. Stop analyzing so intensely? He quickly learned with this newfound friendship forming that she was eerily extra observant when she wanted to be.

"It's just my eyes," he grumbled.

Blue narrowed hers. He couldn't think with her staring at him the way she was. Adam was still in the shower, and Henry and Noah were in their own world contemplating Noah's next venture in a career. Blue was intense and small and scary, and he really wanted her to stop staring.

"Stop staring at me, or I'm going to start thinking you're flirting," he said.

Blue laughed. It didn't go unnoticed she took a step back. "Flirting! With you!"

He flashed her a mean smile, and she playfully narrowed her eyes back.

"Who's flirting?" Gansey appeared at the doorway with a bottle of some fancy wine.

"Oh, hey, Gansey." Henry perked up in his seat, as did Noah. They separated as if they had been colluding on something, and maybe they had been. "Just in time for pizza."

"I thought we were meeting at Nino's." Gansey sounded stricken, and a bit embarrassed.

"Oh, oops." Noah's mouth was somehow full of chips. Ronan glanced around. Where were these chips? "I forgot to text you."

"You forget a lot of things," Henry moaned.

"Would you quit it?" Noah spat at him.

Blue shook her head at them. "Children," she whispered under her breath. "Anyway. Ignoring all that, hi." She smiled coming towards him, arms spread out to greet. He almost dropped the wine to hug her back.

Ronan turned away so his laugh wasn't obviously focused.

"Sorry," said Blue to Gansey. "You want something to drink? You look funny."

"He always looks funny," Ronan remarked.

Gansey made a crude gesture behind Blue's back.

"Ha ha, Ronan. No, actually. I was wondering if I could talk with you." He looked to Blue, and then at the rest of his friends. "Alone."

"Oh. Uh, yeah." Blue looked about as clued in on this as she did every time Gansey tried to build up the courage to tell her how he really felt. Today looked about as likely as the last time, but Gansey was always determined to try. "Ronan, I can put the pizza in the oven," she said, shooing him along.

"You sure?"

"I think I've got it," Blue said condescendingly.

"If you say so," he said with a matched tone.

They almost smiled at each other. Almost.

He dragged Henry and Noah along to Adam's bedroom without thinking, so familiar and comfortable with the idea of being in Adam's room he just walked right in. Just before shutting the door he watched as Blue was guided to the sofa, Gansey still holding his wine. Either it was celebratory or it was his security blanket in his time of courage.

"Nothing ever comes of them," Henry remarked, sitting on Adam's bed. Ronan wondered what his friends would say if they knew he and Adam slept in that bed almost every night. "He chickens out every time."

"Maybe he'll finally save us all the trouble and get on with it today," Noah grunted. He spread out on the bed as if it were his. Ronan self consciously cracked his knuckles to keep himself from telling Noah to get off it. It wasn't his bed to determine the rules for, though it felt like it was.

"Making yourself at home, Czerny?" he caught himself saying anyway. His voice was clipped once he realized, but by then it was too late.

"It's a very comfy bed," Noah replied. "I wonder if he'll trade me."

Ronan snorted. That was never happening, he thought, as he turned back to the door just as it was opening. In came Adam in just a towel wrapped loose around his waist. At the sight of visitors, his grip tightened and he startled back a few steps into the door.

"Oh, uh...." He shuffled the handling of the towel between hands as his eyes drifted from one guest to the next. "Might I ask what this invasion of privacy is all about?" He was still soaking wet from the shower, and Ronan began to regret walking in here with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum over there. "What are you all doing in my bedroom?" His voice was wrangled in from a squeak, clearing his throats several times as he studied Ronan's face last. Ronan almost didn't notice, his eyes cast down to the water dripping down Adam's clavicle, down his chest and stomach and--Fuck, he was staring.

Promptly he moved to bite at his watch band, chewing on the leather in a gross but familiar habit he recently picked up again after all the stress of these secrets. Wanting Adam and not being able to openly ogle Adam while knowing in other circumstances he was allowed to made this hard.

"Blue and Gansey are chatting," Henry answered, when no one else did. There was a long breadth of silence in the room after his question, and Ronan swiftly turned to see if the others were staring at his boyfriend like he was, but they were staring around Adam's room instead. Oh, yeah. They didn't really come in here that much. Even before, Ronan was often the only one Adam allowed in here.

"Oh, I barely noticed." Adam shrugged off the awkward pauses. "Can you all turn around so I can change?"

"We all have one!" Noah exclaimed ever so beautifully. "Who cares?"

Henry smacked him. Ronan did, too.

"As enlightening as that may be, I still would prefer it if you turned around." Adam flashed him a smile that said if he didn't turn around he'd throw him out on the fire escape, and at once Noah turned his back, with Henry following not long after.

"You, too," Adam whispered, quietly gesturing for him to circle around, and Ronan wondered if this was because Adam was embarrassed by what he said. He almost laughed like a jackass, but settled for a tiny but haughty smirk that made Adam's freckled cheeks tint crimson. A gluttonous pride filled his belly for some reason as he whipped round on his heels.

Henry and Noah were lying on their stomachs facing the window where Adam's little forest was, pointing at the different plants and talking about them under their breaths. They sounded impressed, as they should be.

Behind him, Ronan could hear Adam struggling to change. He cursed under his breath as he likely stubbed something in the rush of changing with company around. Ronan smiled to himself as he struggled not to turn around, even as he heard Adam grumble about how annoying this all was.

Ronan turned around when the sounds started to die off, and found Adam there with his hair still wet, dampening his shirt at the shoulders. He reached and touched at it without thinking, twisting the wet ends around his fingers. The droplets of water trickled down his index finger and down across the lines in his palm. Adam breathed into his face, not making a sound in reaction to his proximity at all. They were just simply being.

"How old are all these plants, Parrish?" Noah asked.

Shit, for half a minute he forgot they weren't alone. His hand didn't fall from where it was, not immediately. Adam looked too nice when he was fresh from a shower, his skin warm and pink, his hair like a wet mop, all while smiling like nice soap. He was enjoying the touching, although the reality of the situation made him flinch away.

"A few years old." Adam cleared his threat and stepped back. A wrinkle quickly formed on his brow, and then he was pushing Ronan aside to glare elsewhere. "Don't touch that!"

Noah's hands immediately jerked back from where he was reaching, though by the time Ronan looked he didn't see where. Probably a plant. Adam motioned for him to sit down again, and Noah reluctantly sat back on the bed with a pout.

"Sit," Adam said, like he was talking to a dog. "Stay."

"I--"

Adam returned to Ronan's side as soon as the two kids were cornered back from touching anything they shouldn't, and he settled into him a little. There was hesitancy, and Ronan hated that. He touched again at his hair, leaning into him in response. They stood by the door like they were trying to hear, when Ronan couldn't care less.

Gansey was probably talking about that fancy ass wine and not what he really meant to talk about.

"I don't think you'd like living with me," he said low, wishing he could have this conversation privately.

Adam looked at him with a raised brow, looking like he had no idea what he was talking about.

"Pardon?"

Ronan inclined forward, as if he were stretching. "You would murder me on the first night, the second I leave a towel on the floor or don't make the bed after sex," he said.

"Who makes the bed after sex?" Adam wrinkled his nose, disguising his amusement with a look of feigned surprise.

"I don't fucking know, Parrish," Ronan quipped. "Same kind of people who make you fold the ends of toilet paper, probably." He flashed him a smile.

With half a humored expression, Adam touched his shoulder and Ronan could see how nervous he was. Matched with his blush earlier, it was obvious he was flustered about what was said in the bathroom. He smiled a little at that. For once, it wasn't Ronan who said something embarrassing and edging on too earnest and raw a thought. He wanted to move in with him at some point in the future. And it came out _accidentally_ , which somehow made it even better. His heart was a little jittery with glee.

"Can we forget I said that?" Adam asked Ronan's shoulder.

"That you like to fold the ends of toilet paper?"

"I've never said that." Adam could barely get his words out without a hint of a laugh coming with them. It took a couple seconds of deep breathing for him to push the humor away. "No, the other thing."

"Oh, where you mused we would move in together at some point?" He tried to make the words sound more suave than they were by leaning against the door with one arm, his face so close to Adam's it was teetering on dangerous.

Adam's jaw tightened a little at the reminder. It was too close to home, it seemed. He said nothing, and Ronan understood the conversation was over.

"You got it, Einstein," he said. "Forgot the whole thing already. What were we even talking about? Movie? Tonight? After all this? We can make out in the dark."

Adam rolled his eyes but appeared otherwise grateful. His pink lips looked dry, and in that moment Adam seemed to agree as he licked them. His eyes then filtered down Ronan's face, and he almost nosed in for a kiss, but they both seemed to remember where they were last minute.

"How long do you think this will take?" Noah groaned. Like the ringing of a bell, his whining acted as some sort of spell ender, and the both of them split apart to stand on either end of the doorway, giving them ample space.

"Don't know," Henry replied. "Last one was an hour, wasn't it?"

"My pizza is going to burn!" Noah was so whiney when he was hungry.

"Blue will take it out," Adam started to say, and then he saw something, and peeled quick from the door. "What are you doing back there?"

"Looking for snacks," Noah said, and Ronan turned to find him digging around under Adam's bed like a curious puppy. "I'm starving."

"I don't have snacks under my bed," Adam hissed. He motioned for him to rise, but he was far too interested in something under there.

"No, but wow you have a lot of condoms in your trash," Noah said with a snort. Adam grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him up to a sitting position again. "You know, these can be recycled."

"Aw, Noah, look at you caring about the environment," said Henry. "But no you can't recycle condoms."

"Oh." Briefly, Noah was disappointed, but it only lasted as long as that train of thought. When Adam started to move his garbage can out of sight, Noah's gaze quickly followed his movements, watching him. Ronan was not the least bit amused by Noah's enchantment with his trash, though he was curious what he thought of it. Even so, he moved to lean closer to the door, trying to get a handle on if they could leave sometime soon. Adam's room was starting to get a little stifling with the four of them in here. "Damn, Parrish," Noah said, talking as if he was Ronan or something. He grabbed the box of unused condoms from Adam's bedside table, having only now seen it, and he shook the contents inside. "How much sex do you have?"

"Shh!" Ronan called from across the small room. "I'm trying to eavesdrop so I know when I can go back out and save my food."

"Our food," Henry corrected.

"Pipe down, Cheng."

Noah stepped off Adam's bed with mild interest, having forgotten what he was only just talking about with Adam so easily. He was easily distractible.

"Can you even tell what they're saying?" 

Ronan moved his ear from the door with a frown. "Yes, I just heard one of them ask what they're saying." He glared over at Noah, who didn't look the least bit put off by his look.

Instead, he collapsed backward into Adam's bed, falling into Henry.

"God."

The two of them were being discreet about something, careful even. Henry glowered at Noah, but it was so false and calm that it was visibly false. The glare turned into a timid smile, one that Noah matched tenfold, his smile broad and bright.

Ronan caught Adam staring too, who slipped over to him when Noah started telling Henry bad jokes.

"Do you think they're-?"

"Oh, definitely." He squeezed Adam's hand behind his back. "Henry's looking at Noah the same way you look at me. Same way I look at you."

Adam was blushing when he turned to look, and his hand moved to stroke at his cheek. His hair was still wet, but it was drying fast in the heat of his room.

"I like looking at you," Ronan whispered.

Adam did his little humming thing as way of answering back.

The door jerked open and cut them off, separating them and knocking Ronan behind the door.

"You can come out now," Blue said to them all. She noted Ronan tucked behind what felt like a shield, and she coughed out a laugh. "Gansey just wanted advice on a photographer for the museum."

Noah ran out ahead of everyone, rushing straight for the kitchen. The rest of them filtered out after him, Ronan last among them. He wanted to loop his arms around Adam's waist and rest his face against his neck. Someday.

"And that had to be private?" Noah asked.

Gansey shrugged on the sofa. He was still holding his wine. "I didn't want you all interrupting."

Adam snorted. Ronan couldn't stop staring at him. When Adam smiled at him, he couldn't control his smile back any longer. His face involuntarily brightened into a wide grin. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

In Maine, Ronan got a room with a kitchen in it, because of course he would. Adam wasn't surprised by that, but he was surprised by how nice it was. It had a large bed and big windows, a penthouse of a room with a balcony that looked out at the water.

When they first walked inside, Adam walked back out and said it was too nice. Because it _was_. Ronan had to persuade him to take it, that he deserved it — _they_ deserved it.

"It's romantic as fuck, Parrish," Ronan countered with Adam's argument that they could still have a nice time somewhere less frivolous. "You deserve romantic as fuck things."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Stop," he pleaded.

"Come on." Ronan looped arms with Adam and pulled him back inside. "Be romantic as fuck with me, Parrish. I won't tell if you don't. Besides, less nice of rooms don't get the kitchen."

Adam rolled his eyes again, but he couldn't help but step further into the room. In the bathroom, there was a shower and a large tub that could easily fit a party in it. Adam stared at the marble flooring and wondered why anyone would pay so much for something so extravagant but temporary.

Then he felt Ronan's weight behind him, his arms reaching out and meeting at the front of his waist, his chin tucking in just behind Adam's left ear. He could feel him breathing as they only stood there, and something in him told him to lean back. When he did, he felt it, an understanding of why people splurged on absurd things like this. To feel this way. To be alone somewhere special. Anywhere with Ronan was special, but not having to worry about Blue walking in unannounced asking for help with her hair, or Noah banging on the door to the bathroom screaming _I have to pee_ was also nice. 

"Romantic as fuck," he repeated under his breath.

"We can be nauseous about how nice this is together," Ronan advised.

"How can you even afford this?" Adam asked. "Isn't Declan holding your inheritance hostage until you've graduated?"

Ronan's hands slipped into his shirt. The feeling of skin against skin was always a little overwhelming at first, like his first driving lesson when he put too much pressure on the gas pedal and surged forward almost hitting a lamp post. Ronan didn't let him live that down for months.

"Don't worry about it," he said.

"Lynch." Ronan knew him well enough by now he would worry. It wasn't like money grew on trees. At least, not for the middle and lower classes who couldn't even afford to buy the tree it grew on if one were real.

Reluctant, Ronan's hands slipped back out, his arms pulling away. Adam turned and caught them before he was completely gone from the bathroom. With a kiss, he suspected he could get the answer out of him, and with a few staggering steps into him, Ronan nose dived to his mouth. It barely took a few swipes of his tongue and a bite of his teeth for Ronan to cave.

"My mom helped me out," he confessed, and Adam stepped back.

"Your mom?" Currently, he was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. Ronan didn't say if he told his mom about him. He knew once she did, how big a deal that would be. Aurora knew he was gay, but she never knew if he was seeing anyone. The few times they've had the privilege of meeting, she always asked if Ronan was happy, if he was with anyone. He didn't have an answer for that — until now. "Does she know what she's helping out on?"

"Yeah, she knows it's a hotel," said Ronan with an eye roll. "Obviously."

Adam's chest experienced an odd form of pressure on it, like someone had sunk a shoe into his ribs. 

"So she's okay with sponsoring a weekend of sex?"

"Shh." Ronan glowered. "Don't say it like that. My mom is _not_ sponsoring a sex weekend."

"She is." Adam grinned at the blush in Ronan's cheeks. 

"Parrish, shut up," he hissed.

"I can't believe you asked her to pay for this." His hands ran along the side of the porcelain tub, acknowledging the cold against his fingertips. "Why would you do that?"

"Maybe I wanted to do something nice for you." Behind him, he could see Ronan shrug in the vanity mirror. He turned whip quick to press the backs of his legs against the tiled tub, staring at Ronan and his beautifully awkward body movements. When Ronan realized he was looking now, he smiled thinly, his movements only getting more awkward. "Maybe I finally told her I'm dating and she was so happy she offered. Maybe I'm going to murder you out here and wear your clothes."

Adam laughed. "You don't fit my clothes."

Ronan's brow cocked up. "So you're not opposed to the murder thing?"

Adam shrugged. "I had to go sometime. I'd like to go in this tub."

At some point, one of them always got tired of the jokes when they were discussing something serious, and this time it was Ronan. He inclined into him, stepping in between his legs. 

"Parrish, did you even hear the other part?" he whined. Adam began to fiddle with his shirt collar, undoing the buttons and then redoing them. Why Ronan decided to wear a shirt with a buttoned collar today, reminiscent of Gansey's wardrobe, he would never know.

"That your mother sponsored a sex weekend _and_ is an accessory to pre-meditated murder?" he asked.

"No."

The lack of emotion in Ronan's one syllable answer filled Adam with a soft light feeling. Warmly smiling, he leaned up into him, who stepped away with little interest in what Adam was suggesting. So Adam stood, and his hands slipped around Ronan's waist, pressing their waists and chests together. He kissed his chin, stubbled and stubborn.

"You told her we were dating?"

Slow, he could feel Ronan relax against him. His joints unlocked, his jaw unset, and his eyes de-hooded.

"Not you specifically," he confessed.

The excitement Adam felt was swiftly squashed.

"Oh, so I’m an unnamed man to your mother now," he said.

"No, she knows who you are." Ronan kissed his cheek. "She just doesn’t know you’re my boyfriend."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"Now we both have a secret boyfriend," Ronan said, finding it funny. Adam found it pathetic.

"Okay, that’s not fair." He pushed Ronan off. "I didn’t mean to have one."

"And I didn’t mean to be the best sex you’ve ever- Ouch!" Ronan thought himself so funny, laughing, even after Adam slapped him on the arm. He wasn't funny. This was a mess. Now he definitely didn't want to stay in here, but Ronan's argument was still working as he wrapped around him again. Feeling him breathe against the nape of his neck was addicting. His eyes drifted closed, as Ronan's hands slid into his at the front of his waist. 

"What did you tell your mom?" he asked. Already he could feel himself slipping into the comfort of Ronan's weight. 

"Well, of course I had to mention the satin lips and-" Adam jerked around and slapped him again. "Christ, Parrish! Stop hitting me!"

"I’m barely touching you. Stop being an ass."

"Did someone say ass?" With a cheeky grin, Ronan grabbed Adam's backside and lifted him off the ground.

"Lynch!"

He willfully carried him quick and unskillfully to the bed. Adam continued to slap at his shoulder.

"Put me down," he said. 

"Okay." Ronan set him down on the floor halfway between the bed and the bathroom. The hardwood paneling was cold on his back from the air conditioning. At once, Ronan was on him, kissing him, fighting Adam's inner instinct to continue arguing. Adam was annoyed but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing a little. Ronan was ridiculous and childish, and he was so in love with that when he shouldn't be. He liked the bitchy side of Ronan and the immaturity, on some level it made him loosen up when otherwise he could be so tight. He was drowning in his feelings for him as Ronan cradled his head while straddling his waist.

"I told her I was happy," he said, turning his kisses into bites at Adam's neck, "and that you were special. She wants to meet you."

"Didn't think to tell her she's already met me?"

Ronan's head bobbed back up and blocked his view of the skylight he only just noticed. 

"I thought it would be a fun surprise," Ronan remarked, his eyes wild. "Kind of like gotcha! You've known him this whole time!"

Adam rolled his eyes for the thousandth time today alone. He didn't want him keeping secrets from his mom. He didn't like that. He knew how much he shared with Aurora. She was one of the first people he came out to, if not the first. He kissed him, hopeful he wouldn't keep this secret from her for long.

Ronan was curling his hair around his fingertips. Then Ronan pulled back, breathed quiet against his face. He nosed his cheek, kissed him again, a peck.

"I think she knows it's you, anyway," he said, his voice gone spongy.

Adam was confused. He wrinkled his brow, lying under Ronan's weight, feeling his fingers tickle his cheek as they twisted around his hair.

"How's that?"

Ronan smiled a little wily, looking down from his eyes to his lips then back again. There was some inside joke he had with himself and he said nothing of it. He kissed him again, kissed him so deeply he felt it in his toes and couldn't think straight long enough to remember what they were talking about.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Most of their first day in Maine was spent outside of the hotel room, believe it or not. Adam wanted to see the town around them, and of course Ronan only wanted to make it as far as the foot of the bed. Adam inevitably won.

Each of them had a surprise for the other that day. Adam's surprise for Ronan was bigger, and more thought out, but Ronan had already drained his surprise-o-meter on Adam's birthday.

When Adam drove them to the water, Ronan remarked that he left his suit back in their room, but Adam told him they weren't going to the beach. He covered his eyes when they got out, extending the surprise a little longer. Adam stood behind him, hands over Ronan's face, mouth to his ear.

"Keep walking," he said, sending chills down Ronan's spine.

The surprise was something to do with water. That much was clear. Knowing Adam, it was something science related no doubt. But he couldn't for the life of him think of anything much science and water related.

Until Adam removed his hands from his eyes, and Ronan registered they were standing at a dock, in front of a boat, which specialized in tours.

"Whale watching...?" His attention drifted from Adam to the older people gathering in groups at the entrance gate, exchanging tickets for plastic bags full of something he was too far to see. It was cool on the coast, and the boat was big, but Ronan couldn't believe his eyes. He was in love with a nerd.

"I hear it's fun." Adam shrugged as if he didn't just pick one of the dorkiest things for them to do.

"Sitting on the water waiting for something to peek out?" While getting soaked at the same time?" Ronan snorted. "Yeah, real fun."

When he looked back at Adam, he found him glaring back. His defenses were up, sulk in his brow and arms folded over his chest, hands tucked under his arms.

"I can't tell if you're being flippant or you genuinely don't want to go," he said, cocking his head to one side.

"I'll go." At once Ronan reached for him, sliding around him until he was at his backside, face burying into his shoulder. He smelled like him more than he smelled like himself, and he warmed to the idea of going out on the water with him. To spend any time with him like this was special. "But only because I like you."

Under his embrace, Adam squirmed and wiggled out of his reach. He pushed him away, and glanced back with a look of aggravation. "And because I already paid," he added.

"I can p-"

Adam's hand jerked up to stop him. "Don't finish that sentence, Lynch."

He slammed his ticket into Ronan's hand and proceeded to start walking ahead of him. Ronan's jokes were often misguided and too much, but he didn't expect this one to upset him quite so poorly. He made a mistake joking about this, and Adam genuinely tried here. Fuck. He walked fast after him, desperate to catch him.

"Aren't you afraid you'll lose your glasses?" 

"Nope," Adam said, not needing to look at him. "I caved and bought one of these."

He showed off the lanyard neck strap that held his glasses up around his neck like a necklace should they fall.

"I'm dating an old man," Ronan remarked.

"With age comes wisdom," Adam said, raising his chin to show off his refined jaw. 

Ronan inclined, stroking at it. Despite his bitter tolerance for Ronan's humor, he allowed him this one small pleasure.

"And gray hair," he said. "I think I see it starting to come in--"

"You fucker--"

As he reached for Adam's hair, Adam slapped his hands away, and he slapped back, which transitioned into wrestling like school children until they were laughing and making out in the mess of their limbs. People passed them in the parking lot to get onto the boat, as they were a little lost in each other. Being able to do this publicly whenever they wanted, without fear of being witnessed by someone they knew, changed everything about it. The employees of the whale watching company had to separate them so they knew they had to get on.

Adam looked more embarrassed than Ronan felt, who was fine with paying him back and sweeping him away to their hotel. But he knew Adam was too proud for that, so he didn't suggest it again. 

"I was just being a jackass," he murmured, ignoring the sound of the last call from one of the matching drones that were employed here. "I like whales. I like the surprise."

Despite the evidence of their make-out still present on Adam's face, his pink lips did not curl into a smile or any other friendly form of expression. His bedroom eyes were consistently dulled as he stared. "You're just saying that," he said, voice flat and emotionless. Ronan was going to have to work harder than this. 

"Listen," he sighed, "if I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be, okay? I'd already be back in the car honking the horn, requesting impolitely we go back to our hotel bed."

Adam's arms folded slowly, silently insisting for more.

"I'm sorry I'm a moron," he continued.

"You think you're superior to this, I can tell," Adam replied.

"No..." 

"Whale watching can be extremely fun, and informative," Adam argued, as if Ronan had suggested it weren't. "Plus, it's an excuse to get out on the water, and a more environmentally conscious way of seeing whales instead of in zoos and Water World."

"It's called Sea World," Ronan corrected.

The look on Adam's face turned, twisted, and he visibly didn't like the correction. The heat of embarrassment colored his cheeks, and then he flipped it off with a tilt of his head.

"The fact that you know that makes me question this relationship."

"Ha. Very funny."

Adam walked ahead and onto the boat, leaving Ronan behind to stare after him.

"Wait, you're kidding right?"

Ahead of him, Adam shrugged. He glanced at one of the onlooker employees, who also shrugged to say they had no idea if Adam were kidding or not. Ronan never walked so fast towards a boat in his life.

 

~~~~~~~

 

On the boat, they were given rain ponchos, which Adam apparently purchased beforehand. The clear plastic squeaked with every movement, somehow simultaneously bulky and flimsy. It took for the boat to pull away from the dock for Adam to finally separate himself from his anger and take Ronan's hand in his. They walked to the front of the boat and stood against the railing as the boat picked up speed and water misted their faces.

Adam was looking out at the view, staring out at the water and down below at the waves that crashed into the sides of the boat. There was kissing and smiling and pointing out the shapes in the water were actually whales.

Pictures were taken. Memories were made. As sad as it was, Ronan remembered to remind Adam that they should take pictures without the other in it so they had something to show their friends.

They would tell them eventually. He knew that. He did. But each passing day seemed to stretch out the anxiety of them not knowing. It bothered him that Adam wanted Aurora to know, but didn't want their friends to yet. What was the difference? It tangled knots around his heart.

So did the way it felt when Adam's fingers gripped his as the boat rocked. A wave crashed into the side, minimal and tiny, but it shook Adam enough he slid into his side. He clutched him at the waist now, but he was brilliantly smiling, like a kid who got to see Disneyland for the first time. He so desperately loved him it twisted his insides upside down. He grabbed for the back of Adam's neck, accidentally pulling down his poncho's hood while he was at it, and he drew him in for a display of heavy handed kisses. His glasses fell, luckily not far, as they remained around his neck due to his grandpa strap.

The guard railing around the sides of the boat was tested as he pressed them both against it in a poorly thought out way. Adam breathed hard against his mouth, always kissing him back like there was no time to waste.

He liked whales fine, but this was better. Watching Adam get sprayed by the sea was better. Soaked, he shoved Ronan with an unforgiving look, and then cracked like an egg and laughed as they were surrounded by the other whale watchers. There was apparently another whale, but they missed it. Too busy giving each other bedroom eyes, he supposed.

Before the ride was over, they would catch the next one, and the next few after that; borrowing someone's binoculars at one point to see a whale on the horizon. Adam smelled like salt water long after it dried in his hair, crusted a little around his sideburn.

"What do we do with the ponchos?" he asked, as they were all being walked to the exit.

Hand in hand, it felt almost real, that they were together. So much of it still felt like a dream, but when a nosy old pair of women offered their opinion on how cute he and Adam were, it felt pretty real. For just a minute it felt like the entire world knew.

"Keep them," Adam said, manhandling his in his free hand. "I didn't spend $20 on these things for you to toss them aside. It rains in New York."

"And I avoid going outside when it rains," Ronan reminded him. 

"I've always found that odd," Adam said, and he sucked in a heap of air to avoid responding. "What, are you made of the same material the Wicked Witch of the West was made of? Does water melt you?"

"Ha ha." Ronan just didn't like the New York rain. It wasn't the same as back home. "Very funny. I get it. I'm evil and green."

"And have warts on your face." Adam reached to touch, and then Ronan shoved the plastic in his face, making sure to get him with the wet side. His boyfriend squeaked, that was the best description for the shock of sound, as he jerked in response and let go of his hand.

It took almost a daring long time to realize that underneath the squeals of the plastic, there was a light laughter in the breeze. Adam took his hands and held them still, 

"Now you can risk the wet weather, Lynch," Adam said, repeating himself. "With me, I mean. I like the rain. It's soothing."

"Of course you do, you weirdo." Ronan's hands slipped down to his waist, but before he could catch it, Adam was already walking away and off the boat. "Any hint of Mother Nature and you're right at home."

At the foot of the ramp, Adam turned his head back. His face lit up like a sunrise, the current and real sun glistening on him like he were a beacon. His elastic smile spread so far wide his teeth bared. He clearly liked being known, and Ronan liked knowing him. 

All this romance was making him feel too sappy, so as he walked down the ramp after him he made awkward steps with his elongated legs, acting as if he was still a youthful teenager and not on the cusp of college graduation. He swung an arm up and around Adam's shoulders, when really he was craving his waist and his mouth.

"Are there any more surprises, or are you hungry yet?" he said.

Adam's smile softened into a small grin, his eyes showing delight as well as the rest of his face. These were Ronan's favorite moments, when he could manage to make Adam - for lack of a better word — _giddy_.

"Is your surprise a dinner?" 

"Maybe."

"I went through all this trouble for whales, and you're just making me dinner?" Adam clucked his tongue disapprovingly at him.

"Just?" His arm fell off his shoulders. "Just making you dinner? Well, if that's how you really feel, then never mind Parrish."

They were at the car, and Adam unlocked the trunk. Quieter than usual, he stuffed his poncho there, then took Ronan's. Ronan couldn't tell if this was his normal quiet or seething quiet or some form of both. Not seeing his face behind the hood of the trunk didn't help.

Then when Adam closed it, he said very simply, "I also want a blow job."

Like they were talking about what to eat or something. Christ. 

"I--" He felt the skin on his face burst with heat. Awkward, he shuffled his feet and swept a hand across the back of his short hair. "I mean, well, that can always be arranged."

He wondered to himself when was he going to adjust to Adam blatantly discussing fellatio, or if he ever would adjust. It was strangely a struggle, to not get flustered, and boy did Adam fluster him. When he knew this, he laughed about it like it were some goal of his. And maybe it was, which burned the tops of his ears to wonder this. Then Adam kissed him square on the cheek. Not moving yet, lips still heavenly in place, he asked, "Will there be more candles?"

Ronan rolled his eyes. How did he know?

 

~~~~~~~

 

Their hotel room's balcony looked out over the water, as it stretched out further than the eye could see. By the time the sun was setting, Ronan finished cooking and could finally see out at the view. There was Adam, soft with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Apparently this was cold for him on the coast, which almost made Ronan laugh. But that's what asshole friend Ronan would do when he couldn't grab him and hold him in a false effort to make him warm.

The light from the sunset created a thin line of pink on the horizon, blurring with the gold and blue of the twilight sky. It bounced off the water and up onto Adam, glowing on his freckles and his warm skin, and reflecting off his glasses. Ronan set down one of the plates he made in front of him, and Adam startled, looking away from the view and up to him. At once, he slackened, tucking his feet under him as he scooted the balcony table closer. Ronan had to then make up for the distance with his own chair, but he didn't mind.

"Wow," Adam said, as his attention finally focused on the meal Ronan planned out. Ronan already began to prepare for a humble brag, boosting his chest out and lifting his chin. "This took you two hours?"

At once, his chest sunk back in and his chin lowered so he could glare properly.

"I'm kidding," Adam boasted. "This looks amazing, as usual. And I don't have to worry about sharing it with Noah."

"You never share with him anyway," Ronan remarked. He watched Adam cutting into the duck, his hands gripping the fork and steak knife tightly. 

"He should get his own chef boyfriend," Adam remarked, and Ronan snorted. Sometimes he was bizarrely jealous of Noah, which Ronan didn't really understand at first, until his remark about moving in. He and Adam were open to each other, but there were some parts of them both they kept to themselves.

As he continued watching Adam carve, he scooted his chair closer, so they were on the same side of the table. Adam's first bite of the duck bread was heavily covered in the pomegranate citrus glaze he made for it, and he watched as he swallowed it with a sigh and continued eating quick. This was something he's been trying out at work, having trouble getting duck right and the balance in the glaze. Too often he made it too acidic, but tonight Adam was gobbling it up without any pinched faces or pauses, which meant he must have got something right.

He liked cooking. Obviously, he liked cooking. He liked creating something from all these separated ingredients, and he liked when it came out satisfying and near perfect. The only near perfect thing in his life, and he could _make_ it. It was particularly indulging watching people eat his food, and the way they closed their eyes or groaned in delight. Their tastebuds were being affected in the way he wanted them to, and they were eating what he created. It was weird to think about it so clinically, but he was building something, and it was being enjoyed. He especially liked how he could tell when Adam liked it or didn't, even before he said as much. Adam was honest about his opinions and didn't sugarcoat. When he liked something, his cheeks dimpled for the tiniest fraction of a second, his eyes closed longer than usual, and he made a perfunctory noise that sounded like a cut off moan low under his breath. When he didn't like something, the bridge of his nose crinkled and he shook his head a little, eyes squinting down at the plate as if it had done something offensive. Sometimes he even pushed the plate away.

"Stop staring."

Ronan hadn't realized he'd been staring. He removed his chin from his hand. The sun was almost gone, leaving behind a faint halo on the horizon. Behind Adam, it started to faintly silhouette his frame, make him look even softer.

Adam looked over at him as he continued to stare, taking a pause from his food to drink from his soda. This paired better with wine, but Adam didn't drink, so he didn't even suggest it. He looked to be enjoying it regardless. His skin wrinkled just between his eyebrows, staring at Ronan curiously shrouded in his blanket.

"What?"

"How's it taste?" Ronan turned to look at the food. His own was untouched. 

"Like duck," Adam said. 

"That's-" Ronan pinched the edges of his eyes in a laugh. "I guess it would. Thanks, Parrish."

Adam shrugged, hand sliding into his on his lap. He didn't know what was going on in Ronan's head, all these thoughts bubbling inside him. "It tastes fruity," he said. "I don't know, Lynch. It tastes amazing. Everything you make lately does."

"Lately?"

Adam's expression withered. He looked almost tired. It was only day one, and this was turning into argument number 3.

"You know, you've turned yourself into my own personal chef," he said, amusing himself. There was some of the glaze on the corner of his mouth, and Ronan wanted to lick it off. 

"This saves money," he said, and he distracted himself by looking at Adam's hand still holding his between their laps. "Now we don't have to go out all the time."

Adam made it known he found that absurd with a grunt. He took another swig of soda before his hand slipped out from under Ronan's.

Sitting back, Ronan watched him more openly. The way he curled into himself as he ate like this reminded him of the times Adam's meals consisted of ramen and toast. Not buttered toast or toast with jelly. Just.... toast. 

"I love cooking and I love...." His seat screeched back as he kicked it a good foot from Adam's without meaning to. The shock of it all forced him to bite into his tongue until it hurt.

He almost said I love you. Out loud. To Adam. Where Adam could hear him. Adam's brow folded more when he looked up at him, that familiar quizzical expression drawing him to sink down in his chair a little. His body eased out of the tension, although his teeth still remained around his tongue. 

"What's that?" Adam glanced back at what little of his dinner he had left. 

"I said I love cooking and eating," Ronan explained. His bitten tongue made the words sound a little bloated.

"Oh." Adam shook his head at him. "I thought you were telling me something I didn't already know."

"You're a dick sometimes," Ronan said, searching for an excuse to change the subject.

"Knew that too." Adam flashed him a grin. "Why aren't you eating?"

Ronan couldn't say. His tongue hurt, and it was possible he was bleeding, a foreign taste suddenly filling his mouth. Or maybe that was bile from the nausea that overran him as he almost said I love you.

Granted, this would have been the perfect time for such a declaration, but he promised himself he wasn't going to say it until they told their friends they were even dating.

With his mouth still shut, he took Adam's hand in his, and delicately kissed his knuckles. Then he kissed him, acknowledging the access to his mouth Adam requested, barely allowing it for fear he'd taste the blood. It was just in his head, he supposed, as Adam didn't protest when the kiss became more than simple. He did, however, laugh at him. The absurdity of making a meal like this and not eating it. The fear of not finishing a sentence.

"I'm not hungry," he reasoned.

Adam's brow raised when they were done kissing. "Why not?"

Ronan shrugged, chin to Adam's shoulder. He didn't want to explain himself. "You should eat, though," he said. He pushed the plate closer to Adam, as if it weren't close enough. It had maybe two bites left.

"Thanks for your approval," Adam said with a snort. 

"You're welcome."

Adam laughed again. It was symphonic, the way it rode on the waves of the sea breeze. He was constantly amazed with how much he loved him. "You're so weird when you're trying to be romantic."

"I can stop." Ronan felt reluctant to speak. His tongue still hurt.

"Mm." Adam stopped laughing. His voice got quieter as he said, "No. I like it."

Then Adam proceeded to shove a piece of his duck into Ronan's mouth. It startled him, the taste and the heat and the motion and the feeling of something suddenly in his mouth. 

"If I'm eating, you're eating," Adam instructed. "Don't let food go to waste. That's ridiculous and avoidable."

With a stuffed mouth, Ronan barely managed out an _okay_ before chewing, the citrus in the glaze burning the mark in his tongue. When he swallowed, it hurt, but he didn't show it. Instead, he squeezed Adam's hand again and kissed his cheek, effortlessly expressing himself without words like always. It's all he knew how to do.

 

~~~~~~

 

It was early Saturday morning when Adam woke up. He slept well last night, almost like he hadn't slept at all. It was just after sunrise when he woke up, unbearably early. So of course he assumed he was first to wake but that wasn't the case. As he stretched his limbs to awaken, a hand stretched far across the bed and he registered Ronan wasn't there. He could smell it now, the smell of food and coffee, as his brain and body began to function more.

Ronan was in the kitchen cooking what smelled like bacon and eggs, an apron draped over his shirtless frame. It accentuated his arms in a way Adam never thought an apron would. He sat up, and Ronan stirred in recognition of his presence. He turned his gaze up, and he set the spatula down.

"You drooled on me again last night," he said.

Adam stretched again. The bed was so comfy he couldn't move.

"Good morning to you, too," he said. His eyes started to close as he sunk back down into the sheets. They smelled like the night before, and he twisted around in them to inhale.

"The fuck you doing, Parrish? You a bloodhound now?"

Adam opened his eyes to find Ronan above him. In his hand he held coffee out for him, just the way he liked it, but before he could reach for it Ronan set it down on the bedside table. He then kissed him on the forehead, and then kissed his sleepy eyelids. Adam dreamed, in the split second his eyes were closed, of staying here forever.

But how absurd that was, when he had work and Ronan would grow bored of this tiny kitchen, and eventually the allure of the bed and the bath would wear off.

"Your breath stinks."

And the dream was over.

As Ronan continued to snicker low under his breath, Adam sat back away from him. He sipped on his coffee, enjoying the luxury of all this. It felt like he was living someone else's life.

"Ronan Lynch continues to be a big softie romantic," he noted.

"Fuck off."

Ronan tussled his hair, and Adam could easily get addicted to this. Frankly, he already was. His blood stirred when Ronan turned back to the kitchen and he saw underneath his apron there were no other clothes, and so he was watching his butt walk back around the counter.

"Are you... Are you cooking naked?"

Ronan shrugged. "I have the apron," he said, and he ran a hand down the front of it. "Scrambled, right?"

Adam shut his eyes to the steam coming off his coffee, but he squeezed them even tighter when he heard his question. "Unless I've been body snatched, that's not how I like my eggs," he said. "I'm disappointed."

Ronan didn't reply, and blankly was looking back at him when he opened his eyes again. Slow, he crossed the room again with a plate for him, looking far too good in that apron. It said _F*** Me I'm Irish and a Chef_. Noah or Henry got it for him as a joke last Christmas, and for some reason or another he loved that ridiculous apron.

He pushed for Adam to scoot over, handing him his plate. Adam was too focused on the way Ronan was staring back at him.

"Breakfast in bed," Adam snorted. "Really? You're so...." Down on his plate was his favorite kind of eggs, which were over easy. "Funny."

"Finally, you notice."

He kissed Adam on the cheek.

"Your humor always confounds me," Adam muttered, taking a bite of his eggs.

"Confounds me," Ronan said back at him, mocking him so early in the morning. "I swear, you're such a nerd."

Adam ate his toast with a smile.

_I love you_ , he thought. For knowing how he liked every part of his breakfast. For knowing just where it was on his neck he liked where he kissed. For standing there making himself eggs after he just made Adam's. The bits of his hair that hadn't been cut back were still the tiniest bit curled. Adam liked something to grab, to run his fingers through, but he supposed he would have to wait for it to grow out again to be able to do that. When he told Ronan this, the man downright blanched, like he'd seen a ghost or was told he'd been cursed. He touched at his own scalp, and then a deep crimson filled in along his neck and his cheeks and splotchy bits around his ears.

_Oh_ , was all he said. Adam remembered touching teasingly along the line of his forehead at that, smiling at him.

Now he was staring again, at Ronan's lack of hair, noticing how the ends of what little there was were wet. Trickles of water ran down the column of his neck and into the depths of his apron. Adam's eyes felt like hooks, and when Ronan looked up to meet them, they hooked onto him and didn't let go.

"I wish we could do this every day," he said.

If they lived together, they could. Adam began to feel wistful about it. Living together was an accidental brain slip, but he did want that. To wake up with Ronan, to watch him cook, to not fear someone will walk in on them being coupley so early in the morning.

Also, he liked watching Ronan cook naked. It was weird, but he was into it.

The rest of Saturday was spent, for the most part, in bed same as Friday. It was the late afternoon when they finally left the hotel room. Again, because Adam wanted to. If the entire weekend's plans were left up to Ronan solely, they would just spend the entire weekend sleeping and having sex. Nothing wrong with that, per se, but they spent all this money and effort to come to Maine, they should soak in the local aspects of it the city couldn't offer while they could.

Something about this weekend felt so right, and something about it also felt so off. Just enough off kilter that it left an unsettling atmosphere that tickled the edges of a moment, but not enough that it was always obvious. Just occasionally. Like last night when Ronan said the word love and then stopped himself, Adam almost had a heart attack. He thought, maybe, for a moment he was going to say... but he didn't.

After they roamed around the small town, taking in the local color and getting easily bored looking at antiques, they went to the beach. Adam was mildly hesitant at first, his swim trunks outdated and a little tight. They were old, high school swim class old, but he made them work. Ronan didn't even notice there was anything off about them. He loved that. What he didn't love was how he ogled him in public with beacons for eyes, touching at his bare chest as soon as he took off his shirt.

No, all right, he loved that too.

They walked the beach like this, holding hands barefoot in the sand. It wasn't very comfortable walking in sand, and it was hot out with the sun glaring down at them, but it was still dreamlike. It felt like he was living someone else's life, but it was his.

Ronan snapped a photo of him when he wasn't paying attention. His sunglasses were slipping off his nose same as his prescriptions, the sweat building on the bridge. He swatted Ronan's hand away, not feeling exactly picturesque right now.

"What are you doing?"

"Memorializing how hot you look." Adam was just about to laugh, and Ronan took another picture. "Shut up. You're too pretty to talk."

"Excuse me?" Adam struggled not to laugh now. He pushed at Ronan's shoulder, his skin hot from the sun, creamy from the sunscreen. 

"Take some of me," Ronan insisted. "While I'm still young and hot."

Laughter straggled out of him as Ronan handed off his phone, the camera app open already. He was prepared. Adam snorted as Ronan moved them together for a picture, and all he wanted to do was laugh.Laugh until he couldn't breathe, until he couldn't see, until tears came from his eyes and his stomach hurt.

What helped that was the fact he remembered Ronan had an entire album dedicated to just Adam on his phone which he labeled NUDES so no one would dare open it. There were a few nudes in there, actually, for Adam's benefit.

Ronan grabbed more photos of Adam while he could, and of them both when he wouldn't sit still. He kissed him still, quieting him with his lips, and yet he still wanted to laugh when they were separated. Something in the salty air made him feel all bubbly inside, and the only way to get the bubbles out was to laugh.

Glee. That's what people called this, right?

"Let's go into the ocean," Ronan suggested.

"Um," and he laughed. "No thank you. It's unsanitary."

"So is walking in the sand," Ronan replied. "What's the point of these suits if we don't use them?"

"To stare at each other," Adam said, only sort of kidding.

"I mean, yeah," Ronan agreed, "but we could've done that in our air conditioned hotel room."

The ocean was nice to look at from afar. It was nice to dig his toes into the sand. Kissing Ronan with the sea breeze between them was also nice. But he was not about to get into that water.

"I'm not getting in the water," he said out loud.

"Oh, really?"

Somehow this was a challenge for Ronan, who simply didn't listen, like a child. He was dating a 22 year old child. Adam stood there, challenging back, arms crossed. When Ronan raised one eyebrow above the other, then Adam raised his. He gave a cheeky grin, and that's when Adam flinched.

"No," he said. But really, he was too late by then. Ronan had grabbed him by the waist, and together they were carried off into the sea. He yelled curse words at him as the water got up his nose.

It was always Ronan who convinced him one way or another to do what was risky or verging on ludicrous. This was no exception.

"I hate you!" Adam screamed as a wave crashed into them, making a mess of his hair and soaking his shorts. Ronan's arms were still around him, his laugh louder than the ocean, kissing him hard before the next wave came.

Just as it did, he swore he heard _I love you_ , but maybe that was wishful thinking.

That night, after much scolding and celebrating, they ordered room service, because apparently Ronan didn't want to cook. Adam later learned why, because he wanted to make out with him until the meal was brought to their room. He didn't mind that. He didn't mind any of it. They made use of the extravagance, again and again and again.

But this little bubble couldn't last. Nothing ever did.

 

~~~~~~~

 

On Sunday, their last full day here, Adam dragged Ronan to the beach again. It was quiet, peaceful, and best of all he liked seeing Ronan in his swim trunks, which were almost briefs. He hadn't bought a new pair in a long time either, for other reasons than Adam's, and his were tight on his hips and his waist and his thighs and -- you get the picture. They were red and shimmered a little in the sun on the sides, stripes of silver that glittered. Adam didn't remember Ronan ever wearing these trunks before if they were so dated, but he realized Ronan didn't exactly go out much in high school to places that warranted little dress. He looked nice in them, his back completely bare to show off his tattoo. God, Adam was obsessed with that tattoo. He touched it with one hand delicately along his backside, not needing to look at where his hand fell, having memorized the marking a long time ago.

"That tickles, you know," Ronan said. He looked across him with such gentleness that Adam almost said something earnest.

Then a football landed at their sandy feet.

"Hey, man!" someone shouted down the beach. "Can you pass it over?"

He was some pretty boy with too much muscle and not enough sunscreen. This wasn't going well already.

"Uh." Ronan looked at Adam, and Adam shrugged. He wasn't going to bother throwing it, and he wasn't going to tell Ronan what to do, because logically he wasn't going to do it either. They could walk. It wasn't far.

But then Ronan picked up the football and threw it, and Adam stood there dumbfounded.

"Thanks, man," said the pretty one. He looked like he lived at a beach, like the beach gave birth to a human personification of what its favorite attendee would look like. He was wearing a tank top and beach shorts, and Adam wanted to barf. Was he flirting, or just impressed? "You've got a good arm."

Adam's eyes promptly narrowed. What the fuck does that mean? He was flirting.

"You play?"

Ronan laughed. "I must be doing something wrong with my life to give off the impression I have ever played," he said.

The guy laughed with him, either dim witted or just desperate.

"I'm Chad."

Adam snorted. Of course. This dude looked like a _Chad_ , an athlete build and beach blonde hair. He smiled at Ronan like Adam wasn't right there.

"Ronan..."

Adam glared at him. What the fuck was he humoring him for? Where was Ronan's wit and snarl? Where was his boyfriend? Why was he being nice? He tugged on his shoulder to leave.

"Wanna join?" _Chad_ asked.

His tug turned into a slide, as his arm slid around Ronan's, who glanced at him strangely like Adam was being the weird one here. He was being his own honest self, and Ronan was the weird one. Chad noticed what he was doing. He wasn't blind.

"You can, uh, join too." _Chad_ motioned to his friends, who were onlookers to this awkwardness. _Chad_ ran his hand through his beach tussled hair, which only annoyed Adam more. "Make it an even number."

"We'll pass." Adam started pulling Ronan along, who didn't seem to understand anything. He was as clueless as the blonde from the movie _Clueless_. In Adam's haste to leave, Ronan staggered a bit, being moved quicker than his brain could catch on.

"Oh," he said. "I guess we're walking."

"Thanks again for the ball!" Chad called after them, waving like he hadn't just took a shot at his boyfriend.

"Thanks again for the ball," Adam mimicked under his breath. It was hard to storm off in sand, but he tried.

"What's up your ass?" Ronan asked, still being dragged along like a kid. When Adam realized this, he let him go, allowing him to move at his own speed and his own volition. They were far enough away at this point, he felt he was removed enough from the spark of his anger.

"He was awfully friendly," Adam said, albeit condescendingly.

"A little too friendly," Ronan said. He found something funny about all this, which Adam couldn't place. "Can you believe he thought I would ever be into football? Who plays football on the beach? Shit, they must really be desperate to want us to play with."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Adam was upset at all the little things, and it burrowed into his skin. He was mad at Ronan's smile and his voice and the way the word _Chad_ sat in his head. Everything felt wrong out of nowhere, and he just wanted to scream. What was this he was feeling? This heat under his skin at the way _Chad's_ eyes caught on Ronan's chest, the way he licked his lips and smiled all dopey when Ronan said his _name_.

"I can't throw for shit," Ronan said. "And you-"

"Do you really want to finish that sentence?"

Ronan sucked his lips inward. It was obvious now to him that Adam was angry. Somehow it seemed to amuse him, as he was trying to control a smile. His eyes flickered up and down Adam, and Adam was so _irritated_. _Chad_ was flirting! Ronan was being flirted with! And he was either the biggest idiot in the world or he just wouldn't own up to it.

"Are you mad at me now?" Ronan motioned aimlessly with his arms. "What did I do? Did you _want_ to play the game? Kind of odd since you walked away."

Adam didn't like how any of this made him feel. He didn't like hating a stranger like this. So he walked away, further down the shore. Sand caught in his toes. The sun was burning red in his shoulders. Ronan being Ronan gave chase after him, catching him far too easily.

"Talk to me," he said, and he sounded scared.

The fear in his voice sparked Adam to burst, but for all the wrong reasons.

"You always joke about everything," he hissed. "Getting you to be serious is like pulling teeth. Can't you be serious for one second?"

Ronan stared at him a moment. Then he sighed. "Okay, that was five-"

Adam groaned and rolled his eyes and kept walking.

"Tell me what's really wrong?" Ronan walked at pace with him, reaching for him and then regretting the decision. His hand jerked back before he touched, and Adam just wanted to be alone. "You're upset about something, aren't you? I'm not a mind reader, you know. Sometimes you have to tell me."

Adam stopped walking. His feet hurt. His eyes hurt. His head hurt.

"I'm scared," he confessed.

"Of?"

"This."

Ronan took a step back. "What, you don't want to be in this anymore?" He flinched. "I'm confused. Weren't we having a nice time?"

They were, and then they weren't. Now he was mad, same as Adam. That's not what he wanted, not at all, but here it was. Truth of the matter was, Adam didn't know what he was doing here. He watched as Ronan stalked off without waiting to hear him answer, or maybe he waited long enough but Adam couldn't speak.

This was what he felt all weekend, forcing its way to the surface now. This fear of all of this slipping away. Something inside him made him push, as if to test it, as if to break it.

It hurt to breathe.

This isn't what he wanted.

"It's not-" He sucked in a breath. "Can you stop walking away for one goddamn second? It's not that." He walked after him, practically ran, and felt Ronan slow on his approach. "Jesus, you really think the worst, don't you?"

"Kind of easy to when the boy I've been over the moon for for ages finally started dating me, then said he's scared of it," Ronan snapped, speaking directly to the ground and not to him. 

"I'm sorry, over the moon?" Adam couldn't help himself. "What, is this the 1940s?"

"Fuck off, Parrish." Ronan sounded like he meant it.

"You don't get to be mad at me," said Adam. "I'm the one that's mad."

"I didn't realize that there was a priority in who gets to be mad at who here," said Ronan. "Next time I'll remember to punch in for my shift after you've punched out."

That unbearable flame prickling under his skin still persisted, and he wanted to push it out but didn't know how.

"I'm _over the moon_ for you too _,_ Lynch," he said, continuing to yell. "I've never felt like this before about anyone, and it terrifies me a little. A _lot_. I don't want to lose it. _That's_ what I'm upset about. That's..." why he was being such an asshole.

Something about what he said made Ronan flinch again. He stopped dead in his tracks, tripping a little in the sand. Adam didn't know what to do here, or what to say. He was embarrassed, and he turned from Ronan when he saw him looking at him. There was a softness in his eyes, and in that moment he didn't feel he deserved it.

"Who fucking said we're going to lose it?" Ronan asked him.

Adam continued to avoid his gaze. "I worry about these things," he said. "Scenarios fill my head. You meeting a culinary genius with broad shoulders like yours, who spends more time in kitchens than libraries. Someone who knows the difference between cayenne pepper and crushed red pepper--"

"They're the same," said Ronan.

"See?" Adam flipped around and frowned at him. "Realizing you could have anyone in the world, like _Chad_ over there, who was so obviously flirting."

"That's what you're upset about?" Ronan said. "Are you... jealous?"

Before Adam bothered to speak, Ronan laughed. No, he cackled. Like something wickedly amusing was found in all this. It unsettled Adam, boiling his blood again. He moved to leave. Then there was the gentlest touch to his hand, almost a brush of fingers just to remind him Ronan was there.

"Hey." Ronan's laughter was long gone, from his voice and his face when Adam chanced to look. Ronan's hand then squeezed. "Hey, you," he said. His voice went so soft it made Adam cringe. "You have no reason to be jealous. I don't want Chad."

"But you might someday." Adam shut his eyes to Ronan's easy smile. Suddenly he was sucked up into an embrace, one he didn't feel he deserved. Adam thought the world of him, and yet he picked a fight because he was jealous.

"Hey, shit for brains, that's not going to happen." A hand crooked under his chin and tilted it toward him. Adam risked a look, eyes barely opening long enough to look at Ronan's kind eyes. Then he shut them again. "If anything, you're probably going to find a super Nobel Prize winner and run off with them or something."

Adam snorted. It happened out of habit without meaning to, and he sunk his toes deeper into the sand. "That's not happening either," he said. "I've never looked at anyone else the way I look at you." His eyes opened to Ronan, the flame under his skin flaring for a different reason when he looked into his ice blues. "And don't call me shit for brains."

"Sorry." Ronan cracked a loose smile. "Math equations for brains."

Adam rolled his eyes. He was shaking with how much he liked him. How much he adored him. How much he loved him. He was terrified. He's never been so terrified of losing anyone before. This was something he could _lose_. Something he could _spoil_. When they were friends it felt like something he could never lose, like Ronan was an attachment on his body that simply belonged. But it was different now. The bond was stronger, and the chances of it breaking were more paralyzing.

"Hey." Ronan stepped more into him. His arms moved to wrap around his waist. When he was close enough, he brought him into a kiss. It pinched his nose, his prescription sunglasses pressed hard into his nose. This kiss felt different, and not just because it took a moment for Ronan to take his glasses off for him. It was the relief it offered, as well as the extended anxiety that was underneath the other anxiety, coming up to take its place. Ronan must have felt this, felt something was off, and he moved to kiss Adam's cheeks.

It was then he recognized he was crying, and Ronan was kissing the tears he was shedding. Realizing this, Adam cowered a little. Ronan let him.

Adam hadn't properly cried in front of him in years, not counting when the group watched _Old Yeller_ for god knows what reason. Not counting his birthday.

When Ronan moved to kiss him again, Adam said, "I wonder if this is what you really want, if I'm what really makes you happy. Am I really the person you want to be with? I wonder, what are you doing with me?"

"Parrish..." Ronan leaned into him with his whole weight. "Adam..."

"That is my name, yes."

Ronan's expression withered.

"You have no reason to think that," he said.

Adam sniffled, though he hated the reminder that he was crying. Being vulnerable with Ronan like this was still fairly new, and _this_ was an entirely new level of that he wasn't all too eager to show. Even as Ronan brushed his hair from his face, kissing at the lines in his brow. He ached under the hot summer sun.

"Has this shit been in your head for two months?" Ronan said. "That you think yourself undeserving of this?"

Adam shrugged. "It comes and goes."

"Fuck."

There was a hug, and it was tight. It hurt to breathe for a fraction of a second.

"I worry about that shit, too, you know," he heard him say against his hearing ear. There was hard breathing at his temple. "It's not just you."

"Oh, yeah, right." As his eyes continued to sting, he moved his arms to not be locked between their sweating chests, and instead return the hug. His fingers grasped like hooks into his back.

"I do," said Ronan. "I worry about you realizing what a schmuck I am and that I'm not who you want to be with long term, because you prefer something else. That I was the best friend who was meant to be just that. That we weren't meant to have this."

Ronan paused, and Adam braced himself for the inevitable. There it was, as he pulled away to look Adam in the eye. He settled for this, for the weight in Ronan's gaze that held his, for the touch of his rough and bandaged hands to his rough and weary shoulders, for the little kiss he got that he suspected was confirmation he had squandered this.

"You know, you're the reason I even came to New York," Ronan said.

Adam didn't expect to hear that. He didn't expect anything but bad news. That football surf boy brought up so many bad thoughts it felt like he was caught in the waves of a storm. This was a strange reprieve from the sea, coming up for air after he already thought he'd drowned.

"I am?"

"I never had plans of pursuing my interest in cooking," and as Ronan said this he looked sheepish at the sandy floor. "Never dreamed of doing it professionally. I was content in making shit for you and Gansey back at school. But then one night you came over when Gansey was out, I think it was one of the first times we were properly alone, without anyone at all around us. After we started becoming decent friends. I was so nervous having you there, and I was baking something just so my hands were busy. We talked about college and the future and I said I wasn't sure if I could even handle college. You said-"

"Don't let your future go to waste because you're afraid of it," Adam interjected, remembering that day like it was just last week. "If you fail, at least you know you tried."

"Yeah." Ronan's smile was worn when he wore it, and he swore he saw a hint of tears in his eyes. Or maybe those were his own, back for round two. "I remember that every fucking day, Parrish," said Ronan, and his voice cracked. "And I almost let this go to waste because I was so afraid of rejection. I know deep down, deep deep deep down, that this isn't going anywhere, but with my track record..."

"And mine..." Adam swallowed the shake in his words.

"It's not, okay?" Ronan was stern as he spoke, like he was sure of it. " _Especially_ not to some clown named Chad."

Adam snorted a little amongst the sniffling, and as he felt the heat lessen in his veins, Ronan took one of his hands and kissed it. His lips cooled the burn in his knuckles, lessened the weight in his joints.

"I'm a fucking idiot most of the time." Ronan spoke into his wrist, kissing there next. "I joke because I don't know how else to express myself without feeling so vulnerable that it gives me anxiety. It distracts from my self doubt."

"You can be vulnerable with me," Adam said, and even as he said it, he felt the hypocrisy in his words. It was hard to be vulnerable, as he knew. But he was trying. They were both trying. It was harder than it looked.

"I am," Ronan insisted. His lips trailed to the underside of Adam's jaw. "I'm a hell of a lot more vulnerable with you than I've ever been. I've wanted this since sophomore year, you know. Since Gansey introduced us."

They've been over this before, but Adam let Ronan go on. He liked hearing it. He closed his eyes and smiled a little.

"You were such an asshole to me sophomore year," he said wistfully.

"I was a closeted gay kid in a boarding school of boys." Ronan kissed the edge of his mouth. "I was an asshole to everybody."

Adam wanted to laugh, but the inside of his belly felt like lighter fluid and the laugh was the spark. He instead touched for Ronan's face, smiling when his fingertips found his mouth.

"I love being with you," Ronan said, dangerously frivolous with the mention of love. "I like your face."

Adam rolled his eyes as he opened them. "Thanks," he said. He self consciously touched at it.

"Every day since you kissed me in Ireland, I consider this some form of a fucking miracle," said Ronan. "I can't fathom being with anyone else. Ever."

"You're just saying that."

"Parrish, I'm in this completely." There was a scowl that followed, which Adam assumed meant he was serious. It almost made him want to laugh and ignite. "I've never wanted anyone else, and I can guarantee I won't want anyone else. You're it for me."

Just hearing that made him shiver. _Just say it_ , he thought. _Just say it! You can do it! Say it! Now's the time!_

"You're it for me, too," Adam said, his voice quaked. "You're all I've ever wanted. You're the only person I've ever felt this way for, and I can't imagine ever wanting anyone else. They're all a downgrade from you. Who else am I going to find who's good in bed _and_ can cook?"

He didn't say it, but he was close.

All this bullshit about keeping secrets from their friends, keeping secrets from Ronan's family, and apparently keeping these anxiety secrets from each other, had been eating Adam up inside. He felt better now, after all this, and Ronan appeared to, also. It was shown in his raucous laughter, an expressive noise that carried far. With a knock of his sunglasses off his head and around his neck, Ronan tilted him sideways enough he gave him a feverish kiss.

Adam wanted to cry again. This was it. This was who he wanted to grow old with. Who he wanted to adopt dogs with. Live with. God, maybe even marry if they felt like it down the line. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him and it was both a terrifying and exciting thought. Ronan wanted him. _Him_. Out of everyone in the world, everyone in New York City, he wanted Adam Parrish. Adam was desirable. Sometimes all the shitty things his parents bestowed upon him still clawed their way to the surface, like a disease. It was a lengthy process to break from it all. He thought he did, until he was falling in love.

It still took getting used to, to be wanted this intensely. By _Ronan_. The boy he dreamed about, the one he humored thoughts about kissing when they were in high school. The one whose hand he grabbed during a Halloween haunted hayride when the leper jumped out of the bushes. He didn't scream, but he flinched into him and held Ronan's hand, who didn't let go of it until well after the leper was gone. God, how long has he been in love with Ronan?

"Let's go back to our room," the nerd he loved insisted, and his voice became husky.

"I'm not in the mood for that right now," Adam said. He just wanted to stand here a little longer, get his bearings. He just went through a dozen different emotions in the span of fifteen minutes, he needed a minute.

"Ignoring that _shocking_ confession, that's not what I was suggesting," Ronan replied.

His shoulder was as hot as the sun when Adam rested his face to it, feeling the pulse of his heart at his ear.

"What were you suggesting?"

Ronan touched his hair with both his hands, running his damaged fingers through them, one of his older and peeling bandages getting caught with what little stick it had left. Adam tilted in to kiss him, shivering as their fronts connected. Sometimes a kiss felt like the first kiss, even if they were nothing alike. There was a quality to them, a shyness and a hesitancy there from baring a new part of them to each other. It hurt to bare so much, and yet it felt so right.

After forever of kissing, Ronan stole one last peck, then moved his hands to Adam's waist. Their foreheads squished together, Adam insistent they stay connected.

"You want to learn how to cook?" Ronan said.

"Why?"

"Something to do together." Ronan shrugged. "Since you clearly are done having sex with me."

Adam wanted to laugh. Something held him back from it. He settled for a smile instead. The tears were still evident on his cheeks.

He was so scared of losing him, especially now that he knew he felt so intensely for him. If Ronan ever did leave he wasn't sure how his life would shape up afterward. This is why he never wanted serious relationships before, so he wouldn't worry or fear about the after. With Ronan, he was scared of wanting him and now he was scared of losing him. Of loving him.

"I guess I should apologize to you, for fighting," he started to say.

"Apology accepted." Ronan's response was brash and blunt.

It was suspicious. Then it all made sense as Ronan swept him up in his arms.

"You asshole!"

Before he could do anything, Ronan was charging towards the ocean.

"Apology revoked!" Ronan thought himself hilarious. "This is my revenge!"

Adam fell into the water laughing.

 

~~~~~~

 

It would be hours later when they would leave the beach. After tiring themselves in the water, they dried out on the sand, then dusted off by the car. Sand was in Adam's hair, his shorts, even his ears. In the backseat, they changed into everyday clothes, then made out for what felt like hours, Adam apologizing again before Ronan could cut him off completely.

There was a grocery store walking distance from their hotel, which they explored together, finding the ingredients to make tiramisu. Ronan insisted this be the meal, and Adam agreed, even though it looked hard to make. He thought this wasn't really about making something together, but apparently it was.

Back at the room, they made a mess of it. Not two minutes into the process and Ronan said something about that goddamn _Chad_ , so he threw cocoa powder in Ronan's face. He then licked it off his cheek when Ronan remarked again that Adam really was jealous.

"Maybe," he admitted.

Ronan licked the vanilla extract off Adam's index finger. "Seriously, you have no reason to be, Parrish. Look in the mirror once in a while instead of always staring at me."

"You can be so annoying," Adam said, but he was blushing hard, getting distracted by the feel of Ronan's mouth around his finger.

The argument became foreplay to making out on the floor, extending the time it took to make the cake.

They ate the finished product in bed, feeding each other after the mess they made in the kitchen. Their clothes were already half off after tossing more ingredients at each other in more disputes over how much they liked one another. From an outsider's standpoint it was probably hilarious watching them. Adam wouldn't know.

"Is this cake better than sex?" Ronan asked.

"Yes," Adam said honestly.

A handful of it was smeared into Adam's face. He did not expect that.

"You did not just do that, Lynch," Adam gaped.

"What are you going to do about it?" Ronan snickered.

The cake was forgotten as they wrestled over this, until the wrestling became more than that. Sex with cake all over each other was, suffice to say, a new experience.

 

~~~~~~~

 

It was their last night in Maine. In the morning they were to drive back to the city, to return to their secretive lives. So it only made sense that they finally made use of the big ass tub in the bathroom Adam so obsessed about. They could barely fit, then though it was a fancy tub meant for this sort of thing, for two grown adults to lie in it together, one resting between the other's legs and his chest pressed against the first.

Maybe it was because they were both big and long limbed, or maybe this tub wasn't really meant for this sort of thing.

"This tub is homophobic," Ronan grunted. "It's clearly designed for a hetero couple."

Adam didn't laugh, but behind him he did feel him shift about, reacting in a quieter way. Usually Ronan was the big spoon when they did things like this, liking to tuck his chin in at the curve of Adam's neck. Tonight, though, tonight Adam wanted to be and who was he to argue. After the afternoon they had, with the goddamn weirdest reason to pick a fight and open up like a peeled fruit, Ronan would do whatever Adam wanted tonight.

He couldn't believe how jealous he got over some guy who he didn't think was flirting with him. Was he flirting with him? Ronan was just trying to be nice to a rando for once in his life and of course it backfired.

They argued more about it when they got back to the hotel room, the kind of arguing that was reasonable partnered with clothes being taken off every time they agreed on something.

Behind him, Adam held him close to his chest, with his chin exactly where Ronan liked it on Adam, resting on his shoulder to breathe him in at his neck. One of his fingers was casually running circles around his nipple like it was no big deal, but he didn't say anything. Tonight felt different.

"Do you like living with Noah?" Adam said into his spine.

Ronan looked up at him as much as he could without moving. It was hard being the little spoon.

"As much as one can like living with a child trapped in a man's body," he said.

Adam created a small splash and pushed at his shoulder in half amusement. There was a laugh here and there, warming him more than the lukewarm water. "Gross," Adam said.

After being pushed, Ronan had sat up, and he took a chance to turn his torso enough to look at him. His heart was racing when he did, finding Adam's eyes bright under the mood lighting the bathroom offered. As he stared, Adam's arms outstretched toward him, motioning for him to come back. As he did, he laughed a little, relaxing into him until he felt his heart rate settle. 

"Why do you ask?" he said.

"No reason," and Adam sounded like he meant that. "I'm getting all pruny in here."

"Let me see."

Another small splash was made as Ronan took Adam's offered hand. The bottoms of his fingers were indeed pruny, like an old man's after being in some form of water all day today. With a quiet calmness, Ronan ran his thumb along them, pausing briefly at his finger next to his pinky. Fantasies filled his head of what he wanted to happen. Moving in. Getting married. Raising a family with him. Watching him become some genius scientist that saved the world. Making him every meal he ever wants.

Back to reality, he stopped doing that quick. His thumb found another finger to stroke, and then he released his hand altogether.

"I want to tell them," he said.

That entire conversation earlier felt like breathing again after holding one's breath for so long. To get his insecurities off his chest felt good, but he still had a few left.

"Okay."

He expected more of an argument on that and he planned his entire side out. "I want this to be real and I don't care about what our friends think," he said, using the argument anyway, though there was no need. "They're not sleeping with me so I don't have to listen to their opinions on our relationship. You're the only one I care about, and I want to tell them."

He wanted confirmation this was real and they were real, and that they weren't living a fantasy that only they would ever know about. It was high time they told their friends.

"Okay, yeah." Adam's arms squeezed around his stomach. "We can tell them."

"I want them to know--"

"That you're the best sex I've ever had." Adam snorted. "I get it."

"No." That's not what he was going to say. For guidance, for confidence, he retrieved Adam's hand again and held it to his lips. "That I'm the luckiest fuck in the world, because I have you. I want the world to know."

"What if they don't like it?" Adam was so concerned about it, and Ronan understood, but frankly he couldn't give a shit. If they didn't like it, they weren't the ones in this relationship.

"Fuck them then," he said with confidence. "We'll make it rich and buy new friends."

Adam laughed. "With your mom's money?"

"Yeah, exactly." Ronan smiled into his palm.

Adam's chuckles drifted away slowly. The feeling of his chest shaking, the laughs reverberating through him, was exhilarating. He could feel how heavy of a heartbeat Adam had against his back, like it was tearing a hole into his spine to his chest. It was nervously fast, a car racing in the night.

"Will she like that it's me?" he said.

"Adam," he tilted his chin downward and kissed him on the lips, "she loves you."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

On Monday afternoon Ronan came back to his room about an hour after Adam came back. He stayed at a coffee shop with his weekend bag drinking shitty tea until he could go home, just to make Adam happy they weren't obvious.

Why did it matter, when they were telling their friends anyway? Ronan wasn't upset by it, though. Instead it felt like this was a last hoorah in the era of sneaking around. Their last shenanigan. He smiled into his shitty tea, unsure how someone could mess up tea, but he said nothing.

When he finally got to go home, Noah was already there. The life of leisure, this guy lived. He was currently between career choices, last Ronan checked. For a hot minute there he humored the idea of being a chef, too, until he saw the inner workings of the restaurant Ronan worked at and he immediately changed his mind.

The boy followed him to his room with glee that he was back, apparently bored out of his mind while he was away. By the fact the apartment wasn't a torn apart mess, he doubted he even stayed here. Henry's? He was going to have to ask him about that.

Noah leaned against the open doorway as Ronan unpacked. He was only giving himself something to do so he didn't spill to Noah everything that transpired that weekend. He felt he needed to tell someone, anyone, about the best weekend of his life. He couldn't. Not yet.

"How was your field trip?" Noah asked. Ronan almost forgot his cover story. 

"It was good," he said, shutting down his expressive face. He shoved his dirty laundry deep into his hamper. "Made a lot of breakfast foods and desserts."

"Can you-"

"Make you some of them?" Ronan smiled. "Sure, Noah."

"Did you make that Italian one?"

"Tiramisu? Yeah, I did."

"Yes!" Noah punched a fist in the air. As Ronan continued to unpack, his eyes caught on the poncho Ronan was trying to subtly hide.

"A poncho?" His interest was peaked. "What would you need that for in the kitchen?"

"When it gets too wet," Ronan said.

Noah rolled his eyes.

"No, some of us went whale watching actually." Ronan breathed through the lie. "We had some time, and it was really great."

His phone rang somewhere in the apartment, probably where he left it on the tiny kitchen counter. He still needed to unpack his condoms and the gift he bought his mom as a thank you, so he didn't feel like he could leave to answer it.

"Hey, can you grab that?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Tell whoever it is to fuck off."

Even though he used his phone more frequently with Adam, he still hated it. But exceptions had to be made if he was in a relationship. He liked talking to him any chance he had.

As soon as Noah walked out into the main room, Ronan quickly tucked away the condoms from his bag under his bed. The gift went in a similar place, though it was more delicate.

Noah came back after a longer time than he expected, and Ronan realized he must have finished the phone call for him. He looked strange as he handed it over. 

"That was your hotel?" Noah said. "Apparently you left glasses in your room? And lube....?"

His entire body stiffened at the mention of lube. The glasses were explainable. The lube... was not.

"Yes. I, uh, wear glasses now," he lied.

"What!" Noah found this far more interesting than it needed to be. "Since when? We know everything about each other."

Ronan inwardly thought, _not everything_.

"It's for aesthetic reasons."

"Ronan, are you trying to tell me you're a hipster?" With a hand to his chest, Noah shook his head in disappointment. "For shame."

"I know." Ronan ducked his head to hide the laugh that tried to break him apart. "I'm ashamed of myself as well."

Noah sat on his bed like he always did, tucked his socked feet under him like he always did, and Ronan felt like he was about to question him deeper. Like he always did.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Noah asked.

Straight to it, then.

"No," Ronan poorly lied, "why?"

"Do you ... get off on it?"

"Noah!" He jolted to his feet, disturbed with where this went. Noah followed him up, pointing at him like he was accusing him of, well, this. 

"Why do you have lube then!" he shouted.

Oh, right. The lube. Ronan nodded along, trying to think of something that made sense about all this. Noah pointed him in the logical one, he supposed. Though it wasn't logical in the slightest. "I can see why you would assume I was seeing someone... That would be less embarrassing." He pinched his eyes shut for a split second. He was really doing this. "No, I'm not seeing anyone. I get off on glasses."

"God, you think you know a person..." Noah walked away without any further confrontation. As soon as he was out, Ronan shut the door and grabbed his phone off the dresser Noah set it down on.

 

(2:32 p) _noah's getting suspicious I'm seeing someone_

(2:35 p) you aren't exactly stealthy

(2:36 p) if we're being honest…

(2:37 p) blue thinks I got back together with my fake boyfriend. I had to agree because she wasn't buying my internship story

(2:39 p) _no one was going to buy that I told you that_

(2:39 p) _a group of scientists going to the beach? for what?_

(2:40 p) we're pretty terrible at this

(2:40 p) _you're worse_

(2:41 p) >:| hilarious

(2:41 p) _when are we telling them?_

(2:45 p) tonight. when they're all together. best get the truth over with all at once

(2:48 p) _and in the meantime?_

(1:49 p) you're my secret boyfriend again I guess

(2:50 p) _ah best sex you've ever had is back :)_

(2:51 p) that joke is old and so are you

(2:51 p) _I'm younger than you, and it isn't old it'll never get old_

(2:53 p) the sex has gotten old

(2:53 p) _don't curse us!_

(2:55 p) it's called a joke

(2:57 p) _I'm superstitious about these things_

(2:57 p) _come over quick to make it right_

(2:58 p) hahahaha

(2:59 p) you're so paranoid

(2:59 p) i love you

(3:05 p) I mean

(3:05 p) that was meant to say 

(3:05 p) I love when you're superstitious

(3:05 p) but the text sent

(3:05 p) before I could

(3:06 p) finish

(3:15 p) _what?_

(3:16 p) _jesus, I was making a sandwich and come back to all this_

(3:21 p) _you left your glasses at the hotel btw_

(3:26 p) you think? I was blind the whole trip back? you had to drive?

(3:27 p) I'm currently resorting to my backups which are taped together with a crack on the right lens

(3:27 p) _show me_

(3:28 p) [picture sent]

(3:30 p) _wow I couldn't think you'd look any dorkier and I was proven wrong_

(3:31 p) fuck you

(3:32 p) _I guess I'm just used to seeing them off you more now_

(3:34 p) honestly, me too, except the whole I can't see part

(3:34 p) i should get contacts at this point

(3:34 p) I'm surprised I haven't left them somewhere before this

(3:35 p) _you're cute either way :)_

(3:37 p) >:( I'm handsome

(3:38 p) _mmm come over_

(3:40 p) I JUST saw you ONE HOUR ago, after a WHOLE weekend together

(3:41 p) _so?_

(3:42) I'm busy

(3:42 p) _doing what? you can't see_

(3:44 p) bastard

(3:45 p) _c:_

(3:46 p) what the hell is that

(3:47 p) _it's me trying to charm your ass across the hall_

(3:47 p) _is it working_

(3:48 p) no

(3:49 p) _bring your lube I left mine at the hotel_

(3:50 p) ugh I have to do everything

(3:51 p) _< 3_

(3:51 p) _I'll read to you_

(3:52 p) that's annoyingly romantic

(3:52 p) _I can be that sometimes <3_

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Dinner with the gang was as per usual a clusterfuck. They couldn't decide on where to go, and Adam at some point offered Ronan's services to make something, but he rejected it before it created a seed in anyone's head. They were being monsters to each other in the cheekiest way, flirting by being awful. Ronan didn't get that visit from Adam because Noah came in to his room again to have an intervention about his newfound hipster ways.

He wanted to rip Adam's Andy Warhol shirt off him and have sex with him in the big red lounge chair he was sprawled across currently in Blue and his living room. He was wearing Ronan's jeans, an old pair that looked old when they were new, ones that didn't fit him anymore when they somehow shrunk in the wash. They fit him, though, all too well. He felt drunk watching him across the living room, with Noah sat between them and Henry and Blue arguing in the kitchen.

"Did you guys hear Adam went whale watching on his trip with the boyfriend?" Blue said, changing subjects from whatever bore fest they were arguing about. "He's back with him!"

"Oh wow that's so cute!" Henry said, moving towards the sofa to sit on Noah's other side.

Whale watching.

Ronan shot a look at Noah, but Noah was just nodding along, slower than the others. Nothing clicked.

"He has photos," Blue offered.

"Of the boyfriend?" Noah looked up and over. Adam was currently sitting there with a blush, and Ronan felt the same one tackling him. Did he--? Without him? Adam was pretending to read, but he couldn't read without his glasses, and his backup pair broke an hour ago.

"No, of the whales." Blue leaned across the back of the sofa, her arms spreading out along the length of it like she was making a cross of her body. "I don't think we'll ever know what the boy looks like," she said sadly. "They'll get married someday and he'll have a paper bag over his head."

Ronan coughed out a laugh. It was hard to control himself around all these theories about him when they didn't even know it was him.

"Shame," said Henry.

They were going to tell them soon, though. So soon. Across the way, Adam sheepishly looked at him and Ronan recognized they should've come up with a better excuse for Adam. Ronan's was pretty solid, but Adam's was flimsy. It was too late for that now.

"When do we get to meet him?" Noah asked Adam, completely unaware he was asking about his roommate.

At once, Adam looked down. His face was different without his glasses, and Ronan admired it from his distance, the way his eyes sparkled more from the lamp by his chair, how his eyebrows were more prominent. His nose was sharp and pretty, without the plastic sitting atop it.

"You'll probably be too busy with the apocalypse to even notice you've met him by that point," he said to the others. And as he spoke, he flipped a page of the book, wholly unaware it was upside down. God, he really couldn't see when he had no glasses or contacts in.

"You have to introduce us!" Henry insisted.

"Ronan's met him," Adam said without looking up.

At once, Ronan was swarmed, and he caught a whiff of Adam's smirk before Noah blocked his view.

"What!" Blue screeched. "You introduce him to Mr. Heckles here but not your best friend?"

"I'm kidding," Adam laughed. "What would you have done if that were true?"

"Made you clean the bird shit off the balcony," said Blue.

Adam snorted. "Fat chance of that happening," he said.

"We're good people," said Henry, whining. "We'll be on our best behavior!"

"I don't think so."

They were so desperate to meet him, he couldn't wait to stand there by Adam and tell them all they already met him.

"What does he even do that makes you smile like that?" Henry insisted. "You're so happy even though he isn't even here."

It looked to Ronan as if Adam was evading looking up. There was a blush in his cheeks again, gentler. Ronan stilled, obsessively staring and listening.

"He's just... nice to be around." Adam shied in his book, pulling it up to his face. "I don't know. He made me tiramisu."

"Romantic jerk!" Henry exclaimed, hands at his chin, listening about as intently as Ronan was.

"Oh," and Blue peeled herself away from the couch. "Adam, I remembered to pick up your glasses."

Adam swung his legs off the side of the chair to stand and follow Blue to her room.

"Oh, thank you thank you!" he said, reaching for his back pocket. "How much do I owe you? I can't believe I lost them."

Ronan winced. He tried not to look at Noah. Tried tried tried. There was a gasp to his left, and then in his peripheral he saw wild gestures. Noah was pointing at him with a fallen mouth, and then he was pointing at where Adam disappeared into Blue's room, then back at him.

Without thinking, Ronan grabbed him and dragged him outside of the apartment into the hall.

"Where are you-?" Adam asked but Ronan cut him off with the door shutting.

Noah shouted, "Oh my god!"

"Will you shut up?" Ronan hissed. He flapped his arms around like a bird, unsure what to do. Putting hands on Noah was not about to happen, but he was tempted to duck tape his mouth shut.

" _You two_ are together?" Noah's eyes couldn't have been any bigger. "Oh my god. This explains so much."

The apartment door opened and Ronan cringed until he saw it was Adam walking out.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"You're the porn!" Noah barked.

Ronan cupped his hand over Noah's mouth, but it didn't work. He flinched and stepped back, freeing himself too easily.

"When did you two start sleeping together?" Noah hissed.

Adam swiftly shut the door to Blue and Henry, and then pushed Noah through the door to his and Ronan's apartment. He locked it once they were inside, making it feel as if they just kidnapped his roommate.

Noah stood there looking shellshocked, familiarly shaken by the news same as Ronan anticipated.

"It happened in Ireland," he started to explain.

"IRELAND!" Noah screamed.

"Shut up, Noah!" Adam whispered loudly. "It's a secret."

Noah began to pace along the apartment floor. He walked around the furniture in circles, eyes needling the ground. Ronan wasn't sure where this was going or what he was doing exactly. He paused by his favorite chair, touching at the top of it as if it were a pet. "Is this just physical?" he asked. His gaze wasn't on either of them. It was still on the floor.

Adam looked at Ronan with that soft look he reserved when they were alone, and Ronan felt nervous having it be visible in front of Noah. But Noah wasn't looking. So he offered his soft look back, stepping toward him like his gaze was a beacon.

"No," Adam said. "It's not."

"How serious are you two?" Noah was looking now, but it was too late for Ronan to shy his gaze. He was being gooey in front of his roommate.

"We're pretty serious," Adam answered for them.

"We're exclusive," Ronan added proudly, hand slipping into Adam's.

"We're _over the moon_." Adam even mocked him for that in front of their friend.

"Shut up," he said without any weight behind the words.

"Oh my god." Noah sunk into his chair. "I knew you liked him, Ronan, but damn I really thought this boyfriend of his beat you to it. All these romantic things I've been hearing. How'd you manage to win him over that?"

_"I'm_ the boyfriend, Noah," he said, rolling his eyes for good measure. It sure took Noah a while to understand this. Maybe that was normal. 

"Oh!" Noah said slow, annunciating the o like there were a dozen os in front of it. "That makes much more sense. Wait, you're romantic? You have satin lips?"

Just like him to be a jackass about this, same as Ronan would be if things were reversed. He had several replies on the back burner for this, but before he could use any of them Adam walked over and pinched Noah on the arm.

"Ow!" Noah's short lived acting career was being put to use, dramatically responding to the pinch as if he'd just been stabbed. "Adam, what was that for?"

"Ronan has always been perfectly capable of being romantic," Adam said in his defense. "You've just been too self absorbed in your own life to see it."

"Parrish." Ronan shied at that. He could already feel the blush.

"Damn, you're meaner now." Noah continued to rub at his arm. "I don't like this." He wagged his finger between the two of them. "Ronan's nicer lately and you're meaner. Go back! Switch back!"

"Shh!!!" Both he and Adam came closer to Noah again, insistent on his silence.Adam put his hand over Noah's mouth, swifter than Ronan. This time Noah didn't slip out from under the hand, maybe because his back was against the cushions of his chair.

"We don't want to fuck it up," Adam explained, "and I think a part of why it's working is because it's no one else's business."

"Except yours now, obviously," Ronan added. Adam looked at him like he didn't need to include that, but it felt necessary. They had a plan for tonight that was thwarted by all this. "We were going to tell everyone soon, though," he added, guiding Adam slowly through the process of acceptance. Arms slid around his waist from behind, and Adam slowly welcomed it and nodded, inclining into him. His hand slipped off Noah's mouth, who didn't look like he ever was going to move again. The horror in his expression was a bit much. This felt so foreign suddenly, touching Adam intimately in front of someone they knew. But he was acclimating. They could do this.

"Yeah, so maybe it's good you--" Adam started to agree.

"What if you guys break up?" Noah started word vomiting everywhere, talking fast like an auctioneer. "Oh, that would be so awkward. We'd have to pick sides. I'd, obviously, pick Ronan's since he's my roommate. Will I ever see Blue again? Or Henry? Who would Gansey pick? Did you think this through? How do you guys talk? Do you still do that weird insulting thing you do? Is that a turn on? Ronan, is it as good as you imagined? Is that why he always cooks for you? Is that why I'm not his recipe guinea pig anymore? Is that all it takes? Sex? Why didn't I think of that? What, why are you looking at me that way?"

Adam and Ronan exchanged a look, and Ronan could see Adam wasn't ready. He suddenly wasn't anymore, either. This wasn't what he was expecting. If this was how Noah reacted, who they expected to be the most tame response, he couldn't imagine what those of more dramatic nature such as Blue and Gansey would say. Henry was probably fine with it. He was fine with a lot about all their love lives.

"I have to go tell everybody--" Noah started for the door, and Ronan pushed him back down into the seat.

"No, don't," he said.

Both Adam and Noah looked at him with mutual surprise. 

"Why?" Noah asked, but Adam seemed to get it. He understood him because this was his secret, too. This was their news to share, not Noah's. Why did it have to be Noah who found out first? Had it been Henry, maybe they could've said all they needed to say to everyone by now. This felt to have spoiled any chance of that for a while. The secret remained, and Adam shared the same wavelength as him to understand that. 

"This can be a trial run," he said, looking at Ronan and ignoring Noah sitting there with Ronan's hand still at his shoulder.

"Trial run?" He almost laughed. "You and your science talk, Parrish."

"So eloquently put, Lynch." Adam's lips flatlined. "Science talk. Maybe we just tell them one at a time? This was sort of a perfect accident."

He supposed if he looked really, really, really hard he could see how it was, but that was just Adam looking for the positive while their relationship continued to go undercover. 

"So you're going to wait until they find out by accident?" Noah didn't look to like that idea. Frankly, neither did Ronan, but they were desperately holding off as long as they could before their friends all found out they were forever changing the dynamic of the group. It was a big change, a big step.

"Why not?" Adam was smiling, and Ronan couldn't help himself. He smiled, too, although he didn't like this enough to warrant the reaction. He was glad Noah knew now, at least. Made it more real.

"I can't keep a secret!" Noah cried out. "I tell everyone everything!"

"Oh, do you?" Ronan shot him a challenging look. He knew he was sleeping with Henry. It was more than obvious. The longer he looked, the more Noah looked to register the knowing look in his eye.

"Maybe I can keep just this one," he said in a panic. "But you owe me!"

With an eye roll, the whole thing was accepted. Noah knew, but he wouldn't tell. At least, they had to hope he wouldn't tell.

"See, that didn't go so bad," he said, inclining into Adam to brush his nose across his cheek.

"It's Noah," Adam said flatly. "He sleeps with anything that breathes."

"Not anything!" Noah poured. "I haven't slept with you."

"Yeah, and that's never going to happen now," Ronan said defensively.

"I wasn't suggesting." Noah shot his arms up in surrender. "Wow, Lynch. Damn." Adam was fingering his collar, being intimate without being so obvious. It was still an adjustment to touch in front of Noah, and soon (he hoped) in front of them all. "So, you two, huh? Only took you, what, eight years?"

"Look away, Czerny," Adam said, speaking on his behalf. "It's about to get romantic as hell in here."

"Oh, god."

Before he knew it was happening, Adam kissed him happily. Yeah, fuck. Eight years. Shit, they could do this now in front of him. They could do a hell of a lot. Kissing wasn't so hard to adjust to, perhaps because the moment Adam's lips touched his, his mind went into itself and lost focus on the world around them. All he could use it for was reacting to every motion of Adam's, every touch and breath and sound. He slid his tongue along Adam's teeth, reacting a little too well.

"Oh, ew!" Noah groaned, reminding him he was still there. "It's like watching my two brothers make out."

Ronan gave him the middle finger.

 

~~~~~

 

Blue sat there uneasily quiet next to Henry on her sofa, waiting for the others to come back from doing whatever they led to do. Hopefully they went to get food? She texted Adam about it, but found his phone shoved into the cushions of the chair, his password changed from what she knew it to be for years.

"Has everyone been weirder since Ireland?" Blue asked Henry. "Or have I somehow lowered my tolerance with you boys."

"No, everyone's definitely acting weirder," Henry agreed.

"You think jet lag can last two months?" Blue wondered.

"I don't think that's it."

"Maybe all of you were poisoned by the food at the wedding and this is just residual side effects," she thought.

"You ate the food too."

"Oh, that's right. I did." She chewed on her nail beds, confused by everything these days. Henry and Noah felt estranged. Ronan and Adam were always gone. Adam's boyfriend was like the gray silhouette of a person when you first create a social media account. Gansey was about the same, except he kept asking to hang out with her alone and then had nothing of interest to say once they did.

"Well, I haven't cracked it yet," she said. "but I will. And when I do- Oh, shit. We forgot to invite Gansey."

"I didn't forget," Henry replied.

"You mean you invited him?"

"No."

"I-" She slapped the back of Henry's head. "Henry!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one down, three to go. slowly but surely they'll all find out :)
> 
> this came out way longer than i meant it too btw ??? lol ?? i didn't realize until i was done ???? why does this keep happening
> 
> that fight was a pain to write lol but tbh these boys have been living in a fantasy that ofc they'd start to think that's all it is even after their convos about how much it isn't. hopefully you all see it that way too [fingers crossed]
> 
> anyway!
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	10. the one with the work event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan could get used to this, to having more space to kiss Adam openly and freely whenever he goddamn wanted. He loved their mild height difference, the inch or so of extra height he had over Adam, how he was constantly dragged down that inch or two into a lazy, romantic kiss. It made his toes curl that afternoon as they were waiting for a pizza to come that they had plans to eat on the sofa watching a bad movie. Because they could do that now.

Having Noah know about them may have been just the thing they needed. Despite his constant fake gagging every time they were caught making out, it was nice to have someone know about this. It inspired Ronan. Adam was surprised two days after Noah's oath to secrecy and promise of whatever meals he wanted Ronan to make. He came home early from his internship after someone set their eyebrows on fire in the labs, and Ronan was on a video call with his mom.

He stopped short at the door to his room, uncertain if it was appropriate to walk into it.

"Oh, there he is." Ronan's smile was bright when he waved him over, and Adam dropped his book bag in the doorway. He still didn't walk in.

"Is that your mom?" he whispered, as if he couldn't tell by the sound of her voice.

"Yeah. Mom," and Ronan's smile gave it away before he did, "this is my boyfriend."

Adam's chest pinched. He hesitated stepping forward into view, afraid of what she thought. He wanted her to be happy that it was him, as an admirer of her for years. She was so kind to Ronan, and he's always been jealous of that. Her and Maura, Blue's mom, made him envy what he never had.

He sidled up to Ronan's side on the bed, getting comfortable on the mattress enough to look down at the laptop. Ronan kissed him on the forehead, which made him stutter his hello. He didn't expect him to be so welcoming in front of his mom like this.

Aurora screamed.

"Mom?"

Adam tried to move out of the frame, but Ronan held him close with his hand round his waist. He felt ill. Why was she screaming?

"Oh my god, sweetheart!" she exclaimed. "This isn't a prank, is it?"

Adam shifted behind Ronan's broad shoulder, angrily staring at his neck because he couldn't glare at the screen.

"Uh, no?" Ronan sounded nervous. "Why would I prank about-?"

"Oh, Jesus Mary and Joseph. A mother knows things, and I've known for years you, my beautiful boy, have fancied him. You have been talking about Adam so extensively and all his achievements for all these years. I knew the second you started complaining about the new boy and how he corrected your Latin grammar."

"I wasn't even out to you then!" The color on Ronan's face rivaled Ariel the little mermaid's hair.

Aurora waved him off. "I'm so happy!" she said. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

But Adam didn't listen to his answer, or pay much attention to what went on next for a good length. He was busy staring at Ronan with a fond look, feeling like he could melt into him. A candle under a hot flame. A tray of cookies cooking in the oven. Ice left out in the sun. He didn't know what to say, but he felt good. 

"We haven't really told anyone," Ronan was saying when his attention came back. His arm around Adam squeezed him closer. "We're still working out the kinks."

Adam noticed part of Ronan's collar was sticking inward, and he fixed it, kissing him on the cheek when he was finished. He missed more parts of the conversation as they happened, not wholly focused on one thing.

"Well, that settles it. You have to come visit Ireland again at Christmas. The both of you." Adam didn't know what to say. "I would love to actually show you around, Adam, if you're interested."

"Oh, I don't think-"

"Okay."

Ronan was quieted by his acceptance, while Aurora wailed again with joy. As she talked on about what she would love to show her son's _boyfriend_ , Ronan was staring at him sideways, perhaps bewildered by how easily he said yes. He knew Ronan was trying to save him from the discomfort of discussing his finances, but perhaps if he started saving now he could afford a flight to Ireland for the holidays.

After a while longer, Aurora had to get off the phone to sleep, what with the time difference and all that. She blew a kiss to Ronan, called him baby, and then smiled at Adam in a way he felt at peace with. It almost made him want to cry, but then the call was over and he was able to sweep that twirling feeling in his stomach away.

"You told her," Adam said, amazed still even after talking to her about how it was they started. Ronan's version of the story was "We took a while, but we're dating now." Very detailed, that.

"Yeah," Ronan said with a laugh in his voice. "Shit, she's going to tell my brothers. Declan's going to want to have dinner or something, like a couples thing. Oh, god. I made a mistake, didn't I? Parrish, this is when you say _no you didn't make a mistake._ Parrish? Christ, did I break you?"

He stared at him, dreamlike as he was. Ronan told his mom about them.

"What?" Ronan sounded nervous, though his smile implied the opposite.

Adam didn't explain until a while later, after dragging him down onto the mattress and shutting the laptop closed.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan could get used to this, to having more space to kiss Adam openly and freely whenever he goddamn wanted. He loved their mild height difference, the inch or so of extra height he had over Adam, how he was constantly dragged down that inch or two into a lazy, romantic kiss. It made his toes curl that afternoon as they were waiting for a pizza to come that they had plans to eat on the sofa watching a bad movie. Because they could do that now. With Noah in the loop, they could be together anywhere in the apartment and do _this_. His coarse hands were delicate on Adam's bare thighs, having changed into his workout shorts for comfort. The nerd had a habit of changing into not quite pajamas but almost pajamas the second he got home and there were no later plans with their friends. It made for moments like this to be easier to pull off, his fingers slipping up into the leg of his shorts, feeling the band of his briefs under his palms. Adam had him pressed hard into the back of the sofa, his legs on either side of Ronan's waist, their chests flush together, rubbing each time Adam's lips ran along his. There was no urgency or secrecy to this. The door was locked, which meant only Noah could come in, and Noah knew now so it was fine if he saw. He saw a lot in the few days after he found out. This was nothing new at this point.

Adam's hands were cupping his face, his sweet breath fanning it as he kissed the side of his mouth. His lips were chased even as Adam moved to the soft spot behind his ear. Ronan's everything twitched by the intricate way in which he proceeded through this, and Adam smiled against his warm skin. There was no urgency in this, as hands and mouths roamed, feeling one another out. They were on the precipice of something more, but not there yet, and definitely not on the sofa.

With no fear of being caught, they felt as if they were on the top of the world. 

The apartment's front door opened and neither twitched or flinched from the sound of the key turn. Instead, Adam's lips grazed over Ronan's open collar, tickling at the hollow in his throat. Ronan tried to keep things PG and removed his hands from under Adam's shorts, who grunted that he didn't like that.

"Will you two stop being gross on the sofa?" Noah exclaimed.

"No," Adam said, sliding into Ronan's hands, asking for him to put them back on his thighs. Ronan couldn't control himself and placed them back there, running along the hair on his legs until he was at the edge of his shorts again.

There was a buzz at the buzzer, and an unfamiliar voice called off their delivery order.

"That's pizza. Can you get..." Ronan's words were swallowed up by Adam's tongue. He was pretty sure Adam was just overextending his thirst now to make Noah uncomfortable, still pissed off by the things he said about how a breakup for them was inevitable. Sworn to secrecy, Noah could only stew in his own anger about the situation, though out of Ronan's one eye he could see Noah liked the idea of pizza.

Adam continued kissing him while situated erotically in his lap long after the pizza arrived. He only allowed Ronan to reposition him to sit partially on the sofa beside him and partially on his lap, legs draped over his legs, when Noah was seen to pay for the pizza out of his own pocket.

"Movie?" Ronan motioned to the screen that had been paused for an hour now, and Noah glanced at it like he hadn't been caught staring the second he walked in.

He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I guess," he said.

Adam didn't seem hungry, which was a first, as Noah ate a slice in the following awkward silence. When they started the movie, Ronan barely had a chance to set down the remote before his head was turned to the side for Adam to drag him into another elongated kiss.

Noah stewed in the violent opening act, situated on the other end of the sofa, folded into himself to avoid Adam's long and bare legs. Ronan should've said something, but he was too busy feeling along Adam's arms.

"This is the worst third wheeling I have ever experienced," Noah whined. "This is my apartment, too, you know!"

"I've lived through worse the last four years," Ronan mumbled. Adam wasn't even paying attention to the movie, his teeth pulling on Ronan's ear. It caused his breath to catch, his words to stumble over one another. "Youcanlivethroughthis.Fuck."

"Stop-stop doing that. I bought this couch!"

"No, you didn't," Ronan wheezed. "You said you were going to, and then you never did. I bought it."

"Oh, yeah." Noah sulked, shoulders pulling forward. "Well, I mentally bought it. Go do this in your room."

"We're watching a movie."

"Well, then I'm going in my room," Noah said, talking as if he only just realized this was an option. "And I'm taking the pizza."

"Wait."

Adam stopped everything, leaving Ronan feeling cold. He pushed him off just enough to look across at Noah, and he raised a hand to motion for the pizza box. Quiet, Noah handed it to him, and Adam opened it one handed, then quickly picked out two collective slices.

"Okay, see you later." Adam stuffed them together into his mouth. Noah stood there dumbfounded, eyes bugging out of his face. His gaze shifted to Ronan, who didn't know what to say to him in turn. So he gave the most half-assed shrug of his life. Because he wasn't about to pick a fight with his boyfriend, whose soft legs were still strewn across his lap with one of his hands a little too high up on his thigh.

Noah stormed off with his pizza box. Just before he slammed his door shut, Ronan called out, "You can watch the movie when we're done!"

But of course Noah didn't say anything loud enough as an answer back.

"We're assholes," he said to Adam, but he was laughing a little when he said it.

"Eh." Adam shrugged. "He'll live. He's probably sexting someone right now. Who cares? He still hasn't apologized for being a dick."

"How long are you going to be mad at him for that, exactly?"

Adam shrugged. "Hard to say." He burped into his fist.

"You're already done with the pizza?" Ronan was impressed. There was a little bit of the sauce on his upper lip, which he helped him with.

"Yeah. I'm hungry. Can we order another one? For us this time?"

"Can we..." Ronan couldn't stop laughing over the sound of the movie screams and roars.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Noah seeing Adam and Ronan inspired him to want to talk things out with Henry. If they could make it work, in their whole ass inappropriate almost having sex on the couch and _actually_ having sex in the shower way, then maybe he could see what was happening with Henry could go... He wasn't sure where.

Noah liked Henry. Henry was hot and funny and smart and he called him out on his shit. He dressed real cute and he was passionate about the environment. They have been friends for a good few years, so he knew all his shitty habits. Plus he was a good kisser. Wow, he was a great kisser. He was gentle, too.

But they both came into this expecting different things. Made a mess of it. Reason number 8,349 why friends shouldn't hook up. It gets messy.

All he had to do was ask Henry to hang outtonight and Henry agreed. Henry already forgave him for being an idiot, and Noah forgave him for calling him soulless during one of their fights.

Oh, how he didn't anticipate this to become his life after that whirlwind trip to Ireland. He didn't expect that getting a little tipsy together with Henry at the bar would inspire so much confusion.

Now here he was to learn Adam and Ronan basically did the same thing, except they were better at it! How were they better at it? They were awful at communication. They have been into each other since high school and got together a million years later by sheer accident.

Okay, they weren't completely better at this.

But they were making it work. Meanwhile, he and Henry were not. He thought they were just two friends hooking up, but then Henry got jealous when he saw him on a date. He claimed he didn't, and the whole situation left them both confused.

Noah didn't know what he wanted out of it. He liked Henry. He knew Henry liked him. But when they tried to talk about Ireland it just led to them having sex again instead of any constructive conversations, Noah avoiding the subject matter like it were poison. He didn't know what he wanted, and didn't want to know what Henry wanted. Because after every time, Henry looked at him like he were a monster, but then he so easily jumped right back into bed with that monster.

But tonight Noah was going to try to make sense of it, because if Adam and Ronan could, then so could they damn it!

"I'm glad you agreed to this," Noah confessed on the walk up the stairs.

Henry shrugged, looking at him strangely. "I mean, we do this practically every day with the others."

"I know." Noah shuffled his feet, walking strangely up the stairs after Henry. Currently he had a protest sign under his arm after coming from one that was held downtown. There was always one, and Henry somehow managed to attend most of them and not get fired from his job. He was a conundrum, one that Noah was fascinated by. In the few years of their friendship he started to notice things about Henry that weren't all that obvious at the start, little bits about him that brought them closer. He suddenly couldn't name a single one of them, though, as soon as Henry turned his head to look down at him and smile.

"You've been so quiet this whole walk from the subway, I thought you died," Henry joked.

Noah insisted on rolling his eyes as if he was bothered by the suggestion, when really he couldn't have cared any less.

"Hilarious Henry Cheng strikes again."

Amidst climbing the staircase, Henry took a bow.

"This isn't you, though."

Noah stepped close to him once they reached his floor.

"Isn't it? I've been known to be quiet."

"Since when?" Henry released a nervous laugh, singular.

At that, Noah smiled mildly, uncertain if his flirting was wise if he wanted to talk to Henry about their situation, rather than relive it in vivid detail. He pushed open the door to the hall for him, reaching around him a little too intimately. Probably wasn't the best idea, as Henry gulped, eyes falling to his mouth.

Yeah, this is how the other eleven times happened.

"Uh, so you like movies, right?" That's what he remembered proposing to Henry. Watching a movie. It was the guide to his real plan, while he was suspicious Henry thought the real plan was to take off all their clothes. Not going to happen, Cheng! Not this time! Not today!

But he forgot who he was living with. Casa fucking nova reincarnated or some other bullshit historical sex fanatic. When he opened the door to his apartment, he stopped short at the entrance and tried to back away. Henry pushed right past him, and then froze at the entryway.

"Uh what the fuck Czerny," he said.

Noah could see a picnic on the floor with blankets and pillows and food. Then off to one side there was a camera on a tripod, tilted down to record the makeshift bed on the floor. Oh, he was going to _kill_ Ronan.

"This is very kinky, Noah, but I don't think I can even handle this." Henry's voice squeaked like a bird's. His eyes trailed along the display, stopping short at where Noah couldn't look away. "Is that a camera?"

"Uh. It's--" He whipped around to look at Henry, then searched the rest of the room for Ronan, suspecting he was hiding behind the sofa or somewhere equally as fucked up. Maybe if Henry found him, maybe if he guided him.

This was not happening. Noah was not having his love life now thwarted by Ronan's. The boy was a virgin two months ago! How was this happening!

Ronan's bedroom door creaked open and out he stepped into the living room, acting all sleepy and scratching his head. He stood there in nothing but his boxer shorts, the faker. Noah caught they were on backwards.

"Oh, hey guys!" Ronan said with a stretch and a yawn. He caught Henry's eyes stealing more than casual looks, of course distracting him from the truth. "Whoa, what is all this?"

His voice was stilted, fake. His acting had gotten worse since Noah found out about the two of them, and they were definitely getting sloppier covering their tracks.

"And while Ronan was home?" Henry gaped and started for the door. "Unbelievable."

"But I--"

Noah followed after him, but Henry was fast, and he was gone before he had a chance to even yell down the stairs this was a mistake. Somehow Noah had become the pitfall guy for all their almosts. He thought they were hoping to be caught, but this felt involuntary. It was barely a week since he found out, and already he had to cover for them at least once a day, if not more. The insanity of all this.

When he came back into the apartment he slammed the door shut, shaking the things hanging on the wall. His eyes flickered around the apartment, and a rage built up inside him that he let burst out. After this whole week of allowing them to continue sneaking around, he pulls _this_?

"You've turned me into a sex fiend, Ronan!" he screamed. "I hate you!"

"You were already a sex fiend," said Ronan with a chuckle. "Relax."

Noah couldn't believe that getting some ass had turned him into- No, he was the same level of insensitive child as he was before.

Before he could think of a decent response, his brain on fire, hands appeared out from the darkness of Ronan's room. They found his waist, and soon were paired with Adam's lips at his ear. He hadn't realized Adam was still here, as he usually wasn't so quiet these days.

Reacting to the lips, Ronan's eyes shuddered closed. He must've whispered something because Ronan had this low laugh he's never heard before in his life, almost sleepy. This was hard to watch.

"Come back to bed," he said a little louder.

"We were having an argument!" Noah said, his voice cracking like a bird that couldn't sing. "I'm tired of you guys being so careless! I can't keep covering for you."

"Sorry," Adam said. "We'll clean it up. Thank you as always, Noah."

He was smiling all doll-like at Ronan's cheek, kissing him on his jawline and disturbing Noah with thoughts.

They were so obsessed with each other, Noah couldn't figure it out. How did they like spending that much time together? Weren't they bored?

"Oh, god," he groaned, realizing what was about to happen. "Not again."

"We'll be quieter this time," Adam promised from the dark of the doorway.

"Yeah, right."

As soon as their door shut, music started to play to muffle the contents of their room, and Noah schlepped onto the floor.

"You were just, what, going to leave all this good food out?" he called out, to no one in particular. Talking to himself these days, like a ghost in his own home. He rubbed his eye, tired and hungry. "What did you even need a camera for anyway-? You know what. I don't want to know."

He pushed the lens of the camera in a different direction, avoiding feeling like he were being watched. Angrily, he started in on the food that looked freshly cooked rather than the snacks they set out to probably sexily feed each other. The whole set up was a mess. It was obvious they had no idea what they were doing, first timers at both sexy meals on the floor and recording themselves. He snorted, remembering his first time for both fondly. There was a crescendo in the song they were listening to, and Noah remembered he was mad. Angrily, he glared at their door, flipped it off with both hands. The sound emanating from behind it felt as if it were flipping him off in return. 

"This is bullshit," he mumbled. "Just because I know doesn't mean I condone this behavior! This gluttony! This-" Ronan's cooking had gotten better since dating Adam. "Fuck this is some good brie."

Why did he have to be so smart to figure all this out? Why couldn't he have minded his own business? Why did Henry look so good in cargo pants? They were not a look.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"You ready for this?"

"Is this when the beat drops?"

"What?"

Adam pulled from Ronan after he helped finish his tie. One of them grew up wearing them to family events and to church, yet the one who learned in high school had the better understanding of making it straight.

"That song-" Ronan was flush with discomfort. "Never mind." His eyes finally raked down the length of Adam's body since he arrived ten minutes ago, dressed to impress all the people they were seeing tonight. He appeared to like what he saw, which was a new (to him) suit he found thrifting for this very occasion. "Parrish, you look dapper as fuck."

"Yeah yeah." Adam rolled his eyes and yanked on Ronan's arm. Their lyft was probably waiting for them downstairs already, and he was not about to let Ronan be charged $5 for a no show. "Come on," he said. He also wanted to leave before Noah got home. Last he saw of the fair haired fire eyed boy, he was explaining to Blue why his underwear (Ronan's underwear) was at their place, stuffed behind a planter in the living room. Noah was not pleased.

"No, I mean it." Ronan ran a hand over Adam's shirtfront, feeling at the buttons. His finger caught on the hole that had no button, something Adam had to live with until Blue could sew the new one in for him. He said nothing of it, and instead let his hand roam lower a length. Adam was excited for tonight. Ronan looked hot, too, in one of his suits he reserved for church. "They know I'm your boyfriend?"

Adam snorted. "Yes, they know," he said.

"Is your 'work wife' going to be there?" Displeased, Ronan scrunched his face to express how much, and Adam rolled his eyes at him. In his navy blue suit, matched with his baby blue eyes, he looked familiarly seductive like he did at Declan's wedding. Thankfully his mouth wasn't closed, so his talking helped keep Adam's mind clear when his body was flustered with the silly idea of staying home.

"Yes, and don't make a big deal of it, okay?" Adam insisted. While he kind of liked Ronan's jealousy, just a little, he simultaneously didn't know why Ronan was so bothered by Natalie. She was his friend and intern buddy, but they had no interest in one another. Not before, and definitely not now. Natalie was bi, too, with a girlfriend at Harvard. Both of which were facts Ronan had been told multiple times. "She's nice," he said. "She's excited to meet you."

"I have my eye on her."

"Okay, James Bond." Adam checked Ronan's pocket for his phone. There was a text from their driver saying he was downstairs... three minutes ago. "Let's go."

"You think I really look like James Bond?" Ronan flashed a grin.

Adam groaned. "We're late!"

Tonight they didn't have to hide from anyone, and tonight they didn't have Noah narrating his distaste for their coupling. He would get used to it. In time they all would, whether they liked to or not.

They were dressed nice to attend an event hosted by Adam's school, where some of his classmates and internship friends would be as well. It allowed him the opportunity to rub shoulders with a bunch of actual astrophysicists and engineers and other people of high science caliber. When Adam scored a ticket for it, he was sure to get two. Just in case. Ronan had no interest in any of it, in meeting any of these people or listening to them talk, but he hoped he would come just to come. It meant a lot that he agreed within seconds of being asked.

On the ride over, Ronan quietly fiddled with his tie again, placing two of his fingers into the line of his collar and separating it from his neck a little more.

"It's too tight," he said, responding to Adam's judgmental gaze.

"You should've said," he replied. "Now you're making it all crooked and a mess."

"I don't need a fancy shit ass tie," Ronan argued. He was nervous. Meeting Adam's second group of friends was a big step, apparently. For other couples who weren't already friends for years, meeting friends was almost like meeting the parents. He supposed this was unsettling for him, same as when Ronan told his mother Adam was the mystery boyfriend.

"You'll impress them with or without the tie," he said, as his fingers circled around the knot of it. He then pushed it up and back towards Ronan's throat, fixing the mess Ronan made. "It's not the outfit that matters."

"I sure as shit hope not. This is not my natural look."

"I'm very aware of what your 'natural look' is, and I appreciate you wearing this for me." Adam straightened the tie out. "But if you take this off, I _will_ be forced to leave you alone with one of my professors."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan never anticipated to enjoy himself at something where half the words sounded like a sneeze, at a school no less. A traditional school where there were books and professors who still wore patches on their jacket elbows, where desks were involved instead of solely experience. He was immediately reminded of high school, of suffocating there, where the only air was Adam's teasing or Adam's smile or catching Adam in gym with his shorts and a tank top that was known to ride up on him. Here, the air was in his pulse as their hands were held together between them during the talk. Here, the air was in the way a joke was had between all the scientists and Adam would look to him with that bright smile and Ronan would feel himself smile back unsolicited. Here, the air was in the way he kissed him. So openly and publicly in front of people he knew. People _they_ knew. The dozens of students he was mildly familiar with after visiting this place enough over the years, lingering and hovering as he did those pining times.

Here, the air was in the way Adam introduced him as his boyfriend. There was a proudness there that forced him to excuse himself a moment once or twice to take a breath because it was so overwhelming. All this air made him dizzy, giddy like a child, and on the verge of giving in to his emotions and letting them wash over him like rain.

After the talk, which he found interesting because Adam found it interesting, there was the reception after where mingling occurred. After a few brief introductions to friendly faces, they hung back in a corner, Ronan being prepared for a few more people in case they walked up. He sensed Adam understood the predicament of being excited to be so free here, but the effect it had when Ronan hadn't properly mentally prepared for being _the boyfriend_ in public.

"That's Meredith from school," said Adam, flush against his side to a point Ronan suspected they should be introduced as a singular unit instead of as two people. Adam's hand was in his jacket around the back, feeling at his shirt underneath, his shoulders twitching from the intimate gesture. He wasn't paying attention in the slightest, profoundly distracted. "-- and that's other Adam from my internship-"

"Adam 2 I'm guessing?" Ronan mused.

"I'm Adam P. And he's Adam S."

"Why aren't I meeting any of these people?" he asked, playing along to the aloofness of the moment, that it was a buzz in their heads as if they were drunk every time they could confess their relationship aloud to a new person.

"Because they're boring," Adam said, which wasn't the answer he was expecting. "Then that's Tad. He's in love with me."

Ronan choked on his drink as his eyes found the perpetrator. "Excuse me?"

In all the years he knew him, he never knew this about Tad. Tad was just the annoying one at his school, sometimes the one he studied with when he needed help in lessons he didn't fully understand. Tad who looked rather decent in a bookish way. He reminded him of Gansey a little, actually, with his dress attire at least. Adam's hand was still twirling around on his back and distracting him from fully processing this.

"He's harmless," Adam said, almost annoyed. "He's from school _and_ my internship. He's- Oh, god. He's coming over. Don't make eye contact. Maybe he won't talk to us."

He shaded his face with a hand over it, turning into Ronan. His other hand fell from his back, leaving him a little chilled.

"He's looking right at you." Ronan snickered as he took another sip. This was a little funny, watching Adam wither in composure. As he leaned into Ronan, it was making it a little more obvious they were together. His one hand moved to the front of Ronan's stomach. Ronan nearly cackled. He'd seen couples do this before. It felt territorial, but Adam looked to want Tad to understand.

"Hey, Parrish." Tad smiled as he came over. "How's it going?"

"This is my boyfriend, Tad." There came that drunk sensation again, where the air felt thinner and he needed to sit. He could feel his heart rate elevate, and he prayed to God Adam didn't. "My very serious boyfriend. Who I have sex with."

When he realized what Adam said to Tad, all focus fell to that, and he stifled another laugh, poorly behind his lips. Tad awkwardly looked between the two of them. His hands fell to the hand, then uncomfortably back up. Ronan's resistance to laughter was fleeting, as he could feel Adam squish further into his side.

"That's... nice." Tad's smile was worn like he didn't want to be here anymore. This got awkward.

Ronan was shaking with a fist between his teeth.

"I just was wondering if you've started the paper we have due first week back in Bill's class?"

"Oh." Adam's freckles cheeks were a beautiful shade of crimson, though his voice was cool and unperturbed. "Yeah. I finished that a while ago."

"Okay." Tad raised his glass in a silent cheers. "Good talking to you, Parrish.... Uh, and..."

Ronan cleared his throat. "Lynch." His voice wavered from the laugh about to come.

"Right. Bye then."

Once he turned on his heel and shuffled away quick, Ronan lost it, guffawing into his hand. Adam was hot pink and bitter.

"That was awkward as fuck, Parrish," he said between the fits. "Holy shit."

"Shut up."

"My very serious boyfriend who I have sex with," he said in a mocking tone. "Sweet Christmas."

Adam was still hiding his face. He glowered through his fingers. "I will kill you and leave no trail behind or body to be found."

"I believe you," Ronan chuckled into convincing Adam a kiss, "but that's not going to keep me from laughing."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Later, after bribing Adam with the apple strudel they had at the food tables, Ronan managed to get him to introduce him to more people. The rush of introductions was starting to ebb into a nice soft shiver. His school and internships friends were nice, bonding with Ronan in a way he didn't anticipate. When they weren't talking, Ronan kissed Adam a lot, evidently distracted by the addicting ability to do this here. Being openly intimate this way was overwhelming in the best way, and Adam was obsessed with it. He wanted to only do this, it was getting in the way of networking.

During their last kiss, he started to laugh.

"My kissing funny to you now?" Ronan asked.

Adam smiled. "Yes."

He had this glow about him tonight every time they talked to anyone new, even if they never got around to introducing Ronan. With his professors and the guest speakers, they didn't really say anything, but even so, holding hands with him and feeling him there close to his side as a way of grounding him when he otherwise would've felt so nervous.

Halfway through the night, they finally ran into Natalie, who was notoriously late. She was his "work wife" as it were, which he remembered Ronan for weird about. So when he introduced them he expected some apprehension on Ronan's end, but instead they ended up bonding. Bonding by way of teasing him. It didn't dawn on him they would, that Natalie had a lot of traits that Ronan did. That maybe he had a type.

When he saw them exchanging numbers, which was rare when Ronan hated using his phone unless he was talking to _him_ , Adam said out loud, "What have I done?"

"Sponsored a beautiful friendship, Adam," she said.

"Created my own doom is more like it," he said into his cup. He shot Ronan a look, who kissed him for the thousandth time that night, quelling the last flutter of anxiety in his stomach.

Ronan was on his best behavior today, and when he wasn't feeling up to the chit chat he was smart enough to excuse himself and linger at the food table, where he stuffed his face with crab cakes and finger sandwiches. Before, he would've made remarks and annoyed Adam, but tonight none of that happened. Tonight, Boyfriend Ronan was wonderful. Respectful. He hated his tie, which he saw him play with time and time again, but he didn't take it off, which was an accomplishment in and of itself.

It was perfect. As much as a night like this could be, it was perfect. Adam felt so strongly for Ronan in that moment, even as he spilled shrimp cocktail sauce on his chin. This was exactly the night he wanted, and Ronan gave it to him.

Love was on his mind.

Love, and making out in his university's planetarium next door before they left.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blue needed some eggs for a cake she was making. There was no reason for the cake, but that morning she woke up with an intense craving for one. But they had no eggs. Ronan always had eggs. His fridge was usually more stocked than theirs. So like a good neighbor, she broke in.

"Broke in" was a strong way of phrasing it. More like those two meatheads never lock the door. And even if they did, she _was_ given a key.

Henry and Gansey were over when she came to the decision, talking about some protest or museum thing. She often ignored them when they were the only ones over and weren't talking about something she could relate to. They would get into such a deep discussion over something she had no interest in that she zoned out.

Now, normally when Blue needed to borrow something from them, she often left an IOU note. Usually the notepad was left by the fridge for their own grocery concerns. But the notepad this late evening was missing. Not that strange, except when she went searching through the kitchen drawers for it it remained missing. And she instead found a photo of Adam naked.

She never knew she could scream so unprovoked, and loud too. With a fiery, she chucked the photo away, never thinking she would find a picture of Adam's PENIS in a drawer.

"What? What!" Noah came racing back out of his room with a baseball bat, hair disheveled and only wearing boxer briefs. The bat went down as the panic washed from his face, replaced slowly with confusion and concern. His brow knitted together as Henry and Gansey then came in a rush from across the hall, startled by the scream.

"Why are you in my apartment?" Noah asked.

"Why do you have a photo of Adam naked!" She pointed accusingly at the little photo that had flown somewhere on the other side of the counter.

Noah looked around, suppressing something in his expression. When he saw what she meant, finding the photograph there on the floor, he frowned.

"This isn't mine!" he said.

Henry especially was staring at Noah hard when she turned to see the others' expressions. Noah opened his mouth again, and just then Ronan and Adam walked in, laughing about something. They were wearing suits for Adam's work party he went to, which she forgot he said he dragged Ronan to after his boyfriend cancelled.

"You both look nice," Henry asked, his voice clipped, which she assumed was because this was about to get even more embarrassing when Adam knew what Noah was holding.

"Where have you been?" asked Gansey. 

"I had an internship event and I took Lynch to try to make him smarter," Adam noted, sliding away from him to leave him at the doorway. Ronan followed, shoved at his shoulder, and Adam softly smiled. She rolled her eyes, but caught Ronan's when he moved to enter his own kitchen.

"What's that?" His eyes immediately found the object in Noah's hand, the pointed finger Blue didn't realize she still held to it. Ronan looked confused, and then Adam's eyes went freakishly wide as he walked swift across the counter and grabbed at Noah's hand.

"What the fuck?" Ronan said.

"Why is there a naked photo of you in their kitchen drawer?" Blue asked him. It now dawned on her he had to be aware of the photo being taken. Now this made even less sense than it already did!

Adam looked to Noah horrified, who looked back at him with an indecipherable expression. Then they all looked at Noah horrified, and when Noah realized this he looked back at them all with horror.

"Oh my god are you two-?!" Gansey gaped.

Henry choked on his gum behind her. 

"No, we-" Noah then stopped himself and sucked in a breath. With his eyes closed, he clenched his jaw. "I'm a massive pervert and I stole it from Adam's room."

"Oh, Noah....."

Henry started laughing maniacally like he had something suddenly break in his brain and it was uncontrollable. He laughed and laughed, until Ronan had to elbow him in the gut.

"It's not funny," Noah barked.

"You... Oh my god." Henry couldn't stop laughing and walked out, back across the hall. The door slammed behind him, but now he was gone.

"What you did was so wrong!" Blue said. "Breaking our trust. Breaking and entering. Theft. Invasion of privacy. My god."

Noah shook his head solemnly. "I know."

Adam still held the photo to his chest and was shaking his head. "I had no idea," he said.

Blue couldn't believe it. After all these years, for Noah to do that. Noah was certainly odd, and he was even odder these last few weeks, but this was... bad.

Ronan looked to be laughing under his breath when she looked to him. It wasn't funny!

"This is so shocking I think I need to sit down," he said, although he moved to a barstool not that long ago. 

"You are sitting down, Gansey," she said. 

"Oh." He glanced down. "It appears that I am."

"I think I need to go lie down?" Adam stalked off slow towards their apartment, and then he grabbed for Noah's bare arm and pulled him along.

Blue narrowed her eyes as she watched the pair of them walk across the hall together. Something was definitely going on there that she didn't like.

Then Ronan quickly tapped out and followed without saying a word. This was weirder and weirder. 

"Blue, can I ask you something?"

Blue turned to Gansey. She realized now that neither of them lived here and yet were alone together in here now.

"What?"

"Do you think Noah and Adam are dating?"

Blue hadn't even thought of that. "You know," she said, "that makes a lot of sense in a very weird way."

Gansey nodded. "I thought so."

"We're geniuses."

"Yes!"

They high fived.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"They're so dumb," said Ronan, hiding in Adam's room now with Noah and Adam. Henry was out on the balcony looking melancholy, which he and Adam knew why, but couldn't say out loud to him. It wasn't real, he wanted to say. But that wasn't his place, was it.

He sat on Adam's bed, already comfortable and ready for sleep, while Adam was still staring at his own picture like Noah really did steal it.

"You're the dumb ones," Noah mumbled. He sat at Adam's desk, arms folded across his chest. He was bitter about it all, which he didn't blame him for. This really went far in terms of having Noah cover for them. 

"We're sorry, Czerny," he said. "We'll make it up to you."

Noah scoffed. His gaze twisted back to him, seeing him staring down at himself in the little image. He remembered that photo. It was a good one. 

"Admiring yourself, Parrish?" He grinned.

"You left this in the kitchen?" Adam hissed. Finally, he let it down and turned his gaze, but he was angry apparently.

Ronan shrugged, a hand feeling at the curves in the lining on Adam's bedspread. His hand slid close to Adam's, who sat half assed on the mattress still in distress. His fingers still slid open even though he was upset, taking Ronan's in.

"I forgot to move it," Ronan clarified. "You handed it to me after taking it with that instant film camera of yours, and then Noah walked in, and in the heat of the moment I panicked and tossed it in the drawer. Noah never goes in there. I didn't even think Blue or anyone else would."

"So sweet you forgot about it." Adam was softening anyway, despite himself most likely. His edges were curved as he already began to crawl into Ronan's lap. 

"I mean, I have the real thing every night basically," Ronan noted, eyes raking over Adam's open collar. He removed his tie one handed while still obsessively staring at the photograph, and now Ronan could see into the shirt at his pronounced collarbone. 

"Yeah, but still." Adam grunted as he didn't fully lay back into him, holding off just enough as a sign of his annoyance.

"How about you take one of me, and then chuck it away somewhere and we'll call it even?" Ronan suggested.

Adam snorted. "I don't want to scar anyone who'll find that lying around," he replied.

"Hey!"

Adam fell into a kiss, his laughter quickly being swallowed up into sounds of delight.

Noah laughed for him. Ronan flinched and avoided biting Adam's tongue. He admittedly forgot Noah was still here.

"God, you two have somehow turned insulting each other into flirting," he said. "I can't believe it."

"Thanks?" Adam looked confused. When he looked to Ronan, Ronan was flashing him a smile. He thumbed Adam's chin, feeling like he could read his mind. "We're telling the others soon, we promise," he said for him.

He continued seducing Adam into calming down from that weird altercation earlier, reminding him quietly about the wonderful evening just before it. With a stroke up and down Adam's arm, Adam succumbed and leaned completely into him. This felt good. It didn't feel weird at all doing this in front of Noah. Maybe it would feel fine doing it in front of everyone. Adam had to have the same thought, otherwise he would've stopped. 

"Yeah, whatever," Noah mumbled. 

"Do you want in, Czerny?" Ronan teased. 

Adam slapped at his arm, and he laughed callously.

"No thanks," said Noah. "They all think I'm a freak now."

"They already thought-" Adam pinched him. "Ow! Parrish, that hurt."

"Oh, you big baby." Adam tilted his chin up after pinching him on the thigh, and Ronan bent forward and kissed him. It was dreamlike, still exhilarating just like the first time.

"The other day Adam left his toothbrush at ours and for some goddamn reason Blue knows what it looks like and asked about it," Noah resumed in the corner. "I had to say it was my toothbrush and use it to prove it."

"Oh, gross!" Adam jerked. "That's where my toothbrush went?"

He shot a daggered look at Ronan as if he was somehow also to blame. 

"I'll buy you a new one," Noah groaned. "Whatever. But you need to be more careful! I'm worried what thing next I'll have to pretend is mine!"

For some reason Ronan imagined Noah having to wear Adam's glasses and he laughed a little.

"It isn't funny!"

When he whispered his thought into Adam's ear, Adam disagreed with Noah. He thought it was hilarious.

"You can go now, Noah, if you want," Ronan said. "I think they're probably gone by now."

"Also, we're going to have sex and we might forget you're here."

Adam snickered into Ronan's neck as he already started the undressing process. Noah scrambled for the door, but first he stopped and pointed at the both of them at the doorway.

"It's still not funny," he said. "And I want you to buy me roller skates."

"Roller skates?" Adam scrunched his nose. "Why-?"

"Yeah, yeah." Ronan motioned for him to leave. He continued to kiss Adam. "I'll buy you whatever."

"Yay!" Noah left happier than he arrived, and Adam and Ronan couldn't stop laughing long after he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i split this chapter in half because it felt like it could be long enough to be 2 stand alone. so next will be posted MUCH sooner than i've been at this <3
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! now aurora knows and poor noah keeps having to cover!!! next chapter includes tattoos !
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	11. the one where someone gets a tattoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cradled his phone in his hands like it was a poisonous snake, tempted to chuck it out the window onto the fire escape and hoping it cracked into a thousand pieces on the city sidewalk. But he didn't.
> 
> Instead, he tossed his phone to the side somewhere he couldn't see. Instead, he tried to take an anger nap, settling into his sheets and stuffing a pillow over his face to scream into it.
> 
> "And I'm in the middle of something that involves needles I have to go."
> 
> He shot straight upright in bed to find his phone.

Noah was taking advantage of getting food made fresh to order from Ronan whenever he liked. Except when Adam was over, then it was just more of the same except now it was in front of his eggs.

That morning, Ronan was making them breakfast. He "insisted" on Adam to help, who pretended to be annoyed.

Noah looked on as they not so discreetly flirted. He was vexed at first. Then he was simply jealous.

He looked over at Henry, who was also over. Henry glanced at him and then just as quickly turned away.

He wanted what Adam and Ronan have, even if it was still totally weird to watch them flirt and kiss and be gooey. They weren't doing that now, but they may as well have, being just as gooey without the kissing or intention of flirting.

He never thought he'd see Ronan be _gooey_. Ronan "forced" Adam to try something off a bite of his stirring spoon. Adam acted mad when he shoved it to where it hit him in the nose, too.

Gross.

If they got married he was going to move out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Because of Ronan's growing bond with some of Adam's school and work friends, when one of them threw a party he of course agreed instantly.

"I want to see what the nerds do at a party. Do you play find the atom? Set things on fire with chemicals?"

Adam palmed his face in his hands out of secondhand embarrassment.

"What?" Ronan and he were in bed when this happened. He sat up. "Not funny?"

"No," Adam shook his head.

At the party, Adam thought he and Ronan would stick together like glue the whole time. But for the first time since they've been together, for the first time since they've told anyone they were together, they felt comfortable to split apart. Even with Tad there, they easily separated and could be a couple even uncoupled. Ronan caught his eye across the room multiple times, and he couldn't help but break into a smile. Even with Tad there, who Adam was avoiding since his awkward outburst, it was a nice party.

But at some point, Adam lost Ronan after someone did a keg stand. He was tired of the loud music pulsing in only one ear and the topic of school on his time off - a first, by his calculations.

He found Ronan out on the balcony alone, staring at the opposing apartment to the one the party was held at. It was quieter out here, but not by much.

"Thought I'd find you by the food, judging the display of the chips."

Ronan snorted, looking down at the city street below. A siren trailed by, and Ronan followed its movement.

"I missed you," Adam said.

Ronan turned, a little slow in his approach.

"And don't say 'I'm surprised you noticed I was gone'," Adam went on.

Ronan smirked. "I wasn't going to say that," he mumbled. "I missed you, too."

Warmed, Adam slunk closer. He leaned against the rail as Ronan's hands found his waist. Oh god it was nice to be at a party and be able to be so close. Two of these and he was getting addicted.

"So what are you doing out here?" he asked.

Ronan shrugged. "Letting you be a nerd without me holding you back."

Adam frowned. "Lynch..."

"I didn't mean it like that." He waved both his hands in front of his face as if a bee was there. "You're so smart, Parrish, and so beautiful. I love your brain. I love your face."

Oh, great. Ronan was drunk. Simultaneously, Adam was both annoyed but also endeared. He was drunk, but he was happy drunk. That was rare for him. Now that he wasn't fogged in the head by how good Ronan looked in a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the collar wide open, tucked in to a pair of his less ripped apart jeans, he was aware of the hint of alcohol on Ronan's breath. 

"Have you been drinking?" He asked if even if he didn't need an answer.

Ronan pinched his fingers together and Adam mocked the gesture.

"Just a little bit?" Adam rolled his eyes.

Ronan nodded. "Just a bit," he said.

"When did you drink? I didn't even..." Adam glanced around as if somehow that would get him the answer.

"I think there was something in the punch?" Ronan's voice was noticeably slurring now. "I didn't want to be drunk in front of your friends."

Adam chuckled in disbelief. Tad really did spike the punch. It was his common trick at parties. As if there wasn't already enough alcohol here.

"Do you want me to get you some water?" Adam touched at one of the longer curls sprouting at the front of Ronan's scalp. He came to stand closer to Ronan, who tilted into his touch.

"I don't want water," he said, almost breathless. His eyes closed when Adam had to let go of his face to fix his own glasses.

"Coffee, then." 

"I didn't mean to get drunk." Adam nodded along with him. He knew he didn't. "Don't tell Dick."

"I won't."

He took him by the arm, and Ronan leaned more into him, brushing a hand over his face.

"I think I love you."

Adam startled quiet. "You what?"

Then Ronan vomited on the ground.

"Right." Ronan was drunk. It was just drunk Ronan confessing. Nothing to see here.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Back at the apartments, Ronan got out from under Adam's grip on their floor and bolted for the door. Only, he opened the wrong and walked into Adam and Blue's apartment. Everyone else was there. Noah jumped up immediately upon his arrival, as Adam stumbled in awkwardly after him.

"Ronan?"

He didn't speak, but instead stumbled over to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Adam hesitated at the doorway, obvious he'd been with him. Their alibis were Adam was at a party, and Ronan was meant to be... He couldn't remember his story.

"Hi..." he said, cautious.

Everyone looked at him incredulous, even Noah.

"What happened?" Blue asked.

"Is he drunk?" said Gansey.

"Weren't you at a party?" said Henry.

"I found him outside drunk." Adam was a bad liar. "I was at my party, yeah. It was nice. Thanks for asking."

"Sorry." Blue sat down, along with the rest.

"Dude, you're not drunk," Henry noted, like it was a surprise.

"Is he upset about something?" Gansey was so concerned, but Adam could only shrug. He couldn't very well tell them his classmate spiked the punch at his party and Ronan was actually having a really nice night before he vomited everywhere.

Just then, Ronan appeared out of the bathroom, the sound of a flush heard behind him, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Everyone hushed. He looked around strangely, wide eyed and open mouthed. His movements were noticeably slow, still drunk. He staggered a bit, still a little wobbly.

Quick, Henry came to his rescue. Adam felt a twitch of envy that he could so easily do that and no one would be the wiser.

"Lynch," he called.

"Cheng." Ronan dragged out his name, saying it slow and specific. "Hi, Cheng. Can I call you Cheng?"

"You've been doing it for years." Henry found this amusing at least. 

"You're a good man, Cheng."

"Thank you. I'm going to take him back across the hall. Noah?"

"You have my permission," Noah replied.

"No, but thank you oh so much for your _permission_." He motioned with his neck. "Could you get the door?"

"Oh, shit. Sorry, yeah."

Noah was quick to hurry off the couch, leaping off the back. He grabbed the door, and promptly shot a look Adam's way. Adam shrugged. This was unexplainable. It wasn't his fault.

"Adam." Ronan pouted as he stretched across Henry for him. Adam's nausea shot straight up and he almost threw up, himself.

"I think he likes you," Blue joked.

"Shut up, Blue. Not everything requires commentary." Adam followed after him before she could say anything. He felt heat at his nape, but didn't turn around.

Clumsily, he helped Noah and Henry put Ronan to bed. One of them took off his shoes while Adam helped him out of his jacket and pants.

"Damn, he looks nice." Henry noted, ever the commentator on fashion these days it seemed. "Where did he go tonight?"

Noah and Adam exchanged a look behind Henry's back.

"A date," Noah insisted. "Doesn't appear to have gone well."

"Shame."

There was a quiet beat. All three stood there strangely above Ronan who was curled onto his side on the bed, amongst the mess that was his sheets.

Adam kind of wanted Henry and Noah to leave now. He said as much with his eyes to Noah, who upon seeing that clucked his tongue. With a snap of his fingers, he dragged Henry's gaze to him.

"Come on, Cheng," he said. "If we're quick, we can give barf duty to Parrish here."

"Sometimes you're kind of brilliant," Henry noted as they walked out. 

"Thank you." At the door, he paused. "Wait, only sometimes?"

Adam shut the door after they were gone, then took off his jacket and shoes and even his pants. He crawled into bed after Ronan, lying behind him also on his side.

"Adam," Ronan began to moan. He was getting into the less fun part of being drunk it seemed. Adam didn't think he'd have to deal with this as his boyfriend, but he wasn't all too surprised. Ronan liked alcohol, even if he was avoiding it since they started dating. His one arm reached around to Ronan's shirtfront, reaching inside to rub circles at his chest in comfort.

"I'm here," he said. "Don't worry."

"Are they gone?"

Adam nodded then remembered Ronan's eyes were closed. "Yeah, they're gone."

Ronan then rolled into him and draped his arm over him.

"Are you staying?"

Adam gently ran his fingers through what little of Ronan's curls there were. "Oh, I have a choice?" He smiled. "Well, in that case I choose no. I don't want to get vomited on. Goodnight."

Ronan groaned at him, louder than necessary. Adam snorted, bending into him and kissing his forehead. His skin even tasted like alcohol.

"I'm kidding," he whispered. "I'm staying."

"I'm sorry I ruined the evening," Ronan groaned.

"You didn't." Delicate touches were all Ronan could endure right now, still drunk and now half asleep. With his index finger, he followed the line of his nose. Ronan shivered. "I blame Tad for this, if I'm being honest. I'll make him pay."

"Make him throw up." Ronan curled more into his front. "Show him how it feels."

Adam laughed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The "three most attractive ones" according to Blue were going to get a tattoo together.

The idea started when Henry and Adam got into a fight at the idea of Adam sleeping with Noah. Henry didn't know that Adam knew, which was very complicated in and of itself, and while Henry couldn't openly explain himself on why it bothered him so much, Adam knew the reason but couldn't help arguing about it anyway. He became so defensive that Blue - who was already going to get a tattoo with Henry - asked Henry why it was he cared so much when Noah slept with a lot of people, and then Henry professed he didn't care. And then somehow that turned into Adam saying would getting a tattoo prove he didn't sleep with Noah. So then it became a thing for them all.

Adam was kind of nervous about it, but excited at the same time. There were always ideas of tattoos he had in the back of his mind, but he never thought about going through with it. His attraction to Ronan's tattoo knew no bounds, touching at the texture of his back and the lines of the wings and claws and beaks. He became thrilled at the thought of Ronan feeling the same way about his.

It suddenly became a very intense idea.

An idea that Blue openly shared with the others on a Tuesday night.

"What, tattoos?" Gansey balked. "What if you regret it immediately? It's an expensive waste of time, and ruining your body like that--"

"Thanks," Blue snapped. "But I didn't ask you!"

Noah shot a look to Henry, which Adam caught, and he ducked to pretend he didn't. It was similar to a look Ronan was giving him across the room. Then Noah laughed.

"Yeah, right," he said, targeted at Henry, who proceeded to playfully swat at him. Their relationship was confusing. It was like they knew they were into one another and yet they couldn't get past some stage they created for themselves.

It shouldn't bother him, but it did. And it didn't help that now all his friends (except, obviously, Ronan) thought he and Noah hooked up at some point and that's where the photo was from, along with all the weirdness. Henry especially didn't like this theory, though it was hard to say why out loud. But Adam knew why.

As Blue and Gansey went deep in discussion on why his opinion on tattoos was rude, and Henry continued to be chided by Noah, Ronan slipped into Adam's side, touching at him intimately in a discreet way by the sofa. Their fingers grazed like school children hiding a crush. He wanted Ronan to be suffering about this hookup theory as much as he was, but somehow it kept falling all on him. Ronan thought it wasn't anymore, but there was little he could do, except for tell them. Which Adam didn't know how to do at this point. He was sure then everyone would think he hooked up with Ronan _and_ Noah.

"Are you getting a tattoo, too?" Ronan whispered in his ear.

Adam shivered. He could hear the hint of thrill in Ronan's voice even now.

"No," Adam lied. "I'm going as moral support."

"Shame." Ronan slid back. "Chicken."

Adam rolled his eyes, and thought of how he couldn't wait to surprise him. Just he wait.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was suffering with Noah and Gansey trying to talk about the whole Adam debacle. It was a week ago and yet they were still on this. Ronan wanted to die. So did Noah. Gansey didn't even notice. He was asking Noah when they were together, which Noah kept denying, which pressed Gansey to ask even more not believing him.

"So, did you two rendezvous in Ireland at all?" he asked Noah. They were meant to be playing video games, but instead Ronan was left on the outskirts of this interrogation fuming at the thoughts filtering in his head. He was jealous of this somehow. Uncertain as to how or why, he tried not to do anything about it, but it was hard around the fifteenth question or so. 

Finally, when Gansey asked if he was in love with Adam, he broke.

"Oh my god!" Ronan exclaimed. He threw down the game controller he had been squeezing in his cramped hands. "Will you shut up about it already? Fuck, Gans. He says they're not together and they never were. If you're trying to get tips for your doomed love life, find somewhere else!"

He stood up from his seat and stormed off to his room, slamming them locking the door behind him until the fumes stopped emanating off his skin. He crawled into his bed in the dark recesses of his room, tempted to cry out of anger, but thinking better of it.

Instead, he reached for his phone out of his back pocket and texted the only person he felt sane around these days.

 

 

(1:05 pm) _i am so tired of them bugging about that photo. when are we telling someone else_

(1:08 pm) Soon

(1:08 pm) _when is soon?_

(1:13 pm) I don't know. I was expecting someone else to catch on sooner but they caught the wrong trail

(1:14 pm) _i'm losing my mind here_

(1:14 pm) _i just yelled at gansey_

(1:20 pm) To be fair that's not unusual for you

(1:20 pm) _adam :/_

(1:30 pm) We'll tell soon I swear. Before the term starts again. I swear.

(1:31 pm) _swear on the ethics code of science_

(1:31 pm) _swear on our sex life_

(1:33 pm) ok rude

(1:37 pm) _at this point I feel like you're being stubborn because you're scared or something_

(1:45 pm) I'm not scared

(1:45 pm) And I'm in the middle of something that involves needles I have to go

(1:46 pm) _parrish you can't just ditch the conversation_

(1:57 pm) _parrish_

(2:15 pm) _adam parrish i hate you so much sometimes_

 

He cradled his phone in his hands like it was a poisonous snake, tempted to chuck it out the window onto the fire escape and hoping it cracked into a thousand pieces on the city sidewalk. But he didn't.

Instead, he tossed his phone to the side somewhere he couldn't see. Instead, he tried to take an anger nap, settling into his sheets and stuffing a pillow over his face to scream into it.

_And I'm in the middle of something that involves needles I have to go._

He shot straight upright in bed to find his phone.

(2:34 pm) _wait_

(2:34 pm) _are you getting a tattoo???????????_

(2:35 pm) _[heart eye emojis]_

(2:35 pm) _(i still hate you but) [heart eye emojis]_

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam couldn't handle any more of his insecurities when he was too busy dealing with the fear of big needles he had, standing in a tattoo parlor in Brooklyn with Blue and Henry. Ronan insisting on telling the truth again, now of all times, was exhausting for him. So he turned his phone off and pocketed it as Blue came back over to him with a novel thick sized pile of paperwork he would have to sign and read over before getting his very first tattoo.

The thrill of it was mildly gone, though he wouldn't dare let Ronan destroy his mood completely. It was partially corroded by simply being here, hearing the vibration of needle and ink to skin in an adjacent room. The walls of the waiting room were lined in options of artwork as well as photographs of previous clients and their choices and designs. He wanted to understand what inspired Ronan to even bring that up. What did he mean by he yelled at Gansey? Gansey was harmless. There were other, more dangerous, people insisting on information. Hounding for it.

"Who was texting you so much?" Blue leaned forward into his safe space across the stretch of foldable seats lining the wall. "Was it Noah?"

He rolled his eyes and slapped the clipboard to his lap. "No, Blue."

"What about Noah?" Henry arrived from the bathroom, reaching across him to take the third clipboard of paperwork. He stared disapprovingly at Adam as he sat, intentionally three seats apart.

"Are you seriously mad at me still?" Adam grunted. He shot a look to Blue to shut up. She only mildly agreed, mumbling something under her breath as she leaned back. "I've told you a million-"

"I know," Henry moaned. "I know! Okay? I'm sorry. I don't... It's weird, all right? Why _did_ he have that photo then, if not because-?"

"I don't know." Adam shrugged a little fast and almost hit his shoulder to his own jaw. "I don't even know how he found that photo."

"Why did you have a naked selfie from that camera I bought you, by the way?" Blue asked, curiously. She spread a grin like a cat, as if she already suspected. He could see the word _Noah_ forming in her mouth again and he rolled his eyes. 

"My boyfriend, remember?" He insisted. "The one I've been dating for a while now?"

"Doesn't mean you can't have slept with Noah at some point," he caught Henry saying quiet under his breath. Adam rolled his eyes again and had to fix his glasses back up his nose as a result. 

"Noah could easily be the boyfriend," Blue said. He could tell she was joking, but it still rattled him, still rattled Henry. She was on his trail for sure, but she just picked the wrong dork that lived across the hall. "I mean, we haven't even seen a picture of the boyfriend. He could be anyone. He could be you!" She pointed across Adam at Henry, who allowed himself a laugh at the suggestion. "It could even be that guy."

All three of them turned to look at someone else down the long row of seats, an old man, hefty and tall, a beard as white as Santa Claus's and as long and thick too, wearing biker pants and a Misfits tee.

The three of them broke out into a shared, horrible laugh that made them awful people, but at least they were united in the terribleness.

"What are you two getting for tattoos, anyway?" Adam asked, when the laughter died down. He had to wipe his eye he laughed so hard he cried, hoping beyond hope that finally put the Noah thing behind them.

Henry shuffled a couple seats closer, closing the gap by two down to one. He tapped his pen against the stack of paper in his lap, not quite done filling it out.

"I'm thinking of the earth," he said. "Because I worry about it every day, and sometimes when it's hard I can look at the tattoo and remember what I'm fighting for."

"Aw," said Blue across from him. "That's so sweet! Where?"

Henry motioned to his upper bicep. Blue and Adam both nodded approvingly.

"Uh," a woman with several nose piercings and a masculin féminin sweater with fashionable sweats appeared from the back holding her own clipboard. Tattoo parlors were always full of interesting people. Her nails were painted the color of the rainbow, he noticed, as they raked across the smaller stack of papers on her board. "Blue Sargent?"

Blue stood straight as if this were roll call. "That's me!"

She looked jittery but excited as she followed after the girl into the room, leaving him and Henry alone. He looked down at his board, at his name scrawled on the top, at Ronan being his emergency contact in case of something really drastic happening. He touched at his name, at the loop of his R, the height of his L.

He then looked at Henry, wondering what he would say if he told him right now he was falling in love with Ronan. Likely already fell all the way down. What would he say? What would he say if he told him he knew about Noah? 

Then two others came out from the back room and each called for either of them, and Adam's heart rate elevated.

Here he went.

Inside, he talked to the artist about where he wanted the tattoo and what he wanted exactly, and all in all it took about an hour. It was exhilarating, and less painful than he expected. Really, it was just a strange feeling. The vibration went through his body as the needle left trails of lines on his skin. He wished Ronan had been there, wished he was a part of this moment. But he also loved that this moment belonged to only him, that this was a moment not tethered to anyone or anything else.

At the end of it, he was sore, a little red, but overall he was happy. There was something on his body, not a scar or a blemish or an accident. It was intentional and it was his. He touched a hand along the bandage around the tattoo, admiring it through the plastic.

Blue was already out of her session, excited to see Gansey's head explode. She was hopping up and down when he walked out, reaching for him with grabby hands.

"Let me see! Let me see!" she said.

He turned so his back was to the strangers around them, then peeled down the side of his jeans so he showed off his upper thigh, just below the lining of his underwear. Blue squealed.

"I love it!" she said.

Just as she was about to show here, Henry walked out of the bathroom, and Adam could see the truth before he blurted it out.

"I didn't do it," he said.

"What!" Blue wailed. "The whole point was to do it together. Oh my god, Henry."

He shrugged. "I heard the needle and just panicked. Sue me."

"I will.”

Henry waved her off.

"You told me if I got this, it'd be proof I'm not sleeping with Noah!" Adam groaned. "I can't believe this. I wasn't even going to get one before today, before you, and now I have one and you don't."

Though he still admired his, it was a bit of a buzzkill to have Henry not do this too.

"I'm sorry!" Henry shrugged. "If it's any consolation, I believe you now."

Adam rolled his eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"I have a confession to make." Adam was sitting there on the subway next to Henry after their tiff at the tattoo parlor. Blue was across from them, smushed between two old ladies that were talking her ear off about her hair.

Adam had found an old newspaper on his seat when they first arrived, which he was reading for the sole purpose of using it to ignore Henry.

"Mm," was all he said.

"I slept with Noah. Don't tell anyone."

Adam didn't ask or react, yet Henry kept going as if being insisted. As if being prodded. He went on about how it started, in Ireland, how it kept happening, how he liked it but he didn't.

Finally, Adam looked up and found Henry already staring at him. He reacted only now at the ends but trained his face not to move.

"So are you?"

"What?" Henry stared.

"Going to ask him out."

"Ugh, don't be absurd! I don't like him!"

Adam quietly flipped the page of the newspaper. "Could've fooled me," he noted.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Noah and Ronan were sitting next to each other at the kitchen counter in their apartment while Gansey was taking a piss. Ronan only came out of his room because Gansey was dying very embarrassing deaths in the video game he and Noah were playing.

Noah was eating cereal next to him, waiting out Gansey's bathroom break. A calm quiet rolled over them, but only temporarily.

"I slept with Henry at Declan's wedding," Noah said.

"Cool."

They fist bumped.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When the trio returned to the apartments, Ronan and Noah were in theirs with Gansey, Ronan sitting off to the side while the other two were playing a video game.

Upon their arrival, all three jumped up in different levels of interest. Noah promptly looked to Henry, leaned over the back of his chair to the doorway.

"Did you?"

Henry glared.

"I didn't get one."

"Told you so!" Noah beamed.

"You're one to talk." Henry's arms folded bitterly. "You don't have any either, asshole."

Their bickering was boring and expected, and Ronan centered in instead on Gansey dreamily looking at Blue as she and Adam insisted on talking in the doorway. He sat forward on the sofa, wanting them to move further into the room, hopeful and curious. As Gansey had to go to the bathroom, that's when Blue pulled Adam further in, and Ronan finally caught his eye.

He should still be mad at him. He should still hate the fact he cut off a conversation that was needed if not repetitive. But when their eyes met across the apartment he sunk deep into them to the point he was drowning in their hue. The bastard awkwardly smiled, and he was hooked.

"Did you get one?" he asked, playing it off he didn't really care.

Adam shrugged as he walked along the backside of the lounge chairs leaning against the one Gansey previously sat in, staring oh so nonchalantly and tantalizingly at Ronan over the headrest of it.

"Maybe." He cracked a smile that made Ronan feel like he was the only other person in the room. He got goosebumps from staring too long.

He wanted to ask where, but before he had the mind to, Adam knew him well enough he tapped gently at a high point of his thigh, and Ronan couldn't control his reaction. A gleeful smirk befell him.

"Want to see mine?" Blue swelled with pride for her tattoo as if she did it herself.

The others all agreed to inspect, because why not. She pulled back her sleeve and brace strap to show it off on the back of her shoulder. They crowded around to see. It was a mirror. 

"I don't get it," Adam said disappointedly.

"Is this you telling us how vain you are? We already knew that," Ronan quipped. Adam looked to want to say something, but just then Blue turned and slapped him on the arm. He snickered at her.

"Well, I think it's beautiful," Henry said. "Poetic."

"You're trying to distract from the fact you got a fucking dot and ran away," Noah moaned. Ronan made a mental note that when he was mentally capable of commenting on that, he would. But for now, he was so single minded he could barely remember even to breathe.

"You're just jealous of my dot."

Their bickering returned, and Ronan felt himself slowly gravitating toward Adam, wanting just to be near. He leaned in.

Then Gansey walked out of the bathroom, the noise of the toilet settling and startling them apart.

"What are you all looking at?" He tried to shuffle in with the group, but by then Blue had her tattoo covered back under her shirt.

"Nothing," she said, which sounded like something.

Gansey balked. She must not have hid the tattoo very well, though he didn't inspect, eyes held to Gansey's comical reaction. "Did you really get a tattoo?" he asked.

"Uh, no."

"Yes," said Henry.

She slapped him. "Henry!"

"What?" Henry caught on a little too late. "Oh. I didn't know we were lying to him."

"Can I see?" Gansey ignored all that, leaning in to inspect at Blue's back. When she realized what he was doing, she recoiled.

"So you can harass me about my life's choices, Gansey?" She laughed. "No."

"No, I- I won't." He fiddled with his glasses, which reminded Ronan to look over at Adam and see his slipping down. As his finger went up the length of Adam's nose, Gansey said, "I promise."

Blue wasn't hard to convince it seemed. Some days he wondered if Blue knew about Gansey's feelings and loved the attention or if she had similar feelings if her own but she was better at being discreet. Or if she simply was that easily persuaded by him again and again.

He almost made a joke, but he kept his mouth shut as Blue revealed her tattoo again and Gansey was so blatant as he stared at her. Everyone could see how above and beyond in love he was with her, and all rolled their eyes.

"Oh, wow," he said.

Adam chuckled into his shoulder. Ronan took a beat before he laughed, too.

Blue, of course, did not get the joke.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blue was busy putting unscented lotion on her tattoo as both the artist and Ronan instructed her to do. The bathroom's light had annoyingly been left on before she walked out to it, surprised Adam didn't remember. He was a stickler for saving energy, but there was always room for mistakes.

The tattoo was such a good idea. The looks on Ronan's face, on Gansey's, were worth it. Her mom was possibly going to kill her. She couldn't tell where Maura stood on tattoos, but she was chill about so many other aspects of her life she probably would be proud. Maybe try to squeeze in something mother daughter inspired.

Voices were emanating from Adam's bedroom as she finished up. It was unusual for him to be up so late, and to have someone over.

Her eyes went wide as she realized his boyfriend was probably here. That sneak! Oh, she was going to steal a peek. She had to. To clarify at the very least if he was hot or not. Maybe that was superficial, shallow, whatever. There had to be something off about him for Adam not to want to share with the class. They weren't _that_ bad.

Tiptoeing towards his closed door, Blue's curiosity blossomed with every step, careful not to bump into anything on her way through the dark. At the door the voices were clearer, and she wondered how often he snuck his boyfriend over like this.

She could hear him talking even now.

"I don't like keeping things from her. This isn't fun anymore," he said. "It was at first, even with your harassment. But she kept talking to me about Gansey and Noah today and I couldn't even tell her the truth about you. How _you're_ my secret boyfriend. Should we tell her next?"

There was a pause, and Blue began to try to understand what these words even meant.

"Whatever you want, Adam."

It was clearly Ronan's voice, even though it was smoother and gentler than she'd ever heard it. She recognized the lilt of a tease and the deep punch pronunciation of Adam's name. Blue internally screamed. 

"What? No. What! No! What?! No!!"

Then, on the other side she could hear kissing sounds, and Blue suddenly wished she was dead right now.

"Did you see the way he looked at her today?" Ronan scoffed. There was a snort, another blatantly long kiss. Included were other sounds that made Blue want to fling herself over her own balcony. He sounded more and more like the Ronan she knew as the conversation went on. The playfulness in his voice returned as he said, "Oh my fuck he's so in love."

Blue was even more confused.

"Yeah, I don't know which is worse," Adam noted. He then exerted a weird little laugh. This felt so intimate, but Blue was determined to eavesdrop now. "Us hiding our relationship or Gansey being secretly in love with Blue for years."

She regretted it immediately, and stood straight up with goosebumps all over her body.

"Say what??????????" she whispered hard under her breath. 

Ronan snorted. "I'd say it's the Gansey thing," he said. "He's so pathetic about it. Move on, pal."

"I mean, we never dropped it and look what came of us."

There were more sounds Blue cringed hearing, and she peeled back promptly from the door. She was still dizzy hearing all of this and felt like she should leave but she couldn't.

Gansey... loved her? This must be a joke, right? How could she not see that? Sure she knew he thought she was pretty. Occasionally he said as much. But to love her? He never even asked her out! What kind of person doesn't ask someone they love out on a date! Was this another Lynch classic joke? But Adam wasn't calling it out. He was playing along. It wasn't a joke. 

She was glued to that spot like if she moved she'd die. She heard Ronan give this soft, tiny laugh that sounded so painfully sweet she was gonna barf right here on this floor.

"But I have more game than he does," Ronan announced.

She almost laughed. It came fluttering up her throat, quick, she had to cup a hand over her mouth. Adam thankfully laughed for her.

"Your idea of 'game' made it so I didn't know you liked me until we literally had sex."

Oh, here comes the barfing again.

Ronan grunted, vocally annoyed. That didn't seem to change. 

"I'm tired of talking," he said. "Can I see your tattoo?"

Then Ronan winced loud, exclaiming an "Ow! That hurt!"

"Shh!!" Adam's voice dropped low. "Keep quiet. Don't be a dick."

"I just have had it built up in my mind all day of what it'll be, and I'm really curious." His voice dropped, too, sounding sultry - or a variation of it anyway. She wanted them to get back to the Gansey bit.

How were they so at ease at flirting, at likely lying there in bed together with intimate gestures and positions, yet whenever she was around them they couldn't be further apart than this?

Oh.

It should've been obvious.

They were so obvious.

She only assumed Ronan and Adam were never going to commit to their weird flirting, which she constantly second guessed _as_ flirting, because who flirts that way!

But now that the world was tilted sideways, it made every bit of sense. And they'd been hiding this for a while. And she felt like a fool for not noticing.

Oh my god she was going to kill Adam.

"I got it on my thigh," he whispered, but not well enough because even without her ear to the door she could hear him.

God, they weren't subtle at all.

"I know." Ronan sounded excited. She was disturbed by this. To hear Ronan excited like this about anything.

"It's vines that go all the way around."

"Mhm."

Blue gagged when she could hear distinct kissing sounds again. They were heavily making out now, that much was obvious. Blatantly so.

Okay, new plan. She was going to barge in and make them explain. She was going to ask why they kept this a secret. Why they lied to her. To everyone. She was going to do it. She was going to yell and maybe cry and definitely have to close her eyes so she didn't see penises.

Then she heard laughing sounds. A split second of the reality of this slapped her in the face. God Adam sounded... so happy. He never laughed like that. And, the longer she stood there, she reminded herself how happy he's been lately and how many more smiles unprompted she's seen that felt so genuine and loose. Ronan Lynch was responsible for them! Ronan Lynch was responsible for making her best friend and roommate relax and breathe.

"Did the tattoo artist have to see your dick?" Ronan was an idiot. How did this happen?

Adam snorted loudly. "No, Lynch. God, your mind is so filthy. Where do you think I got this, at a brothel?"

"But you had your pants off?"

"So? Why, are you jealous?"

"No."

There was a beat of silence.

"A little," Ronan confessed. 

"He was very big and very macho and very straight." Adam was mocking him. 

"So he wasn't like Chad?" Ronan asked.

Who was Chad? All these secrets!!! There's even a secret Chad!

"No," said Adam. "He was way hotter."

"Parrish! Oh- Oh, wow. That's some quality work."

"Ew," she caught herself saying out loud. Her hand came swift to cover her mouth.

She took a step back before this got even grosser, hearing more sounds of kissing.

She couldn't believe this. Adam and Ronan? AND GANSEY?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we have it folks. two down.... two to go.....
> 
> what will blue do now?
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! what will the next chapter have in store you wonder???? take a guess in the comments
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	12. the one where blue is acting weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he finished, Adam saw Gansey shake his head.
> 
> "No, that's not when I remember you starting to become friends."
> 
> Ronan's jaw set. "Yes, it is."
> 
> "I remember a different story."
> 
> "No, that's the story!"

Ronan and Adam were trying to both be Mr. Subtle. Blue was watching, observing them more lately like a voyeur. She was analyzing everything they did these days, only two days after she found out they were sleeping together. This must be what it feels like when as a kid you learn Santa Claus isn't real.

She watched the pair of men walking into each other as Adam tried to move to the kitchen and Ronan was trying to walk to the sofa. They side stepped the same way several times, oddly laughing, playing it off like they hadn't seen each other naked dozens of times. They kept walking into each other.

Then Ronan just picked Adam up and moved him around to his other side. And Adam strangely blushed and basically _giggled_ walking sideways towards her in the kitchen. His head was still turned to stare after Ronan unsubtly, Ronan staring back at him, smiling when he sat on the sofa.

Adam was smiling as he moved to lean against the counter next to the fridge, next to her now staring into the fridge like she didn't just see all that... She was staring intensely at an expired yogurt that she meant to toss for days now.

Beside her Adam mumbled something. _Ugh Ronan blah blah._ Blue was trying so very hard not to say something about how _oh I bet you find him annoying_.

God it was so weird. But he was so.... happy.... 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

She watched them again and again, and each time she saw the way they handled one another. There was a delicateness in Ronan's touch and gaze and playful tone. There was a gentleness in Adam's smile she'd never seen before. She wondered how it took her so long to recognize it, but partially she always knew they had a thing for each other, but in their way they denied it for so long she sort of forgot and thought that's just how they were with each other.

The both of them sat at the edge of the booth at Nino's while the rest of the group crowded the other side, chatting over something on Ronan's phone. Adam rolled his eyes as if he was genuinely upset, and then a smile split as Ronan began explaining whatever it was. He smiled as Ronan looked so excited. Adam looked so head over heels. How was she so blind? How are the others blind? She watched as Adam cocked his head back and laughed, as he tilted his head in close to Ronan's. 

They were getting to be so close and intimate, but they weren't touching much beyond the usual. It was just the way Adam shifted his shoulders closer, how Ronan breathed in his face, and Adam smiled at Ronan's lips and Ronan wrinkled his nose laughing.

Then Ronan leaned in close to Adam's hearing ear to whisper something, and Adam's eyes closed longer than a blink.

_They can't get away with this_ , she thought. _With being so happy and lying to them!!! Fucking the group dynamic up because they liked having sex. Not on her watch!!_

Her other friends had no idea. When she looked at them, they were as blind to this as she once was. Ugh. Typical.

Oh, but then her eye caught Noah, who was looking at them with disgust on his face. He must have felt someone staring at him and glanced at her like he felt her eyes. When they met, his quickly darted away.

He knew.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was in the dead of night when Blue barged into Noah's room, wide awake from having to endure Ronan and Adam talking all night through the wall. She could tell it was going to go on forever, one of those talks people did when they were so into each other they couldn't shut up for their roommates!

Noah screamed when the door swung wide, knocking into his bookshelf and creating a loud clunk of a sound. It startled him awake, and instead of reaching for a weapon he instead pulled close on his stuffed chicken toy he slept with.

"I know you know," she said, intentionally accusatory.

He sat up in bed, reaching slowly to turn on a light.

"I know a lot of things," he replied.

"About Adam and Ronan," Blue clarified.

Noah insisted on hiding his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, hiding behind his chicken.

"You know."

He sat further up, staring her down. There was judgment in his eyes, calculating things. They narrowed, and finally he surmised what he wanted to from all his weird looks.

"You don't know..." He scoffed.

Blue scoffed back.

"They're having sex!" she blurted out.

Noah yelped. "How did you know!"

"I heard them!" She pointed at him. "They're dating! He's the secret boyfriend."

Noah slumped down back into his sheets.

"Yeah, they aren't subtle about it," he agreed.

"You're telling me." Blue sat down on the foot of his bed, bewildered still about all of this. "I can't believe I didn't know immediately. Why didn't you tell me!"

"I was sworn to secrecy!" Noah squeezed the chicken to his chest. "But oh my god it feels so nice to have someone else know. I've been dying."

"When did it start?" Blue had so many questions. She wanted to know when he found out, how he found out, why no one else knew, and a million other questions.

"Ireland," he said. "There was no one else."

"I can't believe it." Since Ireland? God.

"I know." He agreed with a head nod.

Then, slowly, it dawned on her.

"Oh my god he's the one with the nice mouth," she said with a gasp. "Oh ew ew ew ew ew."

Noahjust kept nodding along. He wavedher on. "Keep going. I've been there. Let it all out."

"This is awful!" She gasped. 

"Well, now that you know-"

"No." Blue flung herself up to her feet. "You can't tell them I know," she said. A plan was building in her head. "They don't deserve to feel safe with keeping me in on a secret. I'm so mad at them! Adam and I are best friends and he couldn't feel safe to tell me!"

"To be fair, I think he was worried because it was Ronan--"

"I don't give a shit. I would've been fine"

"Would you?" Noah squinted. "I mean, I thought I'd be cool too if it ever finally happened, but I actually gagged. It's weird. I've only seen them as friends it's like watching parents make out."

"Gross." Blue could see herself doing the same. "Yeah, we're not telling them I know."

Noah didn't like this. He sat up again. "But now I know that you know and that they don't know, and I am so confused. I'm not keeping your secret!"

"You are, because you're going to help me get them to confess they're hooking up."

"Why?"

"Because they hid it!"

"That's mean." There was a breath, a pause that hardly lasted a second. "But I had to pretend I stole a nude photo from Adam's room, so I'm in."

"Tell me more about their habits," she said, shutting the door in case they came over.

 

~~~~~~

 

Watering Adam's plants was a relaxing affair. Though to be honest, that was mainly due to being in Adam's room while he was often studying and quiet. When he finished watering them, he came to stand behind Adam at his desk, working so hard he was hunched over in the light of his room, staring at notes that said fancy things he didn't pretend to understand.

He started to massage at Adam's shoulders, feelings knots and tight muscles under his fingers. He learned he was pretty good at this when he realized it was like kneading dough, and from them on Adam was lost to him.

Relating to this, Adam hummed under his breath. He then sighed in delight as his head dipped an inch or so forward.

"You're distracting me," he said, but he didn't want him to stop, evident by when he did he pulls his hand back Adam grunted and motioned with his shoulders to come back.

"You've been at this for forever," Ronan noted. 

"Barely an hour," Adam snorted.

"You should take a break."

"I can't do that right now." Adam's glasses fell off his nose and onto his notes as he rubbed at his eyes. "It will mess up my focus."

"I don't mean _that_." Ronan knew exactly what Adam thought he meant, and as much as sex sounded nice every second of the day he remembered it was a thing, it wasn't always on his mind. "That's not always what I mean when I suggest a break."

"Sure."

"I'm less shallow than that, Parrish."

Adam glanced back at him, glasses free, and Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I mean to be anyway." His hands pulled from Adam's shoulders, who curled his lips downward in disdain. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember." Adam turned back and retrieved his glasses, placing them on with a huff. 

"Never a good sign." Despite now officially being deemed a distraction, Ronan teasingly ran his hands through Adam's hair. The other shivered, delighted, and he watched his glasses fall again. "Want me to get you food?"

"Mm. I'm fine."

Ronan leaned over to rest his chin on Adam's shoulder. "Are you?"

Adam's eyes closed to the softness of his voice. "A sandwich?" he proposed.

Ronan kissed his cheek. "Only because I like you."

Adam snorted. "Is a sandwich below your standards?"

"It's a waste of my talents."

Adam's laugh fueled him the entire walk out the door.

When he stepped out of Adam's room, he saw Blue in the kitchen, who saw him in return.

"What are you doing here?" they said simultaneously.

"I live here," Blue then replied, hand on her hip.

"I, uh, was studying with Parrish." Ronan almost confessed to making Adam a sandwich. It wasn't out of the ordinary for him, except now when he said he was cooking for Adam, Adam told him he sounded like it was a gift to do so and not a chore. He grimaced.

Blue looked to want to say something. Her mouth opened and shut multiple times before she squinted, hesitating on whatever it was she planned to say. He swallowed, visibly, confused what was happening.

"Great." She moved at once for her bag. "I'll study with you."

"We were, uh-" What did she have to study for? She wasn't in school last he checked. "There's not really room in there."

"You can sit on the floor," she said, already walking toward Adam's open door. "What are you studying anyway?"

"Food." Even as he said it, he knew it was a bad answer. She said nothing to it, and he didn't comment on the fact she usually would. Instead, he breathed relief.

"Speaking of," he said. "I, uh, am hungry."

"Okay." Blue smirked.

For a split second he swore she knew.

"Make me something, too, won't you?"

He groaned loudly. She didn't know. She just was being Blue.

 

(2:15 pm) _I can't do it_

(2:21 pm) **Can't do what? Who is this?**

(2:21 pm) _did you lose your phone again_

_maybe_

(2:21 pm) _It's BLUE_

(2:24 pm) **Oh**

(2:25 pm) _I can't seem to go through with it pranking them. they're so happy and obvious it's almost cruel to prank them_

_like right now I made Ronan sit on the floor_

(2:25 pm) **that's it?**

(2:26 pm) _I wasn't finished_

(2:27 pm) _and he's sitting near Adam as we're in here studying_

(2:30 pm) **What is he studying? Adam's face? you'd think he'd have that memorized by now**

(2:31 pm) _haha good one_

(2:31 pm) _no he's actually reading up about meals he has to prepare_

(2:31 pm) _but anyway there was a moment when Adam turned to him all quiet and whispered you're distracting me and poked him on the nose with his pencil eraser_

(2:32 pm) _And I wanted to hurl myself out the window it was so intimate_

(2:34 pm) **in front of you?????**

(2:35 pm) _I don't think they thought I was paying attention_

(2:40 pm) **They get an F for subtlety**

(2:41 pm) _Ronan's smile was so wide I think he might be possessed_

(2:45 pm) **yeah by Adam's dick**

(2:45 pm) _ok ew_

(2:46 pm) **sorry but it's true. you're lucky your walls are thick**

 

Blue looked up from her phone from her position on the bed. Adam and Ronan were laughing quietly to something just a few feet away from her, and she rolled her eyes to look back down at her phone. 

She had 15 unread messages from Gansey from the last two days. Most of them were links to things he thought she would like, his usual behavior with her. That should've been obvious, too, his interest in her. 

Now she wasn't sure she knew how to talk to him anymore, to any of them. The last time she saw Gansey in person she giggled and then walked away mid word, unsure what to think of the situation.

Her brain could hardly compute one thing, let alone both simultaneously. 

Then she remembered how mad she was when she found out Adam's been lying to her about this and she was back in pranking mood. She watched them flirt with her _right there_ , and she churned.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As a result of hers and Noah's frustrations, the pair manufactured a routine, where when they knew Adam and Ronan were over at either apartment the one would text the other and then they would try to barge in. Or at least ruin the mood. It was in hopes of getting them to confess, or at least spoil their fun for a little while like they spoiled Blue'a.

At one point she successfully opened the door, as they must've forgotten to knock. Ronan's clothes were so evidently littered around the room, but he had to have been hiding under the bed or in Adam's tiny closet, because she couldn't see him. She expected a human sized bulge in the sheets that was meant to be subtle, but no.

Adam tried to be coy and aloof as he held the sheet over himself.

"You know they invented knocking for a reason," he murmured. 

"I know."

It was the middle of the afternoon and Adam told her he was going to be at an internship meeting. That obviously wasn't real.

"What can I do for you?" He said it dryly, implying he wanted to do nothing. She didn't think she'd get this far today. Usually when she knocked or disturbed them in any way, he'd wait her out or have successful time to hide everything. This time she was with the upper hand.

She bent down, retrieving Ronan's obvious pants that lay at her feet by the door. When she was knelt on the ground she stole a look under the bed, but Ronan wasn't there.

"Since when did you start rocking these?" she asked. 

"Uh..." His eyes then bugged out as he seemed to lose control of his body. He shook his head awkwardly, and Blue became satisfied with this event in particular. Blue then realized Ronan must've gone to the bathroom and she whipped around to see nobody. She wondered if he was hiding behind the sofa. Should she even dare to peek?

"What are you staring at?" she asked.

"Nothing," Adam muttered. "A bee."

"Nothing, or a bee?"

Adam gravely sighed and leaned forward, taking the seat with him as it wrapped around his waist. "If you'll excuse me, I was sleeping," he said. He then snatched the pants from her. "Thank you."

Blue huffed. She wasn't the best at this. Confrontation was easier when she wasn't seething with some unknown emotion lying underneath.

"Next time knock, would you?" He tossed the pants behind his bed. "What did you want anyway? You didn't say."

"You said you were going to be at an internship meeting," she said, remembering his excuse. He flinched.

"Yeah, I, uh, didn't have to last minute. So I slept in."

"It's noon."

"That's what sleeping in means, right?" Adam hesitated.

Blue narrowed her eyes. She swore she saw a reflection of Ronan in his glasses, but she couldn't be sure she was thinking hopefully. She turned to see nobody there, but it felt as if the door had just been opened.

"What are you doing later?" she asked, turning back to Adam. "You have an off day, right?"

"Oh. I, uh, was thinking of hitting up the library," he said, nodding vigorously. Over the days she knew about his secret, she noticed he nodded his head a lot more enthusiastically when he was talking about Ronan secrets. 

"Great." Blue beamed. "I'll join you."

"Well, I--"

"Unless you're meeting your boyfriend," she then said. "Who I still would love to meet."

"No, I..." He sighed. His glasses slipped down his nose, and she watched him struggle to catch them one handed, the other still clutching his sheets. They shifted a little and she saw a hickey on his chest, which he quickly moved to hide again. "You can come. I'll just be studying again."

"You study way more than you used to, which was already a lot." Blue leaned against the doorframe. "Something wrong?"

"Hmm? No." Adam smiled, his lying smile. "No nothing's wrong."

"If you say so. I need to check out some books anyway."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan was eternally grateful that Noah often forgot to lock their apartment door, which made sneaking in naked dangerously easy and smooth. He quietly shut the door behind him to a point it made hardly a noise. He tiptoed across the apartment space to his room, and he barely got to his door when Noah shuffled around in his own room like he knew he was there.

Ronan lunged onto the bed to find a straggler item of clothing, anything, to shove on and make this less humiliating.

"Hey Ronan," Noah called out. He heard him open his door just as he found a pair of Adam's underwear, clean enough he stuffed them on himself, doing his best not to look totally exposed. 

"What?" He grunted.

Noah walked over to his open door and paused, not even reacting to his level of undress. 

"You doing anything right now?" He was eating a piece of chicken, grease on his chin.

"Uh." Ronan blanked a second. "I'm going to meet Adam in a while," he said.

"Oh. And Blue?"

"And...?" Ronan's eyes began to narrow. "What about Blue?"

"They're going to the library."

Ronan blanked. He was supposed to be going on a date with Adam to the movies.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

(12:21 pm) _parrish are you dumping me for blue?_

(12:24 pm) ha ha you're hilarious

(12:24 pm) no. I said I was studying and she pushed to come

(12:25 pm) _you can say no to her you know_

(12:30 pm) I know. But it's not so easy, even if I'm not also riddled with internal guilt 

(12:32 pm) _ok you big baby. so no movie then?_

(12:35 pm) sorry :( I'll see you tonight though <3

(12:35 pm) _:'(_

 

 

"Hey, Czerny." Ronan found clean clothes to change into, making a mental note he needed to do laundry soon. He appeared back out in the living room to see Noah still eating chicken. "Do you want to go to a movie?"

"With you?" Noah snorted.

"No, with Bill Nye the fucking Science Guy." Ronan's jaw clenched. "Of course with me. Adam's bailed on me, so I have an extra."

"Ooh, is it that new spy one?" Noah turned toward him in his chair all excited. "Yes please!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

For the remainder of the week, Blue continually kept getting in Adam and Ronan's way of hanging out. Every time they were going to sneak off somewhere she was there to ruin it. Laundry? Do mine too. Coffee run? Grab me one. Library? I'll come with. Lunch with Declan? Ok she let that one go. She wasn't sure if it was real or not and she didn't want to see Declan herself.

But none of it was working. When she saw them together during group interactions nothing felt different.

One time they were all over, Adam was unraveling about something that happened at work, and she caught (as well as everyone else but Adam) Ronan mocking his gestures behind him. Each wave of the hand, sigh, even eye roll though he couldn't see them.

Finally, Adam caught the looks on his friends' faces as they tried not to laugh, and And he turned around to punch him in the arm. Ronan couldn't stop laughing.

"You jerk," Adam said.

_"You jerk,"_ Ronan mocked.

But then later she saw them sneak a kiss in the corner that led to the balcony, a place easily hidden if you stood at the right angle to everyone else.

She wanted that. She wanted them to have that (maybe). Behind her, Gansey tripped on his own shoelace and she groaned.

But did she want _that_?

 

(8:59 pm) _ok new plan they aren't suffering enough_

(9:15 pm) **Ronan's been making me a lot of food lately maybe we can let this go**

(9:20 pm) _he hasn't paid for making you a sex fiend in the eyes of your friends!_

(9:30 pm) **I mean, have you had his eggs benedict?**

(9:35 pm) _noah_

(9:50 pm) **I'm out**

(9:50 pm) _what!!!_

(9:53 pm) **you're on your own sargent**

(9:53 pm) _you can't do this!!!_

(10:00 pm) _why aren't you answering?_

(11:12 pm) **I was in the middle of sex!! I have priorities you know**

(11:13 pm) _oh my god you all suck. how is my love life worse than ronan's?_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

One random afternoon, Blue's cousin, Orla, dropped by for a weekend visit. When she visited, often there was drama amongst them that got outed. It was somehow her gift. And when Adam walked into his apartment to find her on the sofa with Blue, he wondered at the thought the drama that would get leaked this time was about him and Ronan.

Orla's presence on their sofa that weekend unsurprisingly made it more challenging for him and Ronan to sneak around. She never seemed to leave the apartment, and while she was staying neither did Blue.

Anytime he had to go anywhere they would ask where he was going or try to make him stay to hang out. It was making Ronan anxious.

 

(3:02 pm) _why can't she get a hotel!! why can't we get a hotel?_

(3:11 pm) that implies I can leave the apartment. which I can't. I feel like I'm being held prisoner. S.O.S.

(3:13 pm) _save yourself, parrish. save yourself for our sex life_

(3:15 pm) I'm trying you smug bastard but you're no help

(3:20 pm) _how can i be. her cousin freaks me out she knows too much without you having to say a damn word. she's a witch_

(3:23 pm) Will you quit with that witch nonsense again?

(3:26 pm) _she put a curse on our sex life, parrish_

(3:30 pm) I don't think she did any such thing. It's been two days

(3:31 pm) _it's a desert over here_

(3:33 pm) That literally makes no sense

(3:35 pm) _you make no sense_

(3:38 pm) god

(3:40 pm) _no, this is ronan_

(3:45 pm) I'm breaking up with you

 

Ever since Orla's arrival, Blue was acting even stranger than before. She was looking at Gansey funny, funnier than she usually did. And she was staring at Adam and Ronan a lot more. Adam didn't know what to make of that. It was weird, for sure. Maybe Orla really did curse their sex life.

The thought made him chuckle as he was sitting down at a group gathering in their living room.

"What's so funny, Parrish? I didn't tell any jokes recently."

Adam gave Ronan a withering look, before planting his eyes elsewhere when Ronan stuck his tongue out at him. 

After a few drinks shared amongst the group (mainly everyone but Adam and Ronan who both abstained), Orla started in on her usual invasive questions. She had no boundaries, and so she often got quite personal.

She asked Gansey about his sex life, and almost everyone choked on their drink when she did. She asked about Adam's boyfriend, who had gotten rather decent at lying about him. He flashed a glance Ronan's way before he answered, which was his greatest weakness. He was going to tell them, he said to himself. He promised Ronan that.

Then Orla devised up a new, stranger way of sparking drama. She asked them each to recount how they all became friends with one another.

"Starting with you!" She touched at Adam's shoulder, as he sat right next to her. He glanced around at the others, of course his eyes landing on Ronan last.

"We don't have to hear this story!" he exclaimed.

Adam was confused. He watched as Ronan shot a glare at Gansey across the way.

"What?" Everyone turned to Gansey and Ronan, looking between them like this was some huge secret. It was, maybe, but how is it Adam wouldn't know either? He knew everything about Ronan, how he met everyone. This was confusing. "Oh yeah!"

Ronan bent forward in his seat to hide his face in his lap. His ears were red.

"Remember when you met Henry?" Blue said to Ronan, like she found out the answer to the question on her own. "You hit on him, and it went poorly so embarrassingly. He came over to us, and the rest was history."

"Shut up," Ronan screamed into his thighs.

Everyone but Orla already knew that story though. Why was it so embarrassing?

"Aw, we already knew that," he said, shooting a look at hot cheeked Ronan, who only looked up to scowl at him specifically.

He smiled back at him.

"That's not why he was glaring at me," Gansey replied.

He went on to talk about how he and Ronan became friends, when they were young kids long before his father died, long before he even had issues with Declan. Ronan ran away from home because his mom wouldn't buy him a puppy, and he ran into Gansey on the highway, whose mother pulled over at the sight of a child alone on the road.

But by the look of sheer relief in Ronan's expression by the end of the story of a kid who never got a puppy and admittedly cried when his dad came to pick him up, Adam could see that's not what he meant either.

He narrowed his eyes. He wanted to know what he was referring to.

Stories about how Adam and Blue became friends, how Blue and Gansey, how Noah and Henry all were then told, but every time, Adam looked to Ronan in wonder of what he was relieved had been dropped. He wasn't going to drop it.

When it came to the talk about them, Ronan talked in short, clipped sentences about them becoming friends after being forced to become lab partners. The whole story of their unconventional friendship blossoming long after they were forced to hang out as two sides of Gansey's friendship circle.

When he finished, Adam saw Gansey shake his head.

"No, that'snot when I remember you starting to become friends."

Ronan's jaw set. "Yes, it is."

"I remember a different story."

"No, that's the story!"

Adam sat forward. That was the story he remembered, too. Before then, Ronan was a sore on his side. A hot boy that antagonized him.

What story did Gansey remember?

Before he could ask, Gansey was so open to sharing.

"So it was before their lab partner days. Before even this carnival we had at school where I could even see some friend sparks-a-flying. Ronan and I had just gotten into a huge fight about living arrangements and finishing school. I remember the fight, because it was one of the first times I could go to Adam about them. Adam probably doesn't remember, though. It was a while ago."

Adam did remember, though. He remembered because that same day Ronan later showed up at his work and berated him about homework. They went on to have a talk about Ronan getting to do what he wants to do, not what others want him to do. And then Ronan told him he didn't even ask (when he did) and stormed away.

God, he was the epitome of the unhealthy ideology that a boy is mean to their crush, wasn't he. He almost smiled fondly at the memory, but caught himself.

"Ronan didn't want to finish school," Gansey continued. "Didn't want college. He basically had plans to drop out and coast by on what little he had until his trust fund kicked in. And then school decided we as a class, as a school actually, should have a field trip to D.C. It was basically mandatory because every kid was going, but really it was only heavily suggested."

Adam's chest pained in memory of the trip. He remembered having panic attacks about it for weeks, overworking himself trying to save for the trip. For some reason the school decided it wouldn't sponsor the students, making them pay their own way individually.

At the time, he wanted to go so badly, but he couldn't afford it. He was going to be the only kid in the entire school who couldn't go and it tore him up inside. He remembered he got in a huge fight with Gansey about paying for it. Ironically the same day Ronan and Gansey fought, in the same conversation he talked about Ronan. He wouldn't let him pay. He wasn't even sure his dad would let him go if he somehow could afford it. It was awful. 

On the other side of the room, Ronan sat jittery next to Noah, leg fidgeting and body twitching.

"Are you possessed, Lynch?" Blue glared at his shuffling.

"What's this got to do with their friendship?" Henry asked, bored. "They bond on the field trip or something?"

"It never happened," Adam announced, which confused him even more about why Gansey was telling this story.

"Yeah," Gansey agreed, like that was the point. "You were so worked up about it you weren't sleeping the little you usually slept at that point in time. You were more exhausted than your usual Adam Parrish the future valedictorian exhausted. You fell asleep in the middle of Latin several times."

Adam was blushing. He didn't like this. Blue caught wind of his reaction, and she kicked Gansey under the coffee table. 

"Point, Gansey?" she intervened.

"Ronan got the field trip cancelled."

Adam jerked forward to look across Noah. Ronan was chewing on his watch wristband and looking away.

"I didn't know that," he said out loud.

Gansey smirked. Ronan was doing his best to hide himself, but he wasn't exactly easily invisible.

"He got it cancelled by taking the headmaster's car for a joyride into the school pool and spray painting penises all over the school busses," Gansey noted. "He almost got expelled."

Adam didn't know what to feel about that. He did that. For him. Before they were even friends. In their talk, Ronan asked if he was going on the field trip and he said unlikely. Then shunned him when he thought he was going to make fun of his money problems, but of course he never did.

"I knew in that moment Ronan was growing to like Adam, and not that long after they stopped harassing each other and actually became friends," Gansey said, ever the fool. "Thank you, cancelled D.C. field trip. Otherwise the rest of us wouldn't be such good friends."

"To the D.C. field trip!" Orla called out.

They all cheered and toasted their drinks together, but Adam couldn't stop looking at Ronan across the hands and bottles. This was nearly a decade old story, but he was enraptured by it.

 

(8:12 pm) you did that for me?

(8:20 pm) _no_

(8:21 pm) _i did that for the good of all mankind_

(8:21 pm) _plus I really wanted to drive his 1974 spyder. that thing was a real beaut_

(8:23 pm) you did that for me 

(8:23 pm) I don't know if I should be :') or >:(

(8:24 pm) why didn't you tell me

(8:25 pm) _I didn't_

(8:25 pm) ok

(8:30 pm) _we weren't friends then. I did it for myself. I wasn't about to endure hours on a smelly bus with all our classmates_

(8:31 pm) ok

(8:31 pm) _I swear_

(8:32 pm) ok

(8:35 pm) _it was a grand gesture you were never meant to know about_

(8:36 pm) :)

(8:37 pm) I'm going to casually slip out for some more ice. meet me at yours in five?

(8:40 pm) _what's my excuse to leave_

(8:41 pm) you can figure that one out on your own. you're smart enough

(8:45 pm) _am I?_

(8:46 pm) I still can't believe you did that for me 

(8:46 pm) I'm both annoyed and endeared

(8:48 pm) _I'd do anything for you :(_

(8:50 pm) why the frown face

(8:51 pm) _I don't know :( I'm embarrassed :(_

(8:53 pm) you should be. drawing penises on busses is so juvenile

(8:54 pm) _I was a juvenile!!!_

(8:57 pm) excuses

(8:58 pm) _:(_

(9:00 pm) _I adore you :( I always have :(_

(9:03 pm) can't believe you committed a crime for me

(9:05 pm) _I've committed a lot of crimes_

(9:05 pm) _some of them with you_

(9:07 pm) oh I remember

(9:10 pm) but this was for me. first one too <3

(9:11 pm) _it wasn't_

(9:13 pm) huh

(9:15 pm) _I can't believe how you find this romantic_

(9:30 pm) _where'd you go?_

(9:31 pm) to get the ice. you're taking too long

(9:32 pm) _I didn't even hear you say you were leaving_

(9:35 pm) you're too obvious on your phone.

(9:35 pm) what was the first crime

(9:35 pm) _I'll tell you in person_

(9:35 pm) _where are you?_

(9:36 pm) your bed

(9:36 pm) _oh_

(9:37 pm) wtf where do you think I am?

(9:37 pm) _uh, the bathroom?_

(9:38 pm) wtf why

 

Ronan and Adam were totally having sex right now and Blue was bitter. The whole reason she invited Orla to the city was to get them to spill their feelings but it wasn't working. Cousin Sabotage backfired!

And no one else was even remotely aware they were _both_ gone at the _same_ time.

"Gansey's gotten kind of cute," Orla commented, when Gansey got up to grab a new beer.

"He's always been cute," Blue replied without thinking. When she heard herself, she jerked. Then Orla grabbed her by the shoulder, and she jerked some more.

"Oh, Blue!" Orla squealed. "That's why you invited me here? To be your wing woman for that? Oh, I am all about that."

Blue couldn't believe she just said that. She glance: over at her cousin, then at Gansey who was now having trouble opening his ear. "Okay yeah he's always been cute," she admitted. "But he's a total dork. He doesn't really look it. If he dresses better he'd be even cuter. But his personality."

Oh, God. Was this because of what she overheard? It had to be, right? Just wish fulfillment.

She looked over again. He was pushing his hair back with one hand, having had to ask Noah to open his bottle. His smile was straight and bright. No, maybe she did--

Adam and Ronan walked in together just then, both a little breathless and their clothes disheveled. But Adam had the ice.

They weren't subtle. But they kept to their lies.

Noah was the only other person who knew and it wasn't enough!

But it would have to be. Because the more she wanted to ruin their fun, the more clear it was this fun was real. They liked each other. It wasn't just two friends hooking up. And on more than one other occasion beyond the first she sensed Adam's discomfort in keeping this a secret from her.

If Cousin Sabotage didn't work, she was out of the least humiliating of her options. She was going to let them live... for now.

"Hey, Blue, uh I know this is going to sound weird and I totally get if I'm just being paranoid, but are you avoiding me?"

Blue whipped round to be face to face with Gansey since she overheard he loved her. Her face went hot staring at his puppy sad eyes behind those big, goofy glasses. She felt a strange ache in her chest she didn't understand, as he shuffled his gaze to his feet, a hand sweeping his hair back like he did when he was nervous.

"It's okay," he laughed it off. "I'm probably being weird. I'm weirding you out. This is weird."

"Do you want to get out of here?"

Gansey's eyes went so wide she thought they were going to pop out of his head.

"Yes."

 

 

Adam kissed Ronan gently on his sleep riddled lips. He was passed out on the sofa, long after everyone left. Orla was in the shower and Blue was across the hall with Noah. He snuck the kiss quick because of what was said only earlier.

If Adam had found out about what Ronan did when they were still in high school, most certainly it would've turned into a fight, turned into a talk about him being allowed his own choices and failures and he might've angrily said something he would later regret. Or not regret. They may never have happened.

He should've still been a little upset but it was nearly a decade old story and Ronan did likely also do it for his own selfish reasons. Still.

So maybe Adam kind of a little bit sort of was definitely in love with Ronan. Every day that love grew more. Every day his fear of losing it grew alongside.

Before Orla came out of the shower, he kissed him again. Ronan barely registered it. A hand raised lazily at the second one, and he turned his head to move it into Adam's neck. His hand moved to run circles on his back.

"You know you're not in bed yet," Adam whispered into his ear.

Ronan mumbled something he couldn't understand.

"Lynch, you have to get up."

"Blow me," he said with a bitterness in his tone.

Adam snorted. "Not in the living room."

Ronan jolted upright, but staggered from still being pretty exhausted. His eyes blinked funny as he searched for Adam. "I'm up," he said. "I'm up."

Adam managed to help him to his feet and sneak him to his room, but they did nothing but sleep.

He wrote _I love you_ amongst the circles he drew with his finger on Ronan's back.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Blue was sitting out on the balcony of her apartment with Henry talking about environmental issues, as they often liked to do when it was just the two of them. She appreciated Henry's friendship so much. He understood her in ways most of the others couldn't. He also easily kept her mind from thinking about how she made out with Gansey at a bar the other night and hasn't talked to him since.

They were in deep discussion about plastic when the front door of her apartment blasted open. In walked Ronan and Adam, already entangled with one another. Limbs and lips and clothes made a mass of one. They kissed and tore each other's clothes off as they quickly crossed the living room to Adam's. The second they were gone, they shut the door behind them, and it was over.

All of it happened in the span of maybe ten seconds. Even Blue needed time to process this, but there wasn't any. Slow, she turned to look at Henry, whose mouth was wide open gaping and his eyes bulging.

She was swift to put a hand over his mouth when he stopped gawking and tried to speak. He screamed into her hand.

"Shh!" she hissed.

He screamed again.

"Stop! Screaming!"

Her hand released when he motioned he would, but he still squeaked a little.

"But they-?" He swallowed. "But he-? But I-?" The whole thing broke Henry. "My eyes are burning and I think I've lost hearing in one ear!"

"Keep your voice down!" she hissed again. 

"I can't unsee that. I can't go on."

He moved to hop off the ledge and jump down to the next rung of fire escape stairs below, but she lunged for him.

"Are you serious?" she cried. "Henry!"

She grabbed at him and pulled him back and onto the balcony ground, where they both sat to hide from all this.

Down on the floor, he took in a deep breath. When he looked to have cleared his mind of thoughts of jumping down the fire escape instead of running out the door, he blinked a few times. Taking it all in.

"Why aren't you freaking out like I am?!" he then insisted. 

"Because I knew already," she replied. 

"You _what_!"

"Oh my god." This was like the conversation she had with Noah only reversed. 

"You _knew_ and you didn't _tell me_?"

"Shut up!" Blue tried to cover his mouth again but he pushed her hand down. "They don't know that I know. Noah knows too, but Gansey doesn't know. So you keep your mouth shut."

"Wait wait wait..." Henry's hands went to his hair. "Noah knows?"

"Yes. That's why he said that picture was his."

Henry's eyes bulged again. "And the camera," he whispered.

"Camera?" Blue frowned. Something she didn't know. "What camera?"

"Oh my god." Henry smiled, then grimaced again. "How long do you think they've been...?"

"Wait for it," she said to herself.

"Oh my _god_ is _he_ the Irish girl?"

"There you go." She smiled. 

"I can't believe it," he said softly. "It finally happened. Hell is freezing over as we speak."

She slapped him, trying not to laugh out loud. "Stop."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HENRY KNOWS!!!! guess what next chapter will be :)
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! tell me your thoughts! <3
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	13. the one where they retaliate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan now was holding lube in his hands as he stepped out of the bathroom, but that's not what stopped him dead in his tracks. He stopped when he saw Henry was now shirtless. He cursed under his breath.

It was hardly five minutes since Ronan and Adam darted across the apartment into Adam's room, likely having sex this very minute. She didn't want to leave the balcony, but she would have to. At some point, they would have to leave. Maybe she could survive out here, make a life out here. When it rained she could just cower in the one corner where there was shading from the fire escape.

"Noah knows, too," she told Henry.

"Oh?"

They exchanged a look, and that's the inciting incident to why Blue and Noah climbed the fire escape across the building and onto Noah and Ronan's apartment across the hall.

They found Noah sitting in his lounge chair, trying to lick the inside of a hot cheetos bag.

When he registered someone climbed through the window behind his sofa, he bellowed a cry.

"What the--"

He was so mutually embarrassed and surprised that he fell out of the chair backwards, flipping it over along with him. Blue didn't pretend to understand how, but she motioned to him to Henry, then back again.

"He knows," she told Noah. 

"Knows what?" There was orange dust on his chin, as he clambered back up to an upright position, albeit on the floor. "There's nothing to know!"

He looked suspiciously at Henry, who was braving a cool face, though she knew when he wasn't genuinely calm.

"We saw them," Henry said. "Adam and Ronan. We saw them kissing. This is not about anything else."

"Oh," and Noah stood. "Wait! This is great! Now we all know! We can confront them about it!" He smiled. 

"Let's play a game to make them tell us!" Blue said.

"No, that's worse!"

 

~~~~~~~

 

The plan was set. Henry was excited about it. It was mostly his idea, and Noah hated every second of it.

"I don't like this plan," he said, for the tenth time.

"It's a great plan." Blue clapped her hands together.

"Is it, though?"

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

After work, Ronan dropped by Nino's, grabbing a pizza to go for him and Adam. He was smiling to himself, thinking about a bad joke Adam told him earlier. They went out to dinner last night with some of his school friends. It was somehow way easier telling people they casually knew instead of life long friends. Maybe it was because there was less pressure. Because they didn't know them as Adam and Ronan the friends, and could see them as Adam and Ronan boyfriends.

He sighed in delight thinking about how he had his arm draped over Adam's shoulders, him pulled close as they went bar hopping. He drank one beer and it was enough to give the lightest buzz.

"Hey, Lynch."

His smile waned a little, if only because he didn't want to be asked about it. Henry stood behind him when he looked, smiling at him all casual.

"Cheng," he said, sliding over to allow the next customer to speak, in hopes he would slide along too much and Henry wouldn't follow.

"Something's different about you lately."

"Huh?" Ronan frowned at him. "Are you high off of the sharpies from your clipboard, Cheng?"

"No." Henry took a deep breath, his smile flickering. "No, I've just... I have a secret."

Ronan's interest peaked. "Oh?"

"I like someone."

Ronan smirked, leaning against the counter and folding his arms. "Oh, do you now?"

Then Henry stepped into him. "But it's a secret," he whispered.

Ronan rolled his eyes. Then why tell him anything about it. Henry touched at his arm, and Ronan looked down at it slowly. What was happening? Wasn't he into Noah?

"You've been looking pretty good since Ireland, you know." Henry made a point of giving him a long look up and down, taking him all in. Ronan shuffled in place from his eyes. "Your hair's nice. Makes you look almost sweet."

Ronan snorted. His snort cut off too quickly when Henry's hand started to stroke up and down his arm.

"Have you been working out more?"

Ronan startled. "Oh. I mean, a little bit."

"It shows." Henry smiled at him. He didn't know what to do.

"Okay."

"When you're not being rude, you're pretty handsome you know. You've got a nice smile. Are you seeing anyone?"

Ronan coughed. "No."

Henry feigned a frown. "Really? That's unfortunate." Then he smiled. "Or, should I say, fortunate for me."

A foreign sound escaped Ronan, and it was intended to be a laugh but really it sounded more like a squeak. He didn't know what to do. When they first met years ago, back when he was still denying the idea of ever asking Adam out, he met Henry at a bar and tried to flirt with him. It went over so poorly. He couldn't imagine what would've happened if he had liked it, had this been his reaction.

He grabbed his pizza and decided to run.

"Stop sniffing sharpies, Cheng," he said.

"I'd like to tell you my secret sometime." He winked as Ronan was at the door. Ronan blanked on what to say so he just walked out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam and Ronan were eating pizza in bed and watching a movie, since Noah said he had someone over and Blue was not privy to their dates for obvious reasons. He liked staying in like this after a long day, having someone to come home to in some form.

The movie was terrible, but Adam had pizza breath according to Ronan, so he wasn't up for making out.

And then the strangest thing happened. Ronan said, "Guess who hit on me today."

"A tourist," Adam replied.

"Why is that the first guess?" Ronan paused the movie. He appeared stupefied by Adam's guess, who bit the interior of his cheek to hide a smile. "Why is that even a guess?"

"You asked me to guess."

"You're the worst at guessing."

"Who hit on you?" Adam draped his arms over Ronan's shoulders when he tried to brush him off and turn away. "Is this like one of those jokes where at the end you're like a child punched me on the bus!"

"Uh, no. Henry hit on me today."

That was unexpected, and because it was so unexpected, Adam cackled uncontrollably. Ronan waited him out, and the longer it took the more red in the face he became, the more offended he looked, and the more Adam continued to laugh. It took pinching himself to get him to settle enough, but even then he struggled with a few excess snorts.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"It's not that out of left field!" Ronan raised his chin. "I mean, I'm attractive."

"In an annoying way," Adam agreed. 

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Lynch," Adam said, dry. "You're as beautiful as the stars. Your lips make my brain fog up. Blah blah blah. What did he say?"

"He told me he had a secret and then proceeded to touch my arm and asked if I've been working out. He said I have a nice smile and it's fortunate for him I'm not seeing anyone."

"Huh. That sounds like Henry flirting..."

And as Ronan prattled on about more stuff, cozying back up into his side, Adam pondered what this could mean. Wasn't he with Noah? Wasn't he as into Noah as he and Ronan were into each other? Henry wasn't the kind of guy who moved on, especially to another friend. He hesitated. Before Ronan finished whatever he was talking about, he grabbed his arm out of a reflex. 

"Parrish, are you jealous?"

"He knows," Adam said. 

"He doesn't know." Ronan looked confused. "Know what?"

"About us. He's obviously flirting to try to out us."

"He is not _obviously_ flirting for that reason. He could actually be into- Oh, I see it."

The reality of it hit him strangely, at which point he sulked a bit in Adam's clean sheets, chewing on the crust that Adam didn't like. With a gentle pat to his shoulder, Adam found this all amusing even in his timid comfort. "I can flirt with you, if you want," he said.

"Nah, you're not exciting anymore," Ronan joked.

Adam rolled his eyes and got up to throw the pizza box out. Ronan gave chase quick out into the living room.

"I was kidding!" he whispered, in case Blue was home. "Please flirt with me! Adam!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next morning, Ronan and Adam briefly argued about Henry over breakfast. Ronan was still in denial, even though Adam was insistent that that was what was happening. Henry had to know. At what point would he suddenly begin flirting with Ronan like this otherwise? To make Noah jealous? Okay, maybe. But Noah wasn't at Nino's, unless he had hopes Ronan would express the details of the story to Noah later. But that was just wishful thinking and could easily fall through as a backup plan.

No, Adam thought a little too deeply about all the options, and this was the only one that made sense.

Because why would he be flirting with Adam's boyfriend! That wasn't allowed!

"How do you think he knows?" Adam asked, later that afternoon when everyone was around. They were huddled in the corner of the kitchen, trying not to be suspicious. Ronan bit into a cookie he stole from Blue's special pantry in the kitchen, which had rules about what was allowed from there - which was nothing. In all the years Ronan knew her, though, he never listened. And since their friendship started booming, she stopped caring. Chocolate chip dust sprinkled Adam's face as he chewed with his mouth open. Gross. Why did he love a man who did this?

"Why is he flirting with you?" Adam thought aloud, noting a tonal change in his voice at the word _flirting_. Sure it _sounded_ bitter, but it wasn't. It _wasn't_.

"Are you jealous?" Ronan's impish grin would've been more charming and less insulting if he didn't have cookie in between his teeth.

"Ha!" Adam folded his arms over his chest and stepped from the counter. "No. He just is so into Noah..." He sighed, resigned to finding out the truth behind this. "He's got to know about us. That's the only logical explanation."

"Excuse me!" Ronan placed a hand over his chest, like he had been shot or stabbed and the wound needed pressure. "I'm a hunk, Parrish. You scored yourself a top tier gay bachelor here. He could have finally come around, is all."

Blue and Henry were talking at the television while Gansey was outside on the balcony on a phone call and Noah was eating, as always, at the balcony window inside. Adam turned on his heel, and as a result turned his back completely on all their friends. Incredulous, he pressed his index finger hard into Ronan's nicely shaped chest. "You really want it to be real, don't you?" he accused.

"Uh... No." Ronan cringed.

The absurdity of it made Adam laugh. It was a low, cynical sound, and Ronan flushed a deep crimson.

"You're a jerk!" He took another bite of the cookie and as a result more dust was spat in Adam's face. He swiped his hand across it, disturbed more by Ronan's desire to be flirted with than his terrible habit of not closing his damn mouth when he chewed.

"Oh, Lynch." He reached under his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe this."

"I'm going to brood somewhere far from this conversation," said Ronan and his cookie.

 

~~~~~~

 

On his way to storm off, Ronan bumped right into Henry, who at that moment was coming around the other side of the sofa and knocked into him.

His cookie, as a result, fell on the floor. When it crushed, so did his spirit.

But then Henry's eyes were hanging on every inch of him and he not so subtly took a long look back up. His lips curved up into a hungry grin, framed by a lick of his lips. Jesus H. Christ.

"Your ass is looking good in those jeans," Henry said. "Are they new?"

"No." Ronan grunted. "No, they're not new."

He didn't understand what was happening! He was screaming internally to make this stop!

"Oh. Hmm." Henry's smile dipped like he was disappointed. "Haven't noticed them before."

"Maybe you just weren't looking," Ronan snapped. If he was mean, maybe Henry would stop this behavior.

"Well, I'm looking now."

Henry flashed him his thousand watt smile that a thousand years ago would've made Ronan die happily from, but that was when he was trying to be over Adam. He was so never going to be over Adam now and never wanted to be. He very much liked being under Adam, and his brain had stopped working at some point during the curve of Henry's lips and the hint of his teeth.

He made a weird _aha_ noise as his only semblance of a response.

Henry began to move away, sliding across the back of the couch to round it again it seemed. His one hand reached and touched fingertip to fingertip to Ronan's. Incapable of moving, Ronan stood there in terrified silence.

"Maybe we can meet up later and I can check your closet for other things I haven't noticed before," he said.

Ronan still couldn't seem to form words anymore, as Henry took this as a success. With a blow of a discreet kiss, he moved back to where he had earlier been talking to Blue, and that's when Ronan could feel his body again.

With a quickness, he rounded back to the kitchen to Adam, who was squeezing an old cereal box flat in his hands. His eyes were empty of anything as he was staring after Henry.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

The return of Ronan's presence knocked the wind back into Adam, and he gasped for air at the reminder he needed it to live. All the oxygen left his head when he saw Henry touch at Adam's hand like that, when he saw him blow him a kiss. The hell was that? He knew Henry could be suave, but on his boyfriend????????????????

"See what I mean?" Ronan sounded concerned when he spoke, which gave some comfort to Adam, albeit not much.

He was trying his best not to visibly fume at the situation at hand, and not to be obviously dying inside at the expression of his friend flirting so openly.

Yeah, he was definitely jealous of that display. Was Henry aware of them and doing this as a way to get back at him for still thinking he slept with Noah? Was this a way of getting back at Noah? Was this Henry trying to get back at Noah? He said that three different ways in his head, didn't he.

God.

That's when he saw Henry approach Noah to talk. With another gasp, he slammed the cereal box in Ronan's chest. Ronan turned to follow his gaze, but didn't seem to appreciate the visual like he did.

A smile filled his face, and then a worried frown.

"Oh my god he knows," said Adam.

Because Henry and Noah haven't talked normally since Ireland and this was the first time he'd ever seen them be civil and not be faking it. He watched in wonder as both pairs of eyes glanced at them, and then at once Ronan and Adam turned away, struggling not to be suspicious.

"I'm so stupid," Ronan whispered to him. "I feel like a piece of meat."

Adam politely pat his shoulder. "There there," he said. But inside, he was planning.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It wasn't until late that night that Noah was alone again for the first time, and Adam and Ronan both swarmed him like moths to a light source. He was already in bed when they walked in, at which point he looked up from his game console.

"Hey... guys..." he said, hesitant. "Is this about the lasagna I ate from the fridge? There was no name on it, so I thought I could take it!"

"No. We don't care about that," said Adam.

"I care a little," Ronan argued. "I worked hard on-"

"Did you tell Henry about us?" Adam interjected.

"What! No! I didn't tell them anything!"

"Them?"

"Henry and his ego...?" Noah was trying to sink down and out of this conversation, but Adam wouldn't let him. Neither would Ronan.

"Noah..." When Ronan spoke with a stern voice, it was a little thrilling seeing fear spike up in Noah's eyes. 

"Henry and Blue," Noah confessed.

"What!" Adam pressed. "She knows too?"

"This makes sense," said Ronan, and Adam never thought he would ever hear him say that. For him to make sense of something Adam couldn't. "She never invites Orla to stay the weekend. And all those times she happened to be at the apartment when we were?"

Noah continued sinking in the bed.

"I didn't tell them anything," he said, his voice dropping as well. "They found out because you're awful at secrets! They swore me to secrecy! Can we finally all stop lying to each other and talk about this out in the open?"

"No!"

"No?" Both Ronan and Noah looked at him.

"No, I want to see how this plays out." Adam was mad, like really mad. True, he didn't tell Blue about them, but for Blue to play games like that wasn't cool either. Two can play at this game. To try to seduce his boyfriend as some weird form of sabotage. "Noah, you can't tell them that we know they know."

"Oh my Jesus this is hurting my head!" Noah whined. "Why can't people just be honest!"

"Because this is more fun," Adam reasoned.

"He's really upset," Ronan added, touching at his back between his shoulders. 

"What!" Noah's voice kept rising. "We're all upset! You've been doing it and you didn't tell us!"

"We're not doing it to you!" Adam countered, registering he was acting like a child and not giving a shit. 

Ronan's hands covered his face. "I can't believe it, Parrish, but I'm finally embarrassed to be dating you," he said.

"Oh, shut up." He scowled, unfriendly. "No, you're not."

"You're right." Ronan groaned. "I've always been--"

Just like that, Adam pinned him to the ground and started wrestling him.

It was something they started doing lately that they used to do back in high school, when they were so overwhelmed with tension they just wrestled each other. No one got hurt, that wasn't the intention, but it was a way then to release what was apparently sexual tension. Now it was just a way of combatting this entire situation without actually doing anything useful. 

"So are we telling them you know, or...?" Noah peered over the bed.

Both Adam and Ronan were on the ground now and shouted at the same time _No_.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

"I wouldn't let you go all the way," Adam groaned, defiant. "Don't be ridiculous."

They were at breakfast somewhere near Central Park, holding hands across the table despite being in an argument. It was their usual thing, giving each other fresh eyes and stealing kisses when neither was eating.

"You're the one being ridiculous." Ronan's voice was on edge, but his fingers were twisting and sliding around Adam's like they were on a slip n slide. "I don't like this plan at all."

"Too bad." Before this, Adam had been reading the newspaper one handed while drinking his coffee, also one handed, with Ronan's free hand coming to fix his glasses every time they fell down his nose. Now he was disturbed from the arts and leisure section by Ronan's dismissal of a plan he told him about an hour ago on the subway. 

"You're mean when you're scheming," Ronan muttered.

"You didn't know this already?" But Ronan wasn't amused, and that made Adam agitated with him in return. "Come on. It's the perfect plan."

"I'm not going to cheat on you, Parrish!" Ronan started that off as nearly a yell, which quickly dipped into a quiet hiss under his breath as eyes started catching on them. "Not even pretend."

That being the final straw, Adam settled their connected hands on the table and used his other to remove his glasses, giving Ronan a stern look. "You're on my team now, Lynch," he said, "and my team never loses. This isn't cheating. This is a contest. And I am winning it with or without you."

"How would you win without me?"

"I don't know." But Adam would easily find a way. That, he did know.

With a heavy sigh, Ronan made the dramatic gesture of being annoyed with him. He pulled his hand free, sliding it out from under Adam's. It was a crude gesture that only Adam understood as defiant. He was genuinely annoyed, but then his foot found Adam's under the table, and he knew he wasn't _that_ annoyed.

"I'll do it." He sounded so bummed about it, but Adam knew he wouldn't regret it.

"Yes!" He cheered with a sip of his coffee. "We will get them to admit they know before we will admit we know they know!"

There was an eye roll and a scoff, and then Ronan's hand was sliding in again to hold Adam's around his coffee cup.

"How do you have any time to plan for this and for school and work?" 

"I'm running on two hours of sleep and four cups of coffee," Adam confessed. His leg was starting to jitter.

Ronan's eyes widened in juvenile delight. "I can see that."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Later that same night, Ronan was flirting with Adam by way of throwing pieces of candy at his face in the kitchen, as Adam attempted to catch them. They weren't good at this game, but it was the best thing he could think of today that kept his hands from finding Adam's, kept his mouth a safe distance from replicating the disaster that was a week of kissing their friends. He almost did it again two days ago, but caught himself last minute and gave Adam a very awkward hug instead.

Adam sidled up to him when he ran out of candy, a hand touching along his chest, stuttering his pulse in a way that intrigued Ronan but at the same time worried him. When Adam was touchy in front of their friends there was usually an underlying reason.

Like shoving him backwards in the direction of Henry as he was on the way to the bathroom. Graceless, he fumbled as he tried to regain his footing, getting helped up by Henry, who couldn't help but laugh a little. 

"Whoa, watch where you're going there!" Henry said uncertainly.

Ronan nodded quietly as he shot daggers at Adam, who moved on from the kitchen to the living room to sit on the sofa. Blue and Noah shuffled along into the kitchen, both switching places, suspiciously so. 

"Oh, I- I was," he said, trying to multi task talking and staring. "I was definitely watching. I meant to do that."

Henry smiled nervously when he looked at him. "Did you?" With an ease Ronan was impressed by, Henry then touched up his arm.

This was disconcerting. He was barely smooth at this with Adam, his actual boyfriend who he was in love with who he had sex with and things and god his brain was malfunctioning again. How did he ever get Adam to date him. He couldn't piece a sentence together with Henry. He glanced over Henry's shoulder at Adam sitting curiously on the sofa with his attention seemingly diverted. Their eyes met for a moment, and the comfort of that pushed him to look back to Henry.

He stepped forward into him half an inch. "Let's do this, Cheng," he said. "You and me. I'm tired of just talk."

"What?" Henry took that step back in shock. "You- What?"

Ronan rolled his eyes, more at himself. He stepped close again. "Come on," he said. "Don't back down now. You can't say all those things and back out now. You want this, don't you?"

He internally cringed. When he caught Henry glimpse behind him at Blue and Noah, Ronan simultaneously caught a creeping smile of pride on Adam's face. What a weird way to impress his boyfriend. "I do," Henry stammered. "I do." His voice got stronger the more he prevailed. "I want this. When and where?"

Ronan took a deep breath quick. He swallowed. "Tonight. My place."

He wanted this over with.

"What about Noah?" Henry asked, and of course he would. 

"He's easy to get rid of." Which was usually true. 

"That's true," Henry agreed.

"Bring your, uh, butt." He motioned to it like it was an umbrella or a dog. 

"I will." Henry smiled naturally, amused. "You bring yours."

"Oh, it doesn't go anywhere I don't." He made a face at himself as he said it. What?

Henry looked mildly confused, too. Then he was smiling again, their rhythm about as smooth as chunky peanut butter. 

"Great. See you, loverboy."

"Not if I see you first." Ronan then gently touched under Henry's chin with his thumb and forefinger, and he winked.

Henry was left stunned, and in that moment he seemed to forget he had to go pee. As Ronan moved to Noah and Blue, who were unnatural at looking natural, he supposed he could find something to talk about to them while grabbing a water for his now very dry throat. But Gansey then walked in and saved him from the torture.

"I got my promotion," he exclaimed.

Blue was wildly hyper about it. Everything was fishy around here...

His heart couldn't be racing more. He was going to be ill. Adam then touched at the small of his back, and he felt infinitely better, but also worse.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

(2:15 pm) **_he knows!!!!!! he knows I know!!!!! they must both know we know!!!!!!!!_**

(2:16 pm) _Noah... do they know we know?_

(2:18 pm) **Who? What? I want no part in this conversation.**

 

Blue and Henry broke into her apartment's bathroom to confront Noah as he peed. They shut the door quick behind them, and he did a double take as the door closed.

"I was just about to pee!" he exclaimed.

"It's nothing we haven't seen already." Blue waved his comment off.

Henry and Noah both looked at her.

"When was this!"

"It doesn't matter." She waited for him to fix himself before she prodded him in the shoulder with a finger. "They know, don't they?"

It was easy to get Noah to succumb and answer. "Yes, they know," he said.

"You told them?" assumed Henry.

"No! How dare you." Noah moved on to the sink to wash his hands, but neither Henry nor Blue made motion of getting out of his way at the door.

"You probably flirted too hard," she said to Henry. "They're not stupid. Well, Adam's not."

"Excuse me!" Noah was insulted on Ronan's behalf. "Ronan is just as smart."

"We have to get revenge on them." She purposefully ignored Noah's comment.

"Still?" He wasn't invested in this and shook his head in dismay. "I'm out. I want none of this. I just want us to all be honest with each other for once."

"Well, that's too bad!" Blue turned to Henry, her only saving grace. She wanted to have fun with Adam and Ronan before they confessed to their relationship, especially if they knew they knew! "Henry, are you in?"

"I'm in," he said.

They high fived as Noah sagged his shoulders and groaned.

"You're all the worst," he said.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Gansey sat alone in the living room, wondering where all his friends had gone. He thought he saw Adam and Ronan leave together, but the others disappeared when he was in the fridge, and it confused him where. He sat on the sofa, hoping someone would come back. Blue had texted him earlier to meet here, and it confused him her constant pulling and pushing away. He couldn't believe he made out with her. That they had a date planned for Saturday night. After all these years! Luck was finally on his side.

He wondered what his friends would think. He hoped it wouldn't be weird for two of their friends to date.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

(3:34 pm) **_Can't wait to see your closet tonight ;)_**

 

"How do I respond to this?" Ronan sat on his bed with Adam on his lap reading his messages. There was a _whole bed_ for him to choose to sit, which he said, but of course he didn't mean it. He didn't mind this at all. Okay, maybe a little, seeing as his left leg was falling asleep.

"Give me that." Adam stole his phone fast and started typing for him. "I'll do it."

"Hey-!" Ronan reached for it around him, but Adam held his hand high in the air. "He'll know it's not me texting."

"Please," Adam said with a rolling of his eyes.

 

(3:37 pm) _it's pretty big. you sure you're ready?_

 

"God, is that an innuendo for my dick?" Ronan gawked.

"No. Shut up." Adam silenced him with a finger to his lips. "He's typing back."

 

~~~~~~

 

"Oh. My. God." Henry was visibly bewitched by the text conversation on his phone, and so was Blue as she sat over his shoulder on the sofa. "He just implied he has a big penis."

"He does," Noah mumbled in the corner.

"Thought you weren't a part of this," Blue considered.

Henry leaned around her to look across at Noah. "Also, how the hell do you know that?" he asked.

"I live with a slob monster who doesn't remember to do his laundry so he runs out of towels all. The. Time." Noah was doing something on his phone that looked to be super interesting, not looking up once. "And I'm not a part of this. I'm just too lazy to leave."

Henry and Blue exchanged an amused look before turning back to Henry's phone. Ronan hadn't sent back anything since the innuendo, which was perfect, except now they didn't know what to say back.

"You should mention you think his tattoo is sexy or something, by the way." Noah looked up from his phone. "Gets him super tongue tied. I've seen Adam do it a few times."

"Oh, gross." Blue hated hearing things like that still. It was still taking time to adjust to the fact Ronan and Adam had a sex life and it was each other. 

"That's ingenious." Henry, however, adjusted just fine and started typing.

 

(3:45 pm) **_Hope to see more of your tattoo tonight_**

(3:47 pm) _it's too bad you didn't get one yourself :)_

 

"Okay this is Adam texting me, isn't it?" Henry realized.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

"Parrish, why would you text that!" Ronan wanted to shove him off his lap and steal his phone back. He had half a mind to do it, too, if Adam hadn't put a finger over his mouth again.

"Shh. I've got this."

 

(3:48 pm) _you would look good with one_

(3:48 pm) _somewhere only real special people can see_

(3:49 pm) _see you tonight ;)_

(3:49 pm) _maybe bring your clipboard_

 

"Why would he need to bring his clipboard?" Ronan asked.

"You're lucky you're cute." Adam gently patted him on the cheek.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

"Yeah. That's Adam," Blue agreed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Isn't this excessive?"

"What?"

In preparation of tonight, amidst his summer homework and work for his internship, Adam managed to put out candles and flower petals and some sexy jazz music, as well as gently enforced Ronan to cook a nice meal for three (he ate his already).

"Parrish, I'm not _actually_ trying to seduce him...." Ronan hesitated a moment. "Am I?"

"No," Adam said with a snort, "because that would entail years of antagonizing him and helping him study and cooking him meals and touching his glasses until he hits on you first at your brother's wedding."

"When you say it like that--"

There was a knock on the door. Adam bolted quick towards the bathroom, then back to Ronan to kiss him. The kiss was so passionate it left him a little winded when Adam ran again to the bathroom. 

"What-" Ronan cleared his throat, dizzy. "What was that for?"

"So you don't forget what you're doing this for," Adam whispered. 

"You either just reminded me about how good we are together," Ronan said, "or you've just got me hot and heavy before my fake date."

He left Adam speechless as he shut the bathroom door on him.

Adam was so _cheesy_. Ronan grinned and touched his lips. He walked to the door and opened it to find Henry leaning against the doorway on the other side, changed into a low cut shirt with tight jeans on. Ronan cleared his throat, taking it all in. He changed, too, but nothing as quite so out there in variety.

"Okay. Hi."

"Hello." Henry had dipped his voice down to sound sultry. He just sounded sick. Upon entry, he stopped short at the door as he saw the rest of the room and what Ronan aka Adam had done to the place. In his hand was a wine bottle, which Ronan was eager to make use of. 

"Oh. Wine." He took it from Henry's hand. "Great. Thanks."

It was easy to uncork, a quick process. "Do you want one?" he asked.

"Yes! I mean... yes." He dropped his voice again.

There were nerves sprouting throughout his body as he shakily poured them each a glass. Ronan took his like a shot, one and done. Henry drank his slower, but still quicker than traditionally. Neither wanted to do this, and yet both were likely pressured to do so.

They both gasped for a breath when they finished. It hurt going down, wine not meant to be drunk so speedily.

"You look... good." Ronan forgot what words meant. 

"Is this for us?" Henry examined the food left on the counter. Adam designed them to look nicer than what he claimed Ronan's presentation was "a garbage display". He could be so damn ruthless when he wanted to win. It was kind of terrifying.

One of the many things he loved about him.

"Yes." Ronan wasn't hungry. If he ate, he was going to throw up. "But, you know what, I don't think I want dinner just yet. My closet needs some cleaning."

"Oh?" Henry then caught the innuendo, albeit Ronan didn't mean for there to be one. "I mean, _oh_." Henry winked. "I know what you mean." Implying as much, he touched at Ronan's shirt. "This looks nice."

"It's new." It was Adam's. "Just for you."

"So sweet." Henry looked mildly impressed. "I never knew you had it in you, Lynch."

"You bring new things out in me, Cheng."

They both inelegantly paused. A kiss was obviously next, and there was evident hesitance on both sides. When Henry moved in, Ronan reminded himself Adam wanted to win. He wanted to win this for him. So he reciprocated, even if this went against every ethical and moral code he had.

The kiss was strange and oddly flat lipped. Ronan tried to pucker his lips, but by that point it was too late. To make it less obvious he didn't want this, to play along, he insisted on touching the small of Henry's back. In turn, Henry grabbed his butt, even if it was more of a pat.

This was so unbearable.

They parted after a few key seconds of torture. Ronan faked his smile, forgetting he didn't have one before.

"There's more where that came from," he said.

"Oh good." Henry sounded sarcastic.

"So are we doing this?" Ronan gestured wildly. "The, uh, sex?"

"Yes." Henry's eyes visibly widened just enough. "That's what I came here for, right!" Can I freshen up?"

"Sure." The word extended past its prime when he caught wind that Henry was headed straight for the bathroom, where Adam currently was hiding.

"Oh. Oh, no!" He caught his hand before he opened the door. "My bathroom is, um, broken."

"It's broken?"

"Yeah. The whole thing." Ronan gestured vigorously. "Broken all up. Blame Noah. You have to use, uh, the one across the hall."

"Okay." Henry pinched at his cheek. "Be back... stud."

"Okay..." Ronan's voice went breathy. "Sexy."

Once Henry walked out the front door, Ronan lunged for the bathroom and entered without another thought.

 

~~~~~~~

 

"What's happening?"

Blue was outside in the hall awaiting news from Henry and trying to eavesdrop as best as she can. It wasn't working out in her favor. Henry seemed to want to try to speak without it, but so far he could only open and shut his mouth as his breathing needed time to regulate.

They didn't have time for this, and so she pinched him on the arm.

"Ow!" He snapped. "Rude."

Blue shrugged him off.

"He wants to have sex," he then said, acting like a baby as he rubbed his arm. "I don't think Adam's actually in on this."

"Please." She chided. "Adam's in on this. Where does he think you are?"

"The bathroom. He said theirs is broken."

Her eyes went wide in glee. 

"Adam must be in there," she insisted. "Go! Go get him!"

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Adam was alarmed by Ronan coming inside the bathroom so quickly, even more so when he shut and locked the door.

"What's happening out there?" he said. It didn't look to be a victory lap. "I can't hear anything."

At first, Ronan appeared ready to speak, and then he saw the sponge in Adam's one hand and tile cleaner in the other. "Are you scrubbing my shower tiles?"

"It's filthy in here, Lynch," Adam said, defensive of the procedure. "I've told you that a dozen times."

"He kissed me," said Ronan. 

"What!"

Tile powder dusted the air as he squeezed the canister into itself.

"You told me to!" Ronan protested.

"I didn't think you would do it!" He was shaking with an energy undiscovered. "Where is he?"

"The bathroom across the hall," said Ronan, so casual like he didn't just kiss Henry Cheng. "We're supposed to go right into sex."

That put some whimsy back into him, and he smiled.

"He'll break before you," he realized.

Ronan didn't look so convinced.

"I'm not so sure, Adam," he said, hesitating there. His apprehension was palpable. "I don't think I can keep this game up. It's been real, but I can't bring an A game to this."

"You're on my team." Adam stepped into him, offended he thought of quitting. "My team never loses. They're going to crumble soon. You'll see. Noah will get jealous or Blue will call it off. Promise."

Ronan looked to be debating, but he never debated long. When he finally came around, it was with a grunt and a nod. "Stop cleaning in here!" he said, when he finally noticed the toilet.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Henry was once again back in the apartment when Ronan stepped out of the bathroom. There he was, leaning seductively against the counter with newly applied lip gloss and holding - dear god - condoms.

"I brought a gift," he said.

Ronan thought the wine was the gift.

"So... considerate." He wanted to die.

"What's that all over your shirt?"

As Ronan looked down on himself, Henry used the opportunity to move towards him. Ronan paid him no mind when he registered he had the tile cleaner on him.

"Uh, it's a new cologne I bought...." He winced. "... in powder form."

"Mm." They were the worst at this, but both appeared to be giving it their all. Henry slid into him and smelled at his neck. He coughed a little when he inhaled, and it became harder for him to appear sexy. "Smells really good."

"It's called Clean..."

"You'll have to tell me the brand." Henry was still choking.

"I will."

With a swallow and a sharp inhale, Henry's choking and coughing was taken down to a subtle throat clearing. He sniffled when the intensity of the tile cleaner wasn't running around in his head, and he tried to be sexy again. A hand touched delicately at Ronan's chest, at which point he realized he could feel his fluttering heart race.

"Are we doing this?" Henry asked. 

"Yes. We are _so_ doing this. Sex. With each other."

There was hesitance on both sides to move.

"All right. Let's go..."

"Okay...."

"You're so tall and muscles." Henry guided his arms over Ronan's chest and his arms. "Can't wait to climb that."

"Mm. Yeah." Ronan nodded vigorously, unsure what else to do. "Can't wait to sex you up. Mhm. Have lots of sex. With you. Because I am single."

"I'm sorry I forgot my clipboard," Henry whispered.

Jump started by the comment, Ronan then began to guide him backwards to his room, stumbling into literally every piece of furniture they had on the way.

"Oh, that's okay." Henry followed anyway, smiling along every time Ronan tripped. "I have my own."

They both paused at the door to his room, staring inside at it. Normally it was a comfort to step inside. Now, it was a nightmare.

"Okay," Henry said emphatically bright. "Here we go."

"Mm." He moved to enter, and then slipped right out from under Henry's touch. "One second. I have to grab some lube." He ran back to the bathroom.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

While Ronan was preoccupied, Henry stepped outside again.

"He ran to get lube!" he said in a panic to Blue. "This is happening!"

Blue could see him panicking and tried rubbing at his arms to calm him down. As she tried to give comforting ideas, Noah walked in from the stairwell. When he noticed his two friends in the hall, he paused.

"Hey, what are you two out here for? And with condoms? Wait, is this-? Oh, come on."

"Help us defeat them," said Blue, and she motioned to Henry. "Henry's breaking."

Noah rolled his eyes and groaned, but ultimately he agreed with a nod like it was his civic duty.

"Okay fine," he said. "Only because I want this over and I want my apartment back and I want those two to make out somewhere else for once."

Neither Blue nor Henry cared about his reasons, but they nodded along in support.

"Ronan's got a weakness about bare chests," he said. "Take off your shirt. He won't know what to do."

"Seriously?" Blue was astonished. "It's that easy?"

"It'd be easier if you had a tattoo, or were named Adam Parrish," Noah joked. "But yeah. Take it off."

Henry did as he said and Blue gently goaded him back inside.

"You can do this," she whispered. "Go team!"

"This isn't a football game!" Henry chided.

"Whatever. Go win, Cheng. Show them they can't keep secrets from us this big without consequences."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

"I've come to grab some lube," Ronan said, his voice lilting into a squeak. "Parrish, he has condoms."

"Mention Noah," Adam advised. His boyfriend was truly freaking out, but they were so close! He wouldn't let him get any farther, if it looked like Henry wasn't going to cave. He could finally hear them talking when he had the door open ajar. "He'll freeze up. I believe in you."

Ronan softened a little and moved to kiss him, and Adam pushed him off.

"Uh-uh! You teased me earlier with the talk about it getting you hot. Not happening again."

"But--"

"Out!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ronan now was holding lube in his hands as he stepped out of the bathroom, but that's not what stopped him dead in his tracks. He stopped when he saw Henry was now shirtless. He cursed under his breath.

"You're shirtless," he then said, louder, more energized. He sounded like a Stepford wife. 

"Thought I'd get ahead of the game," Henry said, self consciously touching his own chest. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. You don't mind that Noah might hear, do you?" He cleared his throat. "He's coming home soon."

"Noah?" Henry did indeed blank, if only for a split second. "I, uh, of course I don't mind."

"Okay. Here we go then! No other obstacles in our way."

Fuck.

"Nope. None that I can see. Smooth sailing from here."

"Mhm."

They crossed the apartment towards each other, Henry shirtless and Ronan still holding a bottle of lube in his hands. Their lips grazed, and then Ronan broke.

"I can't do this," he confessed. He tried not to hurl.

Henry retreated into his normal personality and he pointed at him. 

"Aha!" He said it with such enthusiasm. "Why not!"

"Because I'm in love with Adam," Ronan said.

Henry was stunned. "You're what?"

The door to the bathroom opened and Adam was there, staring at him. Shit. He heard that? He didn't mean for him to hear that, although he supposed if he could say it to Henry he could finally say it to him.

The front door opened, next, and there on the other side stood Blue and Noah.

Of course they were eavesdropping.

"You love me?" Adam's expression was hard to read, his eyes the size of saucers and his mouth fallen open.

"Yes." Ronan grinned wide, anyway, tossing the lube on the sofa. "I do. I love you, Adam. I'm in love with you and I have been since eleventh grade."

Adam's lips upturned into a shy smile, and his damn glasses were slipping down his nose, but he looked at him with such a tenderness in his eyes all the concern in Ronan washed away.

"I love you, too, Ronan," he said. "I love you so much. I don't even care that we just lost."

"You better not."

He moved towards Adam and scooped him up into an embrace, which turned into a kiss that tilted the world sideways. He pushed Adam's glasses up onto his head, being openly intimate with the love of his life for the first time in front of their friends.

"Awwwww!" Blue sounded genuinely warmhearted. "We didn't know you were in love."

"I mean, I did," said Noah. "It was pretty obvious." Blue punched him to shut up. "Ow! What was that for?"

Ronan pulled back from Adam to breathe, and also because his concentration was cut from all their jabbering. With a delicate touch, he placed a hand to Adam's cheek, whose eyes were still closed in delighted wonder.

He scowled at all his friends, who were staring.

"I love you," he whispered into a second kiss. Adam said it back with a swipe of his tongue.

"Okay, don't be gratuitous," said Blue. "We're right here."

"You can go at any time," Adam managed to say.

"You have so much explaining to do!" Henry declared.

Ronan was knee deep in Adam affection though and wasn't paying them any attention. How could he, when he just confessed his love to Adam, had it returned with the upmost sincerity? He was going to sleep well tonight. His arms stretched out and around Adam's back, enveloping him in his arms as his feet lifted slightly off the ground to fix their tiny height difference.

"Is this how it's going to be from now on?" Henry asked.

That's when Ronan stepped out of the kiss, just enough he could clear his head to speak.

"Uh, Gansey doesn't know," said Ronan.

"Don't say it," he heard Noah whisper by the door.

"And we would appreciate if he didn't find out yet," Adam added.

Noah threw his backpack on the floor.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Czerny, stop talking."

Henry dragged him into a kiss of their own, upstaging them, if only by a little. Blue, having had no idea about them, balked.

"What is happening to our friends group!" she cried.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

Gansey was out on a stroll with Blue after hours of delegating about their relationship and where they stood. Taking it casually slow was all right with him, after waiting years to even get to this point. He never thought he would have the courage, and here she was having kissed him first, making the first move.

She said after a fourth date she would be all right telling everyone else, at which point he joked about going on another date this evening and a fourth one tomorrow. She actually laughed.

Just the other day, Noah and Henry seemed to be starting something.

They were all hanging out and Adam and Ronan were laughing at a lot of inside jokes lately - he'd love to be a part of one again someday - when Noah touched Henry on the shoulder around Blue on the sofa.

"Henry, do you want to go out, like on a real date?" he asked.

"It's about time, Czerny." Henry smiled. "Christ."

It impressed Gansey, the casualness of it all. So chill.

Blue and he were holding hands on their walk, being discreet about it. Despite the fact they were passing a known hangout for their friends, Nino's, Blue seemed happy to walk along. She had her head on his shoulder as he glanced through the window into the pizzeria, checking the patrons out of a casual interest.

That's when he saw them. Two people in a back booth entangled in such an intense kiss it looked like they were going to flip over their table or something far more unrated.

"Ha, Blue," he said, and he motioned to them. "Look at these two. Can't get enough of each..." His voice trailed off when they broke apart.

The short curled hair and leather jacket. The sand brown hair and big glasses that slipped down his nose.

"Oh god," he said. He moved to the window and pressed his face to the glass. "Oh god!"

"What?" Blue said behind him.

Adam and Ronan smiled at one another and went back to kissing.

"What! What! I said what!" He scared the people just on the other side of the window, but he didn't care. His eyes were glued to his two best friends making out. Practically his brothers! His two favorite people! Ronan cradled Adam's head as he set down Adam's glasses on the table. One of Adam's legs was strewn across his lap. The world could be on fire around them and they probably wouldn't notice! This was a public eating establishment! And they were like brothers! 

"No!" he screamed. "What are you doing! What is happening! Who are you!"

He banged his fists on the window.

"Stop kissing each other!"

"Well that's one way to react," he heard Blue mumble behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER IS THE EPILOGUE. THANKS FOR BEING ON THE MAIN PART OF THIS JOURNEY WITH ME, AND SOON IT'LL BE OVER. I'M SO SAD. (MY CAPS LOCK BROKE SO THAT'S WHY THIS IS SO LOUD).
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! tell me your thoughts! <3 PLEASE <3
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


	14. the one with the epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come on, Lynch," shouted Noah from outside his room. "Skate me across the hall!"
> 
> "I don't think that's entirely safe," reasoned Gansey.
> 
> "Oh, it's completely safe," said Noah, already sitting on the board with his legs tucked in. "It's hardwood floors, not a bed of nails."
> 
> "That's... not what I was referencing," Gansey replied.

Since it was Adam who found the apartment and Adam who kept the place's upkeep and Adam who every year made nice with the building manager and sometimes helped him with his own apartment's issues, when Ronan and Adam decided to move in together, Adam got to keep the apartment.

 

Blue so graciously agreed to move across the hall only after first insisting Ronan pay for someone to give an intense clean to the place. It was strange, losing Blue as a roommate, his guiding light after all these years. But times were changing, and now he was with Ronan for the long haul. The only thing he regretted about this was Noah and Henry were dating now, so she had that to look forward to in her place. But then again she and Gansey were dating now, too, so it wasn't like she didn't have a form of payback.

It was funny in an ironic way and not at all a humorous way that all their struggle was perhaps for naught, as now their friends were dating each other. It made sense, he supposed, that no one believed in their old friends' breakup story becoming their own. Certainly not him and Ronan.

No, he was pretty sure he was going to marry him someday. He loved Ronan that much, the thought of losing this being one of the most absurd things he's ever heard. There was no longer any fear or concern of this going anywhere. The moment they uttered I love yous, he knew.

Now, the way they came about the idea of moving in together was a ridiculous one. It was one afternoon during the fall term, Adam was studying at the library as he did, huddled in his jacket and scarf as the air had finally turned cold outside. The leaves were browning. It was finally fall at last, and then someone approached him from behind in the middle of highlighting lecture notes. They placed their bandaid littered hands over his eyes and whispered, "Give me all your books, punk."

"Books? Not money?" Adam grinned.

"I'm robbing people of knowledge."

Adam laughed too loud and was shushed by half a dozen people.

Ronan sat down beside him with a quiet chuckle, his hands infinitely warmer than Adam's somehow, when he appeared to have just been out in the cold. He grabbed for Adam's looking to regret it as soon as they touched.

"Damn, Parrish," he whispered. "Your circulation is like a corpse's."

"Thanks. Always nice to hear your boyfriend compare you to a dead body."

"Let me warm them for you."

Adam insisted, by raising them to Ronan's lips for him. He could use a small break, Ronan coming just at the right time as he made the transition between class notes.

Along with his boisterous presence, loud even when he wasn’t, Ronan happened to arrive with two cups of coffee and a slice of coffee cake, which made Adam almost cry. He felt so known and so loved, and in these past couple months where they were openly in a relationship to the entire world including their friends, he felt the happiest he ever could. Happier than he thought physically possible.

Amidst snacking in the library, which he often refrained from doing since not everyone had a boyfriend who brought them snacks, he thought of something that was intensely on his mind so often these days. 

“Lynch, may I ask you something?”

“Yes, I did take the subway all across town to kiss your highlight stained hands.” Ronan was still holding one to his lips, doing nothing with it other than giving his fingers better blood circulation. “Don't make fun of me for it.”

Adam smiled whimsically. “No, I want to ask….” After a swallow, he intentionally took a long sip of his coffee, letting it warm his tongue and glide down into his gut with that same heat. It put Ronan on edge, waiting, which was half the fun. “You know that time I jokingly said we should move in together?”

All of Ronan's motor functions appeared to cease simultaneously. He stuttered out a reply, though it didn't make sense.

“Well, it's been on my mind a lot lately,” Adam continued. “The idea of us together like that. Making a home together. You practically live over at mine now anyway, especially ever since Noah and Henry started dating.”

“What are you saying, Parrish?” Ronan whispered.

“So, I was wondering, if you would want to move in-"

“Yes.”

Several of the same people turned and shushed them again.

“Yes,” Ronan repeated, his voice dropped several octaves.

Adam nodded concisely and resumed snacking and completing his homework. “Okay, good.”

“That's it? That's your whole reaction?”

Adam's smile curled wider slowly and he turned back to Ronan just in time for the tail of the smile to be visible. He felt arms reach around him and drag him to his feet in a gleeful turn, their chairs scraping against the floor as Ronan practically shouted. He never felt so much love.

“Funny story,” Ronan said, ignoring all the hushing, “I wanted to ask you to move in the second we started dating. But it would've been too soon right?”

Adam should stop allowing Ronan to visit him in the library. He laughed, though he didn’t mean to. The volume of which was almost painful in the library’s silence.

“Don't laugh at me!”

They were unsurprisingly kicked out of the library.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That evening after classes and an impromptu date with Ronan to celebrate their new beginnings, Adam enforced a rule that they couldn’t start making plans until they told the news to their respective current roommates. Of course, Ronan hated this idea, because it meant he would have to have “the talk” with Noah, who he said he _knew_ was going to cry. But then Adam reminded him that if he didn’t tell him, then they were never moving in, because no way in hell was he ever going to live in an apartment with Noah full-time. Staying over at Ronan’s was enough to sate any desire he may have had of an all boys apartment like that. It was never going to happen.

After Adam finished changing into his lounge wear, he sat down on the sofa next to Blue, who was staring intensely on her phone like it had broken. Now was perhaps not the most ideal time, but he wanted to start planning with Ronan as soon as possible, and he knew the longer he put it off, the longer Ronan felt he could also.

“Blue, Ronan and I are moving in together.” He blurted it out in one long breath at her, hoping that some part of it stuck and that she heard it. He feared she wouldn’t look up from her phone and pretend she didn’t, seeing as this was news she would have to leave. He thought about finding somewhere else, but in the end this was his home, and it was conveniently close to his work and his school. 

“Oh my god!” Blue tossed her phone on the sofa cushion and screamed. Her reaction was infinitely more terrifying but also infinitely more hyper than he anticipated. “And you're asking me permission before he joins our little group? That's so sweet! You know, I've always wanted a cook for a roommate. Do you think he'll make us breakfast every day? Will there be a menu? Ugh, he doesn't leave towels on the floor, does he? Because that is _so_ annoying. You know I find that annoying.”

Oh, no. “No, I—“

“You know, this is perfect timing,” Blue continued, as if Adam hadn’t tried to speak. “Gansey just broke up with me so I could 'be a free woman' while he was off in Rome, like I'm his secretary or some bullshit. I'm his girlfriend! I'm already a free woman. Just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean—“

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I can't tell her the truth yet,” Adam said, barging in on Ronan changing an hour after he texted about Blue. Ronan was less surprised Adam came over than the fact he came over and it wasn’t to have sex. The boy was spiraling as he sat on the edge of his bed and cupped his hands over his face. “She just heard from Gansey he's going to Rome for three months. And he broke up with her, for some idiotic reason.”

Ronan continued changing as if his boyfriend didn’t just break in, taking off his pants that were stained now with marinara sauce after a mishap in the kitchen. “He thinks long distance is a sham and worries she'll fall in love while he's gone,” he said. He dealt with the other end of that breakup before coming over to see Adam and totally forgot to talk about it since Adam had more important things to discuss with him. Like their future, their love lives, the fact he wanted to make this whole sleeping in the same bed every night officially a permanent thing. The thought of it all gave Ronan shivers, and he shuddered even though his room was hot.

“So he thinks... breaking up with her... won't also have this outcome?” Adam sat up, disturbed. He turned to stare at Ronan mid-change, and his eyes hooked on watching him, visibly losing interest in his own complaint.

“I don't pretend to understand that man's brain,” Ronan replied. He turned Adam’s gaze away, because he knew if he didn’t finish this train of thought now he would wake him up in the middle of the night and start again.

“Well, now we have to do something,” Adam said, and Ronan regretted not pushing him back onto the mattress. “I can't toss her out in the cold.”

“Why not!” Ronan moved his half of the conversation into the bathroom to soak his jeans. He came back to see Adam lying down, staring at the ceiling with a heavy dose of frustration. “Remember how she made me kiss Henry?”

“No one made you do that.” Adam’s head turned to follow his movements, and he barely had time to register where he was going before he had to move over to allow Ronan to lie down beside him.

“You made me do that,” Ronan mused.

“Okay, anyway, we need to talk to Gansey.” Adam did his very best to pretend that never happened, and every time Ronan brought it up it made Adam a little mad in a very funny way.

“Good luck,” he teased.

But he knew Adam didn’t hear him. He could see the wheels churning in his brain.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sometime later that week, when Adam found the time to get Gansey alone, he invited him out to a bar he felt they could safely talk at alone. It was a quiet bar, one themed for those who liked a drink in peace. The music was subtle, there were board games and chess and checkers, and no pool table in sight. It felt like the ideal place to drag Gansey, and the best place to avoid their friends.

But Gansey wasn’t in the mood anyway, visibly upset the moment he arrived. His eyes were rimmed red, his nose a blotchy mess, and his glasses fogged.

“Hi,” he said, and he sounded exactly like Eeyore.

After ordering him a drink, getting himself a water, Adam sat Gansey down at a booth cradled in the back.

“Gansey, why are you breaking up with Blue?” he said right off the bat. “Do you want to meet someone in Rome and be free to pursue it?”

“Of course not!” Gansey sniffled. “But I need my mind clear, and I don't want to be sad the whole time.”

“Stop crying then.”

Gansey sobbed only harder at the demand.

“I can’t,” he said. “I’m sad.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “Your logic is seriously flawed here, Gansey. You love her, right?”

“I do.”

“It's just three months.”

“I know, but I don't want her to resent me for waiting.”

Adam couldn’t understand this at all. It was Gansey overthinking, overanalyzing the scenario, and probably watching too many films with long distance relationships. He didn’t even give Blue the option to agree to a long distance relationship or not, and instead chose for her, which he was pretty sure was half of what pissed her off about this.

“Waiting for what?” Adam sighed, and he motioned the beer closer to Gansey’s hand, expecting him to drink it in an effort to calm down. He was full on sobbing at the bar now, which was not what he expected. Did he go to work like this?

“Gansey, she likes you a lot,” said Adam. “She may even love you, I can't say, but breaking up with her is ridiculous! What if she does meet someone now while you're gone, and because you're broken up she can be free to date them? Then you come back and she's taken and you're back to square one, only now you've seen each other naked.”

Gansey sniffled, his glasses slipping down his nose. Sense was returning to him. “Maybe you're right,” he said.

Adam beamed, delighted. “I am, usually, yes.”

“But I'm still not going to change my mind. I've made my decision.”

And he chugged his beer in one lengthy gulp.

This boy was to be the death of him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Noah, I'm moving.”

Ronan thought saying this over pizza and video games would be the best atmosphere for the news, but perhaps he misjudged the situation.

“What!” Noah tossed his controller at the floor. “No! No! You can't do that. This is like divorce. You can't leave unless both parties agree.”

“It does not work that way _at all_.” 

“Yes, it does.” Noah folded his arms over his chest like a child. “I would know. I played a lawyer in a commercial once.”

“Noah, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving.” He set down his slice of pizza to offer something to Noah, but there was nothing to offer really besides words. And pizza.

“Does Adam know?” Noah muttered.

“About us moving in together?” Ronan smiled, amused. “Yes, I would think he does.”

“Does Blue know?”

“That's the tricky part,” and he winced. “She thinks she's moving in with us.”

Noah brightened at the thought. “Can I come!”

“No.”

“That's not fair.”

“Adam and I were hoping she could move here, with you.” He tiptoed around the idea gently, speaking as normally as he could, feeling weird not saying this with a heavy sarcasm. “I mean, if she wanted.”

“Why wouldn't she want?” Now Noah was offended at the idea of Blue not wanting to move in, and Ronan groaned, feeling like he was going to lose with him regardless. He was a baby.

“Because you have Henry over here all the time and you're obnoxious about it,” Ronan said, for starters.

“Pot calling the kettle black, Ronan.” Noah upturned his chin, looking away. His behavior was less extreme than Ronan initially anticipated, but it still wasn’t great.

“Look." Ronan moved to kneel in front of Noah’s chair, sitting on his knees to give Noah the height and the superiority. “I’ve loved being your roommate,” he said. “You're my best friend, and I want you to know that you were the best roommate.”

“Then why are you moving away!” At once, Noah tried to swing his chair around to avoid looking at Ronan, but he bumped into Ronan’s knee and his chair stopped barely a few inches to the left from where he started.

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey.” He twisted around this way and that trying to get Noah to look at him, and it took a few good tries and a few good heys for him to bother, barely glancing at him before turning his chin again. “I’m just across the hall now. It's like we're living in a big fancy house and we're in separate wings. I'll still see you every day. You can come over whenever you want. I’ll still cook you food.”

The mention of food made Noah’s shoulders sag a bit, his defense dropping. He turned his chin just enough to examine Ronan’s face. “Would Adam approve of that?” he asked.

“I will double check and get back to you.”

“You're so in love, it's gross,” Noah said, rolling his eyes.

“Hey.” Ronan stood up at the accusation. “Aren't you a little bit in love, too?”

“So?” Noah’s cheeks were pinking. “Yours is grosser.”

Ronan snorted. “Come here." He gestured for a hug, waving him in, his arms stretching out to offer the biggest hug he could give. Noah reluctantly stood to come in for one, hugging him so tight he thought he was trying to choke him out. But it was just Noah’s intense personality, same as the rest of this. He meant nothing damaging by it. It was just how he was. Ronan rested his head on Noah’s crown, wishing Adam was cool with him moving in with them, but at the same time not.

“We can still play video games whenever we feel like,” he said into Noah’s pale hair. “You're always more than welcome to hang out.”

“Why did you have to fall in love and want to be around each other all the time and be so happy?” Noah grumpily commented. “We were doing so well as roommates.”

“I know, buddy. I know.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Now that Noah was settled, it was time to try to work again on Blue.

Together, Ronan and Adam sat her down on the sofa to talk, sitting across from her on the coffee table. It was the first time the three of them had time to talk in a week, since Blue spent the majority of the week trying to get over Gansey by rage exercising at extra spin classes and going to clubs to dance with random people. It did not work in her favor, because now Blue was not only depressed about her breakup she was also sore and hungover the majority of the week.

"Blue," said Adam.

"Yes?" She stared between them, confused.

"We're moving in together," said Ronan, clarifying it by saying the sentence slowly.

"I know!" Blue lit up. "Adam's already told me. We're so excited."

"God, no." Ronan was not impressing Adam here. Swift, he placed a hand at Ronan's arm to remind him to be gentle. Sympathy was the key.

Ronan sighed, pulling back.

"We," and he motioned to just him and Adam, "are moving in together. Without you."

The dawn of the truth was visible on Blue's face, as she went from joyful to confused to horrified to embarrassed. "What? Oh. Oh my god. I'm so stupid. Why didn't you say before-"

"I tried-" started Adam.

"I have to find a roommate now, don't I?" She reached for her phone, but she left it in her room. "Where are you moving? That's going to be so exciting, isn't it? A new place?"

She still wasn't getting it. Adam and Ronan exchanged another look, and Adam could see Ronan was on the verge of breaking his promise to remain calm. He just had to deal with Noah as if they were handling a breakup, and now here he was handling Adam's.

"We're moving here, Blue," Ronan said, his jaw jutting out a little further than it usually did.

"Wait." Blue squinted. "But I live here."

They remained quiet as they waited, as once again Blue's face went through the motions, and then she jolted up to stand.

"Oh," she said, enraged. "So now I have no boyfriend, no best friend, and no apartment?"

"What? I'm right here!" Adam turned to follow her as she walked away, but she ran off to her room and slammed the door.

"Well..." Beside him, Ronan sounded cool and confidant. When he looked to him, he saw he was smiling a little, smug. "Better than I was expecting."

"You realize we're not moving in together unless she agrees, right?" Adam replied. "And she won't agree until Gansey gets off his ass, and he won't get off his ass because he's been given terrible advice about his love life from you and Noah so many times it's embedded in his brain and can't come out! Ugh! Maybe we shouldn't move in together at _all_ if this is how it's going to go over."

"What-?"

Adam stormed off, too, towards his room. He slammed the door, too, for good measure, leaving Ronan out there alone in the living room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Henry and Noah were making out on the couch and Gansey was sitting alone in a lounge chair, playing a single player video game as if his life was all dandy and great. Ronan banged the door shut once he spotted him, after calling him for the last fifteen minutes trying to figure out where he was. And all this time he was across the damn hall!

Ronan was _not_ going to not move in with Adam. He had _plans_. He had _a lot_ of plans. He didn't want to wait _three more months_ for Gansey to come back and get his shit together again. He didn't want to be regulated to weekends and the occasional weeknight evening and/or afternoon per Adam's ever growing hectic schedule, which was currently their life these days.

Fuck. All. This. Noise.

Ignoring what was currently happening on his sofa, he stormed straight up to Gansey, who looked up at him and then back down real fast.

"I have had it with your inability to recognize when you have a good thing going for you!" Ronan was yelling straight off the bat. He couldn't help himself. "You are the fucking dumbest person I have ever known, Richard! You almost quit your job at the museum and who was it that stopped you from that and reminded you that you love old shit? Me! Now, I am doing the damn same thing all over again! You are going to walk over there and unbreak that woman's heart or help me God I will fucking kill you or go into your office at the museum and break a bunch of old shit! I'll do it. I swear I will. You don't just break up with someone because you're going on a vacation to fucking Italy. Are you out of your goddamn mind? You have been in love with this girl for how many years and you just throw it all away like it's something you can return to like a damn puzzle? What the _fuck_ is--"

This went on for another ten minutes, before Gansey ran across the hall and into Blue's room to talk. When Ronan reappeared back at the doorway that soon was to be his, Adam came out of his room with a grin on his lips.

"You did it?" He sounded so surprised, but Ronan always came through.

"I did it." He beamed back at him.

"We're moving in together, aren't we?"

Ronan nodded at him, and Adam ran around the sofa and into his arms. Feeling high spirited, Ronan picked him up and swung him around in the air in a circle, kissing him again and again and again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

On the day widely known amongst their friends as Move In Day (Gansey even made a banner), everyone was busy packing. Adam was helping Blue pack, as she waited until the day of, no less. He felt it was some form of defiance, but he also knew her to be extremely lazy when it came to these things. After Ireland, it took her until a month ago to unpack her suitcase. Henry was trapped along with them to help her move her stuff, while Gansey and Noah were trekking things over from Ronan's place across the hall.

At some point, Adam went outside Blue's room to grab a glass of water and found the kitchen and living room in disarray of all Ronan's things. He didn't even know he owned so many things.

But to be fair, most of the things in his and Blue's apartment were Blue's, so it was suspected to even out sooner or later.

A skateboard skidded across the floor holding several boxes in a very unsafe manner, followed by Ronan closely at its back walking slow and in a crouched position.

Adam witnessed the whole ordeal, including when one of the boxes at the top fell over and onto the ground, splitting open to litter the floor with all of Ronan's underwear.

"Are you skateboarding your stuff across the hall?"

Ronan leapt up upright quick once he realized Adam was there the whole time.

"It conserves time!" Ronan shouted.

"Maybe so, but that's foolish." He gestured to the floor where Ronan's clothes now sprawled.

"I'm thinking on a practical level, Parrish." Trying to cover his actions, Ronan stepped into Adam at the counter, pinning him there by resting against him. Good distraction. "Don't you usually find that sexy?"

"This is just childish," Adam said. "You're childish."

"You love me," Ronan said with a grin.

Adam sighed. "Unfortunately," he said, sounding forlorn.

At this proximity, it would be a shame not to kiss. Adam set down the glass in his hand as he motioned for one, licking his lips at the ready. One of Ronan's hands lifted his chin with a tilt of two fingers, and slowly he leaned in until they were connected. He ascended like he always did, more so today as a result of what they were doing. Moving in together was a big deal. Adam felt jitters every time he remembered this was happening. He draped his arms across Ronan's shoulders as Ronan pressed him into the counter. This was a kiss that belonged to two people who couldn't get enough of each other, even after having each other like this for half a year now. This was a kiss that belonged to two people so captured by love that every time they said it they flushed like it was the first time, and every time they kissed it gave them chills like it was the first time. Ronan's hands wandered over Adam's frame, as Adam pressed into him.

"Are you coming back, or do you want me to toss your boxes across the hallway!" Noah exclaimed.

The moment was over, but the excitement was not. As Ronan schlepped the last box off the skateboard and prepared to roll it back over for more, he paused and fingered Adam's shirtfront.

"You know, I haven't asked, but what do you want to do with the spare bedroom?" He kissed him again before Adam could speak.

Once his mouth wasn't full of Ronan's childish giggles, Adam had to think.

"I haven't thought about that," he said. "What do you want to do with it?"

"Video game dungeon." Ronan swiped a hand across the air like he was a spokesperson on a commercial. "We black out the windows and buy a big screen TV, and sound proof the walls."

"No."

"What!" Ronan sulked. "Why not?"

"I'll never talk to you again if you do that."

"So? It'll be cool," he whined. When Adam persisted, his expression stern and his attention clear, Ronan scuffed his shoe on the floor. 

"I can live without words," he said.

"Don't be such a baby." Adam moved to get that drink of water he meant to get before.

"Noah would've said yes," Ronan argued.

"Noah licks the inside of the pizza box when there's no more pizza left," Adam said with disdain. "Do you really want me to be more like him?"

"Yes."

Adam's gaze only withered.

"I'm kidding." Ronan put on a smile as he walked to him, open arms. "I love you. I love you I love you." Those arms squeezed around him, and Adam squirmed from his strength and intensity.

"You're suffocating me. Stop. _Stop_!" He started laughing. It was uncontrollable. Even when he was annoyed with Ronan, he was so goofily in love. It was pathetic.

"You have to say it," Ronan said.

"This is coercion."

"I don't care." Ronan began to peck at his forehead like a bird. 

"I love you, too, you dick." Adam elbowed him in the stomach. "Let me go!"

Ronan then pecked him on the cheek. He was so vexed but so happy at the same time. Adored. Loved. Thankful.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Across the hall, Ronan skated back over into what was now his old apartment. So many memories happened here over the years since he first moved to New York. Him and Noah doing shots. Him and Noah eating junk food at 2 am. Him and Noah prank calling Gansey.

Him and Adam having sex. Falling in love. Saying I love you.

He smiled as he dumped out more of his drawers into a box. This was such a huge step for them, but for Ronan it was a step he wanted to take even when he first moved here. He wanted to be roommates with Adam, but he didn't ask because he was afraid of being an audience to things that would've killed him inside.

Oh, younger Ronan. If you only knew.

Something fell out of one of his drawers as he dumped it, something hard that rolled into the ground. He quickly recovered it before it disappeared in the mess of his room, and the sight of it reminded him of something else he'd been thinking a lot about lately.

It was a simple engagement band, gold with an engraving inside. Written in Latin, it said _the sun shines through your smile and lights up the world_.

He was living high off having just lost his virginity to Adam when he bought this. He bought it after their first date, and hid it in his sock drawer.

Where he forgot about it.

Genius.

He grinned at it anyway, snapping the lid of the box it was in closed. Maybe he'd ask him tonight, or tomorrow, or a month from now. He could be patient. He'd been patient this whole time. What's a little more of a wait?

"Come on, Lynch," shouted Noah from outside his room. "Skate me across the hall!"

"I don't think that's entirely safe," reasoned Gansey.

"Oh, it's completely safe," said Noah, already sitting on the board with his legs tucked in. "It's hardwood floors, not a bed of nails."

"That's... not what I was referencing," Gansey replied.

Ronan didn't care. He was high in life, so he was feeling a little reckless. With a small kick, he pushed Noah across the hall. The kick was too strong, and Noah who went too fast. He steered out of the way of a few boxes and straight through Blue's bedroom door.

There was a scream, and a shout, and several curse words from several people. Blue could be seen ducking down to look through the hole that now existed where Noah fell through. She opened it as Noah collapsed on the ground, panting like he just did a marathon.

"This is who I'm moving in with?" she griped.

"Hey, that's my boyfriend you're complaining about there!" Henry said, sounding both proud and agitated.

"Oh, _God,"_ Blue moaned.

From behind her, across the hall and across the apartment, Adam continued to look startled at the new hole in the door that now belonged to the both of them.

_Sorry_ , he mouthed at him across the distance.

Adam shrugged, being cooler about this than he thought he'd be. He was smiling at him, a goofy, relaxed smile that didn't look intentional at all. He was beautiful, his freckle faced dork with glasses that needed upgrading as they continued to slide down his nose, and hair that was getting long enough he needed a haircut. Adam Parrish, his favorite person in the world. His bandaged fingers twitched with the desire to be near him.

He smiled back, across the chaos that was now ensuing in _their_ living room. On _their_ floor.

_I love you_ , he saw Adam mouth, still standing in Blue's open doorway. Every time he said it felt like the first time.

Oh, he was definitely proposing tonight.

Fuck waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for riding this journey with me and the gang :) hope you all enjoyed!!! it's been a fun one!!!!!!!! wish i could write every friends episode with the gangsey but lol i gotta do other stuff in my life too rip
> 
> tell me your thoughts! <3 PLEASE <3
> 
> leave comments and kudos if you like what you see :) thanks for reading <3 until next time.  
> you can find me on tumblr: cabeswatergreywaren  
> twitter: adam__parrish


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